Disclaimer: We don't own the Labyrinth, and frankly, we don't want to!

Author's Note: Yes, it's been a while, but we've got so caught up in Dark Angel, that we've been distracted. Yeah, we know it's a little late, but we think we had better describe what we look like to you guys. Ok, Allison first: Long black hair, tall (5'6"), skinny and Chinese (doesn't that explain everything?) Ok now Jen: shoulder length light brown hair, glasses (grrr I just got contacts!) tall (5'6'), built (I'm a dancer OK!). Now Sarah: BLONDE! There we go…..ok so she's about 5'6" too, really really skinny (but not TOO skinny) and her hair's shoulder length. Hehe sorry that was a little late, but erm….we never thought of it till now.

CHAPTER 8—My girlfriend is cheating on me with her lesbian midget sister (Showdown for short)A/N: Where the HELL did you come up with THAT one Sarah? Sarah- Jerry Springer….

OK so last time, which was a looonnnng time ago, Sarah and her Goblin minions just crashed through the doubles doors of Jareth's castle….

"SARAH! What the HELL are you wearing?" Yelled Jen.

"Only the lasted spring fashions of David Bowie Inc. Where IS that bastard?"

"He ran away! After trying to violate Allison and me!" Jen exclaimed as Allison started shuddering uncontrollably. An awkward silence followed. Allison was the first to speak, "OK, we've got Sarah now, FALL OUT! I SAID GOOOOO!" Sarah and Jennifer stare at their friend like she is some sort of maniac, like Private First Class Blackburn, who fell from the GOD DAMN HELICOPTER in Black Hawk Down! A/N: Allison- oooooo! Orli! drool heheheh Allison tied a black headband around her head, put on some war paint, pulled out her double Uzis (type of gun!) and started running. Sarah and Jen just stood, staring at her. Then they followed behind slowly. "Come ON you guys! Pick up the pace!" Jen and Sarah followed reluctantly. Allison sang, "I don't know what I've been told! David Bowie's really old! SOUND OFF!"

The Goblin minions following behind yelled, "ONE, TWO!"

"SOUND OFF"

"THREE, FOUR!"

"SOUND OFF"

"One, two….THREE FOUR!" As Sarah and Jen followed the pack of singing nut cases, loud sirens broke out. The Goblins that had not joined the UDG had been alerted by Jareth that the girls were in the city trying to escape. That's when, from out of NOWHERE! The Mission Impossible Theme song rang in their ears. Sarah said, "Let's do this shit!" Sarah ripped off her dress, revealing a cat suit.

"Woah, where'd THAT come from?" Allison tossed Sarah and Jen some guns, and they began the war between Woman and fairy tale creature. Allison yelled, "COVER ME!" and Sarah and Jen stayed behind to cover her back. The enemy Goblins began to shoot from their poorly made, Mexican imported guns, and cannons. Allison signaled them to go ahead, "GO, GO, GO!" Jen and Sarah quickly ran ahead, to hide against a wall. As they ran, Allison jumped in front of them prepared to take any stray bullets that crossed her path. Suddenly everything went in slow motion. Allison dove on her side, shooting continuously at the Goblins (typical slow-mo action move) yelling NOOOOOOOO! When she hit the ground, time sped up, and she skidded across the muddy ground. When she got up and recovered, she yelled to Jen and Sarah. "FLY YOU FOOLS!" Then she was swarmed by Goblins, and swallowed up by the ground… Somehow a hole formed…don't ask us. As Sarah and Jen began running, they looked at each other and yelled in unison, "SHE'LL BEEEE ALLLRIGGGHHHHT!" The sound of gunfire and explosions filled the City, and the Goblins were still on their tail. As they came across the Goblin City Science Lab, Jen stopped.

"Wait!" She said in a Scottish accent, "I have to save the wee turtles!"

"NO JEN NOOOO!"

"But if I don't save the wee turtles, who WILL?" Sarah waited outside the door, picking off Goblins, as Jen was trying to save the wee turtles. Suddenly, Jen burst through the doors with wee little green turtles, biting her limbs, face and ass. "AHH! Save me from the wee turtles, they've got my ASS!"

"Jen! If you're clothes catch turtles, STOP! DROP! And roll those little buggers OFF!" Jen dropped to the floor and rolled. "EAH, EAH , EAH!" Once the turtles were gone, Jen got up and glared at Sarah. They looked around, noticing that they were just in front of the gates to the Goblin City. They ran towards the gates, turning around backwards and backing up through them. They pointed their guns at the Goblins, who had all fled into their houses by now.

The girls ran and ran, over mountains, through valleys, and forests. They even swam across a lake or two……….all in 5 MINUTES! Then! They stopped at a big-ass boulder. A great white light surrounded the area in front of them. As they pointed their guns at the mass of light, a figure draped in white robes, with long white hair and a matching beard stepped out on top of the boulder. Sarah shielded her eyes and gasped, "God? Are you here for that 20 bucks I owe you?"

The figure answered, "You owe me 20 bucks!" As the light cleared, Jen stepped back in disgust.

"ALLISON!" Sarah yelled and Allison smiled saying, "Cool, eh?" Jen gave Allison her "idiot look" A/N: Its too hard to explain what the look, looks like…Sorta like a look of disgust and embarrassment all rolled into one. then walked up to Allison and pulled off her beard and white wig. "Take that GOD DAMN thing off!"

"Heyyyy! I LIKED that thing!…………..It made me look like Gandalf!" Allison said dejectedly, as she climbed down from the boulder. Sarah looked at her and said, "Allison, you're an idiot…"

All of a sudden a big puff of girly pink smoke appeared in front of the trio and their Goblins. The Goblin King emerged from the smoke and said, "You're TIME is up…….errr…WAIT FOR IT!………..NOW!" Big bells started ringing. Jareth continues, "That means, one of YOU will be my QUEEN, and the other two…" He glared at Jennifer and Allison, "Will massage my feet and wash my underpants! Sarah! I choose YOU!" As he hurled a pokeball, a mini figurine of Sarah popped out. He looked at it and said, "Awww, isn't it cute?" Jennifer and Allison looked at each other in disgust—both felt like throwing up. Sarah started yelling.

"AUGH! GOD DAMN IT!" Jareth started laughing hysterically. Sarah continued, "WHY COULDN'T I WASH YOUR UNDERWEAR? WHY DO I HAVE DO BE A QUEEN?"

Jen looked at Sarah and said, "Sarah, do you have ANY idea what you just said!"

"Well, It's BETTER THAN…….." Sarah was cut off when Jareth interrupted, "You know you're cute when you're angry."

"OH that's IT! It's on BITCH! You're a make-up wearing FAG!" OOO's came from the Goblins.

Jareth countered, "You're a two-cent WHORE!" More OOO's from the Goblin audience.

"Your HAIR'S the DRIEST I've ever seen! Look at the colour, it's a total bite-off of mine!"

Jareth was utterly offended now, and lashed out irrationally. "You're a flat-chested, no ass BITCH!"

The Goblins chanted "JERRY! JERRY!" as Sarah jumped on Bowie and started clawing at him. She slapped him, scratched him across the face, kicked him in the stomach and would have kneed him in the nuts if he was a REAL man.

"JERRY! JERRY!" Sarah, listening to the yells of her Goblin minions, stopped beating up Jareth, and yelled, "YEAAAAHH! WOOOO! YEAAAHHHH!" Then, Sarah stalked over to Jareth. She grabbed his hair and pulled him up to his feet. He flailed his hands, trying to slap Sarah like a girl. A wrestling ring appeared and Sarah gave Jareth a tombstone (lifting him up, upside down and dropping him on his head). Sarah walked over to her corner of the fighting area and Jen squirted some water into her mouth. Allison wiped the sweat off her forehead with a towel, and then shoved her back into the ring.

Jareth was lying on the ground trying to recover, and Sarah bent down to face Jareth. Allison and Jen screamed, "GO FOR THE KILLLLL!" But Sarah, looking at the bloodied face of Jareth, reached out with her hand and said, "It's over bitch." Then she flicked his nose. He got red in the eyes, and screamed in anger. Sarah got up. "RUNNNNNNNN!"

And they ran. Yes, they ran. And they ran, and they….RAN. The Goblin minions were still following. When they had finally thought that they were rid of the Goblin King, they stopped to rest.

"Jen, where's that 5 bucks I won on our bet?"

"Awww! I was hoping that you'd forget about that from all the running."

"I ain't that stupid Jen, now hand it over!" As Jen was handing over the 5 bucks Sarah said, "HEY! You bet AGAINST me?"

"Nothin' personal." Just then, a Goblin scout ran up to the girls saying, "The King is coming! The King is COMING!"

Jen, Sarah and Allison exchanged looks. "OH NO!"

"OH NO!"

"OH NO!"

Then the whole Goblin hoard yelled, "OH NO!"

Suddenly, and may I add RANDOMLY, from behind a tree, the Kool-Aid Man popped out and said, "Ohhh yeaaaaaaaahh." Silence and confused looks followed. The Kool-Aid Man slowly slipped back behind the tree.

"WHAT THE HELL?" Jen yelled, "SARAH! Why the frig did you put HIM in our fic?"

"I like the Kool-Aid Man. He's always got Kool-Aid with him." Then they heard a big scream of anger that made the leaves on the surrounding trees fall off. Jareth had caught up with them.

"YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT!"

Allison took out her trusty bazooka and started shooting at Jareth. "Why won't he DIIIEEEE?" Sarah then, quickly looked around for something to use against him. A small little stream caught her eye. "Water!" She yelled.

Jen and Allison turned around to face her, confusion obvious on their face. "Wha?"

Sarah kneeled down, scooped some water up in her hands and threw it in Jareth's face screeching, "I DEFFYYYY YOOOOOU!" The water hit Jareth's face and his mascara began to run.

"Ahhhh! My face! My valuable face!" He held his hands to his face and screeched, "I'm melllllllting!" Then he disappeared into a big poof of smoke.

"Sarah! How'd you know how to do that? THAT WAS SMART!"

"Well, didn't you see his makeup? Ca mon! It was so cheap!"

"So Allison, think he's actually dead this time?"

"I dunno Jen……..wanna make a BET?"

Jen answered sadly, "I've got no more money…."

"Well, let's get the HELL outta here before he comes back…IF he comes back?" Sarah said. "Come on Goblin friends! You're freeeee!" They all turned and ran towards the sunset, through a grassy, flower filled field. Once again time slowed down, and they were running in slow-motion. Goblins were taking off their clothes, and throwing them around, frolicking in the bright rays of their freedom. It began to rain petals as the song 'Born Free' played in the background.

"Borrrn freeee. As freee as the winnnnd blowwws. As freee as the graaaass growwws. Born Freee to followw your hearrrt. Live freeee. As beauty surrounnnnds youuuu. So haaappy I fooouuund you. Cause you're borrrrrrn freeeeeee."

Jen, Allison and Sarah who were joined hand in hand, ran with the goblins. Then time restored to normal and the music stopped with the record making the zippy sound (you know what we mean!).

"Hey wait a minute! What the HELL are we doing!" Allison yells.

"Yeah! Let's get out of this shit hole!"

"But how? I don't have my books anymore!"

A tornado suddenly appeared out of nowhere, lifting the three girls up into the air. They were tossed around like monkeys, bruised, and battered when suddenly they landed very roughly on the ground. Jen and Allison woke up and untangled themselves from the pile they were in. They got up and brushed themselves off and realized that they were back in Sarah's room. Sarah, who's head was half-way up her ASS from the landing, awoke with a start and screamed, "DON'T REJECT ME!" Obviously she was having that nightmare about being rejected from the circus again…

"Woah….That was frickin' weird!" Exclaimed Allison.

Jen went over to Sarah and said, "Sarah! You travelled on foot, were kidnapped, almost raped and had your ass kicked, what are YOU going to do next?" As she held up a microphone to Sarah's face.

"Well," Sarah said as she reached into her shirt. She pulled out a handful of gems and random valuables that she had gotten off of her big-ass crown. "I got some jewels in my bra…..wanna go hawk 'em?"

Jen and Allison shrugged, "Ehn, sure!"

Allison went on, "But promise me we won't have anything to do with David Bowie EVER again!"

"Allison, I promise."

Author's Note: WE'RE DONE! THE ENNNNDDD! THAT'S IT! GO HOME! NO MORE! GOOD-BYE!

"What ever happened to those Goblins?"

"I dunno…." All of a sudden, in the background, A naked Goblin runs across the screen flailing his arms.

"Yeah, now that they're free I wonder what they're up to…." The Goblin runs across the front of the screen, stop right in the middle faces the camera and screams, "ELAELAELAELAELA!" Then runs out flailing his arms again.

"……………….."

"Well that was…….."

"Wrong?"

OK! We'll be posting a list soon….it's of all our Bowie moments, and they're very scary! It'll be called, "Reasons to fear Bowie" Look for it in the Lists section. Seriously, its scary…. BOWIE IS EVERYWHERE! If you read our list, you'll see why he's so scary and why we wrote this GOD DAMN fanfic. READ READ READ! We've been writing for two hours, and its 1:32 AM! ON A FREAKING SATURDAY! Ah well, it was fun! Thanks to everyone who gave us GOOD reviews, we're grateful for your support, and we're glad you enjoyed our fic. All we can say is that we came, we saw, and monkey. Thank you.

Jen, Allison and Sarah—The unlucky3