Diary: HP Style
Episode 5: Dudley
by l i s s a
*****************
DUDLEY: You think you know...........
but you have NO idea. This is the diary
of Dudley Dursley
(Screen appears: reads Dudley Dursley:
English Fat-ass)
****************
September 1st, 1994. Smeltings.
I love Smeltings so much!! Everybody is
so nice to me here!!!
(Scene: Marching band bus)
TROMBONE PLAYER: God, that Dudley
Dursley is bloody fat!!
DRUMMER: I'll say!! 'E sat on me snare drum
the other day and snapped it in half!!
FLUTIST: Talk about a face only your mum
would love!
CLARINETIST: Well, I feel sorry for 'im!!
FLUTIST: Why should you?
CLARINETIST: 'Cause 'e's the fattest boy in
this whole bloody school!!
and I'm the smartest kid in the Academy
(Scene: Headmaster's office.)
MR. GOOBER: Mr Evil-Knickers, I'm going
to have to fail Mr. Dursley in Social Sciences.
MR HOOSBUTSTINCS: I must as well.
MR EVIL-KNICKERS: Again?
*****COMMERCIAL BREAK*******
(Hermione steps out from behind a curtain)
HERMIONE: Please join SPEW!! Save the House-Elves!!
Only one sickle!! Call 1-800-SPEW-YOU!! The first 100
callers get an autographed picture of Harry Potter!!
HARRY: (From backstage) Hey!!
HERMIONE: Again, call 1-800-SPEW-YOU!
**********************************
September 2nd, 1994. My life is so interesting.
(Scene: Dudley in his bathroom)
DUDLEY: I'm so sex-ay!!!
(Scene: Dudley in his dorm room)
DUDLEY: Duh......
I am so much better than Harry: he's so naughty!!
(Scene: Dursley's house. Dudley has just broken
a priceless vase)
DUDLEY: Mummy, Harry broke your priceless vase!!
(Harry is not in the room, rather he is at Hogwarts)
VERNON: That nasty boy!! He will be punished.
DUDLEY: Can I have a new DVD/CD burner?
VERNON: Sure.
I have to go. It is time for me to do my homework,
flirt with the ladies, and show off my sex-ay body at the
Teletubby on Ice/Blue's Clues on Ice double feature!!
*******************
DISCLAIMER: As usual, Harry Potter, and all things
affiliated belong to JK Rowling.
Teletubbies belong to...whoever the hell they belong to.
Blue's Cluse belongs to....Nickelodean?
l i s s a ' S NOTE: If you want another chapter, you
better review. I want at least 4 more reviews before I post
another one, to show that at least SOMEBODY wants
to read this. Otherwise, I'll go back to my old ways.
(ie writing retarded, pointless jingle things)
Episode 5: Dudley
by l i s s a
*****************
DUDLEY: You think you know...........
but you have NO idea. This is the diary
of Dudley Dursley
(Screen appears: reads Dudley Dursley:
English Fat-ass)
****************
September 1st, 1994. Smeltings.
I love Smeltings so much!! Everybody is
so nice to me here!!!
(Scene: Marching band bus)
TROMBONE PLAYER: God, that Dudley
Dursley is bloody fat!!
DRUMMER: I'll say!! 'E sat on me snare drum
the other day and snapped it in half!!
FLUTIST: Talk about a face only your mum
would love!
CLARINETIST: Well, I feel sorry for 'im!!
FLUTIST: Why should you?
CLARINETIST: 'Cause 'e's the fattest boy in
this whole bloody school!!
and I'm the smartest kid in the Academy
(Scene: Headmaster's office.)
MR. GOOBER: Mr Evil-Knickers, I'm going
to have to fail Mr. Dursley in Social Sciences.
MR HOOSBUTSTINCS: I must as well.
MR EVIL-KNICKERS: Again?
*****COMMERCIAL BREAK*******
(Hermione steps out from behind a curtain)
HERMIONE: Please join SPEW!! Save the House-Elves!!
Only one sickle!! Call 1-800-SPEW-YOU!! The first 100
callers get an autographed picture of Harry Potter!!
HARRY: (From backstage) Hey!!
HERMIONE: Again, call 1-800-SPEW-YOU!
**********************************
September 2nd, 1994. My life is so interesting.
(Scene: Dudley in his bathroom)
DUDLEY: I'm so sex-ay!!!
(Scene: Dudley in his dorm room)
DUDLEY: Duh......
I am so much better than Harry: he's so naughty!!
(Scene: Dursley's house. Dudley has just broken
a priceless vase)
DUDLEY: Mummy, Harry broke your priceless vase!!
(Harry is not in the room, rather he is at Hogwarts)
VERNON: That nasty boy!! He will be punished.
DUDLEY: Can I have a new DVD/CD burner?
VERNON: Sure.
I have to go. It is time for me to do my homework,
flirt with the ladies, and show off my sex-ay body at the
Teletubby on Ice/Blue's Clues on Ice double feature!!
*******************
DISCLAIMER: As usual, Harry Potter, and all things
affiliated belong to JK Rowling.
Teletubbies belong to...whoever the hell they belong to.
Blue's Cluse belongs to....Nickelodean?
l i s s a ' S NOTE: If you want another chapter, you
better review. I want at least 4 more reviews before I post
another one, to show that at least SOMEBODY wants
to read this. Otherwise, I'll go back to my old ways.
(ie writing retarded, pointless jingle things)
