*** I use "The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most" by Dashboard Confessionals in this chapter. Enjoy! ***

// Buried as deep as you can dig Inside yourself //

Who would have guessed it? Certainly not me. I would not have believed that she could have hidden her true thoughts and feelings so well. She managed to dig a hole inside of herself and bury everything she really felt so deep that no one could see it. Not Spike Dudley, not Hurricane Helms. Not even Raven could see the secrets she forced herself to keep.

The only problem with her keeping all of these thoughts to herself was that they had found a warm place to fester. They were always there, just under her skin. She may have been able to quiet them from time to time, but she had no one to talk to. She had no way to chase her demons away.

And they were demons. Nothing like nice, little problems that can be solved. Problems aren't the reason you would try to kill yourself. Problems are easy. Demons are the things that force you to the edge and make you confront yourself. The only people who survive their demons are the people who are willing to find help.

// And covered with a perfect shell Such a charming, beautiful exterior //

Sometimes I shake my head at it all. Who would have thought that Molly Holly could hold such madness and fear inside of her? Of all the Divas, I thought she was the happiest, the closest to normal. But she is the most messed up by far. I'm not saying that in a bad way. She just has so much more to deal with than any of the other women. And she managed to hide it all so well.

I know people would say that I don't know what I'm talking about. But I do. It's surprising how many people talk to me, considering that I'm often public enemy number one. But people seem to confide in me for some reason. Maybe it's because they all realize that I don't tell secrets and I can often help. When someone comes to me with a problem, I'm compelled to help. Often I will be really quiet about it. I wouldn't want to ruin my rep.

I know about Stacy getting beat up by Van Dam, I saw her the night he threw her out and she ran to Christian. I know that Torrie had a problem with drugs, Edge cried to me one night on the phone. He also told me about the sister Jazz had lost. I knew Lita had an abortion. She came to me when she needed someone to tell her that she had no integrity. I shocked her by letting her cry on my shoulder. Everyone knew Trish had developed a case of anorexia. And Stephanie, she was haunted by the way she had lost her child. I was the one who took her home from the hospital, but there was more to Stephanie's problems.

I'm not saying these other women had trivial problems, all of them had so much to deal with. But all of them were sane, for the most part. None of them felt like there was something wrong with their brain. None of them were completely unable to accept themselves.

// Laced with brilliant smiles And shining eyes Perfect posture //

When I found those pills, I was more than a little shocked. She just has this sunny smile that always helped me believe there were some good things left in this world. To find out that her smile was actually hollow hurt for some unknown reason. Maybe I wanted to believe in the good things, maybe I wanted to believe in her.

I had to start watching out for her after I found out. I even picked a couple of fights with Spike when they initially got together, so I could know where she was. She was this pretty girl and she was going out with some scrawny dork, but held something inside of her. Something that required some pretty strong drugs. I would watch those two together. I know she cared for him. I knew from the way she would grin at him, the way she watched his matches.

And secretly, while I watched her I started to care for her. I'm not the kind of guy who cares for good people. I'm the kind of person who is supposed to fall for vixens, like Stephanie and Trish. But something about her strength really made me think there was no one better in the world. I thought maybe she was finally gaining the happiness she deserved while she was with the Hurricane. I had no idea how wrong I was.

// But you're barely scraping by But you're barely scraping by //

"Molly?" I asked in shock when she appeared at my door. She had never sought me out, no matter how much I wished she would. I could tell almost immediately something was wrong.

"Can I come in?" she asked weakly, leaning against the door frame.

"Yeah," I said, opening my door a little further. She stumbled a bit. "Are you okay?"

"I'm so weak," she said, tears choking her throat. There was deep pain etched all over her face. I would have given my life at that moment to get rid of her pain. "I couldn't do it."

I looked at her again. I had only concentrated on her face that seemed so sorrowful. I looked down at her hands and I saw it. There was a t-shirt wrapped around one of her wrists. And I saw the blood. I knew what she had done, but I still had to ask.

"Molly?" I asked, trying to keep my voice from wavering weakly. "What did you do to yourself?"

And then she showed me her wrist, telling me she was too weak to kill herself. All I could think was that I was so glad she had been strong enough to stop herself. She collapsed in my arms. That was when Molly became the most important part of my life.

// This is one time, this is one time That you can't fake it hard enough to please Everyone Or anyone at all //

I stayed by her hospital bed that whole night. I had someone in the halls at the arena tell Hurricane that I had taken Molly to the local hospital. I knew he would be worried.

"What happened?" his boyish voice asked from the doorway.

"She tried to slit her wrists," I said, never tearing my eyes from her. Her wrist was bandaged and they had given her some pretty strong sedatives. And they wanted to keep her in psychiatric for 48 hours.

"What?" Hurricane asked. "Molly wouldn't do something like that. She's happy."

"She's been on anti-depressants since before she came to the WWF," I told him. "She was just good at hiding her problems. Don't make her feel like she failed you."

"But," Hurricane said. "I don't understand."

"She's not coming back on the road tomorrow," I told him. "They have to keep her here for a certain amount of time. I'll stay here with her."

"Thanks man," Hurricane said gratefully.

"I'm not doing it for you," I told him. "I'm doing it for her."

// Or anyone at all //

Sometime in the middle of the night, Molly's eyes fluttered open. She craned her neck just a bit and looked at me.

"I actually went to you," she said. "I thought it was a dream."

"I'm glad you came to me," I told her.

"I'm sorry Kurt," she said.

"Why?" I asked her.

"I'm so weak," she said, tears appearing in her eyes. I lifted a finger to brush her tears away.

"If you were weak you never would have come to me," I told her.

// And the grave that you refuse to leave The refuge that you built to flee //

"You have to stay here a couple of days Molly," I whispered to her, slipping my hand into hers. "They are required to evaluate you for at least 48 hours."

"Oh God," she whispered.

"I'll be here," I told her.

"How can you?" Molly asked. "You have to work Kurt."

"I'm pretty tight with Stephanie and Vince," I said. "If I tell them I need a couple days off and no questions asked, they can do that for me."

"Kurt, you don't know me," Molly said. "You don't want to know me."

"I think I know you better than you think," I told her.

// The places you've come to fear the most Is the place that you have come to fear the most //

"I don't know if I can go back," she whispered to me a couple of days later as we sat in the back of a taxi, on our way to the arena SmackDown was at. "What if people start pitying me?"

"Molly, don't pay attention to them," I told her, placing a comforting arm around her shoulders. The doctors had said that she seemed shaken that she had actually tried to take her own life. She had contemplated doing it before, but she had never seriously thought she would do it. That comforted me so much.

"What about Vince?" Molly asked me, reaching out and grabbing my other hand. She held it tightly in both of her hands. I don't know if she ever realized that she did. "What if he found out?"

"You should tell him the truth Molly," I said. I knew the McMahons on a level most of my colleagues didn't. "He's not the jerk you think he is. At least not all of the time."

"Kurt," she said, shying away from what I told her.

"We'll figure something out if he is a jerk," I promised her. "I'm not going to let you down."

// Buried as deep as you can dig Inside yourself And hidden in the public eye //

I knew very well that Vince would understand what Molly was going through. He would understand for the same reasons I understood. He had experienced clinical depression, like I had. Neither of us had personally experienced it, but we both had family members who had gone through severe bouts of depression.

Stephanie came crying to me one night, when her marriage was in real jeopardy and she knew I liked her. She spilled her whole life story to me. She told me about Linda's depression that would flare up periodically and throw the whole McMahon lifestyle up in the air. Then she told me about her sophomore year in high school, when she herself hit rock bottom.

Vince hadn't even seen that Stephanie was crying for help until he walked into her room one morning and she wouldn't wake up. Luckily the pills she had taken hadn't been strong enough to actually kill her. Vince had gotten her help right away. After a couple of years she was able to control herself, but there were still times. I knew Vince would want to help Molly.

// Such a stellar monument to loneliness Laced with brilliant smiles And shining eyes Perfect make-up //

"Vince, Molly and I need to talk to you," I said as I pulled Molly with me into his dressing room. Stephanie sat in the chair and I nodded to her.

"Okay," Vince said, motioning for us to sit down. "What's up?"

I nodded to Molly encouragingly. "Vince, I have, I don't know how to tell you this. I've been diagnosed with clinical depression. Three days ago I tried to kill myself."

"Do you need some time off Molly?" Vince asked, concern evident in his voice. I knew I had made the right choice in convincing Molly to just tell Vince.

"I don't think so," Molly said. "But I think I do need to take it easy for a while."

"Is there anything we can do to help?" Vince asked. "Do you need us to find a psychiatrist to tour with us for a while?"

"No," Molly said. "The doctors said I should be fine going once a week. I'll just find one in Pittsburgh."

"Pittsburgh?" Stephanie asked.

"She's moving in with me," I said softly. "I'm going to be there for her."

"I'm glad you have someone solid," Stephanie said. She smiled at me. "Kurt is always there when you really need him."

// But you're barely scraping by But you're barely scraping by //

"I don't understand what just went on in there," Molly said. "How could they be so understanding?"

"They've lived with depression," I said quietly. "This is privileged information. But Linda and Stephanie have each had to deal with depression."

"Oh," Molly said.

"They don't feel sorry for you Molly," I told her, stopping her and forcing her to look into my eyes. "They understand. I understand."

"Why?" she asked, tears in her eyes.

"My sister," I told her. I looked away. I knew I needed to tell her this. But it hurt so damn bad. It had been twelve years. I should have dealt with it by now. "She was manic depressive. She killed herself twelve years ago."

"Oh God," Molly gasped. "And I came to you."

"I'm glad you did," I told her. "Don't feel sorry for me. Just let me help you."

// Well this is one time, this is one time That you can't fake it hard enough to please Everyone Or anyone at all Or anyone at all //

Initially she made great progress. She had done the psychiatrist thing before. We managed to find a good doctor, who wouldn't drug her out of her mind. She cut back a lot on work. She still came to every show, but she wasn't doing dark matches or anything.

I made sure she met all of our neighbors. We would go to the park whenever we were home. She helped me redecorate my house. The doctor she was seeing told her it was a good idea to get involved in things. She volunteered to teach a gymnastics class at a local YMCA once a week. After some time, it didn't seem like it was such an exertion for her to smile. She seemed happy.

// And the grave that you refuse to leave The refuge that you built to flee The places you've come to fear the most Is the place that you have come to fear the most //

I started to think of my house as home for the first time since I had moved into it. It was finally a place I looked forward to being in at the end of a long week. And that was because of Molly. She had made a list of chores for each of us. We would take turns cooking. Every now and then we would pull out a cookbook and just go all out together.

When she seemed like she was better, I was so afraid that she would leave. I had found the home I had wanted for so long. I needed Molly to be there if I was going to be whole. I never should have done it. I never should have fallen for her. I knew it. But I did anyways.

// That you can't fake it hard enough to please Everyone Or anyone at all Or anyone at all //

"Kurt?" Molly asked me one night as she plopped onto the couch next to me. I knew what was coming. I knew her psychiatrist had been asking about our relationship. I knew she would probably say we should start living our own, separate lives.

"Yeah?" I asked, keeping my eyes on the TV, pretending to read the ESPN ticker.

"I'm doing pretty well," she said softly.

"Yeah," I agreed. "And I'm really proud of you Molly."

"I could move out into my own place," she said.

"If that's what you want," I said, shrugging indifferently. My heart was screaming, telling me to tell her she belonged with me.

"What do you want?" she asked me.

"I want what you want," I said. I never looked at her. She got off the couch and stomped to her room.

// And the grave that you refuse to leave The refuge that you built to flee The places you've come to fear the most Is the place that you have come to fear the most //

"What are you still doing on the couch?" she asked when she walked back into the living room hours later.

"I don't know," I told her truthfully. I had sat on the couch for hours, trying to convince myself that everything between us wasn't over.

"What's wrong Kurt?" she asked.

"Nothing is wrong I guess," I said. She sat down next to me.

"Tell me what's on your mind," Molly said, laying her hand on my leg.

"You can't leave me Molly," I said, looking at her. "You're the most important part of my life Molly. I love you."

I got off the couch and started pacing in front of her. "Of course, you don't need that. You have so much on your plate that you hardly need to deal with me."

She stood up and stopped me. She lightly kissed me on the lips. "Kurt, you aren't the only one who has lived in this house for months. I need you. I love you."

"You love me?" I asked her.

"You opened yourself to me in a way no one else ever has," Molly said. "I loved you since the moment I woke up in the hospital. I didn't realize we had built a life together over the past few months. But I don't want to give it up."

"Me neither," I told her.

"Then kiss me Angle," she said. I grinned at her and pulled her into my arms, happy to oblige her.

// Is the place that you have come to fear the most //