Chapter Twelve – Confessions
Disclaimer ~ I don't own the lyrics for 'Angel' by Sarah McLaclan, nor did I write them.~
Max burst through the door, cradling the precious cargo in her arms. "How is he?" she demanded of Original Cindy, who stood to one side with one arm around Asha.
"Not good, boo. He's very unstable. I'm so glad you're back."
Max smiled weakly through her tear-swollen eyes. "Tell me this is going to help." She sat by Bling and opened the box. There was a whole assortment of vials and bottles. Together, they pulled a few out and read the inscriptions.
"I have to tell you, Max, I really don't know." He didn't want give her horrible news, but he honestly didn't have a clue as to what would be helpful and what could be dangerous. He was only a physiotherapist. He had limited exposure to drugs and medications, but this was way out of his area of expertise. "Josie'll be here in a minute. When you called Sam, he called her and told her that we were desperate. She hasn't come up with a cure, but she's got an idea of how to get him to hold out a little longer. Maybe she might know which of these could help Logan."
When Josie arrived, she immediately looked over the entire contents of the box. Comparing the inscriptions with her notes, she found two bottles that matched Miranda's solution. One of the two had an alternate base solution to the other. From the formula, she surmised that it was for the treatment of the carrier and not the recipient. "Can we trust the source?" She finally asked. Max nodded hesitantly and moved aside as Josie collected a few items from her satchel and went to sit by Logan on the bed.
Everyone watch silently as Josie filled the syringe and tapped out the air bubbles.
Gently lifting Logan's arm, she injected the yellowish liquid into his vein. "He needs a new intravenous drip, and what I thought he could use was a transfusion to help with his blood pressure." She held a cotton wad to the injection site and taped it securely. "He should show some response to the treatment in about 30 minutes. But as this is the first time Im learning any of this, its only my best educated guess." She watched as the group seemed to sag with pent up exhaustion. They'd all been tightly strung the last couple hours, and the close call hadn't helped ease the already high tension. After a few minutes of bated breath, his vitals started to stabilise on the monitor. "He'll just be resting now, there's nothing more to do but wait."
Bling led the girls away to the living room, thinking to leave Max alone with Josie. Before he left the room, he stopped in the doorway and looked back at Max. "It'll be okay, Max. Logan's always been a fighter. He'll be okay."
When Bling disappeared around the corner, Max turned back to look at Josie. She was still sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for her expectantly.
"I'm thinking this is for you?" Josie showed Max the small bottle, filled with purplish liquid. When gently turned, it was evident the two substances were suspended separately. She shook it in a circular motion, making a small hurricane inside the bottle. Something so small, yet so vital. It was strange to think everything could change with the contents of the bottle.
Max swallowed back tears and smiled weakly. Bling left the room, and there was no avoiding answering Josie now.
~Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
Always some reason
To feel not good enough~
"Maybe I should just go. He's going to be okay now. I should go before he wakes up." Max stood and walked away from the bed.
"Are you sure that's what you want to do, is that he would want?" Josie whispered.
She didn't know what he would want, or how he would react to her even being here. In her mind, it was enough to know that he was going to be okay. So why stay? Logan was safe now. He'd be alright. Besides the Josie was going to be watching him, and Asha was more than capable of caring for his needs. Why was she still here? Walking to the window, she looked at the sky. It was dark and starless, like her future, seeing no hope and no light. Thick angry clouds blocked out the moon, and the streets below looked full of waste, trash, mud, wasting human lives, no direction. It was beginning to rain, slowly at first and steadily pouring harder.
"If I don't take the antidote, it'll keep me away. Then he can move on with his life. Crisis over, problem solved," she whispered, reaching out and touching the cold glass. Feeling its coolness wash over her skin and seep into her blood.
Josie stood and walked toward Max till she was less than a foot from her. She resisted the nagging urge to hug the other woman, instead just rested a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Leaving won't solve anything. It won't give you peace, and it definitely won't give you the answers I know you want to hear."
~I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memories seep through my veins
They maybe empty
Oh and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight~
Max didn't respond. She just continued to stare out the window. It hurt to swallow. It hurt everywhere; inside her chest, in her throat, inside her head. More than anything, she wanted to believe that he'd need her to stay, but without hearing his voice speaking those sentiments, she knew she couldn't, she wouldn't.
"Sit," Josie ordered. Her patient complied somewhat reluctantly, but did as she was asked nonetheless. She rolled up Max's shirt and swabbed her inner arm thoroughly. Filling another syringe with the entire contents of the bottle, she tapped it gently before swiftly jabbing it into Max's arm. Expressing the liquid from the barrel into her vein, she watched as a ripple started to crawl down Max's arm. Taking the needle out, she put a cotton wad over the injection site and bound it securely in place. "In a bit, I'll take a blood sample of yours and Logan's to the lab and test it. Then we'll see if we're clear." Josie got to her feet, collected her things and quietly left the room.
Trying to ignore the rapid tingling travelling up her arm and moving slowly down her back, Max turned to look out the window.
"Max?"
A voice behind her whispered her name. At first, she brushed it off as part of her mind playing tricks on her. When it was whispered again, accompanied by the gentlest brush across her arm, her heart leaped out of her chest.
"Logan! Don't-" A tear spilled from her eye and trickled down her cheek. They had no idea if she was cured or not, whether she could re-infect him. There had only been one dose in the box. If she'd given him the virus again, there was no saving him. Why hadn't she left? If she'd gone when she thought to, she'd be away from him, far away from Seattle, and Logan would have been fine.
"It's okay, Max. It doesn't matter anymore, you're back. You came back." Logan reached out, touching her cheek and brushing away her tears.
"It's not…"
He hushed her with a fingertip across her lips. "No more. Don't say it." He shifted slightly, so he faced her. He let his arm drop and closed his eyes for a moment.
Logan was silent for a while, and Max thought he'd relapsed. The whole time she never realized that she'd been holding her breath. She let it out all at once the moment his eyes sought hers again.
~In the arms of the angel
Far away from here
From this stark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you feel~
"I sent you a letter, remember?" She nodded slowly in response, another tear slipping down her cheek, and she turned her head away. "Max? I don't care about the past, I won't ask you to tell me if you can't. I meant what I said. Things I could never tell you, I wrote in that poem. You're my world and everything in it. My heart, my soul…" Using what strength he had, he reached out to turn her eyes back to him.
Logan's careful fingers gently held her chin, and she followed his movement. Turning back to face him, her eyes not wanting to witness the feelings she knew were written in his.
"I'm sorry I hurt you, Logan. I'm so sorry." Max moved closer to the bed and dropped her head on his chest. Through the sheet, she could hear the steady beat of his heart, his warmth passing through the soft material and chasing away the cold that was strangling her heart.
Logan reached up and pulled her closer, letting her tears fall, all the while gently brushing her beautiful dark curls and whispering his love in her hair.
There was so much she wanted to tell him, so much that she wanted to change. Things she wished she could undo. He wasn't making it any easier by accepting her so readily, telling her things she wasn't sure she was ready to hear. All these feelings pouring through her were frightening. So intense and so uncontrollable. It made her feel so vulnerable, so broken. She needed to tell him about Alec, what had happened between them, where he was now. But it almost seemed impossible, and she wasn't sure that she wanted to tell Logan. Not if it meant that he would push her away. If it would change all the things he'd just said to her, what she was to him.
~You are born from the wreckage
Of your silent revelry
In the arms of the angel
May you find, some comfort here~
Dr. Sam Carr rounded the corner and saw the small company seated in the waiting area. Such long faces and warn expressions. It was times like this that he wondered if he could be the doctor he'd always wanted to be. One that saved people everyday, only had good news to tell, and could wear a genuine smile when he punched out for the day.
"How is he?" Tash asked apprehensively. She stood as soon as she saw Sam approach. Nervously, she drew her hands in fists and planted them at her sides. She wouldn't get twitchy now, not now. Alec needed her to be strong; she had to pull it together.
"Dr. Shankar and I worked on him for the past two hours. In about 30 minutes, he'll be moved from Recovery to a private room. He's gonna make it. He's lost a lot of blood, and the damage was extensive. Bullets cut clean through. His shoulder was minor; it was his stomach wound that had us really worried. There was a lot of internal bleeding. He's patched up well, and it's a good thing we have you two here. He'll need more than we can release from the bank. We're on restrictions due to the low blood supplies."
~So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
Storm keeps on twistin'
Keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack~
"No problem, Sam. Give me what I need, and we'll take it from here." Tash nodded over to Joshua, who looked up at her expectantly. "We're going to help Alec, Joshua."
"Helping, Alec." Joshua tossed down the magazine he'd been reading and stood up.
"I'll get the supplies you need, and I'll take you to him when I get back. Is it only the two of you who are going to transfuse him?" Sam queried.
Dean paled slightly and cleared his throat, "Ah, doc, I'd love to help out, but I'm B- and I'm not sure I can donate to him…"
Tash put a hand on his good shoulder, he'd been patched up when they'd arrived at the hospital, but being a norm, she was sure he'd lost enough blood for one night. "Alec is O- and so am I. We could test Joshua just to make sure he's compatible."
"We'll get him screened, and I'll be back in a few." Sam indicated for Joshua to follow him, and they left Tash and Dean in the waiting area.
~It don't make no difference
Escape one more time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness
Oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees~
About half an hour later, Sam returned with Joshua, and they all made their way up to Alec's room. He was on the third floor, still in ICU, but they'd given him a private room.
Sam gave Tash the catheters and tubing and checked over Alec once more. "He seems to be stable. I'll check back in an hour. If you need me, or if there are any changes in his condition, page me ASAP."
"I will and thanks, Sam."
"No problem." He replied and quietly left the room.
Tash inserted the needles and rested the tubes gently on the bed. Reaching over with her free arm, she helped Joshua connected his. They were both discreetly transfusing Alec in separate arms. Dean just went to get coffee, and Alec is still unconscious. Sam had said it could be awhile before he regain consciousness. Tash knew their blood would help Alec's recovery. The stem cells in their blood would rebuild the damaged muscle and tissue in a couple hours. Boosting his blood pressure and adding to his red cell count would put the colour back in his pallor. He'd be fine. She made sure she kept reassuring herself of that fact. Alec would be okay. He had to make it.
Dean walked slowly back down the corridor. Carefully balancing two steaming cups of black coffee, he came to the room and paused at the window. Through the blinds, he could see her profile. Behind her was a small light, setting a warm glow through the whole room. Coffee forgotten, he just stared at her. She looked like an avenging angel, her cheeks wet with tears, long fiery curls framing her face and falling about her shoulders. At that moment, she turned and met his eyes. He saw determination in her blue eyes, stubborn denial. He knew that Alec had better not die, or he'd have to bodily restrain her. Not only would she personally hunt down White and take him apart piece by piece, but she'd probably maim the guys who shot Alec too.
She smiled at him before turning back to look at Alec. Dean remembered the coffee and kicked himself mentally. Way to go, idiot. Caffeine would be really good for Alec now. He walked to the trash bin and dumped the cups in. Water and something to eat would help Tash and Joshua now. Coffee would just dehydrate them and make Alec agitated once he woke up.
He decided he'd race down to the nearest take out joint or convenience store and jet back. He debated over whether he needed to tell Tash. Nah, it wouldn't take more than fifteen minutes.
~In the arms of the angel
Far away from here
From this stark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you feel~
Tash felt the blood flowing from her vein, and the slight tingling starting in her arm reminded her that she wouldn't be able to give much more. After having something to eat and resting for an hour or so, she'd be able to start again. The tubes between them ran crimson, and as her skin grew pale, she could see a healthy pallor returning to his face. She smiled, knowing that in a few hours, he'd be awake, and everything would be okay.
When Dean got back, all three of them were asleep. Joshua, with his head back, a little spot of drool collecting in his right shoulder, and he was snoring quietly. Tash was asleep on the edge of the bed near Alec's right arm, her hair pooled over her arms and his. Her eyes were closed, and her long lashes just brushed her cheeks. Three small words broke the silence and caused a rush of blood to pound in his ears.
"I love you…"
Dean looked from the wounded man to the sleeping woman. All of a sudden he felt disconnected from them, like he didn't even recognize them. They seemed alien to him, like strangers. He's throat tightened, and he forced himself to swallow, but it didn't stop the silent tears from spilling down his cheeks. He'd been stupid to believe that she could have loved him. Crazy to think that she could have waited for him. It had been too long. His ex girlfriend couldn't even be without him for a week. He'd gone on assignment to Japan once, and when he'd gotten back, he'd found her in bed with the systems analyst. Stupid to boil it down to his absence. It'd probably been going on for awhile, but he hadn't wanted to delve into it. Tash was a beautiful woman; she was stubborn, aggressive but fiercely loyal. She was special, unique. She'd made a huge difference to him. He'd fallen in love with her. Almost from the first moment he'd seen her. Maybe even before that, the first time he'd heard her voice, heard her sing that song at Crash. He'd been so blind. She couldn't be with him any more than she could change her genetics. They were different people, headed in very different directions. It was better for them both this way. Alec understood her past, he had the same training, the same outlook on life, and the same fears…
~You are born from the wreckage
Of your silent revelry
In the arms of the angel
May you find, some comfort here~
Tash half opened her eyes; everything was foggy, like in a dream. She turned to the door to see Dean standing there, with a look of shock written plainly on his face. She tried to say something, to ask what was the matter. But sitting up and moving in his direction, she realises she's still connected to Alec.
He reached into his shirt and pulled out a silver chain, a crystal figurine hung between his fingers, and he gently lifted it over his head. Walking towards her, he lay it across her hands. "It's better this way, I can't give you what you need."
Pleading with him with her eyes, wanting his understanding but only seeing hurt, she let him leave. She couldn't force out any words. She couldn't even think of anything. Her brain was in a muddy mess. What happened? Did she say something? Did he ask her something? Then she vaguely remembered hearing Alec's voice. She thought she'd been dreaming. Alec said I love you. She looked at his face; he was still unconscious. He must have thought she was Max… She couldn't believe that Dean would have thought… that he just assumed… he'd walked out on her. He hadn't even given her the opportunity to explain at all. In the space of less then a heartbeat, he was gone. She knew he couldn't possibly leave the hospital altogether, but his reaction had cut her deeply. Looking back at Alec, she wondered just how things had become so messed up.
~Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
Always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memories seep through my veins
They maybe empty
Oh and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight~
High in Fogle Towers, looking out the window as the rain poured down, Max sent out a silent prayer for Alec. She didn't even know if he was alive, nobody had said anything. When she'd arrived at the penthouse, Sam had already left. A gentle squeeze pulled her attention from outside and back to the man sitting up on the bed. Logan would be okay. He was looking better with every passing moment. But she couldn't shake the image of Alec lying in the mud, blood pooling underneath his wounded body. He'd been trying to say something to her, an apology? For what? She'd dismissed it, trying to reassure him that help was on the way, that he'd make it. But she hadn't been there. She had left. Despite the fact that Tash had ordered her to go, she still felt like she'd chosen to leave him.
"So long as you're part of my future, Max, nothing else matters." She turned back to him and smiled through her tears. Tears of relief, apprehension of what it meant for her future, and a small part of them were for Alec.
Logan watched as Max looked back out the window at the rain. She looked so drawn, lost. He wondered if it was over him or something else. Where were Tash and Alec? Then, for the first time, he noticed that her clothes were caked with mud, and there were dark patches around the cuffs of her sleeves and waist of her shirt. He promised the past didn't bother him and that he wouldn't press her to tell him anything, but seeing her after so long… he wasn't sure he could wait.
Could they really start over like nothing had happened in their time apart? That perfect fairytale was beginning to look very disbelieving. The longer she sat staring out the window, the more it gave him the uneasy feeling that things weren't heading for an easy road. If anything, it'd be the usual. Max doing the running and he the chasing. He wasn't sure he was ready for it. He wasn't sure he was even up for it.
Maybe he should let her go. If it's what she wanted. You love someone enough, you should set them free. If they don't come back to you, they were never yours to begin with. As he studied the woman before him, he knew what he had to do, and it was to be the fourth most painful moment of his life. He must be making a habit of them; they mostly seemed to involve Max too. First when his parents died, second when he thought he'd lost her for life, and now, to let her go again. She'd disappear from his life for a third time… he was sure, he could even see it happening. Third strike and you're out. Looking at her profile, the lighting from outside flickering across her face, he said his farewell.
'Goodbye, Max.'
A/N: *many tears* It's what came to me, so please don't kill the messenger. Hope you all enjoyed the last instalment of All Fairytales End. My sincere thanks to Blaze555, for the beta of this chapter. Huge hugs and my biggest TYs to everyone who reviewed and stuck with me through this mini-monster, your comments and support are invaluable to me.
