Diary: HP Style
Episode 6: Neville Longbottom
by LiSsA
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NEVILLE: You think you know.......(long pause)
but you have no idea. (pause) This is the diary
of Neville Longbottom.

(Screen reads: Neville: The Clumsiest Boy in all
the Land)

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(Scene: Herbology greenhouse)

SPROUT: Now, when you water a Snicklesmurf,
be sure not to wear blue....aah, Neville...

(Neville is stuck in a Venus flytrap)

NEVILLE: I could use some help....

LAVENDER: I'd help you, but I just
did my nails.

PARVATI: Ditto.



(Scene: Great Hall. Neville is eating
cereal.)

NEVILLE: Oh, what yummy cereal!!

(Draco Malfoy suddenly appears and dunks
him into his bowl of cereal.)

HERMIONE: Draco! Was that a nice thing
to do.

DRACO: Damn straight, yeah.

HERMIONE: Language!

NEVILLE: Some help?

*****COMMERCIAL BREAK*******
(Hermione steps out from behind a curtain)

HERMIONE: Please join SPEW!! Save the House-Elves!!
Only 10 knuts!! Call 1-800-SPEW-YOU!! The next person
to call gets some free lessons in chess, and an autographed
POSTER of Harry Potter!

RON: (backstage) When did I agree to that?

HARRY: (From backstage) Hermione.......

DOBBY: (backstage) Dobby is thinking that Hermione
will never get any SPEW members

HERMIONE: Again, call 1-800-SPEW-YOU!
*******************************


(Scene: Quidditch Pitch, trials 1993.)

WOOD: If you want to be on this team...you have to EARN
it. You have to eat, sleep, and BREATHE Quidditch.
Quidditch must be your life!

NEVILLE: Aaaaaah.....

(Neville has suddenly shot up in the air on his broom)

NEVILLE: I.....can't......stop.......it.......

FRED: Don't worry Neville.

GEORGE: Yah, we'll save you!

(Fred and George hit a bludger at Neville. It hits him
hard in the stomach.)

NEVILLE: Oomph.

(Neville lands on Seamus Finnigan)

SEAMUS: Oy, me bloody 'ead.

I have to go write a letter to Gram. Have a pleasant,
harmfree day.
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DISC: See previous chapter.