WELCOME TO NYC!
Previously 'Welcome to Baltimore" by L and J. Renamed for purposes far greater than you can ever imagine…which will be revealed in a later chapter…
A/N: Well, since fanfiction.net was being a bitch and screwing with my chapter order, I had to delete the story…AGAIN…and post the chapters in the correct order. My SINCEREST apologizes to the two people whose reviews were lost…but please, don't let that stop you in the future!
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Chapter One: WE'RE BAAAAAAAAACK!
A/N From J: Well…apparently, having actors in little segments of the story is BAD. FF.net kicked me off for a week because of some stupid rule I supposedly broke (I am completely serious: They sent me a F***ing FORM LETTER telling me I had broken AT LEAST one of the rules 'listed below'! HOW am I supposed to know what rule I violated with THAT?! Gods…I NEED LOGIC!), and then my computer was being a pain in the ass and not letting me access said site, so I took an itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny-quark-sized- completely-unnoticeable hiatus from posting the story.
Random Reviewer: *I* noticed.
J: *zaps RR* Anyway, now I have been forced against my will to 'clean' the story up and remove all the interruptions. This is not my fault. I did not make the rules. I simply must follow them. I will not throw a hissy fit…I will not throw a hissy fit…I will NOT throw a hissy fit…I WILL NOT throw a hissy fit…*twitches*
AA/N: Oh, and L says, quote: 'Yes, I AM A REAL BEING!! Might I add the crazier of the writers, except I keep my craziness locked away safely in my head and only release it when I have had too much GoGurt.'
J: But that's just L for you. Sooo…now that the poor, poor defenseless Interruptions have been done away with…*Both L and J weep*…we can continue…
Disclaimer: We own nothing. Especially not LOTR. L does not own GoGurt. She was in a phase for approximately a week where she could not live without it, but now calls it something along the lines of 'That sludge in a tube'. So I wonder what she's going to do with those cases of it that she bought during her little phase…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And so, as our story opens, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli must decide whether to save Merry and Pippin or to go after Sam and Frodo….
***
"So, whadda ya guys wanna do?" Legolas said, finishing off his fourth Lorien flower and licking his fingers.
"Well, we can either go after Sam and Frodo," Aragorn said, his mouth full of flower, "or we can go save Merry and Pippin."
"I know that! I was listening to the narration! But you've forgotten Option #3."
"Option 3?"
"We go back to our homes and say they all died. The end." The Lorien flowers were starting to take effect…
"Hee hee…gold…GOOOOLD…" Gimli said, staring up blankly at the sky.
"Nah…"
"Well," Legolas said, staggering up and giggling, "I sure as hell don't want to go to Mordor…"
"Moordoor…Mooooooooordoooooooooooooor…moooooooooooooo…." All three of them giggled and staggered around the clearing.
"I'm noooooooo idioooooooooot…I ain't goin' t' Moordooor…" Aragorn said, which caused everyone to laugh insanely. Legolas giggled like a girl and reached for another flower, only to find…
"Uh, guys?" he said, discovering his pack was empty. Aragorn and Gimli were playing a spirited game of Patty-Cake. "Guys? Who has the rest of the flowers?"
"What?" Aragorn looked up. "We're out of flowers?"
"Hee hee…gold…g-what?"
Legolas tipped the pack upside-down, shaking it desperately. Aragorn ran over to the packs and started digging around every conceivable space.
"This isn't funny, man…I need my fix…" After ripping the packs up into tiny little shreds, their worst fears were confirmed: they were out of flowers.
"NOOOO!"
"This can't be!"
"Hey, now I remember!" Aragorn said. "Merry!"
Legolas was digging around in his pocket, looking for pills. "Yes, I was merry when I had my flowers, but now I'm not, so I need my Prozac, and where is it, I can't find it…"
"No, no, Merry the Hobbit! Wake up, stupid!"
"What about Merry?"
"Merry had a ton of flowers in his pack, since he always has to deal with Pippin, and…no, that's it," Aragorn said.
"So, let's go save our flowers!-I mean, Merry and Pippin!" Legolas said.
"Yeah!"
"Gold!"
"Where'd they go?"
"Ummm…" They looked around blankly.
"GOLD!!"
"No, you stupid Dwarf, there's no-"
"GOLD!!! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD!" Gimli screamed, running away and crouching over something. Legolas and Aragorn walked over and looked on curiously.
"What is-"
"MY GOLD!!!!!! GET AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!"
"Gim-"
"ALL MINE!!! AHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"
"Dammit, Gimli, gimme that!" Aragorn picked Gimli up off the ground and Legolas grabbed the thing Gimli was fondling.
"MY GOLD!!!!"
"This isn't gold, you stunted little freak! It's silver!"
"Oh…never mind, then."
"Hey…check it out," Aragorn said, dumping Gimli on his head. "It's the buckle from the belt the Crazy Lady gave Merry."
"So it IS GOLD! GIVE IT BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!"
"Here…fetch!" Legolas said, chucking the buckle deep into the woods. Gimli ran after it on his stubby little Dwarf legs.
"Look…" Aragorn had found something a little ways away. "It's…a FLOWER!"
Legolas scrambled over and they got into a terrific scratching/shoving/biting/kicking/punching match which was only resolved when Gimli ran up and ate the flower.
"Mmmm…hmhmhmhmhmmmm…"
"Do you think that Merry and Pippin left a trail for us to follow?"
"No."
"Fine…do you think MERRY left a trail for us to follow?"
"Perhaps…let's keep walking and see what else we can-LOOK!! ANOTHER FLOWER!!!"
After another terrific fight (which was won by Aragorn), they started running, and found various things. Like a bathtub. And a watermelon. And Sam's tea towel. And a chair. Aragorn, the master tracks man, was making a note of these.
"Hmm…from the angle of this…it's hard to tell…" Aragorn was trying to determine the direction which Merry and Pippin had gone from a large fender that was sticking out of the dirt.
"Aragorn?"
"Not now, Legolas! Let's see, north north-west…"
"Aragorn…"
"Not NOW! Carry the three…"
Legolas walked over and calmly smacked Aragorn across the head with his bow. "OW! What?!"
Legolas pointed to a nice, chopped-out, straight line path the Uruk-Hai had left that went directly through the woods. "I think they went that way."
"By God, I've got it!" Aragorn said, smacking his fist into his palm. "They went this way!" He started running down the path. Legolas sighed and followed.
And so…they ran.
And ran…
And ran…
Still running…
Running…
Running like the wind…
They must be fueled by Duracell or something…
Do they EVER get tired?…
Running endlessly…must be something about those Lorien flowers…
"OKAY! It's nighttime! We'll rest!" Aragorn spread out his sleeping bag and got ready to sleep.
"Okee-then!" Legolas also spread out his sleeping bag and got ready to sleep.
"*Ee-huh…Ee-huh…*" Gimli crawled through the foliage.
"Oh…hi, Gimli! Where ya been?"
"I'VE BEEN RUNNING AFTER YOU GUYS!!!"
"Oh…I hoped-I mean, thought you were still in the woods looking for that stupid golden buckle."
"MY GOLD!!" Gimli screamed before collapsing into a dead faint.
"Right…"
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Sample of Next Chapter: Wasting Time…
"I can see in the dark…" a voice said, and they both screamed and grabbed each other (no, not like THAT…).
"I'm never gonna be able to sleep now…" Pippin whined.
"Oh, put a sock in it, would you?" Merry said, and fell asleep.
Previously 'Welcome to Baltimore" by L and J. Renamed for purposes far greater than you can ever imagine…which will be revealed in a later chapter…
A/N: Well, since fanfiction.net was being a bitch and screwing with my chapter order, I had to delete the story…AGAIN…and post the chapters in the correct order. My SINCEREST apologizes to the two people whose reviews were lost…but please, don't let that stop you in the future!
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Chapter One: WE'RE BAAAAAAAAACK!
A/N From J: Well…apparently, having actors in little segments of the story is BAD. FF.net kicked me off for a week because of some stupid rule I supposedly broke (I am completely serious: They sent me a F***ing FORM LETTER telling me I had broken AT LEAST one of the rules 'listed below'! HOW am I supposed to know what rule I violated with THAT?! Gods…I NEED LOGIC!), and then my computer was being a pain in the ass and not letting me access said site, so I took an itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny-quark-sized- completely-unnoticeable hiatus from posting the story.
Random Reviewer: *I* noticed.
J: *zaps RR* Anyway, now I have been forced against my will to 'clean' the story up and remove all the interruptions. This is not my fault. I did not make the rules. I simply must follow them. I will not throw a hissy fit…I will not throw a hissy fit…I will NOT throw a hissy fit…I WILL NOT throw a hissy fit…*twitches*
AA/N: Oh, and L says, quote: 'Yes, I AM A REAL BEING!! Might I add the crazier of the writers, except I keep my craziness locked away safely in my head and only release it when I have had too much GoGurt.'
J: But that's just L for you. Sooo…now that the poor, poor defenseless Interruptions have been done away with…*Both L and J weep*…we can continue…
Disclaimer: We own nothing. Especially not LOTR. L does not own GoGurt. She was in a phase for approximately a week where she could not live without it, but now calls it something along the lines of 'That sludge in a tube'. So I wonder what she's going to do with those cases of it that she bought during her little phase…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And so, as our story opens, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli must decide whether to save Merry and Pippin or to go after Sam and Frodo….
***
"So, whadda ya guys wanna do?" Legolas said, finishing off his fourth Lorien flower and licking his fingers.
"Well, we can either go after Sam and Frodo," Aragorn said, his mouth full of flower, "or we can go save Merry and Pippin."
"I know that! I was listening to the narration! But you've forgotten Option #3."
"Option 3?"
"We go back to our homes and say they all died. The end." The Lorien flowers were starting to take effect…
"Hee hee…gold…GOOOOLD…" Gimli said, staring up blankly at the sky.
"Nah…"
"Well," Legolas said, staggering up and giggling, "I sure as hell don't want to go to Mordor…"
"Moordoor…Mooooooooordoooooooooooooor…moooooooooooooo…." All three of them giggled and staggered around the clearing.
"I'm noooooooo idioooooooooot…I ain't goin' t' Moordooor…" Aragorn said, which caused everyone to laugh insanely. Legolas giggled like a girl and reached for another flower, only to find…
"Uh, guys?" he said, discovering his pack was empty. Aragorn and Gimli were playing a spirited game of Patty-Cake. "Guys? Who has the rest of the flowers?"
"What?" Aragorn looked up. "We're out of flowers?"
"Hee hee…gold…g-what?"
Legolas tipped the pack upside-down, shaking it desperately. Aragorn ran over to the packs and started digging around every conceivable space.
"This isn't funny, man…I need my fix…" After ripping the packs up into tiny little shreds, their worst fears were confirmed: they were out of flowers.
"NOOOO!"
"This can't be!"
"Hey, now I remember!" Aragorn said. "Merry!"
Legolas was digging around in his pocket, looking for pills. "Yes, I was merry when I had my flowers, but now I'm not, so I need my Prozac, and where is it, I can't find it…"
"No, no, Merry the Hobbit! Wake up, stupid!"
"What about Merry?"
"Merry had a ton of flowers in his pack, since he always has to deal with Pippin, and…no, that's it," Aragorn said.
"So, let's go save our flowers!-I mean, Merry and Pippin!" Legolas said.
"Yeah!"
"Gold!"
"Where'd they go?"
"Ummm…" They looked around blankly.
"GOLD!!"
"No, you stupid Dwarf, there's no-"
"GOLD!!! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD!" Gimli screamed, running away and crouching over something. Legolas and Aragorn walked over and looked on curiously.
"What is-"
"MY GOLD!!!!!! GET AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!"
"Gim-"
"ALL MINE!!! AHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"
"Dammit, Gimli, gimme that!" Aragorn picked Gimli up off the ground and Legolas grabbed the thing Gimli was fondling.
"MY GOLD!!!!"
"This isn't gold, you stunted little freak! It's silver!"
"Oh…never mind, then."
"Hey…check it out," Aragorn said, dumping Gimli on his head. "It's the buckle from the belt the Crazy Lady gave Merry."
"So it IS GOLD! GIVE IT BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!"
"Here…fetch!" Legolas said, chucking the buckle deep into the woods. Gimli ran after it on his stubby little Dwarf legs.
"Look…" Aragorn had found something a little ways away. "It's…a FLOWER!"
Legolas scrambled over and they got into a terrific scratching/shoving/biting/kicking/punching match which was only resolved when Gimli ran up and ate the flower.
"Mmmm…hmhmhmhmhmmmm…"
"Do you think that Merry and Pippin left a trail for us to follow?"
"No."
"Fine…do you think MERRY left a trail for us to follow?"
"Perhaps…let's keep walking and see what else we can-LOOK!! ANOTHER FLOWER!!!"
After another terrific fight (which was won by Aragorn), they started running, and found various things. Like a bathtub. And a watermelon. And Sam's tea towel. And a chair. Aragorn, the master tracks man, was making a note of these.
"Hmm…from the angle of this…it's hard to tell…" Aragorn was trying to determine the direction which Merry and Pippin had gone from a large fender that was sticking out of the dirt.
"Aragorn?"
"Not now, Legolas! Let's see, north north-west…"
"Aragorn…"
"Not NOW! Carry the three…"
Legolas walked over and calmly smacked Aragorn across the head with his bow. "OW! What?!"
Legolas pointed to a nice, chopped-out, straight line path the Uruk-Hai had left that went directly through the woods. "I think they went that way."
"By God, I've got it!" Aragorn said, smacking his fist into his palm. "They went this way!" He started running down the path. Legolas sighed and followed.
And so…they ran.
And ran…
And ran…
Still running…
Running…
Running like the wind…
They must be fueled by Duracell or something…
Do they EVER get tired?…
Running endlessly…must be something about those Lorien flowers…
"OKAY! It's nighttime! We'll rest!" Aragorn spread out his sleeping bag and got ready to sleep.
"Okee-then!" Legolas also spread out his sleeping bag and got ready to sleep.
"*Ee-huh…Ee-huh…*" Gimli crawled through the foliage.
"Oh…hi, Gimli! Where ya been?"
"I'VE BEEN RUNNING AFTER YOU GUYS!!!"
"Oh…I hoped-I mean, thought you were still in the woods looking for that stupid golden buckle."
"MY GOLD!!" Gimli screamed before collapsing into a dead faint.
"Right…"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Sample of Next Chapter: Wasting Time…
"I can see in the dark…" a voice said, and they both screamed and grabbed each other (no, not like THAT…).
"I'm never gonna be able to sleep now…" Pippin whined.
"Oh, put a sock in it, would you?" Merry said, and fell asleep.
