"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing."
-- Helen Keller
I remember the day my life fell apart so clearly.
I had just walked in the house. The atmosphere was stiff, but it had been all week. I laid my purse down on the sofa and sought out my mom. I was starving, and I knew she would make dinner if I asked. She was a wonderful person, really cheery and independent. Her name was Persephone Louette Dormer. Rather grand, huh? She married my dad, Ian Dormer, when they got right out of high school. They both tell me it was love at first sight. Then they went and had me. They named me Annette Marie Dormer, after some extremely obscure painter that my mom adored. I've tried several times to look up this Annette Marie, but the only proof I've found that she exists are the three paintings with her name on them, which are hanging in my living room.
The paintings are...the only word I could ever find to describe them is indistinct. When I look at them, they give me this vague feeling, and my mind sort of clouds over. That's probably how my mom was feeling when the doctors asked her what to name me. I guess giving birth makes you feel that way. According to my dad, they had previously agreed on Jessica Nicole. Ha. I like my name. It has a theatrical ring to it. It also matches me. I'm fairly short, maybe 5'4 or 5'5. I've got long brown hair that's on the thin side, and big brown eyes. When I was 13, my nose was too big for my face, but I grew into it later. I have a medium skin tone, like my half-Hispanic dad.
I was 14 years old, a fully fledged teenager. I was back from the movies. It sucked, and I spent the last half of it making out with my then-boyfriend Charlie. My mother was in the kitchen. She looked distracted, kind of out of it. Like those paintings.
"Annette..." she sighed. "You're back. Hungry?"
"Definitely," I replied cheerily. I hopped over to see what she was up to.
She suddenly embraced me in a rather enthusiastic hug. I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed. My mom and I are really close; I can honestly call her a friend. She held me at arms length and looked me over. I saw tears forming in her eyes.
"Annette Marie Dormer. You're going to be a knock out someday," she sighed.
I winked. "I know I am," I replied. I'm kind of cocky like that, sometimes. But I noticed something was terribly wrong, so I repeatedly asked her what the problem was. She told me she was just feeling weepy and that dinner would be ready in a minute.
Dinner was spaghetti and meatballs with mushrooms, my absolute favorite. It was strange, because my dad despised noodles in any form and can't stand mushrooms. My dad hid behind a copy of the Wall Street Journal, and my mom and I discussed bad acting and my eating habits.
See, I have a bit of a problem. I used to be a chunky person, and I couldn't stand being picked on. I starting throwing up, and doctors said I developed bulimia. I don't think I have bulimia. I vomit when I'm nervous, sad or just a total wreck. Eating makes me feel ugly, and that makes me sad. So I throw up. I hadn't been doing it lately, because things had been going great and Charlie made me feel good about my body. Anyway, my mom was claiming that I hadn't been eating at all, and wouldn't it be a big problem if I developed anorexia, too.
That was how almost every dinner that week had gone. Afterwards, I retreated into my bedroom. It smelled kind of like Febreeze with the faint scent of gym socks underlining it. My PlayStation2 was already on. I had paused it because I was in the middle of the battle with Adel when my friend came by to get me. Final Fantasy VIII was my absolute favorite game anywhere. I owned every Final Fantasy available for PlayStation in America; it's one of my secret and embarrassing obsessions.
I played for a long time...I was deep into the fourth disc when 3am rolled around, and I heard the garage door opening. That was weird...I thought maybe my brother was coming by for a visit- he did that a lot- so I went downstairs to see what was going on. My mom was shoving a huge duffel bag into her car.
"Hey, we goin' somewhere?" I asked, walking into the garage. It was cold, and I rubbed one arm with the other.
My mom was surprised to see me. I could tell right off that my presence made her uncomfortable. The moment she saw me, she burst into a fit of sobs. I ran to her, hugged her and asked what was going on over and over.
"I'm just...I've been so stressed," she said between sobs. She finally calmed down and continued, "Anyway, Sarah is having problems with Mike. He's out of town, and she wants me to spend a few nights over there. I'll call you tomorrow."
I nodded. It was raining outside. "Don't forget your glasses!" I reminded. She was blind in the dark without them. "I love you!"
For a moment, I thought she was going to start crying again, but she told me she loved me, too, and got into the car. I watched her drive away. I went upstairs, play Final Fantasy VIII a little more, saved when I could and fell asleep.
My dad woke me up less than three hours later. His face was pale, and I thought he might have been crying. I sensed something was wrong, so I asked. In a high voice, my father explained to me that my mom had been involved in an accident.
"She's dead, Annie," he whispered.
For a whole minute, my senses shut down. I closed my eyes, and I was suddenly wrapped up in this cocoon of nothingness. I couldn't see, hear, feel anything. Nothing registered in my head except for those three words. She's dead, Annie... I processed this information slowly, examining it closely...She was dead? I knew who she was. She was my mother. Like a sudden wave, everything returned to me as my eyes opened and the tears spilled forth.
My mother was dead.
I threw up. I couldn't control it and I felt so childish all of a sudden. I cursed my stupid habit and wanted to die right then. My father helped me clean myself up, but I stayed the next hour hugging my toilet. After that, I started sobbing uncontrollably, and I cried, and cried, and cried...
One week later, I was staring at my TV screen. The image of Squall fighting Seifer was frozen on there, with VIBRATION: ON in a gray box on the center. It said that whenever you paused it. I had been doing that a lot, spacing out and staring at things. It was like a temporary case of ADD or something. The phone rang. I stared at that, too, for a long time, before it occurred to me that I should answer it.
"Hello?" I said. My voice was gravely. I hadn't used it much lately.
"Is Ian there?" a voice asked. Her.
"No," I said curtly. "Is this Lise?"
"Yes, tell him I called, will you?" she said.
"Will do." I slammed the phone down. With an attitude, just because I wanted to. Lise worked under my dad. He was the owner of a business supply store, and Lise was an employee there. She had been calling an awful lot. I thought it was kind of her to give her condolences, but she kept on calling...The phone rang again. I picked it up, really mad.
"Look Lise, he's not here, I'll tell him you called and I won't forget," I said quickly. I hoped I sounded angry.
"Annette? It's me, Sarah. Did you say Lise?" she asked.
"Umm, yeah...Look, sorry about that. She just, uh, calls a lot, and I'm trying to sleep..." I explained hastily.
"Oh, my...well, tell your dad I called. I want to speak with him as soon as possible."
"Sure, Sarah," I replied. I liked Sarah. She had always been nice, and she was a naturally wild woman. She was like one of my Aunts, sorta. The few days after my mom died, I stayed at her place because she was the only who could get me to stop crying. I had to go back home after my mom passed away because she had to work, but I would've stayed with her a year if I could. I realized I had spaced out again. There was a voice in the phone, but it was muffled. Sarah must not have turned her cell off. I listened in, feeling guilty.
"Oh God, Mike....believe that?.....Lise, of all the women...Perseph....told me they were....problems...but not cheating. Oh, the phone is on. I need to learn how to turn this off right-" The line went dead. I tried to fit all of this together in my head. It wouldn't work. My body was completely empty at the moment. I shook my head, and laid my head down to sleep.
Fifteen minutes later, the doorbell woke me up. I was groggy and ticked off that no one would let me sleep. I ran downstairs and opened the door. A woman was standing there. She was pretty. The first thing I noticed about her was her neck. It was long and gave her this austere elegance that I was suddenly envying.
"You must be Annette," she said, showing me all her white teeth with a big smile. I thought it was amazing she could do that, show all of her teeth at once, but she said the sentence with a certain tone that I didn't like one bit. "I'm Lise."
"Oh, Lise. Whatcha' need?" I asked, cheerily as I could manage.
"I was hoping I could see Ian," she replied with that same smile. If she didn't close her mouth soon, I would go blind.
"I told you over the phone," I said curtly, "he's not here."
"Of course he is," she said, walking past me and into my house like she owned the place. "He told me to meet him here. Nice house. Hey Annette, why don't we have a little chat?"
I closed the door and raised an eyebrow at her. "About?"
"Well, about your dad. He's a great guy," she started. "What would you think if I went out with him?"
I stared at her for a long time. Was a middle-aged woman asking me this question? Barely a week after my mother and Ian's wife died? My jaw dropped. I wanted to throw her out of the house.
"I think it's the most ridiculous thing I've heard all week. Funny. You know, since my mom..." My voice broke. I couldn't believe this lady was making me say it. "...she's gone," I managed. "Only been...a week..."
"Oh...okay."
Just then, the front door was being opened.
"Annie, I thought I told you to lock the- Lise?" he said. "What are you doing here?" He walked to me.
"That's what I wanna know..." I said crankily.
Lise ignored me. "Ian, you missed our date."
"Lise, this isn't the time-"
I looked from Lise, to my dad, to Lise and back to my dad. There was an almost audible as everything fell suddenly in to place. My dad was cheating on my mom with Lise. That night, mom was running away. She died.
"You bastard," I hissed. Then I ran up to my room, and sobbed for hours.
The next three years passed in a blur. Lise had moved in only a month after my mom's death. I couldn't believe my father. I hated him and I hated her. I started throwing up regularly, and when I didn't throw up, I didn't eat. In school, everything when downhill. I became a total introvert, and my grades sucked. My dad actually had the nerve to ask what was wrong. I giggled insanely when he did, then explained that maybe I wasn't as smart as he thought I was. On my seventeenth birthday, I got the biggest present of all.
"Honey, you're going to have a new mother. Lise and I are getting married. I love her, and she loves me."
I laughed in his face. Then I told him I would cry forever if he ever did something that horrible.
"You can cry your little heart out," he said fiercely, "but I'm marrying Lise." He had that look in his eye, the one my mom used to say I took on whenever I had my heart my set on something. I never knew it was so...down right cold. Or perhaps it was just my fathers, which he had patented. Even in my anger, I hoped one day I'd be able to achieve that kind of authority in one of my glares. I ran to the bathroom and sobbed between my toilet and tub, not letting anyone in for hours.
I stayed at Sarah's house for four months. It was more like home than my real house was with Lise there. She had become to closest thing I had to a mother over those three years. I often told her how much I appreciated her being there for me. My bad habits even thinned out, and I ended up gaining 12 pounds at her place. By the way, she was never having problems with Mike. My mom had just used that as a cover up the night she died. One night, Lise called me. She felt she should have a talk with me, you know, woman to woman.
"Honey....you know that tomorrow your father and I are getting married." She was talking in this condescending tone that made me want to puke again. I put down the phone next to the receiver, and then I did. It had snuck up on me. On the way back from the bathroom, I checked the calendar. In small writing was 'Wedding Day'. Sarah's doing, not my own. I lifted the phone to my ear. "...you need to know, we're in love and you can't stop that. I would appreciate it if you were a bridesmaid. The dresses are gorgeous, and we have one your size. Sarah gave us your measurements, so what do you say, hon?"
I wanted to scream at her. Three years had not made me like this woman, and a pretty dress wasn't going to either.
"I'll think about it," I lied.
That night, I packed my PlayStation2, Final Fantasy VIII, a bunch of clothes, CDs and a player, and I ran away. I despised Lise, and she despised me. She had valiantly tried to become my friend the first year she moved in; I curtly reminded her that I did not befriend homewreckers. That little comment grounded me for a month-and-a-half. I spent it playing FF8. I beat the game twice. I had just recently beat it.
I snuck out of Sarah's house. I left her a small note that didn't say where I was headed. I didn't even know where I was headed. I was just getting away from my dad and that little whore of his. I was seventeen, a junior at school. I had enough money to get me a hotel for the night, then I would skip a week or two of school to work extra hours at Afterthoughts, an accessories story that I worked at, then I would use the money to buy an apartment of my own. I probably wouldn't be eating much all week, so I didn't have to worry about food.
I walked along a man made lake near Sarah's house. It was surrounded by three story mansions on every side except one. There was a road on that side. I was walking to the side of it. My thoughts were swimming and my heart was racing. I wanted to throw up again but I held it down and kept walking. Once I was far enough away from Sarah's place, then I could slow down. In the sky, I saw a shooting star. I abandoned my earlier thoughts and stopped walking completely. I stared up at it, closed my eyes and made a wish. Just then, a breeze picked up and smoothed my hair out of my face. I wondered what to wish for.
Like I seemed to do at the most ridiculous of times, I thought about Final Fantasy VIII. I had just seen the ending FMV before I left. It was spectacular, like it always was, and the image of Squall kissing Rinoa lingered in the forefront of my head. I smiled, giggled and wished.
I wish that one day I'll have a love like that.
I heard wheels screech, and it abruptly pulled me from my momentary dream. All I saw was a blaze of headlights. A car had swerved off the road and was coming straight at me. My first thought was that I was dead, and wouldn't my dad be sorry then. My second thought was to jump, and I did, right into the lake. I took my duffel bag with me, which was extremely stupid. I had a PlayStation2 and an expensive CD player that would be ruined.
I jumped in and the world started spinning. I was certain I was going to drown, because I suddenly couldn't remember which was up or down. My duffel bag was pulling me in some vague direction. My lungs were beginning to sting. And like I had been given another chance, strong arms wrapped themselves around me and pulled me to the surface. I sucked in air the moment I could. My eyes were shut but it wouldn't have made a difference, because soaking strands of hair would've been blocking my vision.
A hand was pulling on my wrist. I followed blindly, after all, this guy just saved my life. I realized that the water was actually very shallow, reaching up to my waist. I felt stupid. I had nearly drowned in a three foot deep lake. Just fantastic, Annette...
After a fair bit of struggling, I managed to clear my soaking hair out of my face and open my eyes.
I was not in a lake. I was in a pool, with clear blue water that smelled faintly of chlorine. The person pulling my had his back turned to me. We stopped underneath what looked like a bridge. The stranger turned to face me.
I turned around and threw up.
My puke hit the water with a splash, but it dissolved into nothing immediately. "Wow!" I said loudly. Must be some new kind of cleaner. The stranger, who I could not believe was actually standing in front of me, grabbed me close to him and brought his face close to mine.
"Do you want to get expelled, or what?" he hissed fiercely, his jade eyes glinting in a menacing way. I searched his face. There was a scar right there, right between his eyes. "Garden Staff is right up there..."
I gulped. Did he just say Garden Staff? I voiced my thoughts quietly. He snorted.
"What planet did you fall off of?" he asked. He seemed impatient. "Yeah, I said Garden Staff."
"Pinch me," I said. He did so without hesitation, and it hurt like hell. I supressed a squeal, but I glared at him.
I actually glared at Seifer Almasy. He was standing right in front of me. I poked him with my finger. And yep, he was completely whole. He looked at me with annoyance in his eyes. I shrugged and turned around, took a few quiet paces in the water. I looked up. We were in the pool surrounding Balamb Garden's main hall. The bridge above me was actually a walk way to one of the main parts of Garden. I shut my eyes. Was I in a game? This was quite obviously the world of Final Fantasy VIII...Was someone controlling me? I shuddered.
"Who are you?" I asked quietly, just to be sure.
He looked positively disappointed. "You don't recognize me?"
I shook my head. He frowned. "Name's Seifer. You?"
My heart rate increasing, I answered, "Annette."
Sarcastically, he said, "Pleased to meet you. What were you doing in here anyway?"
"I could ask the same of you," I said curtly.
He glared. "I was in the Library after hours. My position here is a bit...shaky at the moment. If I get caught, I'll be expelled. You?"
I shook my head. "Uh...Night time swim?"
First fic alert...Yep, that's right, it's my first fic ever. Just so you know, my name's Charlie(I'm a girl), and I'm not intending to be Annette. We're actually very different, except for the fact that our favorite food is spaghetti and meatballs with mushrooms. Yum! ^.^
This first chapter's kind of slow...I felt like I needed to explain how Annette ended up in the FFVIII world, about her problems, etc. Anyway, the next chapter should be out soon! Please review and tell me how I did. I realize that Annette's habit of throwing up is a bit...squeamish...but I thought it made for a less perfect character, ya know what I mean? A big problem I see whenever people put non-canon characters into fanfics is that their characters are always perfect...I didn't want that. I wanted Annette to be a normal girl, with a few problems, just like everyone's got.
REVIEW!