Diary: HP Style

Episode 5: Dudley

by l i s s a

*****************

DUDLEY: You think you know...........

but you have NO idea. This is the diary

of Dudley Dursley

(Screen appears: reads Dudley Dursley:

English Fat-ass)

****************

September 1st, 1994. Smeltings.

I love Smeltings so much!! Everybody is

so nice to me here!!!

(Scene: Marching band bus)

TROMBONE PLAYER: God, that Dudley

Dursley is bloody fat!!

DRUMMER: I'll say!! 'E sat on me snare drum

the other day and snapped it in half!!

FLUTIST: Talk about a face only your mum

would love!

CLARINETIST: Well, I feel sorry for 'im!!

FLUTIST: Why should you?

CLARINETIST: 'Cause 'e's the fattest boy in

this whole bloody school!!

and I'm the smartest kid in the Academy

(Scene: Headmaster's office.)

MR. GOOBER: Mr Evil-Knickers, I'm going

to have to fail Mr. Dursley in Social Sciences.

MR HOOSBUTSTINCS: I must as well.

MR EVIL-KNICKERS: Again?

*****COMMERCIAL BREAK*******

(Hermione steps out from behind a curtain)

HERMIONE: Please join SPEW!! Save the House-Elves!!

Only one sickle!! Call 1-800-SPEW-YOU!! The first 100

callers get an autographed picture of Harry Potter!!

HARRY: (From backstage) Hey!!

HERMIONE: Again, call 1-800-SPEW-YOU!

**********************************

September 2nd, 1994. My life is so interesting.

(Scene: Dudley in his bathroom)

DUDLEY: I'm so sex-ay!!!

(Scene: Dudley in his dorm room)

DUDLEY: Duh......

I am so much better than Harry: he's so naughty!!

(Scene: Dursley's house. Dudley has just broken

a priceless vase)

DUDLEY: Mummy, Harry broke your priceless vase!!

(Harry is not in the room, rather he is at Hogwarts)

VERNON: That nasty boy!! He will be punished.

DUDLEY: Can I have a new DVD/CD burner?

VERNON: Sure.

I have to go. It is time for me to do my homework,

flirt with the ladies, and show off my sex-ay body at the

Teletubby on Ice/Blue's Clues on Ice double feature!!

*******************

DISCLAIMER: As usual, Harry Potter, and all things

affiliated belong to JK Rowling.

Teletubbies belong to...whoever the hell they belong to.

Blue's Cluse belongs to....Nickelodean?

l i s s a ' S NOTE: If you want another chapter, you

better review. I want at least 4 more reviews before I post

another one, to show that at least SOMEBODY wants

to read this. Otherwise, I'll go back to my old ways.

(ie writing retarded, pointless jingle things)