I'll stand by you, a yami no matsuei fanfic

Fandom: Yami no Matsuei
Title: I'll stand by you.
Pairing: Hisoka + Tsuzuki
Rating: PG
Description: Hisoka takes Tsuzuki out. Since he can't say what he wants with his words, he's thinking that food and karaoke will do the trick. (Sweet and waffy. *gasp* Almost happy.)

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei is created by Matsushita Yoko-sensei. The song 'I'll stand by you' is by The Pretenders. As always, songs that are mentioned in my fics, unless said so, they are my own lyrics. ^_^v

I'll stand by you.
By Miyamoto Yui

I saw that distant look in his eyes again as we finished our meeting. It was already adjourned, but there was Tsuzuki in front of me with his hands folded over one another. He leaned his elbows on the table and watched the window.
It almost looked serene and sorrowful at the same time. I couldn't even sigh as I watched him intently.
The silence was killing me and I couldn't even open my mouth. What was I supposed to say at things like this? It was so unlike me to say, "Just stop it. I can't stand you being like that."

So, I sat there watching him. And then, he looked at me. "Oi."
Blushing, I pretended to be reading my book.
"You don't have to hide behind that book." He leaned his head on his palms and was now watching me. Smiling, he poked my forehead. "I caught you."
I scowled at him and really read my book this time. "You think too much."

It was true. I wasn't lying, wasn't I?

He scruffed the top of my hair and laughed, "You always worry about me."
"You're just the type to worry people," I replied monotonously, continuing to read my book without meeting his eyes.
"Hisoka…" He pulled down my book. "Why are you avoiding my gaze?"
"Nothing." I cleared my throat, but I couldn't control the warmth on my cheeks.

He really does have beautiful eyes.
Did I ever tell you that I love your eyes?

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Becoming a puppy, he pawed at my sleeve. "Ne? Why are you looking at me like that Hisoka?"
I laughed and got up.
"Phew, I thought you were mad at me or something." He sighed in relief.
"Oh, no," I answered.

I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself for not being able to tell you the things I have on my mind.

I found myself saying, "Let's go out, Tsuzuki."
Tsuzuki gave me a serious look with concerned eyes. "Are you sure nothing's wrong?"
I shook my head. "I just want to go out. Come on, let's go."

Maybe I can do it this way…
Maybe if I take him out then he'll begin to understand what I'm trying to say.

I took my jean jacket from the back of the chair and walked towards the door.
But, Tsuzuki wasn't following me. So, I turned around to say, "Well, are you coming with me or not?"
He nodded. "I'm coming."
Sighing, I pointed at his collar and walked up to him so that I could fix it. "Really. Do I have to always take care of you?"
He stuck out his lower lip playfully, nodding. "Uh-huh. Yes, you do."
It was then that I laughed and shook my head.
"You're cute when you smile." He cleared his throat when he walked out the door before me.
"I know."
"Now who's being egotistical? I give you a compliment and then you say that?"
Blinking, I whispered while walking past him, "I only smile for certain people."

+/+/+/+/+/

All afternoon, we walked around the city and wandered over to a little pastry shop. I stood in front of it and said, "Wait a minute here."
"Oh, okay."
I went into the shop shaking my head. After ordering, I walked out with closed eyes, tinged a little in annoyance. At myself, I mean.
Looking away, I held the bag out to him. With my usual suave and blunt air, I said, "For you."

Geez, have I fallen so hard for you that I can't believe I'm doing this? What happened to my edge? What happened to the Hisoka that gave death glares-

He blinked at me in delight and smiled happily. "Thank you, Hisoka~!"

He happened, that's what. Argh.
When were you such a sucker for cute expressions from Tsuzuki…?!

His eyes lit up as we walked along. After a few second, Tsuzuki tugged on my sleeve. "You got my favorite! Thank you thank you thank you!"
I nodded without a change on my stern face.

We then walked into the park and sat down to rest under a tree. I leaned my back on the tree and put my hands in the back of my head. Tsuzuki sat next to me while delicately opening the bag and took out the cake carefully so that no icing would be lost.
He ate it joyfully in silence and glimpsed at him several times while smirking to myself.

When he was finished, I took out a napkin. "You're so messy. Hold still."
Taking his chin, I wiped the small dots of icing over his mouth. "You even eat like a little kid."
"I was excited though."
I sighed as I finished. "I know, I know."
I patted his shoulder. "Come on, let's go eat dinner."

After two hours, I almost regretted taking my glutton of a partner to dinner. We did the whole 'no, I'll get the check' bit. But, since it was my idea to take him out, I paid for it.
"You don't have to do that," he insisted as we walked out of the restaurant.
I put my hands in my pockets and shook my head. "I've never seen you smile so much ever since we've met."
He stopped walking.

I never thought I would say that.

He came next to me. "Thank you."
I shook my head. "No problem."
Right then, I stopped and pointed to the karaoke shop in front of us. "Let's go here?"
"Sure, why not?" he replied.

We went in and sat down as the hostess gave us the song selection books and showed us how to use the machine. "Have fun."
We nodded as Tsuzuki answered, "We will. Thank you very much."
"I didn't know you liked to sing," Tsuzuki commented as he looked through the song titles.
"As long as it's just us, I'm okay with it. I'm not the best singer in the world, but it's the best way to relieve stress. Well, that's what I think."
Tsuzuki nodded in agreement. "True, true."

We sang for two hours and though I was worried about how much I had spent all day and maybe would regret it, I began to not really care.

For once, I could honestly say, we were enjoying life.
We were being happy...

I could see it in Tsuzuki's eyes when they twinkled as he sang song after song. I sang once in a while, but I just watched him.
"Okay, last song, I promise," he announced at last. His expression became serious as he said, "Hope you like it."
Clearing his throat, he grabbed the mic tightly with his eyes closed. His foot tapped with the fast beat as he began to sing.

I've never seen him like this before. It's like he's transformed...

"Wakaranai. Wakaranai.
Uso to iu ka?
Kono kotoba wa boku no yume
demo...

Can you reach me?
Can you reach me?
Jibun no naka de,
ienai, nakitai yo.

I want to reach for you.
Do you understand me?
Kono omoi...
oboeteimasu ka?

Te to te
Me to me.
Miseteru.
But I feel like I'm not there.

Ima, touku yume wa
boku no mae ni.
Oshienasai,

Tell me,
boku no kokoro ga motto kowashita?
Humans are not meant to live this way.
Aisenai to omotte
Dekinai.

Pick up the pieces that I can't fix
I push you away
Don't care if I say I don't love you
Kill me if you must
But don't ever lie to me.

(whisper)
Want to touch you
Want to feel you
Why can't I feel you're near
when you're in front of me.

You tell me you love me
with your eyes.

Kowashita jibun
Gurasu no kagami ni
Datenshi
Namida ga koboreta,
demo kimi ga mienai.

Pick up the pieces that I can't fix anymore (hold me closer)
I push you away (because I want you near me)
Don't care if I say I don't love you (when I really do)
Kill me if you must (I don't care anymore)
But don't ever lie to me. (That would be worse than death.)"

The melody finished and I looked into his eyes. I smiled while clapping. "I didn't know you liked Nittle Grasper's 'Don't lie to me' too! That's one of my favorite songs!"
He bowed his head as he sat next to me and handed me the microphone. "Your turn."

I stood up and watched my song come on the screen. My heart began to race along with the nervousness I felt through my fingers as I held the microphone.
But with all my heart, I sang what I could never say,

"Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes.
Come on and come to me now.
Don't be ashamed to cry.
Let me see you through,
Cause I've seen the dark side too.

When the night falls on you,
You don't know what to do,
Nothing you confess could make me love you less.

I'll stand by you.
I'll stand by you.
Won't let nobody hurt you.
I'll stand by you.

So, if you're mad,
Get mad.
Don't hold it all inside,
Come on and talk to me now.
And hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too,
But I'm a lot like you.

When you're standing at the crossroads,
Don't know which path to choose,
Let me come along,
cause even if your wrong

I'll stand by you,
I'll stand by you,
Won't let nobody hurt you,
I'll stand by you.

Take me into your darkest hour,
and I'll never desert you.
I'll stand by you.

And when, when the night falls on you, baby
You're feeling all alone,
You won't be on your own.
I'll stand by you.
I'll stand by you.
I'll stand by you.
Won't let nobody hurt you.
I'll stand by you.

Take me in into your darkest hour
and I'll never desert you.
I'll stand by you.

Until your darkest hour,
And I'll never desert you…
I'll stand by you."

I bowed my head shyly. "I know my English isn't that great but-"
GRAB.
"Tsuzuki..." my voice trailed off.

He shook his head, whispering, "Don't say anything. Just let me hold you."

I hugged him back as I placed my head over his with a soft smile on my face. I kissed him on the top of his head and continued to hold him.

Owari.
-
Author's note: Wouldn't you know it? I was sitting with my father's laptop thinking, "What do I do for Winnie?" and then God answered by putting on the radio at that moment, "I'll stand by you." That's how this fic came about.
But, * sigh * I had to make this from Hisoka's pov only because I think I can relate to him the most. I talk a lot in real life, but I can never express my feelings except through my stories or singing. It's kind of strange that way.
Okay, here it is Winnie. Hope you liked the fic I made for you after you got mad at me for writing about Muraki. :p I tried to put a little angst and cute waffy moments as you asked me to.
I spent so much time on this one. whoa. But I really, really love it.

Translation to Tsuzuki's song for those interested:

"Wakaranai. Wakaranai.
Uso to iu ka?
Kono kotoba wa boku no yume demo...
[I don't know. I don't know.
Did you say a lie?
These words are my dream, but...]

Can you reach me?
Can you reach me?

Jibun no naka de,
ienai, nakitai yo.
[Inside of myself,
I can't say. I want to cry!]

I want to reach for you.
Do you understand me?

Kono omoi...
oboeteimasu ka?
[These thoughts...
Do you remember?]

Te to te
Me to me.
Miseteru.
[Hand to hand.
Eye to eye.
Staring at one another.]

But I feel like I'm not there.

Ima, touku yume wa boku no mae ni.
Oshienasai,
[The faraway dream is in front of me now.
(Commanding you to) Tell me,]

boku no kokoro ga motto kowashita?
[Why is my heart so broken?]

Humans are not meant to live this way.

Aisenai to omotte
Dekinai.
[I think, 'I cannot love'.
I can't.]

Pick up the pieces that I can't fix
I push you away
Don't care if I say I don't love you
Kill me if you must
But don't ever lie to me.

(whisper)
Want to touch you
Want to feel you
Why can't I feel you're near
when you're in front of me.
You tell me you love me
with your eyes.

Kowashita jibun
Gurasu no kagami ni
Datenshi
[The broken self
In the glass mirror
The fallen angel]

Namida ga koboreta,
demo kimi ga mienai.
[Tears had fallen.
but you can't see them.]

August 10th, 2002