DRIVING MISS RAZIEL
Chapter 2 – There are Warp-Gates at the Bottom of the Garden
Disclaimer: Only Lupa & Vladimir and Vladimir's house (and Vladimir's car!!) actually belong to me: all other characters and locations do not. Raziel and Nosgoth belong to Eidos and the good people who created Legacy of Kain: Kurt (blue fur and all!) belongs to those lovely people at Marvel Comics. All copyright remains with them.
Author's Note: This story takes place before Raziel fights Kain at the end of Soul Reaver 1 – not that this has anything to do with the actual plot that follows!!! *grins…thinks: "Plot? What plot?"* + also thankies very much for reviewing! Hope you like the rest!
"Is it supposed to make that noise?" asked Raziel, alarmed. Lupa, balancing the clutch, gave him a look.
"Yes."
The ex-vampire shifted uncomfortably in his seat. The seat-belt was hanging ridiculously loose across his non-existent waist, and his wings were chafing on the beaded seat-cover. "What is the point of this thing, exactly?" he added, hooking one claw under the belt.
"It's supposed to stop you from moving around too much…." Lupa glanced across at her passenger and grinned. "And there was me wondering who Gap actually designed size 0 jeans for…"
She released the hand-brake and the car rolled forward cheerfully on the dirt track that led away from Vladimir's house, bouncing slightly on the potholes.
"So how long does it take to learn how to drive one of these?" Raziel pursued, watching with interest as rabbits fled in terror before the headlights of the Beetle. Lupa grunted.
"If you're me? At least a year of torture."
"There's torture involved?" Raziel brightened slightly. "I wish you'd said. I'd have brought one of my pointy sticks."
Lupa changed gear with a thunk. "Oops…"
The VW flew gracefully over a mud ridge in the road and landed, suspension screeching in protest, in a large puddle.
"Well, never mind the examiners, I'm impressed," said Raziel sarcastically, drawing up his hooves fastidiously onto the seat as brownish water began to seep through into the foot-well. Lupa growled, threw the car back into gear and rattled forward out of the dip. The windscreen wipers were doing a good job of spreading the muddy water around, and Lupa stuck her head out of the window for a better view of the road.
"Uh…Raz?" she asked. "Did you know there was a warp-gate at the bottom of Vladimir's garden?"
"What?"
"Warp-gate. Open. Right in front of us."
Raziel peered through the murky windscreen. "Well, stop this thing then," he demanded. The glowing, greenish light spilling out of the open gate was now clearly visible. "You can't take a car through one of my gates!"
Lupa was looking down at her feet in some alarm: her foot paddled at the brake with no noticeable effect.
"What, you've had a whole year of lessons and you don't know how to make it stop?"
"I know how to make it stop, doofus, it's just not doing it!"
She floored both the brake and the clutch – but the Beetle was on a roll and not planning on slowing down. The warp-gate loomed above them, active and showing a vaguely familiar gothic landscape.
"The water must have got into the brakes…"
Her skin began to crawl as the sensation of gate-travel washed over her. The car thumped up and through the arch, and as the world began to change around them Raziel grabbed her arm and dragged her from her seat.
"Lupa. Lupa, are you all right?"
Lupa awoke to the taste of grit in her mouth, and the feel of Raziel's cold claws on her back.
"Just tell me where the car is," she said.
"It's just over there," Raziel replied, in a slightly hesitant tone. "Are you getting up?"
"No…I think I'll lie here a while…is the car all right?"
She heard Raziel stand up and take a few steps away to the left.
"To be honest I don't know," came his response a few moments later. "I don't know how cars are supposed to look when they're all right."
Lupa groaned and opened one eye. Above her loomed the cliffs of the Drowned Abbey, and a light rain was falling.
"You know how water getting into the brakes was a bad thing?" said Raziel, who was standing on the edge of the cliff and looking out over the lake. Lupa sat up, growled at her bruised ribs, and said:
"Yee-es?"
Raziel said nothing: just extended one arm, claws downwards, and pointed directly down into the green water.
"Oh, no," said Lupa in a very small voice.
Raziel shrugged: offered her his other arm. She grabbed onto him, and he leapt out into empty air, ragged wings spreading to catch the air currents and let him glide.
They landed on a convenient stone platform, several hundred feet below, and Raziel pointed out the VW Beetle resting gently in the underwater swell.
"Normally they float," Lupa groaned. "Vladimir is going to kill me."
"Why?" Raziel queried. "Won't it go if we dry it out?"
"It may," Lupa began, irritated, "but you're missing the point that it's currently under rather a lot of water and weighs somewhere in the region of…two…tons..."
She trailed off, staring at Raziel as he stood with his arms folded, looking down at the car. Then she squeaked with laughter and began to jump up and down.
"Oh dear," said Raziel sympathetically, "did you knock your head when I dragged you out of the car?"
"No! No! You! You're perfect!"
She thumped him on the shoulder enthusiastically.
"Nice as that is to hear, I find I'm overcome with a deep sense of foreboding," said Raziel, but Lupa wasn't listening.
"I can't believe I forgot who I was dealing with!" she chattered. "But of course, you're lifts-tons-of-stone-with-a-single-hoist boy! Plus you can swim now!"
"There are still Rahabim in there," said Raziel, unimpressed. "They bite."
Lupa dismissed the problem with a wave of her hand. "Just glyph 'em," she said.
"With all due respect, you can glyph off," said Raziel firmly, which was when Lupa gave him a hard shove right between his wings and he fell face-first into the water.
The water in the Abbey, as always, was very cold. Raziel, glaring up at the surface as he sank slowly towards the lake-bed, slipped into the Spectral Realm and landed feet down on the mud. It was much easier to get around, when there weren't any pesky underwater currents tugging at you or Rahabim biting at your hooves: and Raziel had revenge on his mind. He cut through a pair of hunting Sluagh in a fit of temper, consumed them, and began the business of climbing out of the lake.
At the top of the cliff, he shifted back: leant against the rock and shouted: "Hey!"
Tiny Lupa, far below, looked up and called (in a voice that seemed high and tinny due to the distance)
"What the hell are you doing up there?"
Raziel made a rude gesture with one claw.
"Charming," Lupa's voice floated up to him. "What about the car?"
"I hate water," Raziel shouted back down. "You know I hate water. And I absolutely loathe the way I look when I'm swimming."
There was a pause.
"I shouldn't have pushed you, should I?" came the response.
"It wasn't the best way to persuade me to fetch your mad friend's car, no," Raziel called down patiently.
Lupa was silent for a long moment: she had convinced herself that Raziel was too mad at her to come back down, and was therefore pleasantly surprised when he launched himself off the cliff in a wings-folded, no-holds-barred dive, splitting the water with barely a splash.
Raziel swam towards the purple, flickering shape of the VW Beetle, running through all the best tortures he could think of for Lupa in the back of his mind, while the greater portion of his brain was occupied in watching out for Rahabim. The water vampires were his least favourite: although Zephonim were irritating and persistant, and Turelim large and hard to kill, Rahabim were practically impossible to fight while underwater, with the added bonus that once they spotted you they'd follow you like faithful hounds on the scent.
He wedged his claws under the main body of the car, and put all his strength into it.
The Beetle broke surface like a whale, while Lupa bounced and applauded on the little platform. It bobbed on the ripples, water streaming from the purple panels, but aside from its sodden condition it had miraculously suffered no other damage.
Raziel followed quite swiftly, vaulting out of the water with alacrity and turning to aim fire glyphs at the Rahabim that were hissing and trying to climb after him. They screeched as their bodies caught light and dived for the safety of the depths.
Raziel shook himself like a wet cat and glowered. "I hope I get a medal for this one," he said, tearing off his scarf to wring it out.
"You'd get a kiss if you had lips," said Lupa sweetly, kneeling down to snag the window-frame of the VW and stop it from drifting away.
"And you'd get a slap if I wasn't a gentleman," Raziel retorted, wrapping his wet scarf back over his ruined face. He glanced up at the cliff that the car had plummeted from. "Come on. Get back in the car."
"What?"
"Unless you're planning to climb up that cliff, holding the car in your teeth? No? Didn't think so. We'll have to paddle it over to the other side and find another way up…"
The warp-gate in Vladimir's field blazed into life, and the bonnet of the Beetle emerged, slowly. There was the sound of arguing.
"No! Push it from your side!"
"Oh, and of course that's such a good idea, Mr Motor Mechanic Vampire."
The VW heaved forward another few feet, and Lupa emerged on one side of it, pushing.
"Is it over the archway yet?" Raziel's voice called.
"Nearly. Push it again. I don't know why you couldn't just lift it –"
Raziel emerged, pushing at the trunk of the car.
"This is what I call trying to teach you the consequences of your actions," he admonished. "Get pushing."
"It's a shame it didn't run while we were in Nosgoth," Lupa said wistfully as they pushed the car back up the slope towards Vladimir's drive. "I would have given anything to have seen Dumahim caught in the headlights. Does being run over kill vampires?"
"It does if they're run over by a car that's got me in it," said Raziel darkly.
They left the VW dripping in the driveway, and Lupa knocked sheepishly on the back door.
Vladimir emerged, a sandwich in one hand, which he promptly dropped once he caught sight of his soaked car and an even more sodden Raziel standing on his doorstep. He turned on Lupa immediately.
"What did you do to it? And what did you do to him? Gods, woman, you were only gone an hour or so!"
"It's not my fault you've got a warp-gate in your back garden," Lupa said, pushing past him rudely and grabbing a towel to throw to Raziel. She caught sight of the clock on Vladimir's kitchen wall and gasped. "I have to go! I've got my driving test at the crack of dawn. See ya later, Raz."
And with that she bolted out of the front door, shrugging on her jacket that was hanging in the hall.
Vladimir and Raziel regarded each other for a long moment.
"She's forgotten her keys again, hasn't she?" said Vladimir eventually.
Raziel sighed and began scrubbing at his hair with the towel. "You'd better come on in," Vladimir said, kindly.
"Oh, I wouldn't want to impose," Raziel said quickly, handing Vladimir back his towel, but Vladimir was not to be put off.
"Not at all. This house – " and he gestured to take in the complete dilapidated glory of the place, " – is where we all come to recover after being exposed to the full force of Hurricane Lupa. That girl is a walking disaster area. Make yourself at home. You can have the Frost Room upstairs. Bathroom's on the right, pizza's in the freezer, weapons of mass destruction in the cupboard under the stairs."
"…what?" queried Raziel.
Vladimir winked. "Just kidding," he said. "We don't have any pizza."
Next! (and maybe finally!) Lupa's driving test….please let me know how you think the story's going!
