"Are you sure you know where you're going?" Spike asked for what seemed
like the hundredth time to Angel.
"Yes!" Angel relied forcefully. They had been driving through California desert for almost an hour and Spike was getting antsy.
Spike nodded nervously and began tapping his fingers on the windowsill and bouncing his head to a song that only he could hear. Angel could tell that Spike was nervous, this is exactly how he acted one hundred years ago when he was nervous, except the song he was bouncing his head to was probably rock, not classical.
Spike pulled out a cigarette. "You mind of I smoke?"
"Go ahead, if it'll get you to calm down. You know, you're going to have to pull yourself together when we get there."
Spike nodded and took a deep, unnecessary breath before lighting the cigarette. Angel was being driven crazy by the silence so he decided to make small talk.
"You and Dawn, you've gotten pretty close, huh?"
"Yeah," Spike smiled at the though of his Nibblet. "She's a great girl. Really bright you know? And strong as all hell."
"Mm hm, I never got to know her that well."
"That's too bad. She really is a great kid."
"So I've been told," Angel laughed. "She's really grown up since the last time I saw her."
"Well, technically, that was the first time you saw her."
Angel looked puzzled but then realized what Spike meant. "Oh, right, I always forget about that."
Spike laughed uncomfortably and took a drag of his cigarette and looked at Angel quizzically. It bothered Angel more than he would have liked. Finally, Spike spoke.
"What?" Angel asked, annoyance apparent in his tone.
"How old is the baby?"
"What?"
"How old is your son?" Spike asked plainly.
"Um, eighteen months. Why are you asking this?"
"Just curious. I mean, I guess we're sort of related you know."
"Yes, you can be the cool uncle who gets him into drugs and punk and crime," Angel said sarcastically.
"Sounds like a plan," the bleached vampire retorted. And he laughed. There was actual laughter between the two, which coincidentally, caused Angel to laugh. And for the first time in over one hundred years, things were pleasant between the two. Spike stopped and suddenly became very serious, but still didn't say anything
"What's wrong with you?" Angel asked.
"I'm just a little confused." Spike confessed.
"About what?"
"About why you aren't kicking my arse right now."
"What? For what?"
"For macking with your girl back there."
"Oh." Angel trailed off, he wasn't really sure why he wasn't completely enraged by the fact that Spike, SPIKE was kissing the woman he loved. "Maybe I finally got over her." No, that couldn't be it.
"Don't give me that crap, Angelus, I know you better than you think. Why is it really not bothering you? Or is it that it is bothering you, and you're gonna take it out on me later? Or is it-"
"Spike! Shut up! God, just stop talking. I don't know why I'm not freaking out but I'm not okay? Don't try your luck!"
Spike backed down and actually looked a little hurt. He rolled his eyes and took another puff of his cigarette. Angel looked and his grandchilde and figured that if he migth die anyway, he could have some fun prying a little.
"What's wrong now?"
"Nothing. Get off my damn back you pillock."
"Why are you always so angry with me? Even when I was evil again you hated me."
"Well, maybe it could have something to do with you torturing me by fooling around with the love of my unlife."
"No. This goes beyond Dru. You were pretty much mad at me since you first saw me at the school. You were mad that I had a soul."
"Yeah, so, it's not like I really cared," Spike lied.
"Why did you call me your sire?"
"Why do you insist on asking these stupid questions?"
"Because I want to know!" Angel told him forcefully.
"Well I want to you to go fuck yourself violently at noon in a jacuzzi of holy water so neither of us are getting what we want."
"I just want closure with you, Spike. You've obviously changed since the last time I saw you and all I want is closure."
"YOU DON'T DESERVE CLOSURE! YOU LEFT!"
Angel jammed on the brake and put the car in park. "Is that what this is about? Me leaving?"
"ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!" Spike shouted angrily. He opened his car door and stepped out. Angel followed.
"Spike, stop!"
Spike turned around, walked over to Angel and punched him. Angel stumbled backward but continued to stand his ground. He regained his balance and walked over to Spike, grabbed him shoulder causing him to turn around and he punched him across the face.
"Why are you doing this Spike?"
"Why are you? Is this some redemption thing? Are you trying to save me? Shall we join each other in confession? OR have you been missing a few Sundays?"
Angel punched Spike again. "Why can't you just talk to me normally, like a person with some shred dignity? You're acting like a child."
"Sod off!" Spike shouted.
"Why are you so angry for me leaving, hm? I though you hated me."
Spike growled. "Because you WERE like my sire, man. YOU were the one who turned poncy William into Spike. You were like my brother, maybe my father, I haven't really decided. But you were there and then you were gone, I looked up to you. How could be so thick as not to see that?"
Angel was speechless. He was so shocked by Spike's words that he didn't even have the strength to hit him again.
"But, I really thought you hated me. I mean, you did a really good job of covering up the fact that I didn't."
"I did. Just 'cause I looked up to you doesn't mean I didn't hate you. I mean, I guess it was more envy than anything else."
"Envy?"
"I knew, I always knew that Dru would never love me the way she loved you. You were her sire, I couldn't come between that."
"But the was she looked at you. when Darla and I couldn't stand you she was completely enamored."
"That never mattered. Even after you left, she would call out your name sometimes and I HATED you."
"She loved you you know."
"I don't."
"You should."
Spike shuffled his feet. He knew that if his blood circulated, his face would be a bright red. He couldn't stand talking to Angel like this, all that mamby-pamby crap. Spike looked up.
"Love isn't a competiton, I don't know why you make it out to be."
Spike hated it when Angel was right. But he always did feel like he was competing with Angel for something. Power, Dru, Buffy, whatever it was he always felt like Angel had it more.
"Can we just go?" Spike asked, sadness apparent in his voice.
"Now? We were just coming to a breakthrough," Angel replied jokingly.
Spike walked toward the car. "I don't want to talk, let's just go."
Angel nodded and walked over to the car. He got in and started the ignition. He was afraid that there would be awkward silence, but leave it to Spike to open his mouth.
"I really do you hate you you know."
"I don't doubt it."
"Yes!" Angel relied forcefully. They had been driving through California desert for almost an hour and Spike was getting antsy.
Spike nodded nervously and began tapping his fingers on the windowsill and bouncing his head to a song that only he could hear. Angel could tell that Spike was nervous, this is exactly how he acted one hundred years ago when he was nervous, except the song he was bouncing his head to was probably rock, not classical.
Spike pulled out a cigarette. "You mind of I smoke?"
"Go ahead, if it'll get you to calm down. You know, you're going to have to pull yourself together when we get there."
Spike nodded and took a deep, unnecessary breath before lighting the cigarette. Angel was being driven crazy by the silence so he decided to make small talk.
"You and Dawn, you've gotten pretty close, huh?"
"Yeah," Spike smiled at the though of his Nibblet. "She's a great girl. Really bright you know? And strong as all hell."
"Mm hm, I never got to know her that well."
"That's too bad. She really is a great kid."
"So I've been told," Angel laughed. "She's really grown up since the last time I saw her."
"Well, technically, that was the first time you saw her."
Angel looked puzzled but then realized what Spike meant. "Oh, right, I always forget about that."
Spike laughed uncomfortably and took a drag of his cigarette and looked at Angel quizzically. It bothered Angel more than he would have liked. Finally, Spike spoke.
"What?" Angel asked, annoyance apparent in his tone.
"How old is the baby?"
"What?"
"How old is your son?" Spike asked plainly.
"Um, eighteen months. Why are you asking this?"
"Just curious. I mean, I guess we're sort of related you know."
"Yes, you can be the cool uncle who gets him into drugs and punk and crime," Angel said sarcastically.
"Sounds like a plan," the bleached vampire retorted. And he laughed. There was actual laughter between the two, which coincidentally, caused Angel to laugh. And for the first time in over one hundred years, things were pleasant between the two. Spike stopped and suddenly became very serious, but still didn't say anything
"What's wrong with you?" Angel asked.
"I'm just a little confused." Spike confessed.
"About what?"
"About why you aren't kicking my arse right now."
"What? For what?"
"For macking with your girl back there."
"Oh." Angel trailed off, he wasn't really sure why he wasn't completely enraged by the fact that Spike, SPIKE was kissing the woman he loved. "Maybe I finally got over her." No, that couldn't be it.
"Don't give me that crap, Angelus, I know you better than you think. Why is it really not bothering you? Or is it that it is bothering you, and you're gonna take it out on me later? Or is it-"
"Spike! Shut up! God, just stop talking. I don't know why I'm not freaking out but I'm not okay? Don't try your luck!"
Spike backed down and actually looked a little hurt. He rolled his eyes and took another puff of his cigarette. Angel looked and his grandchilde and figured that if he migth die anyway, he could have some fun prying a little.
"What's wrong now?"
"Nothing. Get off my damn back you pillock."
"Why are you always so angry with me? Even when I was evil again you hated me."
"Well, maybe it could have something to do with you torturing me by fooling around with the love of my unlife."
"No. This goes beyond Dru. You were pretty much mad at me since you first saw me at the school. You were mad that I had a soul."
"Yeah, so, it's not like I really cared," Spike lied.
"Why did you call me your sire?"
"Why do you insist on asking these stupid questions?"
"Because I want to know!" Angel told him forcefully.
"Well I want to you to go fuck yourself violently at noon in a jacuzzi of holy water so neither of us are getting what we want."
"I just want closure with you, Spike. You've obviously changed since the last time I saw you and all I want is closure."
"YOU DON'T DESERVE CLOSURE! YOU LEFT!"
Angel jammed on the brake and put the car in park. "Is that what this is about? Me leaving?"
"ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!" Spike shouted angrily. He opened his car door and stepped out. Angel followed.
"Spike, stop!"
Spike turned around, walked over to Angel and punched him. Angel stumbled backward but continued to stand his ground. He regained his balance and walked over to Spike, grabbed him shoulder causing him to turn around and he punched him across the face.
"Why are you doing this Spike?"
"Why are you? Is this some redemption thing? Are you trying to save me? Shall we join each other in confession? OR have you been missing a few Sundays?"
Angel punched Spike again. "Why can't you just talk to me normally, like a person with some shred dignity? You're acting like a child."
"Sod off!" Spike shouted.
"Why are you so angry for me leaving, hm? I though you hated me."
Spike growled. "Because you WERE like my sire, man. YOU were the one who turned poncy William into Spike. You were like my brother, maybe my father, I haven't really decided. But you were there and then you were gone, I looked up to you. How could be so thick as not to see that?"
Angel was speechless. He was so shocked by Spike's words that he didn't even have the strength to hit him again.
"But, I really thought you hated me. I mean, you did a really good job of covering up the fact that I didn't."
"I did. Just 'cause I looked up to you doesn't mean I didn't hate you. I mean, I guess it was more envy than anything else."
"Envy?"
"I knew, I always knew that Dru would never love me the way she loved you. You were her sire, I couldn't come between that."
"But the was she looked at you. when Darla and I couldn't stand you she was completely enamored."
"That never mattered. Even after you left, she would call out your name sometimes and I HATED you."
"She loved you you know."
"I don't."
"You should."
Spike shuffled his feet. He knew that if his blood circulated, his face would be a bright red. He couldn't stand talking to Angel like this, all that mamby-pamby crap. Spike looked up.
"Love isn't a competiton, I don't know why you make it out to be."
Spike hated it when Angel was right. But he always did feel like he was competing with Angel for something. Power, Dru, Buffy, whatever it was he always felt like Angel had it more.
"Can we just go?" Spike asked, sadness apparent in his voice.
"Now? We were just coming to a breakthrough," Angel replied jokingly.
Spike walked toward the car. "I don't want to talk, let's just go."
Angel nodded and walked over to the car. He got in and started the ignition. He was afraid that there would be awkward silence, but leave it to Spike to open his mouth.
"I really do you hate you you know."
"I don't doubt it."
