Disclaimer: Kenshin & Co. don't belong to me, but they're awfully fun to borrow.

A.N.: Well, here goes, this is a first for me. This probably has some OOCness. I'm kinda sketchy on the rating right now, so it might change. Also, I would like to thank my lovely editor Shannon. Oh yeah, keep in mind I'm still learning how this whole website works. Bear with me while I make the necessary changes to make this easy to read.

Reckoning Chapter One: Admission

Kenshin sat before the large wooden tub, washing his ever-present laundry as usual. Though normally this task was one of his favorites of the day, it failed to bring him the usual peace of mind. Come to think of it, the laundry hadn't had its usual, soothing effect on him in several weeks. Though he wasn't exactly sure why this was, Kenshin had a vague idea it somehow stemmed from the owner of the dojo, or rather the still unresolved situation between them.

It wasn't that Kaoru had been showing signs of impatience or boredom or displeasure or disinterest. She was as she had always been since Kenshin had first begun his residence at the dojo: vibrant, caring, and selfless. She still behaved towards him in the same manner she had for years now with a quiet, unspoken devotion and an understanding that if she simply left him to himself, he would come around in time. No, it was not Kaoru who had disrupted his peace, Kenshin realized, it was him. For the first time, he found himself seriously considering his future with Kaoru. He had been drawn to her from the first, but actually coming to love her had required time to develop. At first, he had denied he felt anything. When that became impossible, he pushed away the possibility of a relationship, citing his dark past though frankly, he was just plain scared by the thought of attempting to again establish intimacy with someone after his disastrous try with Tomoe. Now though, those previous objections were slowly crumbling. The emotional turmoil Kenshin had been recently experiencing while trying to do laundry resulted from his thoughts constantly turning towards Kaoru and a future with her, one that involved marriage and children and years of watching suns set together. It was his own dissatisfaction with the current ordering of his life that had Kenshin so agitated at his washtub every afternoon.

This small epiphany brought Kenshin clarity, but did nothing to ease his frustration. Able as he was now to admit to himself that he desired a deeper relationship with Kaoru, he wasn't exactly sure that he was ready to relate the same thing to her. It wasn't that Kenshin feared rejection. He had long ago come to understand that Kaoru loved him. It was just that it was such a big step. Kenshin had never considered himself to be a coward, but the prospect of marriage did fill him with no little trepidation. It would cause a total restructuring of his life. Sure, things wouldn't change that much. His friends wouldn't stop associating with him after he became a henpecked husband. The announcement of his love wouldn't cause the dojo to be suddenly swallowed by a great earthquake, contrary to Sano's teasing remarks. No, life would go on as it always had, except that the most central relationship in his life would be redefined. When Kenshin had abandoned the life of a rurouni, it was upon his friendship with Kaoru that he had built his new life. During this latest stage of his life, she had been his touchstone, constantly giving him a reason to embrace the tranquility of his new life, keeping him from falling into despair when it seemed his dream of a violence-free Japan would always elude him. Some deep part of him knew that marriage would only strengthen this bond, making his life still more stable, but the irrational part feared that the relationship he drew on so much would be shaken to the core. It was the uncertainty of the inevitable change that forced him to remain silent even though it obviously disrupted his happiness.

His introspection was abruptly broken by a voice calling his name.

"Oi, Kenshin. Kenshin! Helloooo? Kenshin, is there anybody in there?" filtered into his thoughts in a voice that distinctly resembled one belonging to Sano.

Kenshin blinked and looked up to see Sano waving a hand in front of his eyes.

"Oh, sorry Sano. I was lost in thought," Kenshin replied absently.

"I'd say so. I've been trying to get your attention for the last minute. What's got you so distracted? Jou-chan?" he asked teasingly.

Kenshin nodded solemnly.

"Afterall, it's not like there's anything wrong with thinking about women from time to time, and Jou-chan-" Suddenly Sano realized that the 'oro' he had been expecting had never come. "Hey, Kenshin, did you just admit to thinking about Jou-chan or did I hear you wrong?" he asked in surprise.

"No, you heard me correctly, that you did. I was thinking about Kaoru- dono," Kenshin responded solemnly.

Surprised by his friend's quiet honesty on what usually proved to be a very sticky and embarrassing subject for Kenshin, Sano decided to abandon the crass jokes he had prepared for the moment in exchange for a more mature approach.

"What exactly were you thinking about Jou-chan?" he asked, keeping his voice down in case the subject of their conversation should walk past. He didn't know how she did it, but Kaoru always seemed to know exactly when someone was talking about her. He couldn't count the number of times he was sure he was insulting her cooking in complete privacy only to be quickly and viciously attacked by her shinai.

Kenshin sighed for a moment, weighing his choice to tell Sano against the strong urge to keep such a private and sensitive matter to himself. Finally, he looked up and out past the dojo at some clouds floating by. "I was thinking about the nature of our relationship, that I was." he said with equal softness.

Sano waited patiently for Kenshin to continue, but no more words followed. Deciding the red head needed some prompting, he spoke, "And..."

"And..." Kenshin responded hesitantly, "And I think I want..." For some reason, Kenshin found it difficult to find the right words. "I think I am ready to marry her...if she will have me," he finished, his voice almost a whisper.

"Ah, so you've finally figured out you love her, have you?" Sano said with a small grin.

"I've known I love her for sometime. I...I just wasn't ready to make such a big change in my life, that I wasn't. But now, I think I am."

"Then why do you look like you have to tell her you're leaving again?" Sano asked, puzzled. For some reason, he had always pictured the rurouni wearing a goofy grin when this moment finally came.

"Because I don't know how to tell her, that I don't. I'm not even sure I want to tell her," Kenshin replied mournfully.

"Now you're just being ridiculous, Kenshin." Sano responded, almost a little too loudly. Kenshin's nervous look reminded Sano to keep his voice down, and he made a quick scan of the compound to ensure Kaoru wasn't hiding behind a bush or on the roof or anything. When he was positive the coast was clear, Sano continued in a lower voice. "I mean, Kenshin, how hard can it be? You just tell her you've finally come to your senses and ask her to marry you. Believe me, Jou-chan is not going to turn you down. In fact, if you just let it slip that you do love her, she might even take care of the whole proposing part for you. Let me tell you, you've got it easy. The day she turns you down is the day I stop gambling."

"What's that about you stopping gambling, rooster head?" a familiar voice called out. Kenshin jumped a foot in the air, and Sano's head shot up like a firework rocket.

"Oh, it's just you, Yahiko. We were worried that it was Jou-chan," Sano responded.

"Yep, it's just me. Kaoru's out teaching a class like she always does on Mondays. So what's with you and the gambling?"

"Oh, that. Well, Kenshin's finally thinking about marrying Jou-chan..." Kenshin shot Sano an alarmed looked but he continued blithely, ignoring Kenshin's obvious desire to keep his decision to himself. "...and I told him that the day she turned Kenshin down was the day I stopped gambling."

"Any other time, I would hold you to that, rooster head, but I think you're right. Busu is gonna jump at the chance to marry Kenshin. Ya know, I was beginning to think she might have to do the proposing to get anywhere with this baka," Yahiko responded, laughing.

"Hah, that's exactly what I thought!"

Kenshin sat, staring at his hands, quite unhappy to hear the two laughing over his personal plight. He thought he might be able to slip away while they distracted themselves with their witticisms, but as soon as he made a move to go, Sano broke off from Yahiko and cornered him again.

"So, Kenshin, I still don't understand why you think this will be a hard thing."

Kenshin heaved another long sigh. "It's because it will change everything, that it will."

"Yeah, it'll change things for the better!" Sano cut in. "Just think of all the advantages of being married, all the things you couldn't do before..." he hinted, his voice rising suggestively.

Kenshin blushed and let out a small "Oro!" Before Sano could continue elaborating, Kenshin resumed. "But how will I tell her? I mean, I just wouldn't feel comfortable walking up to Kaoru-dono after she finishes her bath and asking her to marry me, that I wouldn't."

"Well, as long as you don't ask her while she is taking her bath, I think you'll be safe." Sano said with a knowing smile. The story about Kenshin walking in during her bath his first day at the dojo had been told over sake one night.

"Yeah, or you don't decide to ask her in the middle of yours!" Yahiko snickered, remembering their stay in the mountain springs when Kenshin had burst in on the girls stark naked. Kenshin frowned at them both. Seeing his displeasure, Sano quickly swallowed his mirth.

"But seriously Kenshin. Just take Jou-chan on a walk and explain to her how you feel. I'm sure everything will fall into place. Just try to look a little more enthused at the prospect, eh?" Seeing Kenshin's expression unchanged, Sano tried again. "I'm telling you Kenshin, married life will be good for you. You'll finally have the peace you've been looking for. You can settle down, have some children, who knows, maybe you'll even take up whittling. Jou-chan will finally be at ease cause she'll know you're not going anywhere, and anytime she tries to get herself into trouble, you can use your marital prerogative to make her stay safe at the dojo instead of charging stupidly into battle like the rest of us. Really, Kenshin, what's the point of waiting any longer? She's already been waiting for more than two years. You'll be a lot happier if you just get it out in the open instead of being a sourpuss like you have the last two weeks."

"Oro?"

"Yes, you've been a sourpuss, hasn't he Yakiho?"

"Well, I don't know if sourpuss is the word I would have used but."

"Okay, I get the point," Kenshin interrupted. "I'll talk to her today after she gets back from giving lessons, that I will. But please, just...just give me some time alone to think about what I want to say. I'd like to get this right, that I would."

"Just so long as you come out in time to make dinner, you can have as much time alone as you need." Sano gave Kenshin his most winning smile. Kenshin shook his head and just kept walking to his room as Sano and Yahiko discussed how much they didn't want Kaoru's cooking, all the while looking around furtively to make sure she wouldn't sneak up on them and smack them with her shinai.