So far in the voting: (this is how many votes Auron and Rikku received to be voted OFF) Auron = 8, Rikku = 5. Rikku's winning. Duh. Well, please vote when reviewing!!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my fics, my characters, my fugly computer, Squaresoft, the world, all of you readers--*gets hit in the eye* X.o ...Sorry.

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Kimahri just got voted off the camp but is still standing there, Jecht has gone crazy and run off, Seymour is standing on a building, Auron has been strangled to death by Rikku, and Tidus, Yuna, and Wakka stole some chocobos and left a while ago.

Kimahri: Hmm... Should I be leaving now?

Lulu: Yeah.

Kimahri: Cool!! *grabs one of the chocobos and rides off quickly*

Lulu: Hey, why is everyone stealing the chocobos?! Jecht must have worked very hard to get those! And the poor chocobos had to race just a few minutes ago, they're probably worn out, and yet you people are riding them!!! Do you have no shame?!?!? *secretly takes a chocobo for herself*

Suddenly Jecht appears.

Jecht: So... Kimahri's gone?

Rikku: Yep.

Jecht: Good. *smiles wickedly* Now no one will suspect that I'm madly in love with him.

Auron: ...You just said that out loud.

Jecht: *sweatdrop* Heh heh... *trying to think up of another subject* Uh... Auron, weren't you knocked out a minute ago?

Auron: Yeah. I guess.

Jecht: O.o Well, everyone that shouldn't be here's gone.

Seymour: *on top of the building* Hey, I'm still here! Help me down, I'm scared of heights!!!

Everyone doesn't seem to notice Seymour. They walk back to camp.

Lulu: So, what's today's event?

Jecht: Something really different and confusing!

Auron: Why?

Jecht: Cause I'm running out of ideas. Today, you three are gonna journey around the world of Spira and look for Al Bhed primers!

Rikku: Yay, I'm gonna be good at this!

Jecht: But they're all gonna be hidden in strange locations. You'll NEVER find them!!! Hahahahaha!!!

Jecht runs off, laughing madly. Auron, Lulu, and Rikku look at him run, confused. Suddenly Jecht crashes into a wall that was conviniently placed in the middle of the forest.

Everyone: O.o

The three set off in different directions...

RIKKU'S QUEST

Rikku is walking around in Besaid. She walks into the temple. Everyone looks at her.

Random person #1: It's an Al Bhed!!

Random person #2: Heathen!! Get out of our temple!!

Rikku: You idiots. Yevon betrayed you.

Random person #3: It doesn't matter. We all still follow Yevon's rules and will never give in to the Al Bhed!!!

The three people turn back to the statues.

Rikku: Er... Anyway... Do any of you happen to have an Al Bhed primer?

Random person #1: *turns to Rikku* Yes, right here. *holds one up and grins*

Rikku: O_o Well, that was strange. *grabs the primer and runs off*

LULU'S QUEST

Lulu is standing on the S.S. Liki.

Lulu: *walks over to the water* Might as well stay here for a while... *looks at the water* This brings back memories... Chappu... *starts crying*

Lulu leans over and looks deeper into the water. Suddenly, she falls off the ship.

Lulu: Ah @#$%!!! My make-up's smearing!! And this is the 5th time it's happened! Damn you, Chappu!!!

Lulu starts to swim back to the ship. Once she gets back onboard, some Al Bhed guys walk over.

Al Bhed guy #1: Muug, y Oajuheda!!!

Al Bhed guy #2: Mad'c ahcmyja ran!

Al Bhed guy #1: Oac, drah fa lyh ytt du uin lummaldeuh! Drec femm syga Caosuin jano bmaycat.

Al Bhed guy #2: Yht mad'c ymcu cdub dymgehk eh ym prat, ed'c sygehk dra naytanc luhvicat!!

Al Bhed guy #1: ...Okay.

The Al Bhed guys pick up Lulu and drag her to a jail cell.

AURON'S QUEST

Auron is walking around in the ruins of Home. He walks up to a half-dead Al Bhed guy.

Auron: Got any primers?

Al Bhed guy: Help... Please...heal...me... Cure...

Auron: *gets an idea* Heh heh heh... What's that, Mr. Al Bhed Traitor? You want me to end your suffering and kill you?

Al Bhed guy: Cure...please...

Auron: MWUAHAHAHAH!!! I SHALL GIVE YOU NO MERCY!!!

Auron kicks the Al Bhed guy.

Al Bhed guy: *gets up, not harmed at all* Argh... You're gonna pay!!!

Auron: O_o Oh, shit.

Auron starts running as the Al Bhed guy chases him. Suddenly Auron stops.

Auron: That idiot. I'm already dead, he can't hurt me.

Al Bhed guy: Maybe not... But I can torture you mentally!!!

The Al Bhed guy ties Auron up in chains and drags him to a prison conviniently placed in the middle of nowhere. He throws Auron in a cell and turns on a tv.

TV: *strange, animutation-like images flashing everywhere* Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!!!!!!!

Auron: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP THE TORTURE!!!! I'M SOOOOORRRRRYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Al Bhed guy: HAHAHAHAHA!!!! You deserve it!!! ...Ah, my brain is melting too... Must get away from graphical images of talking sponges smoking weed and strange drugged tranvestite snails... *leaves the prison*

Auron: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RIKKU'S QUEST CONTINUES

Rikku, after retrieving a primer from a Yevonite, is nearing the Thunder Plains.

Rikku: Good, now I'll just find Rin's Travel Agency and get some primers!!

Rikku walks into the Thunder Plains. A lighting bolt strikes her.

Rikku: *scorched* Heh heh... I'll just continue on...

Rikku walks forward and gets struck again.

Rikku: *even more scorched* Must...move...on...

And so, Rikku makes her way through the Thunder Plains, getting struck exactly 319 times. She walks into the Travel Agency and collapses.

Rin: Yf cred, E zicd kud dra vmuun lmayhat vnus dra mycd bancuh fru lummybcat rana!!

Rin frowns and points to Kimahri, who is sitting in the corner. Kimahri is just as scorched as Rikku and most of his fur is missing. He grins dumbly.

Rikku: *lifts head* Kimahri? What the hell are you doing here?

Kimahri: I dunno. But if you shut up right now, the fanfic will advance.

Rin: *sighs and takes out a mop* Huf, du kad so tysh vmuun lmayhat.

Rin throws Rikku into the inn-like room and starts mopping. When he's done, he walks into the room.

Rin: So, what do you want?

Rikku: Got any Al Bhed primers?

Rin: Yep. *gives Rikku one*

Rikku: Heh... So...

Silence follows.

Rin: Um... How's Auron?

Rikku: Those damn lemon writers won't leave us alone. I've been 'clnafat' around 400 times...

Rin: I see.

Silence again.

Rikku: Aw, what the hell. I guess Auron can wait.

A few moments later, Kimahri is shown again. He gets up and walks past the inn-room. Some very strange noises-screaming and er... other things-are heard.

Kimahri: O.o *quickly runs away*

LULU'S QUEST CONTINUES

Lulu: *inside a jail cell on the S.S. Liki* I have to get outta here... Probably everyone's moved on to the next event and I'm getting voted off...

An Al Bhed guy walks in.

Al Bhed guy: Here's your food. *gives Lulu a plate*

Lulu: *grins evilly* Say, what's your name?

Al Bhed guy: Dr. Yccfeba.

Lulu: Well, Dr. Yccfeba, why did you capture me?

Dr. Yccfeba: The S.S. Liki is a slave ship, you know? We work for Seymour.

Lulu: Seymour?! Ah, whatever. Wanna 'vilg'?

Dr. Yccfeba: Do I?!

Dr. Yccfeba jumps toward Lulu but she punches him and runs out the door.

Lulu: *smug look on face* That always works.

Lulu runs to the front of the ship, pushes the captain into the water, and starts steering it toward the boot camp.

Lulu: MWUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! NO ONE CAN STOP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

An Al Bhed dude sneaks up behind Lulu and throws a brick at her head, knocking her our. O.o

AURON'S QUEST CONTINUED

Auron is sitting in the jail cell, helplessly watching Spongebob Squarepants. Suddenly the show ends and Rocket Power comes on.

Auron: OH THE TORTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Auron, very pissed now, grabs his Masamune, cuts through the chains tying him up, slices the tv in half, cuts the door open, and runs through.

Auron: O_o Wonder why I didn't do that before.

Auron runs through Home, searching for primers. He comes across a shop called "AL BHED PRIMERS".

Auron: O.o Cool.

Auron runs in and buys a million. Unfortunately, he doesn't know that they're all for the translation of the letter 'A' and there's no other letter in there. Auron runs out of the store and back to the boot camp.

BACK AT THE BOOT CAMP

Auron, Rikku, and Lulu are back at the boot camp.

Jecht: *sigh* Is Auron the only one of you three who can find his way back properly?! Lulu, how could you get knocked out on a slave ship?? What the hell??

Lulu: It's all Chappu's fault. That bastard. *shakes fist*

Jecht: Right. I suppose he somehow transported you to the S.S. Liki?

Lulu: Er... Sure, why not?

Jecht: And Rikku, what were you doing, 'vilgehk' Rin?!?!

Auron: What?! Rikku, I thought we had something special!!

Rikku: *sigh* Damn you, lemon authors...

Auron: We're scheduled to have a foursome with Lulu and Wakka at three today. Forget Rin and make sure you're there, this fic's gonna get some wonderful flames!!

Rikku: *sigh* Fine... And no one seems to care that I'm 16, either... Damn. The same thing that's happened with Yuffie and Vincent is happening to me. *sigh* Why do we always end up pregnant??

Jecht: O.o Well, it's time to count up the primers you got.

Lulu: I don't have any.

Rikku: I have 2.

Auron: I have a million!!! MWUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Jecht: O_o Okay, let's see...

Auron holds up the primers.

Jecht: .They're all for the letter 'A'.

Auron: Oh. I guess that won't make a difference, though.

Jecht: No, they're all gonna count as one...

Auron: Aw @#$%.

Jecht: Rikku, you have the letters 'F' and 'U'. So you win!!

Rikku: Woohoo!!!

Jecht: Now, for the voting off...

Jecht hands an 'A' primer to Rikku, an 'A' to Auron, and an 'A' to Lulu.

Rikku: ...?

Jecht: Well, we have to do something with a million identical primers!!!

Auron votes for Rikku, Rikku votes for Auron, and Lulu votes for Chappu (???).

Jecht: *reading the votes* Er... Lulu?

Lulu: Yes?

Jecht: Chappu's dead. And he's not in the boot camp either.

Lulu: I know. *evil eyes*

Jecht: O_o;; I'll just ignore that vote then... Rikku and Auron, you voted for each other.

Auron: Her fault, she cheated on me!!!

Rikku: Well, I had to vote for him, so no more weird sexual innuendo happened in this fic!!!

Jecht: Well, I guess Lulu's off then!!

Lulu: What?!

Jecht: You seem to be a bit crazy about getting revenge on Chappu, and plus, some person wanted you voted off.

Lulu: Fine then. I guess my stay here is over... I'll be starting a quest to kill Chappu now. Or something. *turns around and crashes into the wall*

Jecht: O.o Now the questions... What do those Rin+Rikku authors smoke? Did you know that Dr. Yccfeba's name converts do Dr. Asswipe? O.o And finally, is Seymour STILL on that building?

Meanwhile, on the building...

Seymour: Heeelp!! I'm still here! I don't know how I got up here, but I'm scaaaaaared!!!

Seymour suddenly falls off the building and dies. O_o

~*~

The final chapter is next!! ^_^ The voting stops on August 8th. Please vote on who should be voted off in the final chapter-Rikku or Auron-when reviewing!! Thanks everyone! ^^

By the way, if you really wanna know what all that crap in Al Bhed was, there's a great translator here: http://www.pixelscapes.com/twoflower/albhed.html