"Everyone's gonna diieeee!" - Police Chief Irons, Resident Evil II
*
Draco pushed Hermione aside, craning his neck out the window. "My wand's down there?"
"There." Hermione pointed. "It's just beside that crate. See?"
He leaned further out the window, and she wrapped an arm around his chest, to prevent him from falling. "Watch yourself, Draco. I really don't need you falling and breakings something now, and you should probably pay attention to the fact that there's a large shard of glass inches from your head."
Draco drew back, swatting at her hand. "I need my wand."
"Move aside." She pushed him, trying not to concentrate on the way her hands slid across the smooth skin of his chest. Leaning out the window herself, she waved her wand and said, "Wingardium Leviosa!"
Nothing happened.
She tried again. Still nothing. "What the hell?" She examined her wand. It seemed to be intact, and it had worked fine for the transfiguration.
"What's that?" Draco was leaning out the window again, pointing to the sky.
"What?"
"That." He took her hand in his own, and moved it, until she was pointing to the same spot he was.
Following the line of her hand against the sky, Hermione looked up and saw the strangest cloud formation she'd ever seen. "It says, 'Convenient Plot Device.'"
"I'm really beginning to dislike this place," Draco said.
"Honestly? I was thinking maybe I'd transfer from Hogwarts to here."
"Ha ha." Draco hung out of the window, reaching his hand down towards his wand.
"You're going to kill yourself if you keep doing that. You'll crack your skull if you fall." She put her hands on his shoulders, hoping to anchor him to the floor.
"I need my wand," he repeated, turning around and fixing her with a look of stone.
"I realize that, but it doesn't mean you've got to hurt yourself getting it. Let me think for a minute, I'll figure it out."
"Because I'd never be able to think of a solution myself."
"I didn't say that. But if you're going to take that attitude about it, I won't help you," she huffed.
They glared at each other for several seconds, neither wanting to lose ground by admitting to the possibility of being wrong. Hermione was the first to look away, and she was sure Draco took that as a sign of her backing down. She didn't care. She thought if she looked at him much longer, she'd get so mad she'd do something really stupid.
Like kiss him again.
Instead, she stared at the ground by his feet. He leaned out the window again, and she kept her mouth shut, silently hoping he would injure himself in some way. It would serve him right.
He pulled himself back in, and though she wasn't making eye contact, Hermione could tell he was looking at her. She ignored the sensation of his stare on her face, and kicked a pile of feathers into the air.
"Hermione, could you lower me down there? I think, if you can hold me, I'll be able to get onto that crate, and then I can reach my wand."
She gaped at him. "Probably not, since you probably outweigh me by half." Muscle weighs more than fat, she added silently. "I'd probably drop you. Nice try, though."
"Fine, I'm just going to drop out of the window myself. It's not that far down, especially if I land on the crate."
"Draco, don't." Hermione said seriously. "Do you think anything in this place is going to be easy? You'll probably drop through the crate into a sewer full of alligators, and then I'll have to go in with you, and while it's quite easy for you to take off your shirt, I don't know what I'd do if mine got soaked with sewer sludge. So just wait."
"I don't know," said Draco, "I think you'd look nice without your shirt."
"Are you mad?" she asked. "One second you're insulting me, and the next you're thinking about what's under my blouse? What's wrong with you, Malfoy?"
"Hermione, I'm a teenaged male. Surely you've read something about raging hormones." He leered at her comically. "Now let's see what's under that blouse."
Draco lunged at her, but instead of trying to pry her shirt over her head, he tickled her midsection, catching her completely off guard.
"Oh, that's evil," she gasped between bouts of giggles. "You fight dirty, Malfoy."
"Well, remember how quickly the Sorting Hat decided on Slytherin." he said, as he traced a feather across her stomach. When had he picked that up?
Hermione struggled for breath. "Stop that, Draco. We're not going to get your wand this way."
"Is that so? What about this way?"
No, definitely not that way, Hermione thought, as she felt the feather float to the ground, skimming her side. Draco's hands were cradling her hips, and his lips were inches from - no, wait, make that millimeters - from her ear.
"I don't think so," she choked out.
"Are you sure?" he asked, and then his tongue was tracing the lines of her ear.
"I'm quite sure!" she gasped, as his hands slid slowly up her sides. "Draco! We've got a situation here. This isn't the time for."
"For what, Hermione?" he bit her earlobe. "You had your fun earlier, I think I deserve a turn. Isn't that fair?"
Hermione shuddered, and tried to concentrate on what she'd been about to say. It really wasn't time for. but oh, his hands were doing the most delicious things to her skin, and when had he managed to push her blouse up?
Draco had moved his head, and now, instead of biting her ear, he was kissing her jaw line. Hermione brought her hands to his face, and held him still. "Draco, I really think we should try to get your wand back, now."
"Okay," he said, and backed away.
Hermione blinked. She hadn't expected that. Trying very much not to pout, she said, "Thanks."
"My pleasure," said Draco, grinning.
"I'm sure it was," Hermione laughed. Then she broke into a grin. "Draco, I've got it! We've just got to transfigure a ladder, and then you can climb down and get the wand. Brilliant!"
"Looks like my method produced results, after all. Never doubt me again," he said, and planted a kiss on her nose. "What do you think we should transfigure?"
Hermione looked around. "There." She pointed. "Let's use the desk chair."
Draco nodded.
Hermione walked to the chair, transfigured it, and brought it back to where Draco was standing. "Would you like to get your wand, or do you want to hold the ladder?" She lowered the ladder out the window, quite pleased with her work. It was exactly the right length.
"I'll get the wand. It's mine, after all. You stay in here and hold the ladder." He sat on the windowsill, and swung one leg over the edge. "Ready?"
"Yes," said Hermione, and held on to the ladder.
When Draco was halfway down to the street below, Hermione heard a noise. "Draco!" she called down the ladder, "Did you heard that?"
He looked up at her. "What? There's nothing down here."
"Aaaaagh!" came the sound again.
"That!" said Hermione, trying not to panic. "It's a zombie."
"Well," said Draco, who had now reached the ground, "There's still nothing down here. It's got to be up there."
"Oh god," said Hermione, and turned around, just in time to see a zombie crash through the door. "Accio gun!" she cried.
Quickly taking aim, she pulled the trigger, only to find that she hadn't yet reloaded. "Shit!" she cried.
"Hermione, what's going on?"
"Zombie!"
Not thinking, of anything except getting the hell out of the room with the zombie, Hermione swung her own legs over the windowsill, and climbed quickly and clumsily down the ladder, to where Draco had picked up his wand.
"Hi," he said. "Getting some fresh air?"
She pointed to the window, where the zombie stood. "Aaaagh," it said.
"That's not good," said Draco.
"No, I didn't think so, either. I haven't got any bullets. Do you?"
"I put some of the ex-birds in my pocket, actually," he dug around, and handed her a bullet.
"I'm not sure that's going to be enough." she trailed off, looking up at the zombie. "Draco," she said, "Does it look to you like that thing is taking our ladder?"
As soon as she'd spoken, the ladder began to rise into the air.
"The nerve!" said Hermione, and yanked back on the ladder.
Zombies were strong, she'd give them that, Hermione thought, as the thing pulled back, and she flew backwards.
"I didn't think they were smart enough to do that," mused Draco.
"Neither did I," said Hermione.
The zombie had now pulled the ladder all the way back into the room above them. Then, in a move that was possibly the most absurd Hermione had seen the whole day, waved down at them. When it opened its mouth to growl, it instead whispered, "Convenient Plot Device."
Then it turned and walked away, leaving Hermione and Draco standing in the wet street.
*
Draco pushed Hermione aside, craning his neck out the window. "My wand's down there?"
"There." Hermione pointed. "It's just beside that crate. See?"
He leaned further out the window, and she wrapped an arm around his chest, to prevent him from falling. "Watch yourself, Draco. I really don't need you falling and breakings something now, and you should probably pay attention to the fact that there's a large shard of glass inches from your head."
Draco drew back, swatting at her hand. "I need my wand."
"Move aside." She pushed him, trying not to concentrate on the way her hands slid across the smooth skin of his chest. Leaning out the window herself, she waved her wand and said, "Wingardium Leviosa!"
Nothing happened.
She tried again. Still nothing. "What the hell?" She examined her wand. It seemed to be intact, and it had worked fine for the transfiguration.
"What's that?" Draco was leaning out the window again, pointing to the sky.
"What?"
"That." He took her hand in his own, and moved it, until she was pointing to the same spot he was.
Following the line of her hand against the sky, Hermione looked up and saw the strangest cloud formation she'd ever seen. "It says, 'Convenient Plot Device.'"
"I'm really beginning to dislike this place," Draco said.
"Honestly? I was thinking maybe I'd transfer from Hogwarts to here."
"Ha ha." Draco hung out of the window, reaching his hand down towards his wand.
"You're going to kill yourself if you keep doing that. You'll crack your skull if you fall." She put her hands on his shoulders, hoping to anchor him to the floor.
"I need my wand," he repeated, turning around and fixing her with a look of stone.
"I realize that, but it doesn't mean you've got to hurt yourself getting it. Let me think for a minute, I'll figure it out."
"Because I'd never be able to think of a solution myself."
"I didn't say that. But if you're going to take that attitude about it, I won't help you," she huffed.
They glared at each other for several seconds, neither wanting to lose ground by admitting to the possibility of being wrong. Hermione was the first to look away, and she was sure Draco took that as a sign of her backing down. She didn't care. She thought if she looked at him much longer, she'd get so mad she'd do something really stupid.
Like kiss him again.
Instead, she stared at the ground by his feet. He leaned out the window again, and she kept her mouth shut, silently hoping he would injure himself in some way. It would serve him right.
He pulled himself back in, and though she wasn't making eye contact, Hermione could tell he was looking at her. She ignored the sensation of his stare on her face, and kicked a pile of feathers into the air.
"Hermione, could you lower me down there? I think, if you can hold me, I'll be able to get onto that crate, and then I can reach my wand."
She gaped at him. "Probably not, since you probably outweigh me by half." Muscle weighs more than fat, she added silently. "I'd probably drop you. Nice try, though."
"Fine, I'm just going to drop out of the window myself. It's not that far down, especially if I land on the crate."
"Draco, don't." Hermione said seriously. "Do you think anything in this place is going to be easy? You'll probably drop through the crate into a sewer full of alligators, and then I'll have to go in with you, and while it's quite easy for you to take off your shirt, I don't know what I'd do if mine got soaked with sewer sludge. So just wait."
"I don't know," said Draco, "I think you'd look nice without your shirt."
"Are you mad?" she asked. "One second you're insulting me, and the next you're thinking about what's under my blouse? What's wrong with you, Malfoy?"
"Hermione, I'm a teenaged male. Surely you've read something about raging hormones." He leered at her comically. "Now let's see what's under that blouse."
Draco lunged at her, but instead of trying to pry her shirt over her head, he tickled her midsection, catching her completely off guard.
"Oh, that's evil," she gasped between bouts of giggles. "You fight dirty, Malfoy."
"Well, remember how quickly the Sorting Hat decided on Slytherin." he said, as he traced a feather across her stomach. When had he picked that up?
Hermione struggled for breath. "Stop that, Draco. We're not going to get your wand this way."
"Is that so? What about this way?"
No, definitely not that way, Hermione thought, as she felt the feather float to the ground, skimming her side. Draco's hands were cradling her hips, and his lips were inches from - no, wait, make that millimeters - from her ear.
"I don't think so," she choked out.
"Are you sure?" he asked, and then his tongue was tracing the lines of her ear.
"I'm quite sure!" she gasped, as his hands slid slowly up her sides. "Draco! We've got a situation here. This isn't the time for."
"For what, Hermione?" he bit her earlobe. "You had your fun earlier, I think I deserve a turn. Isn't that fair?"
Hermione shuddered, and tried to concentrate on what she'd been about to say. It really wasn't time for. but oh, his hands were doing the most delicious things to her skin, and when had he managed to push her blouse up?
Draco had moved his head, and now, instead of biting her ear, he was kissing her jaw line. Hermione brought her hands to his face, and held him still. "Draco, I really think we should try to get your wand back, now."
"Okay," he said, and backed away.
Hermione blinked. She hadn't expected that. Trying very much not to pout, she said, "Thanks."
"My pleasure," said Draco, grinning.
"I'm sure it was," Hermione laughed. Then she broke into a grin. "Draco, I've got it! We've just got to transfigure a ladder, and then you can climb down and get the wand. Brilliant!"
"Looks like my method produced results, after all. Never doubt me again," he said, and planted a kiss on her nose. "What do you think we should transfigure?"
Hermione looked around. "There." She pointed. "Let's use the desk chair."
Draco nodded.
Hermione walked to the chair, transfigured it, and brought it back to where Draco was standing. "Would you like to get your wand, or do you want to hold the ladder?" She lowered the ladder out the window, quite pleased with her work. It was exactly the right length.
"I'll get the wand. It's mine, after all. You stay in here and hold the ladder." He sat on the windowsill, and swung one leg over the edge. "Ready?"
"Yes," said Hermione, and held on to the ladder.
When Draco was halfway down to the street below, Hermione heard a noise. "Draco!" she called down the ladder, "Did you heard that?"
He looked up at her. "What? There's nothing down here."
"Aaaaagh!" came the sound again.
"That!" said Hermione, trying not to panic. "It's a zombie."
"Well," said Draco, who had now reached the ground, "There's still nothing down here. It's got to be up there."
"Oh god," said Hermione, and turned around, just in time to see a zombie crash through the door. "Accio gun!" she cried.
Quickly taking aim, she pulled the trigger, only to find that she hadn't yet reloaded. "Shit!" she cried.
"Hermione, what's going on?"
"Zombie!"
Not thinking, of anything except getting the hell out of the room with the zombie, Hermione swung her own legs over the windowsill, and climbed quickly and clumsily down the ladder, to where Draco had picked up his wand.
"Hi," he said. "Getting some fresh air?"
She pointed to the window, where the zombie stood. "Aaaagh," it said.
"That's not good," said Draco.
"No, I didn't think so, either. I haven't got any bullets. Do you?"
"I put some of the ex-birds in my pocket, actually," he dug around, and handed her a bullet.
"I'm not sure that's going to be enough." she trailed off, looking up at the zombie. "Draco," she said, "Does it look to you like that thing is taking our ladder?"
As soon as she'd spoken, the ladder began to rise into the air.
"The nerve!" said Hermione, and yanked back on the ladder.
Zombies were strong, she'd give them that, Hermione thought, as the thing pulled back, and she flew backwards.
"I didn't think they were smart enough to do that," mused Draco.
"Neither did I," said Hermione.
The zombie had now pulled the ladder all the way back into the room above them. Then, in a move that was possibly the most absurd Hermione had seen the whole day, waved down at them. When it opened its mouth to growl, it instead whispered, "Convenient Plot Device."
Then it turned and walked away, leaving Hermione and Draco standing in the wet street.
