One Last Look
a short piece by Goldenmoon
Note: Because I have not seen all of the Utena series, this may not be completely accurate in the series as to how it is placed. Think of this as my ideal version of how Juri and Shiori should have been after the shattering of Juri's locket.
In the early
evening, when the sun's color was beginning to turn brilliant crimson, a lone
figure with a long shadow crossed the Otohori campus. Her movements were fluid
and graceful yet authoritative, for she truly was the beautiful panther amidst
the green fields. No one could mistaken the tight curls, the sharp emerald
gaze, or the coral uniform. Arisugawa Juri was the only one who had the aura
about her to inspire such intense fear and admiration, the only one who was
born to have everyone else give way before her. Very few could honestly say
they had blocked the path of Juri in the time she had been a member of the
Student Council and for good reason. When challenged Arisugawa was a cunning,
passionate opponent with speed only surpassed by Ruka and perhaps Touga. Her
anger was frightening when channeled.
One of those who hadn't given in to the intimidating sophomore followed within
her glorious shadow silently, unable to approach the goddess-like beauty. Juri
knew the presence behind her merely by the sound of the soft footfalls on the
grass, but she didn't turn. She never turned, not anymore. Her eyes were set on
a new future now, a path that she had only found after being broken beyond
repair and having to live with it. To look back would mean to fall into old
habits and dead dreams, and Arisugawa Juri never repeated herself to
anyone...not even her own being. So her walk continued without hesitation and
the person who remained behind her, drenched within her shadow, was never given
acknowledgement.
The mysterious stalker, petite girl with deep wine colored locks, stared at the
confident frame before her with a mixture of sorrow, confusion, and anger. Here
she was, back where Juri should have wanted her, willing to submit and
apologize for all she had done...and for the past few weeks Juri had not -once-
turned to look at her. In school Shiori never felt those cool green eyes on her
like she had so many times in the past, and when she passed her old friend in
the hall, all she received was a polite smile. Juri had not come to her at all
since that last time she rejected her help. Shiori was left to ponder over
whether or not Juri was obsessed over her anymore or even liked her....but
Shiori knew that she had to. The dark eyed girl knew that Juri's weakness was
the love Juri had for her. So why, why was she acting like this?
As the sophomore Council Member approached her dorm she suddenly felt a shift
in the routine and her brow furrowed softly. The footsteps were getting closer,
their steps more rushed and urgent than usual. Juri could hear the soft breaths
of her pursuer and nearly smell her familiar scent in the evening air. This
never happened...Juri was always the one to approach. She surprised herself by
feeling completely calm and accepting the fact that now she would have to face
the one thing that had caged her for all of those years. Now, after time spent
reflecting and piecing together a shattered hope, she really didn't fear the
challenge. Juri knew as the presence closed in, threatening to suffocate and
swallow her again, that she would have to face the past in a final duel for her
future. The peaceful emotions within her felt strange because when it came to
Shiori the fiery haired duelist had never felt this way. Perhaps Ruka's words
had been placed to do more than just piss her off.
Don't worry. Don't worry, Juri.
Perceptive green eyes settled on the slight form in front of her and found the
person to be whom she expected. Slowly those jaden orbs rose to meet the garnet
red that was once the stuff of dreams. When Juri locked onto those murky depths
she tilted her head to the side for a moment. A smile twitched on the borders
of her lips as her hand came to casually rest on her hip. "Good evening,
Shiori-san." she said politely.
"Juri...? That's all you have to say? Good evening?" Shiori asked,
inspecting the emerald expanse Juri had so willingly opened up to her,
"You know where I've been. You haven't come to me once? You never turn,
Juri..."
"You didn't want me to." Juri pointed out simply, watching Shiori
move closer. She was waiting for her heart to ache or a hope to blossom, but
nothing happened. Even as Shiori came to stand so close to her, Juri could feel
nothing beyond the feelings for a friend that she had lost so long ago.
"That's never stopped you before. Juri...I came because I-I..."
Shiori licked her lips as she tilted her head up to look into the visage of the
woman in coral. A soft blush stained her pale cheeks as she brought her hand up
to touch one of those tight curls that were always so perfectly wound. As much
as she hated it, Shiori was alone. Deserted. She needed Juri back...she needed
to have that strength, that protection...that control. She was willing to give
up to Juri, live in the pathetic delusions the other girl had about her, and
have the security of a warm body in her bed. In some ways she felt bad for how
she treated her friend of old, but above anything else she needed to feel the
rush of importance that Juri gave her. Being Juri's weakness, being in her
shadow was the best thing that had ever happened to her. If she had only
realized it sooner, Shiori would have clung to Juri and taken her for all that
she was worth. Jealousy and hatred born of earlier times had blinded her and
she missed her first chance at claiming a hold on the beautiful woman in front
of her. Now she was ready to claim that love that Juri harboured. Working up
her determination for this apology, Shiori allowed a sob to escape her throat.
"I wanted to say I'm sorry for all I've done to you. Since Ruka d-died...I
realized how I felt. I treated you so badly-"
"It's alright, Shiori. It's over. Don't worry." Juri said softly, a
light smile coming over her features. Her face was kind and warm, a far cry
from the chilled ice queen rumored to have an animalistic rage. Her fair hand
came to take Shiori's in her own, bringing warmth back into the red head's
chilled fingers.
"You mean, you forgive me?" Shiori questioned, her eyes skeptical at
first. She had thought that Juri was angry with her because she hadn't come
after her, but now she was seeing that that wasn't the case. Never the less,
Shiori had to feel pleased that things hadn't changed and that Juri would still
love her the same no matter how much she abused her in the past.
"Yes."
A shy smile crossed Shiori's lips as she moved in closer, lightly touching her
body to Juri's as she wrapped her arms about the other girl's waist. As she
felt Juri's hands come to rest on her shoulders, the smile became a little
wider. "Believe in miracles, that your wishes come true..." she
whispered, "I love you, Juri-sempai..."
The two hands that rested on Shiori's shoulders gently pushed the petite girl
back a few steps and Juri shook her head softly. "I love you, but I do not
believe in false miracles." she said, a frown now delicately crushing her
previous smile, "You are my friend, nothing more."
Silence passed between the two as Shiori stared at Juri in shock, her clasped
hands shaking as she stood in disbelief. Juri...Juri had refused her? "How
can this be?" she asked, a pleading look in her eyes.
"I fell in love with a girl I knew long ago when I was innocent, just as
innocent to the world as she. Everything I knew, everything I was fit with her.
When I grew up, however, the girl remained a girl and I was forever separated
from her for she had left me. When the girl came back to me one day, I thought
that perhaps I could fit with her again. I still had faith in her miracles and
I believed that she was the miracle I would fight for. Unfortunately she was no
longer my match and I would never win her back. I claimed there were no
miracles because I put my hope in a miracle that was not to be and I was
imprisoned by it. I was no longer who I used to be. It took a true miracle to
shatter my false hopes and dreams, leaving me to have faith in something pure
and true. Don't ask me to go back, Shiori. I will not. The girl I loved is
gone." Juri replied, feeling a great weight lifted from her as she spoke,
as if these words truly set her free. The strength she missed for so long was
returning to her veins as she watched Shiori tremble. She felt pity, but none
of the ache she used to. The ache that had caused her so much pain was gone.
She was acknowledging and realizing that she didn't love this Shiori. She loved
a little girl from the past who was lost in the corruption of the cruelly
innocent adolescent standing before her. God, she could finally see it...how
long had it taken her? Juri felt like she was coming out of some kind of drug
re-hab center, but she had to admit that it felt good to just say it. There was
nothing left to hide.
The girl standing across from her, on the other hand, was not doing so well.
She felt depression and rage instead of anything remotely positive. "I
can't believe you would reject me after all of this...why? Why, Juri?!"
she exclaimed. She had been turned down by the one person who had always loved
her. The one person who she thought would never turn her down no matter what.
Juri was the safety net, the thing she'd come to only if everything else would
fall through. In a way she expected loyalty, like one would find in a dog
perhaps, and saw Juri accepting her with open arms. To be told that she wasn't
pined for anymore was not what Shiori foresaw and she was not happy. She was
miserable. Crushed by Ruka, defeated when holding Juri's strength, denied
eternal happiness, and then to be rejected for the one person she hated,
admired, spited and depended on...Shiori was at an all time low.
Juri's eyes softened for a moment and she touched Shiori's cheek briefly, only
to have her hand slapped away. She still felt bad for her, despite what had
happened. Juri would never stop caring for her and didn't expect to. It would
be unnatural.
"I do not repeat myself, Shiori," she responded in a hauntingly quiet
manner. Slowly passing the crying girl, Arisugawa Juri walked to the door way
of her dorm under the fresh moonlight and wrapped her hand around the cool
metal of the door knob. Turning once more with a look of sympathy in her eyes,
Juri blew a kiss to the weeping Shiori's back. "Good-bye,
Shiori-chan." she whispered. Juri faced the door and opened it quickly to
disappear inside, leaving the sobbing girl to herself and taking comfort in her
freedom.
The sky above Shiori was as clear and cold as it always was as the slight girl
stumbled away in her own world of misery, letting the darkness swallow her
completely. Anything left of the shadow dweller that once followed Arisugawa
Juri had faded out of existence. It was someone else's turn to be trapped in
the world's shell.
