We begin anew with an experimental chapter. I'm sorry for the long delay, I just finished exams and now I need to clean up my room and move back across the world. I'm also sorry for the weird flow and chop of dialogue and narration in this chapter, my brain has gone on hiatus for a while, too much stress, also possibly too much James Joyce. I don't know if this is the end. I think there's at least a couple more chapters to explain what happens between this chapter and when Lin first appears in Bebop as Vicious's right-hand man in Jupiter Jazz. Thanks for reading, see you.


Boy Alone :: 5 Quiet Times And Dark Places

+ outside the leaves are falling from tree branches and we step into them + we are calm and quiet and hold hands (but we do not look at each other) + an old woman smiles at us from her bench beneath the white-flowered tree + he is quiet + he is beautiful + he has never been so near before but now there is a feeling of going away + he will not speak + why? +

You were angry with your brother.

He does not understand.

What is there to understand?

That he cannot trust me.

You would not betray him.

If he gave me reason to and if it was in the best interest of the organization then I would betray him. If it was my duty to hurt him then I would hurt him. But he can simply give me no reason to do so, and it will be all right.

+ we are fallen silent now + perhaps in awe of the beauty that we are walking in + how sweet the pink glow on your cheeks + how soft the fall of your hair +

I want it to be all right for everyone.

A month ago you did not know if you could care at all.

It has been a month.

Have you decided?

Decided?

To care.

Yes.

Good. So now you will care. And we will survive.

Yes. To survive. That is a problem. If we are to survive we must be careful and quiet and never show how much we care. We must be like the others, only we shall pretend that we are each too busy with our duties to leave each other. We shall be a bond that exists because it is socially desirable.

You have a leaf in your hair.

It is a small thing.

Let me take it off. There.

+ we stop and a hand touches the stiff strands of hair and a leaf goes spiralling through the air again + her hand is translucent and I can almost see the light shining through it + how can it be that things that seem so solid are so transient + that they can vanish + can be hurt + can be killed + that must not happen + not this time + even though the love that exists now may be a small thing compared to the love that existed in the past + we are two different people + we are not THEM + not HIM and not HER + the circumstances are different + we will survive + but still there is always doubt + else how could THEY end in such a tragic way? + there was HIS best friend + and now be careful not to think of HIS best friend + but impossible not to think of Spike + who once meant so much to everyone + who meant so much to me +

We must be careful and not repeat the mistakes that were made in the past.

What mistakes were there?

There was a man who fell in love with a woman, and everyone knew this, and also that she loved him back. Everyone knew, and they did not realise this until it was too late. It became too easy for someone to hurt one of them by hurting the other. It is possible that someone will one day want to hurt me, or to hurt HIM, and I must protect HIM. It is possible that they will hurt you, to hurt me. And that must not happen.

It will not happen. We will be careful.

+ but it is painful to think that for all of this life he will never really know how strong this feeling is + this ache that comes with pride and joy when I look at him and see how green his eyes and how sharp the slice of cheekbone laid by a fine hand symmetric and perfect in his face + yes + his face that is always turned towards the organization + always the organization + but sometimes he turns towards me + and that is enough +

+ but it is painful to think that this might be what HE felt for HER and what Spike felt for HER as well + that I have finally understood perhaps what it is and why it would make Spike do what he did + but that she will not know it + perhaps it can be spoken in quiet times and dark places when we are the only two people in a time and a place who are looking and listening + yes + when the organization is not demanding + perhaps there will be a time and place for that +

What are you thinking of now, Lin?

Oh. Nothing.

Who was the man who fell in love with the woman?

A good man.

He was in the organization?

Yes. But that is past now. In the past I used to believe that I would die if he wanted it of me, even if it was against the organization's wishes. I think it is a crazy thing now. I think the organization is greater than any one man, now, and if I had a chance, I would not think, ever, that I would die for him, any more.

Don't die at all.

I may have to.

Then I will make sure you do not.

I am afraid that I will have to ask you to do something harder than that.

+ we have reached the end of the park and there is the city before us and it is a terrible place and a beautiful sight (like so many things) and no one knows that we care so much more than is visible +

If I die you must forget me. No, don't lift your hand, don't say anything. I must know this. Even if I was a normal person with a normal job I must know that your life will not end with mine.

But what is there left, if you are gone?

You can find it. Promise me that you will look for it.

Only if you will promise me the same.

Ah...

You see?

Then we are both doomed.

Possibly. And possibly we will be all right. Possibly you will become so important that they will make men guard you and obey you, instead of making you guard and obey HIM.

I do not ever wish to be like HIM.

You will never be like HIM. But you can be important as HIM.

No.

What if it would be good for the organization?

Perhaps then.

Isn't it time you got back to it, then?

To what?

The organization.

There is still time left.

There is not much.

You can go if you have to.

Then I will see you.

Yes.

+ and now there is a rift because he has said the wrong thing + the organization (always the organization!) + now we are no longer we but have become I and you and him and her + where I feel stupid because I know what my answer should have been + where I am disappointed but I knew he would say that anyway + and we let go of each other's hands and at the end of the park she turns left (going to her office) and I turn right (going to my office) + I wonders who it was he would die for + I wonder where is the man I once would die for + we have misunderstood + we are apart now and alone +

+ and even though I am still angry with you for your answer + and even though I am angry with you for your question + for this moment in life + for this moment in time + I love you + I love you +

and that is perhaps the most important thing.


HIM = Vicious
HER = Julia
this format = Mei speaking
this format = Lin speaking