Chapter 10 - Hatred

He continued to stare straight up towards the ceiling.

Adam wondered why the people who designed the rooms tried to make them look bigger. There wasn't any possible way to make the amount of space look bigger.

Adam looked around. He saw the little closet that reminded him of army lockers that were in the movies. Those lockers were metal though. Adam's closet was made of cheap wood.

Straight across from the locker is a desk to use. Then his little twin bed was between the desk and the wall with just enough room for the door to open without hitting the bed.

Guy's side was the exact opposite of Adam's. His locker was nearest to the door.

Adam's eyes had gotten over the rest of the room and were on the last obvious thing to look at, the ceiling. There were six-inch deep squares in four rows of four. The squares did give the room depth, but Adam would've like the extra ceiling to help block noise that came from the room above.

He looked at his alarm clock once more. The time was 6AM and Adam had been up since 5:3o. Adam turned off the alarm that was set for 7:00 since he had given up trying to sleep anymore.

He stumbled over to his closet to grab his clothes for the day. Then he grabbed his clear Tupperware container with his shower needs and then grabbed his towel.

On his way out the door he threw the Eden Hall dorm lanyard around his neck before he forgot and was locked out since Guy probably wouldn't let him back in later.

Adam tried not to think. He just hurt inside, physically and emotionally. Thinking made him hurt more.

After his shower Adam looked in the mirror and wanted to break down. He wanted to cry and shout and hurt himself.

He leaned on the sink for support since he wasn't sure that his feet would hold him. With one hand Adam turned on the sink and splashed some cold water on his face. He didn't want to feel that hatred inside of himself anymore.

After he got ready Adam went quietly into his dorm room and back out again putting away his things and grabbing his school bag.

Adam had his watch on. As he left the dorm he checked the watch. It was 6:20. Adam still had forty minutes before he even had to get up let alone head to classes.

He decided to head off campus for breakfast in a nearby diner. The waitress kept giving Adam strange looks as he sat there waiting for his meal.

He literally wanted a gun to shoot her. Adam didn't need any more humiliation. He didn't need anything anymore.

Adam felt alone as he finished his breakfast and started walking back to Eden Hall. As he went down the street Adam thought it seemed like everyone but him had someone there for them.

When Adam got back it was only a little past seven o'clock so he went to his dorm room. Guy must have been waiting for a shower or something since he wasn't in the room.

Adam grabbed his hockey bag to take that down to the boys' locker room before school. He went down there alone. There wasn't anyone else around. Adam went into the locker room and set his bag below a bench. He turned and right there in front of him was a mirror.

Adam couldn't help feeling the hate that he had for the person he was looking at burn inside of him like a fire that would never be put out.

Morning classes were horrible for Adam especially English class. He just distanced himself from the room and what was happening the entire morning.

Through English class he looked out the window. Adam couldn't have looked ahead or he would have seen Ms. Know-It-All Gaffney and the only person who wanted to be let in no matter how much Adam didn't want to let someone in, Tiny.

During lunch Adam just ate alone like he had for the past month. He always felt like everyone was looking at him.

When he went to leave the lunchroom he decided to go see the hockey lists for laughs. Adam knew he wasn't anywhere near where he should be on the list like maybe back on varsity or at least starting JV. From Coach Orion's little pep talk Adam knew he was on the bottom of the list.

Adam's index finger ran down the varsity list first just so he could see who made the cut. All of the returning seniors and juniors made varsity along with Charlie as third line center and Julie in goal. Adam just hoped that the Ducks would treat them with the same respect that they had treated him with when he made varsity last year.

Adam proceeded to look at the JV list for his name. He was third line center. Dwayne was starting and some freshman, Will Horbenko, was second line.

Adam could see his father's reaction to being told that Adam was third line JV. The moments played out in his head like a scene in a movie.

Adam pictured his father's voice rising to what seems to be past shouting level and his face getting red as Adam looked towards the ground waiting for the whole ordeal to be over. Adam felt his eyes getting hot as he thought of what he was going to have to say to his father.

Then he got himself back together as much as he could and headed for his afternoon classes. That wouldn't have mattered much though since no one paid attention to him anymore.

Adam had never really had a real friend. Tiny had been the closest to that even though when her friends were around she was a totally different person. All of his friends had judged him by what jersey he had on the ice; The Hawks, The Ducks, The Warriors.

Adam drifted through the rest of the afternoon silently and alone. Adam went to practice that afternoon.

He went into the locker room with the full knowledge that everyone in that room knew how low on the list he was. Adam started hearing the comments from Averman, Fulton, and Portman and soon everyone was saying things to him. The seniors, juniors, and even freshman were saying things to him, but really surprised Adam was what the sophomores were saying. They were supposed to be there for him.

Adam just couldn't hear them anymore. He hadn't even started to change yet. What was practice going to be like?

He just ran out of there. Adam even left his school bag and his hockey bag behind.

After he got off campus Adam realized that he had left all of his Soma in his bags and he wasn't going back to get the bottles just yet.

Adam needed some Soma in a bad way so he ran to the mall off campus and bought a bottle with the money that he was carrying on him. Adam just took some in the mall without waiting to get back to the safety of his dorm room.

On his way back to Eden Hall Tiny's friends, the ones who had stopped Charlie and him at the rink stopped him. It looked like they were there to make good on their threats.

The tall one had the same effect on Adam as he had before. The tall boy led Adam into an alley to talk as the rest of them followed.

He said, "Well, Adam, you didn't keep your promise so we'll keep ours." with that the boy punched Adam.

This caught Adam off guard and he dropped to his knees. The rest of Tiny's friends started beating on him. Adam didn't think that they would stop. Adam gave up and just let them hit him.

Suddenly everything went dark in Adam's world. Everything seemed so surreal. There were flashes of light for a while and then there was just the familiar darkness. When Adam woke up he was in the same alley. Tiny's friends were all gone. His body hurt everywhere and he wasn't moving. Adam felt pains when he breathed in and out normally. He couldn't see out of his left eye and his entire head just ached.

Adam reached into his coat pocket. The Soma was still there. Something had cracked the bottle though. Adam opened the bottle took some Soma hoping the pain would be gone.

Somehow Adam got himself up off the ground. Slowly he went back to his dorm room. When he got there he cleaned himself up before Guy got done with hockey practice.