Diary

Ep. 2: Prof. Snape

by Lissa

*************

DISCLAIMER: I don't own MTV Diary or any Harry Potter character.

HP belongs to JK Rowling, and Diary belongs to MTV.

Storyline belongs to me. Tankies.

****************

(Snape is in front of a black background)

SNAPE: You think you know, but you have no idea.

This is the diary of Severus Snape.

(Screen says: Prof. Snape: Spiteful Sorcerer)

SNAPE: I am NOT spiteful! You're just jealous

of my fashion sense!

***************

June 1st, 1993. Final day of exams.

(In dungeon, Gryffindor 7th years, making

a sleeping draught, Oliver Wood is

struggling)

SNAPE: No...Wood...don't do that....

WOOD: Ah, I've got it, Professor....

SNAPE: 5 points from Gryffindor for

talking back....

PERCY: Damn.

SNAPE: 10 points from Gryffindor for

foul language.

PERCY: But...but...I'm Head Boy!

SNAPE: 10 more points from Gryffindor for

talking back....

(All of a sudden, Wood's potion blows up.

The class evacuates the dungeons)

I hate the Gryffindors. Always think

that they're the best at everything....

especially the Weasleys and Potter. Do

you blame me for being mean? Something

bad always happens when they're in my

class.

**************CM BREAK**********

(Hermione steps out again from the curtain)

HERMIONE: Please join SPEW and save the

House-Elves. Only 2 sickles to join! Again,

I beg you!

(She steps back)

****************************

June 2nd, 1993. House Cup.

I hope that Slytherin wins this

year. I don't want McGonagall to

keep boasting...it's annoying!

(Great hall)

DUMBLEDORE: And the winner

of this year's House Cup is

Gryffindor, for the 3rd year

straight!

(Gryffindors cheer)

It's all Black's fault. If he hadn't

come back, we would've won it!

(Staff room)

MCGONAGALL: We won, you

lost...and you suck, Severus!

The students think that she's so...

serious and stuff. But in actuality,

she's almost as bad as the Weasley

twins.

*************************

June 3rd, 1993.

Did you know that everybody

in Slytherin has pink fluffy

bunny jammies? That's why

we're all in Slytherin!

(Slytherin common room: everyone

is wearing pink fluffy bunny pyjamas

and slippers)

MALFOY: Professor, I can't

believe we didn't win!

SNAPE: I know, Draco.

Malfoy is my favourite student.

He hates Potter and Weasley just

like I do.

MALFOY: It's all Potter's fault!

CRABBE: Yeah.

GOYLE: Yah baby!

COMMON ROOM: What?

GOYLE: C'mon, haven't you

ever seen Austin Powers?

ALL: No.

Except for those idiot friends of his

, that is. Well, farewell. I must

get back to my pink fluffy

bunny jammies, and decorating

my pink home in bunny decor!

************************

A/N: Who's next? I dunno. But....

it will get better. I promise.