Remembered Beauty
The cool water washed over her body and she sank down, letting it embrace her. Serenity filled her, as it always did in this spring. She sighed and let her troubles fade away for just a moment. She sighed and rinsed her hair, its long tangles unwinding and becoming silky smooth once again.
She rose from the pool and stood shivering slightly on the sandy shore. She staggered a little, as the weight of her body pressed down once again on her old bones. In the water, it hadn't mattered, she had been light once again. She steadied herself and turned around. The pool was rippling but these faded as the water grew calm. She gazed down at her reflection. Old. She breathed out and let the water ripple. The image which settled this time was different. She stretched her limbs out and watched the young elegant girl in the water do the same.
She didn't know whether it was of who she once was or of who she wanted to be, both perhaps. She examined the naked body that was once hers. Smooth skin, in place of wrinkles, a curved figure. Beautiful. Not wanting to look away, but shivering, she reached to the rock where she had placed her towel and took more time to examine herself and reflect.
She detangled her hair and the girl in the water did the same. With an effort, she moved the muscles in her face. The reflection smiled back at her. To anyone observing, she looked as if she was grimacing in pain. She sighed, knowing this as a fact.
She hadn't noticed she was aging at first. Her hair had always been white, and seemed to be barely touched by time now. It was the lines at first. She had smiled too often and paid the price for it. Then her skin too changed. Her bones started to ache, her beauty, like a flower, began to wither, only to be remembered.
She wondered why she was doing this, this sweet torture. She knew that all she had to do was touch the water and she would become the girl in the reflection. She could create this illusion of the past, and she could undo the aging process, be young again. The temptation was overwhelming. But she held back. Although it was the hardest thing, she held back. She quietly reminded herself that everyone has to age someday. Everyone has to die. Even her. Pray that it wouldn't happen for some time yet.
She heard a noise behind her and saw, outlined against the rising sun, the figure of a person observing her. His hair had always been white too. Her eyes were glazed slightly, remembering once was. She snapped back to reality as he spoke.
"Do you regret?"
"What do you think?" she asked.
"Well..." he started.
"Of course I regret, you fool!" she snapped. "Every minute of the day, I regret. I know I have the power to undo the past, to change what once was. I regret that we didn't make it end differently. I regret that we are alive to see the pain continued over and over. I regret that we have to age, to grow old. I regret more than anyone else."
He made an effort to move over to her, perhaps to comfort... but he held back.
"Taiitsukun..." he sighed.
"Begone, Byakko!"
"Farewell, mother."
He left.
His words stung Taiitsukun, like he had intended them to. She reached out her hand but held back and let him go. Mother? Yes, she was. And she had spoken the truth, if only part of it. She did regret. She regretted creating the world at all, when it was doomed to pain. Where had it gone wrong? She had started off a young child, laughing and dancing. She had created the four gods, and felt her own limitations press in on her. To be a mother, she had to grow up. So she did. But it was okay, she didn't mind. But then she had doubts and fears. The demons were born. Yet her four children borrowed hope from another world, to revive their world, and light continued, hope was not vanquished. But every time they summoned a miko, she felt a bit of herself fade, as her world was modified by outsiders. She grew bitter.
Then she discovered this spring. She had meditated and then used it to scry what she once was. She realised that she was aging but she had the power to claim power once again. But she didn't give in to the temptation, though it was still as strong now as it ever was. To be omnipotent and powerful once more... but she had lost most of her innocence. The world would suffer more for it. So would her children. She wept at what she had become.
It was in the spring that Nyan Nyan was born. She created her out of the last bit of innocence and joy she had left. The wonder and happiness of being alive each day. The laughing spirit. Nyan Nyan had to be a child of course. Any older and she too would become like the rest of them. Taiitsukun didn't want that. She wanted someone to look at for reassurance that there was still simplicity out there.
Where was Nyan Nyan now? Sleeping in the sunlight. Taiitsukun tried a smile, shifting her wrinkled face, although it was hard. Looking at the child, she felt the millenia press down on her. She gazed once more down at the girl, her reflection, then slapped the water. The water rippling from it landed on Nyan Nyan's face and she stirred then licked a droplet off her lips. Taiitsukun smiled, for real this time.
"I do not regret. But it hurts."
Skipsida's Ravings:
Woah! I wrote something serious?! Well, I actually came up with this idea while I was getting washed. I was looking in the mirror, wondering what I'd look like when I was old. Yes, I have weird thoughts at times.
Hands up who thought this was Subaru at first? I was trying to go for that effect because I doubt many people are interested in Taiitsukun. She is a really neglected character!
I decided to take liberties with Taiitsukun's past and the creation of Nyan Nyan and the gods, but I don't think it really matters how they were created. This is a kinda AU story, it's a bit hard to imagine Taiitsukun as being anything else but old and scary!!