Title: abandonment Lavenderangel Email: lavenderlala08@hotmail.com Rating: PG Summary: Michael reflects. Michael POV obviously. Spoilers: Ask Not, White Room. Takes place during Ask Not, just after the podsters saw Nasedo's body disintegrate. Disclaimer: Roswell's no one's anymore. I'd be glad to take it though! Author's Notes: We saw how Nasedo's death effected Tess, and it didn't really effect Max or Isabel. They had a family, so it wasn't as hard for them. But what about Michael? He was the one who wanted to see him the most, and Nasedo was mean to him. Well, not exactly mean, but the whole powers thing.

Anyway, I decided to do the unthinkable and write another Roswell fic. And it's a Michael PoV, no less.

Well, any feedback would be great!

--

I can change my fingerprints perfectly now. I worked on my powers all summer and can finally do it. I wanted to prove to you that I'm not a total screw up, like Hank always said I was.

Hank. I hated him. His face haunts my nightmares every now and then, especially when it rains. And since I left Maria.

I thought you'd be different. I thought you'd care. At times, you were no better than he was.

Sometimes it seemed like you were almost. no. That's not possible. You're not Hank. You were never Hank.

But you weren't who I thought you'd be either. You weren't the guy that was constantly laughing, that was always ready to roughhouse with his son, or read a bedtime story to his daughter.

You weren't like Mr. Evans.

For the past seven years I've watched Max and Isabel with their parents. I watched them and I waited. I waited because I knew that somewhere, somewhere out there there was a family that cared about me.

A few months ago, I thought I'd finally come close to finding it. I thought you were my father. I knew River Dog wasn't, but I thought that maybe, just maybe, you were.

You don't know how many times I nearly left to go and find you, or the things I did to find out more about you.

And for what? When Max was captured and we were alone working on my powers, I found out who you really were. A cold, uncaring alien that not even Maria could tame.

A cold, uncaring killer.

You killed that FBI agent and didn't even care. I killed Pierce and it's tearing me up inside.

Sometimes, I wish I'd never met you.

I wish things could be like they were a few months ago. I wish I could be with Maria and Maxwell could be with miss perfect Liz. I'd even like to see them staring at each other like they used to do.

I just want things to be like they used to be.

And you ruined all of that. You and Tess and stupid destiny, and because of you I left Maria and Liz left Max and our world fell apart.

And now you're gone.

I don't know if I'm relieved or horrified.

Relieved because if you're gone then maybe there's hope. Hope that maybe things will finally go my way in my pathetic life.

And horror because this means that I'm no closer to home. In fact, it feels like I'm slipping further and further away from it.

Away from the hope that somewhere out there, there's a family who cares about me.

Away from the almost family of Max and Izzy that I have here on earth.

Away from Maria.

Away from everything.

Away from my father.

And it's all your darned fault.

You left me. You were here and I thought that maybe I could go home soon, and now you're not.

Now you're gone.

You left me. I should be used to it by now, so many people have done it before.

But I hoped that you'd be different.

But you weren't. And now you're gone.

And I've been abandoned once again.

And so I sit here, staring at the podchamber and wish.

I wish that you were here. Here, but not here. I wish that you'd explained things and thought of me as more then a Pawn in the war that's waiting for us if we ever can get home.

I wish you'd been different.

--End-

[A/N Rather abrupt, dontcha think?

Sigh so did it live up to my usual standards? Pathetic and out of character enough?

Well, I'm trying.]