Disclaimer: We don't own anything except this story

Authors Note: Hi this is Sarah, I'm Jen, and I'm...Allison...We don't exactly like Labyrinth, but we DO like to make fun of it! There isn't very much character bashing, the story is just about what OUR journey through the labyrinth would be like and all the misfortunes we would have. In the past we have had so many misfortunes that we were motivated to write about them. This story is meant to be funny, not offensive OK? NOT OFFENSIVE! And we also doubt that there will ever be a story quite like this one. Keep in mind that the Sarah in this story doesn't represent the Sarah in the movie, but is one of the authors.Anyways, Please review! Whatever jokes we may make about Bowie, please keep in mind that we do not mean them, Sarah actually worships Bowie, and that we are only teasing.

MISFORTUNES OF FRIENDS

CHAPTER 1--Holy Crap what is THIS?

Sarah was sitting in her room one day, watching her least favourite movie, The Labyrinth. She was looking for new things to analyze in the movie. As usual, she was alone because all HER friends had a life. Sarah realized that she really, really hated this movie, I mean REALLY!

Meanwhile, back at Jareth's castle he was observing Sarah through a crystal. "I see this girl and she doesn't respect my authority. SHE DEFIES ME! I think I must teach her and her so called friends' a lesson." And with that he transported himself above ground after turning into a barn owl?

"OK, what I don't understand is that this Sarah girl is 15 and David Bowie was around in his 30's there. She says that he's in love with her, and that is just sick." Sarah said while watching the film'. Suddenly there was a tapping at her window. "What the HELL?" she exclaimed as she shot up to her feet and opened the blinds. Low and behold, there was a white barn owl trying to get in as if the glass wasn't there. Any stupid bird would do that. "HOLY CRAP WHAT IS THIS!" she yelled. But no one heard her because everyone was out shopping and some were at work. This event reminded her of the time when she was watching T.V. in the living room and a crow stupidly flew right into the window head first. Then it flew away and almost hit her dad in the head while he was coming through the back gate from work. (this actually happened to Sarah) Anyways, back to the story... The owl was starting to scare poor Sarah so she backed off from the window a bit. Then, the owl surprisingly
broke through the glass and took the form of a rather peculiar man. "Aw, shit! Ma's gonna KILL ME!" Sarah looked at the glass spread out across the floor and remembered the man in front of her who was dressed in the manners of a male prostitute from the 80's no less. Then the phone rang. "Ok, I was gonna ask who the HELL you were, but right now, I have to answer the phone." The confused girl said. Ignoring the fact that he might be a cereal rapist, a MAGICAL cereal rapist, she answered the phone. It was Jen, her best friend of 3 years. "Hey Sar," the unknowing Jen greeted. "Are you still coming over later?" Sarah glanced over at the man who was now pawing in her underwear drawer. "JEN!" she screamed. "I NEED YOU AND AL OVER HERE RIGHT NOW! YOU ARE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS SHIT! I THINK IT COULD BE THE BROWNIES MY SISTER MADE THAT'S MAKING ME SEE THIS, SO I NEED A SECOND OPINON. AND..." Jen interrupted saying: "Aw Sarah, not again!" "NO! IT'S REAL THIS TIME! JUST HOP ON YER
BIKE AND GET YOUR SMART ASS OVER HERE!" "OK, OK, I'm coming. And don't worry I'm bringing Allison." They hung up and Jen called Allison telling her something was up at Sarah's house.

"Don't you touch that!" Sarah yelled at the stranger in her UNDERWEAR DRAWER! "Dirty Bastard!" She closed the drawer shut on his fingers causing him to howl in unsupressed agony. "Don't you know who I am Sarah?" he asked in a british accent. "I might but I know you know who I am." Sarah answered stupidly. "Oh really? How?" he asked even stupidlyer...is that even a word? Jen- No Sarah, it isn't. Sarah-DAMN! Anyways, "You just said my name you whore." Sarah informed him disrespectfully, or he might call it "defiantly". Jareth stopped to think for a second. "This--this is ridiculous, I don't have time for this."

"Sarah!" The Goblin King' interrupted "Don't defy me."

"Oh don't give me the defying crap. I'm dreaming. OW!" Sarah said as she pinched her arm hard which surprised because everyone including herself knew she was a weakling. "Ok, what do you want you lousy S.O.B.?" she spat out. "I've brought you a gift." Jareth said while conjuring a crystal. Sarah looked at it suspiciously, "I don't want it." She said carefully. "Then I've no choice but to bring you underground." The Goblin King stated. "What? Like Hell?" Sarah asked out of curiosity. "NO! NOT LIKE HELL! MY KINGDOM!" Jareth yelled in frustration. "Ok, I'm not going anywhere until Jen and Al get here."

Jen and Allison got to Sarah's door. "Ok, let's see what kind of old food made Sarah go crazy this time." Jen said to her eyelidless friend. Allison- Sarah! DON'T MAKE FUN OF MY EYELIDS! (Al's oriental.)

From her bedroom, Sarah heard scrapings at her front door downstairs. "Don't go anywhere." She told Jareth. Sarah ran downstairs to open the front door. There, she saw Jen in the hall and Allison on the floor on her hands and knees panting. "What the HELL! ALLISON!"

"What? I couldn't open your door!"

"Allison, you spent 5 years in military training, and you can't even open a door?" Sarah spat out in aggravation. "Didn't you study how to blow up STEEL doors and MASSIVE MONUMENTS!"

"Well, I'm not BLOWING it up, I'm OPENING IT! Do you know how hard this is for me to NOT blow something up or shoot something down! Do you! DO YOU!

"Shut up and get upstairs."

"Whoa! What the hell is that about!" Jen asked in surprise.

"I know!" Sarah said. "Look at this drag show!"

"My camouflage outfits are WAY better than THAT getup."

"I'll teach you not to insult me. I am a man of great power." Jareth warned

"Yeah, yeah. Boy are you conceited." Sarah lashed out irrationally. "You're pretty high and mighty for someone who shops at David Bowie fashions inc."

"Sarah," Jen said. "Shut----UP!"

"How would you 3 girls like to visit my kingdom?"

"Uh, no thanks." Sarah replied.

"Well, sure I mean not everyone gets to see some fantasy land. I could start a whole new line of text books on this."

"COOL! We could blow more stuff up! More target practice!"

"If you three inflict ANY damage on my kingdom. I'll throw your pretty little selves into the Bog of Eternal Stench."

"Oh NO! Not the Bog of Eternal Stench!" Sarah quoted Hoggle from the movie sarcastically.

"That's it!" Jareth said with a wave of his hand. In a flash, the girls and the King were in the Underground on top of the same hill Sarah Williams was at the beginning of the movie.

"Aw sheeeeit!" Sarah swore.

"Sarah, you just screwed us over yet again!"

"Your code name is not Eagle anymore. It's the screwer upper of all-time!"