Enchanting.
The night was dark, as if a cloak was draped over it. From afar, the chirping of nocturnal birds and crickets softly rang. And the two figures stood, visible only by the burning fire in the lonely cave.
Gods, his touch…!
Aeris was breathless, dazed by the glow of his sedate green eyes. Through them she had tried to imagine that she could see the little boy huddled in the lonely corner… But now it was beyond that. When he touched her cheek, a sudden rush of emotions – that humans often have for no apparent reason – overrode her mind. She gazed at the… beautiful… eyes – so exquisite to be almost haunting. Somehow, with them not a foot apart, in this lonesome cave in the dark, with his hand resting on her cheek… gods, she felt as if her heart would tear through her chest.
She wanted to believe.
She wanted to believe that beneath the frigid chill of his words, there was a hidden meaning screaming to get out. She wanted to believe that, underneath the apathetic eyes that calmly gazed into her own, actually meant something else… She wanted to believe that his heart pounded as much as hers, and that he, too, was intoxicated by this– and that he, too, could not think… She suddenly longed that somehow his eyes would water, and that she would be right – That her belief where everyone, given the chance, could be poignant, ardent… that everyone knew, deep inside, that such… crazy… things could happen, and that it indeed had.
It was… strange.
She did not say a word, neither did he. His fingers gently caressing her skin – the simple gesture that held so many different meaning. And Aeris was almost tempted to close her eyes and lean into his touch, to allow herself to melt… However she didn't, having grasped a hold of her last string of reason. Her eyes shined with something akin to anticipation. Something stirred in her heart that made her hold her breath, awaiting the sign that her destiny was about to unravel…
It was so picturesque… so unlikely yet seemed so right… it was… it was…
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
Romantic.
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
How… melodramatic it is, to be fanciful.
Those of you who dream of fairy tales… Will your knight in his shining armor ever arrive?
Once he does, do you think your first kiss will seal your fate?
Would everything be so perfect?
… can you truly believe it's true?
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
If only…
That she knew that certain sapphire eyes shed tears – for the first time in ten years – hoping and longing…
He was like a prisoner in Bastille, locked up in the dark cell, forced to talk to himself day by day just to retain his voice. He had given up long time ago to be rescued from the bleak walls surrounding him – he had stumped on the seeds of longing for light, the innate ability to dream, in exchange for complete apathy.
He thought that when you reached a certain time, the struggle would become easier, the beast that beat his heart when a breeze blew through the window, taking over him with the mad desire to get out of this place, to the meadows of green where he so yearned to be… He thought that time would somehow kill the boy inside of him who heartbreakingly yearned for someone to…
He tried so hard to be impassive… but can one really resist? When, in truth, your stoic expression is a basic defense for yourself from the harshness of the world? Can you keep your heart shut out when the undying voice in your mind keeps whispering that the time – the time which you thought was a lie, a myth, just a foolish dream – has indeed come?
No matter how hard he tried not to… could he really resist from falling, being sucked into the endless pit – closing his eyes and plunging into everything that he tried to forget, swearing that it was the last time, the undying burning of his soul tempting him once again?
… How he regretted taking the fall.
… How ironic that, at the exactly the same moment, two people can wish for such different things?
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
He was being chased for his life by this bloody thing called time, which kept ticking, threatening to explode, until he clutched his head and struggled arduously to get a hold of his sanity.
He didn't know what to do.
The "mission' was a burden, something that weighed down on his shoulders until he felt he would sink to the floor. Everything around him closed in like quicksand, the more he moved the more trapped he felt.
It wasn't the loss that plagued him, but rather his admission of it – every passing moment depleted his hope of finding her – and he tore through the forests in desperation, his azure eyes serving as the only light to illuminate the utter black.
The members were helping. The mystique enchanting aura that enveloped her had drawn all of them – even Barret, whose sole aim in life seemed to be to dethrone Shinra – owed his debt for saving Marlene.
But they only saw her as a slum flower girl who had joined the party. Selfless and beautiful, pleasant and earnest. But they couldn't see…
The fear tightened its claws on his heart, the emptiness of the place chilled his very being.
She was…
No matter how one suppresses it, one can't lose the stream of hope that flows through his soul. The heat of his blood when he ran was no more of a sign that he was alive then what he felt when he was taking in her smile.
The one who could say hello first. The one who could smile out of sheer kindness. The one who could… to put her little hand on his shoulder, to smile, to giggle, to make a joke… in the end making him grin in spite of himself… gods, to do such little things… that, for him, meant everything.
Do you know how much strength it takes to be the one who reaches out first?
As he sat by the fire, he recalled her hands on his, the fateful night when he finally saw that the girl in front of him meant more than anyone had ever had.
Ironic…
For what seemed like the thousandth time, he learned… The one who would dare to care – once it was stripped off of him, who would possibly understand the void that he felt… the void that seemed to empty his very soul, draining him of even himself – the former self who could brush things away?
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
Her companion had his head buried in his hands, his golden hair reflecting the light of the fire. Everyone was silent.
She wanted to say it was okay. She wanted to say that they would find her, that she was sure that Aeris was okay.
Why was it that her tongue was tied whenever she looked at his pained face, and that she felt a pang in her heart – that prevented her from even coming near him?
Something more than the bare fact that she could never be sure of Aeris' safety stopped her from encouraging tomorrow's search.
She could do nothing but stare back at the fire, trying not to acknowledge the admission to herself.
She was always forced to just look… to just stare at him from the shadows, while the brunette was smiling at him, talking to him, making him laugh, taking his hand… did she really have no idea how insane she drove her? Always just pretending to be busy, pretending that she didn't care, just pretending, living in this façade in fear of rejection… And she watched as the stranger – she might as well as fallen straight from the sky – somehow melted his ice, and took a chunk of his heart – that, she with all her heart, thought belonged to her.
… was it so horrible to feel this way?
So she kept her quiet, and once again, did not say anything.
Gods, the silence was deafening.
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
Aeris did not have an idea as to what to do next.
Yes, unfortunately, real life stories don't end there.
The unrestrained surge of ebullience, almost tangible as it soared through her body, made her – although she tried to suppress it – let out a small gasp and laughter… and it was so out of place! But… the sheer excitement of it made it impossible for her to keep still, preserving the magical air.
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
The two figures were instantaneously caught up in different emotions.
Guilt.
The silver hair contrasted itself with the sunlit golden spikes and the forest green eyes suddenly changed itself to blue.
How he held her hands, laughing, his blue eyes sparkling with something she didn't understand. How she felt in the lonely tent, thinking of him, worrying for him, the tremendous error which made her cry in the midst of night?
Sephiroth's eyes – the struggle to contain what was welling up in his chest, the confusion, the fear – she saw it all – not because he showed it, but because she knew it.
…Cloud…
…
Sephiroth could not grasp what this was leading to.
Caught up in the moment… What the hell was he doing?
Somehow she had awaken the… the part of him which he thought was lost… He now thought he was no longer capable of feeling anything other than anguish and determination. He had accepted the tragic fact, he had no longer questioned it throughout his life – but, when the question had been uttered from her lips, he had an inexplicable desire to… to do what?
When he touched her face, he almost wanted to flinch… but he didn't, partly because he did not want to, and partly because he didn't want to be seen as if he was running away from what seemed inevitable.
Impulse.
Hadn't it been?
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
"Sephiroth, I…"
Aeris began, only to be extinguished down by the sudden change of atmosphere – the mutual intimacy she thought was present was now gone, leaving her with utter confusion and awkwardness.
…What had she been expecting?
The disappointment was bitter… And the conflicting thoughts in her heart… A part of her wanted to suddenly wrap her arms around him and bury her head in his chest… The other part of her did not know what to do, and it only registered the seemingly cold glare the general now glanced at her with.
He was too inhuman for anyone to relate.
Sephiroth, as if it was planned, did not do anything to ease her… He was almost nursing the seed of a thought, one that both would regret – the thought that made it even more impossible to have something like this ever happen again, the idea which rang with earth-shattering clarity.
…I'm fraternizing with the enemy.
The sense of wrong, disgust, confusion, and awkwardness all climbed up her chest and she suddenly no longer knew what she was doing.
Confusion and awkwardness had somehow transformed themselves into something that neither of them knew how to deal with, making the initial thoughts even more unbearable.
Neither of them were willing to admit what had taken place, neither was aware how… real… it had been, neither of them could possibly acknowledge through their heads, that the possibility that the few minutes led to was something none of them could even imagine.
She wanted to clasp his hands, to put her arms around him, then maybe he would react the same way? … Maybe, for one day, she is allowed to forget everything that has confined her to this day – the sense of right and the duty she was born with – couldn't she sacrifice it just for now? Couldn't she, possibly, maybe…
…Biting her lips, Aeris backed away from him.
She might as well just have taken an ax and shattered the fragile chain which momentarily bound them.
… As if this was all planned.
Sephiroth simply – so simply, refusing to acknowledge that… something HAD been here, refusing to admit to himself and not letting her do the same either – turned around.
If he had just stayed there, if he didn't move away… Gods, why did you, Sephiroth? Couldn't you give me a chance to…?
The betrayal brought tears to her eyes and she could barely suppress it.
Looking at his unrelenting back, she slowly was filled with a sense of vengeance… How could it turn out to be this? The realization that there had been no betrayal to begin with… made her feel pathetic. She realized how vulnerable she had been, and her honor refused to let her forget it – The simple minutes – How it could affect a person, taking one to the edge of euphoria to the state of misery the next?
She suddenly ran out of the cave, getting out of there as fast as she could.
Sephiroth did not follow her.
Having found a stream, she wiped her face of his touch with the cold water, as if it could erase what had passed between them. Crying and blubbering, her tears became indistinguishable along with the dripping water from her face.
Sephiroth watched, from a distance… He watched as one girl he touched cry, he watched as she disgustedly wiped away his touch… he watched as his final confirmation that the dreams did not belong in the reality, took place.
…
If either of them had taken it one step further, if they were aware of the feelings that had consumed them a moment ago, if one of them dared to actually move closer, to confirm the need they both shared and could be fulfilled… If he actually was the person Aeris dreamed he was, if the world was so perfect as to have them both neglect the petty dignity and the sense of past. It if was, then maybe they would have been enveloped in a fire of passion, no longer registering anything else but the other… Maybe the twofold destiny could have taken place, and maybe it would have been the beginning of the tragic but nevertheless unbelievably beautiful… the very thing that made the poets penniless yet thrive, the very concept which one can't dare to dream of, might have gotten a hold of them…
However this is where the limitation of the world, where you are required to breathe in order to kiss, where you experience utter pain before you grow… The reality which shatters the fantasy, making the innocent lie in the dark, turning their minds into that of their surroundings… the very "world" which separated the mortals from the Cetra.
Author's Note:
You guys might not notice it… but compared to the others, this chapter is a lot more direct, and… I think it's kinda funny. (That's just me though.)
My style has definitely changed… for the better or worse. I want to portray the emotions that goes through the characters' minds vividly… you might notice that I tried when you read the first part of this chapter (the giddy Aeris) and others. (Don't tell me you haven't acted like Aeris at least once) Oh, and "bloody thing called time ^^ " and such. That doesn't mean that I'm not gonna relapse back to my incredibly wordy, very unclear and abstract writing which I am fond of and no one understands.
But overall…
I'm sorry!!
SOB!!!
… I'm sorry if this is a huge decline from the last chapter. Last chapter, I was inspired, excited by the notion of creating some romance. I knew where to stop, in order to make it not so OOC.
Then I was stuck. I couldn't go ahead with the romance, because… you know, pplz just don't fall in love two days after they meet.
But… then… how do I back out of this cliff which I have so unwittingly set myself up for!! Good grief (^^), talk about digging my own grave.
Another reason is that I was, and will be REALLY busy from now, which leaves me very little time to write.
Another reason is that I am comparing this chapter with the last, and the last seems so much better… and it is discouraging me to continue this fic. But I decided that it is the stupidest reason to discontinue a fic. I actually like how this turned out… is it ok? ^^ I know I can do better, I know I can… mebbe not on this chapter, but mebbe the next? Or the next one after that? I will somehow top myself…
I am seriously babbling…
If you got any ideas, or any comments, just e-mail or review me. On the last chapter people were saying that it was ok to take it slow… which is what I'm gonna do. I really appreciate your feedback and ideas, which I will try to incorporate into the story. If you see faults, feel free to alert me of it, so that I may fix it.
Okees, review please… I really appreciate it (did I say this before already? ^^)
Got any story line suggestions? THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY WELCOME!
Ps. I used "gods". Although pplz usually say "God" to indicate some kind of emotion, whether it be exasperation, awe, whatever…
The reason was that I saw many ff fics w/ 'Gods' instead of 'God'. Am I right in this?
Pps. I think I would describe myself as a romantic. I want to believe that ideals can actually come true, overcoming all obstacles… and I don't think I'm alone in that, since such people have glorified the concept of love into something that seems unattainable. However that doesn't mean I'm not even gonna try… I don't want to live like anybody else, just marrying for the sake of it.
Ppps. I like what I wrote up above. (My Pps) Arg, if I only could somehow incorporate that into the story… ^^
Pppps. This AN filled the whole page. It's almost getting longer than the chapter itself. WHAT am I doing!
The night was dark, as if a cloak was draped over it. From afar, the chirping of nocturnal birds and crickets softly rang. And the two figures stood, visible only by the burning fire in the lonely cave.
Gods, his touch…!
Aeris was breathless, dazed by the glow of his sedate green eyes. Through them she had tried to imagine that she could see the little boy huddled in the lonely corner… But now it was beyond that. When he touched her cheek, a sudden rush of emotions – that humans often have for no apparent reason – overrode her mind. She gazed at the… beautiful… eyes – so exquisite to be almost haunting. Somehow, with them not a foot apart, in this lonesome cave in the dark, with his hand resting on her cheek… gods, she felt as if her heart would tear through her chest.
She wanted to believe.
She wanted to believe that beneath the frigid chill of his words, there was a hidden meaning screaming to get out. She wanted to believe that, underneath the apathetic eyes that calmly gazed into her own, actually meant something else… She wanted to believe that his heart pounded as much as hers, and that he, too, was intoxicated by this– and that he, too, could not think… She suddenly longed that somehow his eyes would water, and that she would be right – That her belief where everyone, given the chance, could be poignant, ardent… that everyone knew, deep inside, that such… crazy… things could happen, and that it indeed had.
It was… strange.
She did not say a word, neither did he. His fingers gently caressing her skin – the simple gesture that held so many different meaning. And Aeris was almost tempted to close her eyes and lean into his touch, to allow herself to melt… However she didn't, having grasped a hold of her last string of reason. Her eyes shined with something akin to anticipation. Something stirred in her heart that made her hold her breath, awaiting the sign that her destiny was about to unravel…
It was so picturesque… so unlikely yet seemed so right… it was… it was…
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
Romantic.
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
How… melodramatic it is, to be fanciful.
Those of you who dream of fairy tales… Will your knight in his shining armor ever arrive?
Once he does, do you think your first kiss will seal your fate?
Would everything be so perfect?
… can you truly believe it's true?
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
If only…
That she knew that certain sapphire eyes shed tears – for the first time in ten years – hoping and longing…
He was like a prisoner in Bastille, locked up in the dark cell, forced to talk to himself day by day just to retain his voice. He had given up long time ago to be rescued from the bleak walls surrounding him – he had stumped on the seeds of longing for light, the innate ability to dream, in exchange for complete apathy.
He thought that when you reached a certain time, the struggle would become easier, the beast that beat his heart when a breeze blew through the window, taking over him with the mad desire to get out of this place, to the meadows of green where he so yearned to be… He thought that time would somehow kill the boy inside of him who heartbreakingly yearned for someone to…
He tried so hard to be impassive… but can one really resist? When, in truth, your stoic expression is a basic defense for yourself from the harshness of the world? Can you keep your heart shut out when the undying voice in your mind keeps whispering that the time – the time which you thought was a lie, a myth, just a foolish dream – has indeed come?
No matter how hard he tried not to… could he really resist from falling, being sucked into the endless pit – closing his eyes and plunging into everything that he tried to forget, swearing that it was the last time, the undying burning of his soul tempting him once again?
… How he regretted taking the fall.
… How ironic that, at the exactly the same moment, two people can wish for such different things?
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
He was being chased for his life by this bloody thing called time, which kept ticking, threatening to explode, until he clutched his head and struggled arduously to get a hold of his sanity.
He didn't know what to do.
The "mission' was a burden, something that weighed down on his shoulders until he felt he would sink to the floor. Everything around him closed in like quicksand, the more he moved the more trapped he felt.
It wasn't the loss that plagued him, but rather his admission of it – every passing moment depleted his hope of finding her – and he tore through the forests in desperation, his azure eyes serving as the only light to illuminate the utter black.
The members were helping. The mystique enchanting aura that enveloped her had drawn all of them – even Barret, whose sole aim in life seemed to be to dethrone Shinra – owed his debt for saving Marlene.
But they only saw her as a slum flower girl who had joined the party. Selfless and beautiful, pleasant and earnest. But they couldn't see…
The fear tightened its claws on his heart, the emptiness of the place chilled his very being.
She was…
No matter how one suppresses it, one can't lose the stream of hope that flows through his soul. The heat of his blood when he ran was no more of a sign that he was alive then what he felt when he was taking in her smile.
The one who could say hello first. The one who could smile out of sheer kindness. The one who could… to put her little hand on his shoulder, to smile, to giggle, to make a joke… in the end making him grin in spite of himself… gods, to do such little things… that, for him, meant everything.
Do you know how much strength it takes to be the one who reaches out first?
As he sat by the fire, he recalled her hands on his, the fateful night when he finally saw that the girl in front of him meant more than anyone had ever had.
Ironic…
For what seemed like the thousandth time, he learned… The one who would dare to care – once it was stripped off of him, who would possibly understand the void that he felt… the void that seemed to empty his very soul, draining him of even himself – the former self who could brush things away?
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
Her companion had his head buried in his hands, his golden hair reflecting the light of the fire. Everyone was silent.
She wanted to say it was okay. She wanted to say that they would find her, that she was sure that Aeris was okay.
Why was it that her tongue was tied whenever she looked at his pained face, and that she felt a pang in her heart – that prevented her from even coming near him?
Something more than the bare fact that she could never be sure of Aeris' safety stopped her from encouraging tomorrow's search.
She could do nothing but stare back at the fire, trying not to acknowledge the admission to herself.
She was always forced to just look… to just stare at him from the shadows, while the brunette was smiling at him, talking to him, making him laugh, taking his hand… did she really have no idea how insane she drove her? Always just pretending to be busy, pretending that she didn't care, just pretending, living in this façade in fear of rejection… And she watched as the stranger – she might as well as fallen straight from the sky – somehow melted his ice, and took a chunk of his heart – that, she with all her heart, thought belonged to her.
… was it so horrible to feel this way?
So she kept her quiet, and once again, did not say anything.
Gods, the silence was deafening.
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
Aeris did not have an idea as to what to do next.
Yes, unfortunately, real life stories don't end there.
The unrestrained surge of ebullience, almost tangible as it soared through her body, made her – although she tried to suppress it – let out a small gasp and laughter… and it was so out of place! But… the sheer excitement of it made it impossible for her to keep still, preserving the magical air.
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
The two figures were instantaneously caught up in different emotions.
Guilt.
The silver hair contrasted itself with the sunlit golden spikes and the forest green eyes suddenly changed itself to blue.
How he held her hands, laughing, his blue eyes sparkling with something she didn't understand. How she felt in the lonely tent, thinking of him, worrying for him, the tremendous error which made her cry in the midst of night?
Sephiroth's eyes – the struggle to contain what was welling up in his chest, the confusion, the fear – she saw it all – not because he showed it, but because she knew it.
…Cloud…
…
Sephiroth could not grasp what this was leading to.
Caught up in the moment… What the hell was he doing?
Somehow she had awaken the… the part of him which he thought was lost… He now thought he was no longer capable of feeling anything other than anguish and determination. He had accepted the tragic fact, he had no longer questioned it throughout his life – but, when the question had been uttered from her lips, he had an inexplicable desire to… to do what?
When he touched her face, he almost wanted to flinch… but he didn't, partly because he did not want to, and partly because he didn't want to be seen as if he was running away from what seemed inevitable.
Impulse.
Hadn't it been?
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~
"Sephiroth, I…"
Aeris began, only to be extinguished down by the sudden change of atmosphere – the mutual intimacy she thought was present was now gone, leaving her with utter confusion and awkwardness.
…What had she been expecting?
The disappointment was bitter… And the conflicting thoughts in her heart… A part of her wanted to suddenly wrap her arms around him and bury her head in his chest… The other part of her did not know what to do, and it only registered the seemingly cold glare the general now glanced at her with.
He was too inhuman for anyone to relate.
Sephiroth, as if it was planned, did not do anything to ease her… He was almost nursing the seed of a thought, one that both would regret – the thought that made it even more impossible to have something like this ever happen again, the idea which rang with earth-shattering clarity.
…I'm fraternizing with the enemy.
The sense of wrong, disgust, confusion, and awkwardness all climbed up her chest and she suddenly no longer knew what she was doing.
Confusion and awkwardness had somehow transformed themselves into something that neither of them knew how to deal with, making the initial thoughts even more unbearable.
Neither of them were willing to admit what had taken place, neither was aware how… real… it had been, neither of them could possibly acknowledge through their heads, that the possibility that the few minutes led to was something none of them could even imagine.
She wanted to clasp his hands, to put her arms around him, then maybe he would react the same way? … Maybe, for one day, she is allowed to forget everything that has confined her to this day – the sense of right and the duty she was born with – couldn't she sacrifice it just for now? Couldn't she, possibly, maybe…
…Biting her lips, Aeris backed away from him.
She might as well just have taken an ax and shattered the fragile chain which momentarily bound them.
… As if this was all planned.
Sephiroth simply – so simply, refusing to acknowledge that… something HAD been here, refusing to admit to himself and not letting her do the same either – turned around.
If he had just stayed there, if he didn't move away… Gods, why did you, Sephiroth? Couldn't you give me a chance to…?
The betrayal brought tears to her eyes and she could barely suppress it.
Looking at his unrelenting back, she slowly was filled with a sense of vengeance… How could it turn out to be this? The realization that there had been no betrayal to begin with… made her feel pathetic. She realized how vulnerable she had been, and her honor refused to let her forget it – The simple minutes – How it could affect a person, taking one to the edge of euphoria to the state of misery the next?
She suddenly ran out of the cave, getting out of there as fast as she could.
Sephiroth did not follow her.
Having found a stream, she wiped her face of his touch with the cold water, as if it could erase what had passed between them. Crying and blubbering, her tears became indistinguishable along with the dripping water from her face.
Sephiroth watched, from a distance… He watched as one girl he touched cry, he watched as she disgustedly wiped away his touch… he watched as his final confirmation that the dreams did not belong in the reality, took place.
…
If either of them had taken it one step further, if they were aware of the feelings that had consumed them a moment ago, if one of them dared to actually move closer, to confirm the need they both shared and could be fulfilled… If he actually was the person Aeris dreamed he was, if the world was so perfect as to have them both neglect the petty dignity and the sense of past. It if was, then maybe they would have been enveloped in a fire of passion, no longer registering anything else but the other… Maybe the twofold destiny could have taken place, and maybe it would have been the beginning of the tragic but nevertheless unbelievably beautiful… the very thing that made the poets penniless yet thrive, the very concept which one can't dare to dream of, might have gotten a hold of them…
However this is where the limitation of the world, where you are required to breathe in order to kiss, where you experience utter pain before you grow… The reality which shatters the fantasy, making the innocent lie in the dark, turning their minds into that of their surroundings… the very "world" which separated the mortals from the Cetra.
Author's Note:
You guys might not notice it… but compared to the others, this chapter is a lot more direct, and… I think it's kinda funny. (That's just me though.)
My style has definitely changed… for the better or worse. I want to portray the emotions that goes through the characters' minds vividly… you might notice that I tried when you read the first part of this chapter (the giddy Aeris) and others. (Don't tell me you haven't acted like Aeris at least once) Oh, and "bloody thing called time ^^ " and such. That doesn't mean that I'm not gonna relapse back to my incredibly wordy, very unclear and abstract writing which I am fond of and no one understands.
But overall…
I'm sorry!!
SOB!!!
… I'm sorry if this is a huge decline from the last chapter. Last chapter, I was inspired, excited by the notion of creating some romance. I knew where to stop, in order to make it not so OOC.
Then I was stuck. I couldn't go ahead with the romance, because… you know, pplz just don't fall in love two days after they meet.
But… then… how do I back out of this cliff which I have so unwittingly set myself up for!! Good grief (^^), talk about digging my own grave.
Another reason is that I was, and will be REALLY busy from now, which leaves me very little time to write.
Another reason is that I am comparing this chapter with the last, and the last seems so much better… and it is discouraging me to continue this fic. But I decided that it is the stupidest reason to discontinue a fic. I actually like how this turned out… is it ok? ^^ I know I can do better, I know I can… mebbe not on this chapter, but mebbe the next? Or the next one after that? I will somehow top myself…
I am seriously babbling…
If you got any ideas, or any comments, just e-mail or review me. On the last chapter people were saying that it was ok to take it slow… which is what I'm gonna do. I really appreciate your feedback and ideas, which I will try to incorporate into the story. If you see faults, feel free to alert me of it, so that I may fix it.
Okees, review please… I really appreciate it (did I say this before already? ^^)
Got any story line suggestions? THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY WELCOME!
Ps. I used "gods". Although pplz usually say "God" to indicate some kind of emotion, whether it be exasperation, awe, whatever…
The reason was that I saw many ff fics w/ 'Gods' instead of 'God'. Am I right in this?
Pps. I think I would describe myself as a romantic. I want to believe that ideals can actually come true, overcoming all obstacles… and I don't think I'm alone in that, since such people have glorified the concept of love into something that seems unattainable. However that doesn't mean I'm not even gonna try… I don't want to live like anybody else, just marrying for the sake of it.
Ppps. I like what I wrote up above. (My Pps) Arg, if I only could somehow incorporate that into the story… ^^
Pppps. This AN filled the whole page. It's almost getting longer than the chapter itself. WHAT am I doing!