HP Diary

Episode 4: Draco Malfoy

by *lissa*

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DRACO: (in front of screen thingamabobber)

You think you know, but you have no idea.(long

pause).........this is the diary of Draco Malfoy,

the coolest kid at Hogwarts.

(screen shows up, reads: Draco Malfoy: the Most

Annoying Kid at Hogwarts)

DRACO: That is offensive. I am offended. (cries)

*******************************

October 2nd, 1994. I hate Potter. He is so

annoying, especially in Double Potions.

(Scene: Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Draco are

shown in the Potions classroom.)

HARRY: Uh, Malfoy, would you mind passing

me the tortoise toes?

MALFOY: Yes, I would mind. No way would

I pass it to a friend of a MUDBLOOD!

(evil laughter) Mwahahahahahhahaha!!

HERMIONE: Hey!

RON: That was uncalled for.

MALFOY: Professor, Potter's bothering me!

SNAPE: 50 points from Gryffindor for being

a pain in the butt, Potter.

**********************************

Also, I hate Granger. She's too smart for

her own good. Bloody Mudblood.

(Scene: Transfiguration)

HERMIONE: Professor McGonagall, did I

Transfigure my iguana into a cheeseball

correctly?

MCGONAGALL: Yes. 10 points to Gryffindor!

MALFOY: (audible whisper to Goyle) That

bloody Granger son of a b-----..

MCGONAGALL: 13 points rom Slytherin fo

rusing profanity in my classroom!

MALFOY: Damn.

************CM BREAK**************

PERKY ACTRESS: Inside every box of Mystic-O's,

there's a magical surprise!!!

(Opens box of cereal, out poors alot of junky toys)

PERKY GIRL: Hey, I got a wand (shows cheap

plastic wand thingy)

PERKY BOY: I got some cheese doodles!!! (shows

rubber cheese doodles)

HERMIONE: I got A History of Hogwarts: the Unedited,

Unreleased, Uncensored Edition!

HARRY: I got a scar!!

PERKY ACTRESS: So buy Mystic-O's, breakfast of......

really cool people!!!! You too can be like Harry Potter

(screen fades away to nothing)

****************************************

October 3rd, 1994. The Slytherin Disco Dance.

(Scene: Draco, Crabbe, Goyle, Pansy Parkinson, and

the other Slytherins are dancing in pink pajamas

to disco tunes, and a funky disco ball)

I love the disco!! It's so much fun)

PANSY: Do the disco, baby!!

DRACO: You got it, babe!

CRABBE: Funky.

GOYLE: Funky.

I also love pink fluffy bunny pajamas.

(Scene: Snape enters in the middle of the Disco)

SNAPE: What's going on?

DRACO: Potter did this!

SNAPE: Really?

GOYLE: Duh...yah.

SNAPE: 69 points from Gryffindor!! 69 points to Slytherin!!

ALL: (unenthusiasticly) Yay.

But, alas, I must leave you now. I am so sad, and I know you

are too. It is time for the Teletubbies marathon, and I don't wanna

miss it!! And I wanna eat some Twinkies. Farewell!

***************

DISCLAIMER: As usual, Harry Potter, and all things

affiliated belong to JK Rowling.

Teletubbies belong to...whoever the hell they belong to.

Twinkies belong to Hostess.

Mystic-O's belong to me.

l i s s a ' S NOTE: If you want another chapter, you

better review. I want at least 10 reviews before I post

another one, to show that at least SOMEBODY wants

to read this. Otherwise, I'll go back to my old ways.

(ie writing retarded, pointless jingle things)