*** I use "Not an Addict" by K's Choice in this chapter. ***

// Breathe it in and breath it out

and pass it on, it's almost out //

"Torrie?" a voice from my past asked me. I whirled around to see my former boyfriend, Billy Kidman.

"Hey Billy," I said easily, ignoring the hitch in my heart. I had been the one who left him. I was the one who betrayed the Filthy Animals.

"How are you doing?" he asked, his eyes seeming very concerned. It was weird to have him act so concerned. No one else, other than my parents, had ever been really concerned about me. And he still was after I turned on him.

"I'm fine," I said. I looked down at the watch on my wrist. "I actually have somewhere I have to go. We should go to lunch sometime soon."

"Sure," Billy said. "I'd like to catch up with you."

"Yeah, me too," I said, looking around for the person I was meeting. A tall blond man waved at me and smiled wickedly. "I've got to go."

"Hey Tor," Edge said as I approached him.

"You got it?" I asked.

"Have I ever let you down?" he asked.

// We're so creative, so much more

we're high above but on the floor //

"Everything is so pretty," I whispered, lying on the floor next to Edge. I giggled happily as I watched the lights from the TV make pretty patterns on the ceiling.

"Hm, kind of like you," he said, kissing along the line of my collarbone.

"Hey, I have a boyfriend mister," I said, lightly pushing him away.

"Why don't you bring him sometime?" Edge asked. "Why don't you see if he wants to have some fun with us?"

"I don't think this is his bag of tricks," I said. "Tajiri is kind of a straight arrow. A little too straight actually."

"A little unhappy with the Japanese buzz saw?" Edge asked, edging ever closer to me. "Feel the need to try a Canadian?"

"Do you never take a hint?" I asked, teasingly. It was an old game with Edge and me by now. We found out we had something in common and it turned into a flirtation. So far, nothing else had happened.

// It's not an habit, it's cool, I feel alive

If you don't have it you're on the other side //

"You okay?" Stacy asked me as I hopped up and down next to her.

"Huh?" I asked, looking questioningly at her. "Oh yeah, I'm fine. Just hyper I guess."

"What's up with you lately Tor?" she asked, looking at me with concern that should really be redirected at herself. Rob had dumped her and I could tell it really changed her. I didn't know the details, I just knew she was spending a lot of time with Christian.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, pretending I had no idea what she was talking about.

"You're always either hyper or kind of hazy," Stacy said. "It kind of scares me actually."

"Don't worry about me," I said, waving away Stacy's concern. "Tajiri and I are going through a rough spot and I guess it's changing the way I act or something."

"You sure?" Stacy asked.

"What else could it be?" I asked.

"I don't know," Stacy shrugged.

// The deeper you stick it in your vein

the deeper the thoughts, there's no more pain //

"I hate him!" I screamed. "He made me go out dressed a concubine!"

"Then dump him," Edge shrugged, moving some fine white powder around on the mirror he always carried with him.

"It's not that easy Edge," I said. "You've never had someone you love completely change right before your eyes."

"Well, not a boyfriend," Edge said. "But I have had a brother turn his back on me."

"Oh, yeah," I said, feeling my rage beginning to subside. I wasn't sure if it was because I really did feel bad for my friend or because the lines were arranged. "Sorry."

"Hey," he said, smiling up at me, "this makes everything go right away, doesn't it?"

"Yeah," I grinned at him. "You sure you're okay?"

"You want to give me a kiss and make it better?" Edge asked.

"Maybe just this once," I said, sitting on Edge's lap and giving him a smoldering kiss.

// I'm in heaven, I'm a god

I'm everywhere, I feel so hot //

"God, that's great stuff," I said, sniffing the remains of the cocaine into my nose. "Really just fucking great."

"Only the best for you Torrie," Edge said. He leaned down and sniffed a line.

"Thanks Edge," I said gratefully. "You're the only one who seems to understand me. God, you're so hot too."

"Was the a come-on?" Edge asked in confusion as he sat back up.

"Do you want it to be?" I asked him, moving a little closer to him.

"Hell yeah," he said, draping an arm around my shoulder. "I've found the only thing better than coke is coke and sex."

"I've never tried myself," I said.

"Feel like giving my hypothesis a spin?" he asked, leaning down and capturing my lips in a hot kiss.

"God yeah," I said, tangling my hands in his long blond hair.

// It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive

If you don't have it you're on the other side //

"Where are we going?" Stacy asked, as I dragged her along the hallway.

"Out, to a club," I said. "You don't have to worry about getting Rob's permission anymore, lets go!"

"Can Christian come?" Stacy asked.

"I guess," I said. "But Edge is going to be there so it might be a little…uncomfortable for the two of them."

"Well, okay," Stacy said. "Let me go tell him then."

"Fine," I shrugged.

"Hey baby," Edge said as he sidled up next to me. "I thought Stacy was coming with us."

"She is," I said, turning and wrapping my arms around his neck. "She's going to go tell Christian."

"Great," Edge said, dropping a kiss on my lips. "I have a present for you."

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Yeah, open your mouth," he said. I complied and he slipped a tablet in.

"What the hell was that?" a shocked voice asked.

// I'm not an addict, maybe that's a lie //

"Stacy," I said, turning to my friend after I swallowed the pill. "It's just something to liven up the night."

"But exactly what was it?" Stacy asked, sounding slightly horrified.

"What was it Edge?" I asked.

"Ecstasy," he said. "I have one for you if you want it Stacy. It just changes the way you look at everything."

"Thanks, but no," Stacy said. "Haven't you heard the reports on that crap?"

"Only if you use it all the time, if you're an addict," I said.

"Whatever," Stacy said. "Go dig your own grave."

// It's over now, I'm cold, alone

I'm just a person on my own //

The look of disappointment in my friend's eyes hounded me long after my high had worn off. I knew it shocked her that I tried any of that stuff. She had had a friend in high school who died of an overdose. But he was an addict.

I'm not an addict. I like to have a little fun everything. And fuck anyone who says denial is a sign of addiction. I'm not addicted. Maybe to chocolate, but not to drugs.

So to prove it, I decided to stay away from Edge. I only did drugs when Edge was around, because he was so much fun to get high with. I would spend all my waking hours with Tajiri and Stacy. I would stay away from the drugs.

I'm not a fucking addict.

// Nothing means a thing to me,

nothing means a thing to me //

I woke up in the middle of the night shaking furiously. I had no idea what was wrong with me. I stumbled out of bed, careful not to disturb Tajiri. I threaded my way to the bathroom and turned the light on.

I leaned against the counter, my legs weak from the exertion of coming to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and was shocked to see how pale I was. What the hell was wrong with me? I was shaking, sweating, and pale as a ghost.

Nothing made me happy. I was going off on Stacy and Tajiri over the silliest things. I bent to splash some water on my face.

I needed something. But what?

// It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive

If you don't have it you're on the other side //

"You don't look so good," a laughing voice said from behind me.

"Fuck off," I said irritably.

"A little testy too huh?" Edge asked. He laughed under his breath as I turned to give him the look of death.

"You really want to get on my bad side Edge?" I asked.

"Aw, Torrie," Edge said, grinning at me. "You know I want you to be as happy as possible. Come out with me tonight."

"No," I said. "I'm giving that stuff up."

"You don't need to do that," Edge said. "Hell, you need that stuff just to stay normal Tor."

"No I don't," I said.

"Whatever you say," Edge shrugged, walking away.

// I'm not an addict, maybe that's a lie //

"Wait!" I called after him.

"Yeah?" he asked, turning back towards me.

"Where are we going tonight?" I asked, smiling at him.

"A little club where everyone knows how to have fun," he said.

"Okay," I said. "I'll see you later then."

"Torrie," Stacy admonished as she came upon the end of my conversation with Edge. "I thought you were quitting."

"I did," I said. "I'm just going out."

"I wish you'd stay away from Edge," Stacy said.

"Okay Mom," I said. "I'm just going out."

// Free me, leave me, watch me as I'm going down

Free me, see me, look at me I'm falling and I'm falling //

"Oh wow," I said, as Edge and I danced together. I was dancing as close to him as I've ever danced to anyone.

"You feel amazing," he said, his lips grazing along my neck.

"You feel hot," I said, rubbing the back of my hand across the erection bulging under his leather pants. "I love a man in leather pants."

"You're pushing pretty hard there," Edge said, his voice feral.

"How about we go take care of you Edge?" I asked, pulling him toward the exit. "You've taken such good care of me."

"Sounds like a…hey, you okay Torrie?" he asked as I stumbled. He caught me, just before I fell face down on the floor.

"I, I guess I tripped," I said. "Lets get out of here."

// It is not a habit it is cool I feel alive I feel,

It is not a habit it is cool I feel alive //

"I saw her fall!" Stacy exclaimed. I had no idea what the hell she was doing at the club. "What the hell did you give her?"

"Stacy!" Edge said. "She just tripped."

"Sure," Stacy said. "Lets get her back to the hotel and put her in bed."

"I was planning in joining her," Edge said.

"Yeah," I giggled.

"Shit, if Vince catches her looking like this she's going to get fired," Stacy said, taking one of my arms and bolstering me up.

"I'm fine Stacy," I sighed.

// It's not a habit it's cool I feel alive,

If you don't have it you're on the other side //

"I can walk!" I exclaimed, tired of the baby treatment Stacy had been giving me in the car on the way back to the hotel.

"Torrie!" a voice exclaimed.

I turned to see Billy walking toward me. "Billy!"

"What's wrong with her?" Billy asked Edge and Stacy.

"Nothing man," Edge said. Stacy didn't say anything.

"Billy, have I ever told you that you were the only man I ever loved?" I asked.

"Torrie, don't do this in the hotel lobby," Billy said, taking my arms into his hands.

"Aw, Billy," I said. I leaned in to kiss him, but I never got there.

// I'm not an addict, maybe that's a lie //

*** I can't believe I've made Edge a druggie in two of my fics. Poor guy. I really do like him, but I've already used RVD and the Hardys, and I couldn't really make any of the other guys I was considering believable, so…Edge. ***