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A/N Hi there people. sorry 4 not updating but i've been really busy. don't u just HATE it when u don't know what 2 write? well that's how i've been feeling. I have really bad writers block and then just when i have started typing up the story the stupid computer manages 2 delete it which is really annoying cos now i'm writing it up all over again.
i know no one actually reads the authors note but i'm writing it anyway 2 make the chapter look longer. how pathetic is that? well anyway thanks everyone who reviewed my last little chapter. i love u all. please review this chapter as well!!! and remember if u review mine then i review your's. ok? good. here's the chapter It's...erm VERY weird.

oh yeah and the writing in the asterix are Lily's thoughts.




~~~~~~All By Myself ~ chapter 8~~~~~~




Lily steped into the shower. The water cascaded down her back like a waterful. she sighed. Her life was a mess at the moment. She imagined that the water was washing all her problems away. She liked James alot but she still wasn't sure if he liked her. He probably didn't, he was going out with Francesca and Francesca was extremely pretty. Lily sighed again and looked down at her self. She pinched the skin around her stomach. * I'm getting so fat* she thought miserably. No wonder James can't stand to be near me. *No* said a little voice inside her head, *it's you, don't you think you've waited long enough, you're driving your self crazy. You're avoiding him for no good reason, if he was going to break up with you he'd have done it all ready and he hasn't. You've got to stop avoiding him now before it's too late. You have to make it better now!*

Lily blinked. It was like she had stepped out of herself and seen her posistion from the outside - from how everyone else saw it. Now she had to do something about it. she sighed again. She was far to shy to just go up to James and kiss his lights out. Maybe she should just wait for him to come to her. *no* said the voice again, *he's already come to you and you sent him away, it has to be you now, not him*
Lily massaged the shampoo into her long red hair thoughtfully. Everything had suddenly become alot clearer. James obviously liked her it seemed, he didn't want to break up with her. She had just been so confused and mixed up that she hadn't relised. Of course it didn't help that she was extremely insecure and nearly always thought the worst of herself but now it was different. Perhaps James did like her, and that counted for everything.


* * * * * * * * * * *


James was sitting in common room with Sirius and Remus.

"So Jamsie, have you got back with Lily yet?" Sirius asked looking up from the chess game he was playing with Remus.

James sighed reproachfully, "not yet," he said. Sirius looked scandalised.

"you haven't? How long are you going to leave it for"

"until she sorts out her feelings" James argued stubbornly, "that's what Helen told me to do."

"yeah well helen isn't exactly the best agony aunt." Sirius said

James snorted, "and you are I suppose?"

Sirius looked genuinly hurt, "you underestimate me James my dear fellow, I used to actually be an agony aunt....well uncle."

"oh I see" James said, " and I suppose lots of people asked for your advice?"

"of course" Sirius said proudly, "Some people even came back to me for more because I was so good"

"I suspect it was actually because you gave them the wrong advice so they needed to ask you again" Remus said.

"exactly" James said "anyway" he hurriedly continued seeing that Sirius was about to start blabbering about the agony aunt proffesion and how he had actually been rather good at it. "back to this letter thing I'm not sure I even want to send her a letter, I mean, writing letters isn't my greatest field is it?"

"No, not really" Remus said "Ha, checkmate"

"damn it, hold on aminute, no it's not I can take you"

"no you can't it would still be checkmate"

James coughed.

They both turned to look at him. "look," sirius said "if you really want to know what I think then you should just go up to her and snog her"

"yeah" Remus agreed.

"really?"

"yeah"

"see, even if you do take me then it's checkmate because my bishop's there."

"Fine." Sirius said grumpily, "but you won't win next time"

Just then Helen came in.

"Hi," she said, "has anyone seen Lily?"

"No," Sirius said, "she's probably in the dorm."

"Ok." Helen turned and climbed up the stairs to the dorm but not before sniggering at James. "You were cheated on haha."

"who told you?" He asked looking suspiciously at Sirius.

"Francesca."

James laughed, "i think I'm going to start calling her Fanny."

Helen snorted, "well, I'd better go and find Lily."

She turned and ran up the stairs.

"Lils? Are you in here?"

"yep."

"guess what?"

"what."

"James has broken up with Francesca."

"really?" lily said trying not to look too happy "why?"

"well apparently Francesca was cheating on him with some ravenclaw." She paused "You look unusually happy."

"Yeah, well I've decided that I'm going to try and get back with James. I was being really stupid wasn't I?"

"yeah," Helen said. "Well he'd be stupid not to accept. You two are perfect for each other."

Lily grinned. "do you think?"

"definitly."

"good, I think I really love him."

"When are you going to go for it?"

"i don't know, when do you think?"

"Now. otherwise you'll chicken out."

"Now?"

"yes now"

"No I can't, I would make a mess of it."

"Come on Lily, do you want to get back with the guy or not?"

Lily sighed, "you're right. I do want to be with him." She paused "See you later I suppose."

"Lily, go now." Helen said sternly.

"alright." Lily resigned. "Bye"

Lily left the dorm and wandered down to the common room. Her stomach was doing backflips.. *Calm down Lily Calm down* she told herself.

James was sitting with his friends in the middle of the common room. *typical* she thought. *don't boys ever do things on their own.* Lily shifted over to him.

"umm James?"

James turned around and saw Lily standing behind him. His breath seemed to be stuck in his throat.

"umm could I speak to you for a minute." she said. James stared at her for what seemd forever. The whole common room was watching now.

Lily could feel hereself turn red "sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"No, err, it's alright, come on."

Lily led him out of the common room.

"I'm really really sorry James," she began, "I've been a complete bitch to you. You probably hate me now don't you?"

"I could never hate you Lily" he said sadly, "these past days without you speaking to me have been hell. Ever since I first talked to you I've been drawn to you."

Lily's eyes filled with tears. "i'm sorry, you can't begin to imagine how I've been feeling. I thought you hated me and wanted to break up with me. I felt awful." she broke off sobbing.

"shhhh" James whispered pulling her close to him. "it's alright now."

She looked up at him, her eyes glistening. James was surprised to see no traces of mascara. She's beautiful without makeup he thought to himself.

James grinned, "you know, I think there's something I've forgotten."

"what?" lily asked.

"this!"

He leaned down and kissed her. It was better than at the lake, Lily's head was exploding. They broke apart breathless. Lily smiled at him and hugged him again.







A/N awwwww. That would have been quite sweet but the crapiness of my writing destroyed it. I'm sorry this chapter was so bad it was a bit rushed I'm afraid.

oh well review anyway please please please. Just tell me what u think. If u hav any queries then email me at smifter55@hotmail.com or say in your review. Let's see if we can get to at least 90 before the next chapter

ttfn

Lilz