You Don't See Me

by Nicolette1

**COMPLETE 8/10/02**B/S Fic. Buffy’s mean to Spike and he takes it but for how much longer? Post-Gone w/ spoilers for DT I think but whatever I took from that ep I changed and made it work for me.

2. Chapter Two

Part Two

The next morning came and Buffy was feeling the strain from lack of sleep.  All night she had tossed and turned, unable to calm her chaotic thoughts.  Looking at the clock she saw that it was barely seven and got up to fix Dawn breakfast.  This was something that Willow and Tara had done for Dawn to help establish a routine while Buffy was dead and it had continued after her return.  Now that Tara had moved out and Willow was out of sorts, the task fell to Buffy.  It was not one she enjoyed, mainly because she couldn't cook but also because it reminded her of everything that was wrong with her world. 

Buffy looked up as Dawn entered the room,  "Dawn, I cooked you breakfast.  Well actually I toasted you breakfast.  Frozen waffles.  Yum."  She tried to smile cheerily at her sister.

"Thanks."  Buffy noticed that Dawn didn't appear much happier than the last time they spoke.  Logically it was going to take time but Buffy was never big with the patience.

They sat in silence for a few minutes and Buffy noticed that Dawn was more fidgety than usual.  Something was working in her head.

"Okay, Dawn, spill it."

"What?"  Dawn kept her head down and shoved a forkful of waffles in her mouth.

"I can tell that you want to say something so just say it.  I can take it."  Buffy put on her most encouraging I'm-your-sister-and-also-your-friend face hoping to coax Dawn into speech.

Dawn hesitated briefly before saying in a rush, "Buffy, I did some thinking last night and I decided that-well, I want to see Dad."  Dawn had yet to raise her eyes to meet those of her surprised sister.  Buffy hadn't known what to expect but Dawn's desire to see their absentee father was not even in the ballpark.

"Oh.  Okay, I'll call him and see if he can come down next weekend.  How's that?"  Buffy smiled reassuringly but doubted that their father would have the time for them.

"No.  What I mean is I want to go to L.A. and spend a week with Dad."  She finally looked at Buffy.

"But, Dawn, what about school a-and your friends and-" Dawn cut her off.

"Buffy, I am getting good grades and I am all caught up on my class work.  Dad can call my teachers on Monday and ask them for any work I might miss.  It will work out, I can study while Dad's at work, just like school.  Except I won't be in a school building and there won't be any teachers but I'll be doing homework, so it will kinda be like a school type thing.  Please Buffy."

Seeing the pleading look on Dawn's face, Buffy didn't wan to deny her this but she also didn't want to let Dawn go so far away from her.

"Why now, so suddenly?"  Buffy knew the answer but she wanted to hear Dawn say it.

"I just need some time away.  From Willow. A-and you.  Don't be mad Buffy but I really think that this will be good for me."

Buffy looked at the floor trying to conceal the hurt that Dawn's words caused.  For the gazillionth time she wondered if she was making the right choice letting Willow stay.  Softly, "What about Dad?  He is so busy, maybe he won't have time to spend with you."

"I talked to Dad last week and he told me that whenever I wanted I could come down.  You too."  From the look on Dawn's face it was clear that she was hoping Buffy would opt out.  And she would.  She couldn't handle any serious discussions with her father right now.  Maybe she never could.

"I guess it's okay."

Dawn's face brightened.  "Thank you , Buffy, thank you."  She jumped up, her half-eaten breakfast forgotten, and hurried to the front door.

"Wait!"  Buffy called, "I'll call Dad and make sure that it's okay and I'll ask Xander and Anya if they will drive you to the bus station.  Where are you going?"

Dawn was mostly out the door when she turned and said, "I'm going to the mall with Janice, her mom just pulled up in the driveway.  See ya!"

Buffy stood staring after her for a minute before moving back into the kitchen for dish duty.

"Xander make sure that you and Anya stay with Dawn until her bus comes. Oh and watch to make sure that she actually gets on the bus."  After a stiff and formal conversation with her father Buffy was not feeling any better about sending Dawn out to L.A. but realized that this was not her decision.   Now standing with Xander and Anya as they prepared to take Dawn away Buffy felt empty and alone.

"I'm sure that we can handle it, Buffster. It's not like we had planned on pushing her out of the car as we drove by."  Xander tried to affect a wounded look and failed miserably.

"Oh, and I'll pretend that she's money.  That way I know that I won't lose sight of her."  Anya was smiling widely.

"I'll be okay, Buff.  I can get on a bus by myself."  Dawn shifted impatient to be on her way.

"Call me when you get there.  And if for any reason you want to come home early call Xander to come get you." 

Xander put his arm around Buffy and gave her a gentle squeeze.  "She'll be fine, Buff.  No worries, our little Dawnie is a trooper."

"Thanks again for doing this."

Buffy watched them walk to the car, gave one last wave and slowly walked back into the house.  Willow was coming down the stairs.

"Dawnie got off okay then?"  Willow didn't look any better than the day before and Buffy felt alarmed.  How long was Willow going to be in this funk?

"Yeah.  She just left with Xander and Anya.  Will, how are you doin'?  Do you need anything?"

"Don't be so nice to me, I don't deserve it."  Obviously Willow was having a difficult time of it today.

"Of course you do. Do you want me to stay in with you tonight, maybe watch the tube and eat chips till we swell up and explode from all that salty goodness?"

Willow offered a wan smile.  "No that's okay, you need to patrol.  Besides, my parents called and they want me to join them for dinner.  I usually find an excuse but they refused to take one this time, so I'm off to do my daughterly duty."

"Okay, Will."  Buffy hugged her friend and tried not to let her relief show.  "Remember, if you need anything, just let me know."

"I will, Buffy, thanks."  Willow turned and headed back upstairs.

The burden of worrying about Dawn had now increased but at the same time it felt as if a weight had been lifted now that she was gone.  It wasn't that Buffy didn't want to take care of Dawn, she was completely committed to it, but the break would be nice.  It would give Buffy a chance to think about things.  Spike things.  Buffy needed to find a way to make peace with Spike and herself.  It was unfair to have it upset Dawn.  At least that is what she tried to convince her self of as she made her way to Spike's crypt.

"Spike!  Are you here?"  Buffy crashed through the door with her usual flair but had yet to find Spike.

Buffy realized that Spike wasn't in the crypt, if he were she would have felt him.  Her senses were always attuned to the vampires but since she and Spike had become intimately involved her intuition had become stronger in relation to this particular vamp.  When Spike was near his essence flooded over her, cool and sensual and like nothing that she had ever experienced before.  The metaphysical link to Spike was just another reason she had for running from him.  It was just too much for her right now.

Buffy felt deflated.  She had hoped to get this over with as soon as possible and had taken the entire day to work up all the courage she could muster for this necessary confrontation.  So she decided that she would wait for his return.

Buffy sat in Spike's chair inhaling the familiar scent of Spike.  All smoky and something else, something that was all male.  Buffy relaxed and sank farther into the chair, closing her eyes and breathing deeply.  Unbidden the memories came.  Spike holding her against his hard body whispering words of sex and love both struggling to control and possess the other. 

"Well, Goldilocks, looks like someone's been sittin' in my chair."

The sardonic voice jolted Buffy from her reveries and unnerved that he had caught her off guard, Buffy immediately jumped to the defensive.

"Where have you been?"  Her voice was harsh, more so than she had intended.

"Oh, I'm sorry.  Wasn't aware that I had a standing appointment for an ass kickin' from the Slayer tonight."

Spike was standing in the doorway looking pissed off and incredibly sexy.  God he was hot, no matter what mood he was in.  Buffy shook her head and tried to focus on the reason she had come here.

Buffy's tone softened, "Spike I didn't come here to fight."

"Then you shouldn't have come, cuz I'm just itchin' for one."  Spike's lips widened into an arrogant grin, "Or maybe you came by here hoping for a rousing fuck from your pet vamp."

"NO!  Spike, I need to talk to you."  Buffy hated it when he put the walls up and what she hated more was that she was the cause of it more often than not.  "I came here to a-apologize."

"Whoa.  The Slayer makin' nice with the likes of me.  Try not to choke on it or better yet, do."

"Spike, cut the crap!  This is hard enough as it is, the least you could do is make it a little easier on me by not being such a prick."  As soon as the words were out she immediately regretted them.  One day she was going to have to gain control of her mouth.

"Easier?  That's rich comin' from you!  You've done your level best to ride my ass at every opportunity.  Now you're standing in my house, which you came into without permission, asking me to take it easy on you!  You really are amazing."

Okay, she deserved that.  Sorta, but she wasn't done trying to talk to him.  She tried again, "Please, Spike."

Spike looked at her, sitting in his chair, and found it nearly impossible to keep his emotions at bay.  She was beautiful, she was stubborn and his natural born enemy and by some cruel twist of fate he had fallen in love with her.  Deeply.

"Fine.  Say whatever you came to say and then go."

Buffy watched him walk into the room, closing the door behind him, to sit on the bier facing her.  "Well?" he said, "Are you just going to sit there staring or are you gonna talk?"

"Spike, I-" God this was hard.  "I know that you kept your promise to look after Dawn while I was gone and I want you to know that it really meant a lot to her and to me.  I was wrong to treat you like I did last night.  It's been hard for Dawn since I've been back and I haven't been able to do anything to help her and that make me feel so inadequate where she is concerned.  So I guess I took it out on you and I'm sorry for that."  Her words were rushed and after her little speech the silence settled in.

After a few moments Spike finally spoke.

"Are you finished?"  Spike's voice was empty and hard.

"Uh-yeah, I guess-yes."  Buffy was confused, wasn't he supposed to accept her apology and smile or something?

"Right then.  Goodbye."  He rose from his seat on the bier and walked to the door, opening it.

Buffy watched Spike standing by the door, obviously waiting for her to leave, feeling shocked.  This wasn't the way it was supposed to work out.

"Oh.  Okay."  She made no move to leave.  "Spike…"

"What were you expecting, Buffy?"  A hint of desperation crept into his voice, "Tell me and I'll do it.  I would do anything at this moment to get you out."

Spike had used her name.  He never used her name.  This was definitely bad.  Tears formed behind her eyes and there was tightness in her chest.  Well if he wanted her gone, she was gone.  Without another word she abandoned the chair and walked into the night.

The soft click of the door closing echoed through the crypt.  Leaning his head against the door, Spike fought the urge to pull it open again and call out to her to come back, not to leave him.    He hadn't wanted her to leave, not really.  Some small part of Spike had held out hope that she wouldn't leave, that she would fight to stay, fight to remain by his side.  Of course he knew that she would not. 

When he had walked in and seen the Slayer in his chair he'd had to restrain himself from slinging her over his shoulder and carrying her down to his bed.  The demon in him had wanted to imprint himself on her and make her his but the demon was controlled by Spike and Spike knew that this was not the way to deal with his reluctant consort. 

Then she had apologized.  He didn't want apologies he just wanted her to recognize how much he loved her and the lil' bit, and that he wanted to help them through this rough patch.  Wanker.

God, he was tired.  Tired of chasing her.  Tired of being rejected by her.   From the beginning he had felt that their affair came with an expiration date, that one day she would walk away from him and never look back.  When she was near him he could convince himself that she would eventually come around, that she would have to admit that she felt some affection for him outside the physical.  But then she would leave again and the doubts and the fear of never seeing her again would overwhelm him until he thought he would surely go mad. 

When he left Sunnydale he should have stayed gone.  But even back then she enthralled him, held his attention.  They were mortal enemies who could not kill each other only fight to a draw, equally matched in wits and muscle.  It was glorious, it was doomed and he wanted to quit.

Spike pushed himself away from the door, lit a cigarette and began to pace, wondering why he still wanted to go after her.  Hadn't he just made up his mind that he wasn't going to play anymore?  Right.  If William had ever had any impulse control he would never have become Spike.  If Spike had ever given up on something he wanted he never would have gotten this close to his dream.

Fuck it, he was going after her.

Buffy was shocked.  She had gone to him to apologize and he had kicked her out.  Again.  What was happening here?  This is so not how she had envisioned this ending.  Didn't he understand how difficult it had been for her to admit that she had been wrong?  Didn't he care?  What did he want from her?  What was she willing to give?

Without a doubt Buffy knew that Spike thought he loved her, but how could that be real.  Vampires were not big with the love and tenderness and then there was the inescapable fact that Spike had no soul.  So whatever he felt, it wasn't love.  Not by her definition.   But she couldn't deny the things Spike had done in the name of love.  Taken care of Dawn, helped her friends, been a friend to her when she couldn't be around anyone else.  Reluctantly she admitted that it had meant something to her, the way he sat with her and listened to without judgment without recriminations.  Spike had showed…depth.  Undeniably, Spike had been the only one to keep her from careening over the edge of the emotional abyss that loomed before her.

Buffy was still standing just outside his crypt unable to move away like she knew she should.  She wanted to go back and talk to him, make him explain why he was so angry.  Was it over?  Maybe it was good that Spike ended it because she lacked the strength to do it on her own and she knew that this thing between couldn't continue indefinitely.  It was…wrong.  This wasn't her.

Yet she remained there staring at the door he had closed in her face.  Spike was behind that door.  Spike of the amazing cheekbones and penetrating eyes.  Spike whose hands and mouth made her body sing and whose body made her legs weak. 

Without conscious directive her hand raised to knock on the door, but before it could make contact it swung open and the focus of her contemplation stood before her.

They stared at each other for a small eternity, each one wanting to say so much yet neither one capable of speaking the words.

Suddenly Spike tensed and his eyes shifted from hers to a spot directly behind her.  Before she could react she felt Spike's strong arms push her to the ground.  Quickly regaining her composure she turned her head just in time to see Spike impaled through the midsection by a wicked looking dagger.  A dagger wielded by a nasty looking demon.  The demon seemed almost as surprised as Spike at this turn of events since it was apparent that the intended target wasn't Spike but the Slayer.  Seeing that Buffy was still non-hole-y seemed to confuse the demon. Buffy sprang to her feet with the intention of killing it but before she could take any action the creature disappeared into a dazzling light that seemed to emanate from thin air.  The last thing she saw before it vanished was a bright orange glow coming from its neck.

Buffy ran to the injured vampire feeling stunned that he had taken a dagger meant for her in order to save her life.

"Spike!"  She saw him sag to the ground, his legs no longer able to support him.  "How bad is it?"  

Their earlier argument forgotten for the moment, Buffy knelt down beside him and lifted the hem of his shirt to assess the damage.  "There is a lot of blood, did it stick anything vital?"

"As if it mattered.  I'm not likely to die from this.  Hurts like hell, though."  Spike hissed in pain as she gently probed the wound with her fingers.

"It looks deep, Spike, let's get inside and bandage you up."  With her help he managed to make it back inside the crypt where he sat down hard on the bier.  He'd been stabbed before, hundreds of times in fact, but for some reason this felt different.  The pain was burning like acid throughout his body and he felt a weakness that couldn't be completely contributed to blood loss.  Spike remained quiet not wanting to voice his concerns.

Buffy was busy cleaning the wound but there was so much blood, her hands were covered in it.  Looking into Spike's face she could see his eyes begin to glaze.  "Spike!  Stay with me.  Shouldn't the bleeding have almost stopped by know, what with the supernatural vamp healing?  I mean, I'm no expert on vamp first aid but there should be more not bleeding right?  Spike?  Damn!"  Buffy caught him as he passed out and gently guided him into a prone position on the rock slab.

This was strange.  The dagger had penetrated deeply but she had seen him wide-awake and cursing after receiving worse injuries than this.  Just then his eyes fluttered open again.  "Slayer?  What's happening?  I feel…off."  His voice was weak and Buffy began to worry in earnest.  She had to find out how to fix him.

"Spike, do you remember the demon who attacked us?"

"Um, yeah.  Stuck me like a pig the prick." Understanding dawned in his eyes, "Poison, I think."  He was beginning to loose consciousness again.

Buffy raised her voice, "Spike, I'm going to the Magic Box.  I'll find out what kind of demon this was and what we need to do.  I'll be back soon."  She didn't want to leave him like this but she had to find out what they were dealing with.

"Promise?"  Spike's voice was so faint she almost didn't hear him and before she could reply he passed out again.

"I promise Spike."

Please let them be there.  As Buffy rounded the corner to the Magic Box she spotted Xander and Anya locking the doors as they prepared to close up for the night.

"Hey guys!"  Buffy called out as she approached.  "I need your help."

"What's up Buff?"  Xander saw the strain of worry on her face and the blood on her hands.  "Are you okay?  What happened?"

"A demon attacked and Spike was stabbed but he thinks there was poison in the dagger so I need to find out what kind of demon we're dealing with so that we can help Spike."

"But you're okay, right?"  Xander's brow was drawn together in a frown.

"Yes, Xander, I'm fine," Buffy said impatiently, "but Spike isn't and we don't have a lot of time."

"Well, normally I'm not the liking demons guy but I think I'll have to track this one down and shake his hand.  Please tell me that Spike is in a lot of pain."  The worry was gone replaced by a quasi-evil grin.

"I don't have time for this Xander.  I need to know what this thing is and what it wanted."  Buffy saw that Anya was already unlocking the door and hurried over to her in order to avoid dealing with Xander any further.

After turning the lights back on Anya turned to Xander with a pout, "Does this mean we aren't going to have time for bath tub frolicking?  Not that I don't want to help but it's just that I was looking forward to orgasms tonight.  You can understand can't you Buffy?  Well maybe you can't.  How long has it been anyway?"

"Gross and none of your business.  Just point me in the direction of whatever can help me find what I'm looking for and then you are free to terrorize bubble baths everywhere."  Buffy tried hard to block that particular mental image from her mind.  Ugh.

"Oh, Buffy, Anya was just kidding.  Of course we want to help." Xander shot Anya a hard look.

"No I wasn't.  The books your looking for are right on the shelf to the left of the shelf you are currently looking at."  Anya walked over and helped Buffy grab the books.

"Anya, are you sure?  These books look new.  We have never done research with new books before.  Don't they have to be all dusty and moldy?"

Anya sighed in exasperation and ignored the question.  "What did this demon look like?  Was he purple, have two heads?  Was he bilingual maybe?"

"Huh?  Bilingual?  Um, I don't remember him speaking, only stabbing with a pointy object.  What is this, The Dummies Guide to Demons?  Is this for real?"  Buffy held the book up to show the others.  When no answer was forthcoming Buffy returned her attention to the tomes in front of her.  Books.  Yuck.  Buffy was never one for the books.  Giles always did the research and…the pain of Giles abrupt departure was still too recent and Buffy made a mental left turn in order to avoid any further upset.

"He was big.  Not like Shaquille O'Neil big, but big.  And he had three horns on top of his head that made it look like he was wearing a tiara.  After he wounded Spike he just disappeared.  Poof."  Buffy wondered if Spike was still alive or un-alive or whatever and felt an urgent need to have this over with.

"Was it a poof poof or more of a shimmery portal thingy?"  This from Anya.

"I don't know Anya.  Just gone.  Maybe shimmery," Buffy tried to hold on to her temper, impatience making her fuse very short.

Xander was thumbing through the pages of the book in his lap.  "No, too short.  Too non-horny.  Hey did you guys hear that?" Xander was laughing at his unintended joke.

"Honey, it's not good to laugh at your own jokes.  People will think your stupid.  Kinda like that joke."  Anya smiled fondly at her flustered fiancée.

"Right.  Back to looking for unknown demon guy then.  Hey this one has horns, oh no, nevermind.  You said that your demons horns were on his head.  Oh wait those aren't horns.  Oh my God.  Have you noticed how X-rated these books are sometimes?  I for one am offended."

Buffy rolled her eyes at Xander and tried to focus her attention back to the research.  Too much time had gone by since she left Spike at his crypt.  Was he okay?  What if…no.  I will not let that happen.  I won't lose anyone else.  Not even Spike.

"Oh, oh!  Is this the one?"  Anya was waving her book around excitedly in Buffy's face.  Buffy looked at the picture and recognized the gnarly face immediately.

"Yes, that's the one.  What does it say?"

Xander took the book from Anya and read to himself for a minute.

"So, what does it say?"  Buffy was trying to keep her emotions in check.

"Buffy this demon wasn't after Spike, it says here that this is a Hand-job demon.  They participate in ritual sacrifice to an unnamed Hell God.  Oh, good, cuz that is exactly what we need so close on the heels of the last one.  These demons dimension hop in order to find the female sacrifice needed for any one of a thousand rituals and that the daggers they use are coated in a special poison made from the ashes of a serpent native to their demension.  The poison is meant to cause immediate weakness in the victim, presumably to transport them easier, followed by death."

"Hand-job?"  What?

"Honey that says Han-jaad."  Anya was squinting at the book over Xander's shoulder.

"Just demon randomness then?  Much easier to deal with then another apocalypse, blabbity blah, or hell on earth. Does it say if there is a magical antibiotic for this poison?"  Pleasepleaseplease.

"Hm let's see.  Yeah right here.  It says that the demon carries the antidote, made from a mixture of their blood that has a natural immunity to the serpents poison and from the poison itself.  Buffy did you see the demon carrying around a bag marked antidote in big bold letters?"

Buffy thought back to her brief experience with the demon.  "Maybe, right before it disappeared I remember seeing an orange glowy thing around its fat neck.  That could be it.  Great, now I just need to find the demon and get the antidote."

"Um, Buffy?  There's some bad news."

"Wait.  What was the good news and would you mind repeating it so that I can give it the appreciation it deserves."  Buffy should have known that there was a catch.  There is always a catch.

"Apparently this demon can slip through dimensions and time and the only way to call it is by a magical summoning.  From a witch."  Xander looked at Buffy questioningly.

Willow.  She was the only witch they knew who might be powerful enough to conjure a demon from another realm.  But they couldn't ask Willow.

"No.  We can't ask Willow.  Tell me there is another way."  Buffy was resolved.  She would not risk what little progress Willow had made.

While Xander and Buffy discussed their lack of options, Anya continued to read.

"This is good.  It says that once the demon has set their sites on a particular sacrifice they won't give up until they've captured it.  Wow, harsh."

"Um, An, how is that good?"  Xander was back to his perpetually confused state.

"Well, all Buffy has to do is wait for it to reappear and grab the antidote from it."  Anya looked pleased with herself.

"Fine.  I can fight, I'm good at fighting but what do we do about Spike in the mean time?  Who's to say that the demon will reappear in time to help Spike?  You said that they travel through time as well as dimensions so it's possible that it could show up tomorrow or ten years from now!"

Spike was going to die because of her.   No way would she give him the satisfaction.  He would just love knowing that he sacrificed himself to save her and her world would be just a little emptier without him in it.  Asshole.  Suddenly a thought occurred to her.

"Do we have to help Spike?"  Xander's petulance was beginning to get on Anya's nerves.

"Xander!  Remember that Spike helped us with Glory, we owe him."  Anya stood with her hands on her hips looking down at Xander slumped in his chair. 

"I'm not going to let Spike die after he just saved my life.  Now if you don't want to help then don't."

Buffy had an idea and it just might work.

"I've got to go.  Thanks for the help."

"Hey, Buff, I was only kiddin' around.  We'll stay and keep looking through the books."  Xander was looking at Buffy apologetically.  One day he was going to have to reconcile Spike's presence within their tight circle but it wasn't going to be easy. 

"No.  Go home.  I can take care of this."

"At least call us if you need anything, okay?"  Xander took Buffy's hand and squeezed it tightly before she turned and exited the Magic Box.

Xander turned back to Anya and said, "I'm worried about her, do you think she'll be alright?"

"Well she is the slayer."  Anya's non-answer didn't do anything to lessen Xander's worry but he allowed himself to be led out of the shop by his demanding fiancée.

Buffy was standing outside Tara's dorm room waiting for a response to her knocking.  She wasn't sure of the extent of Tara's powers in witchcraft since the focus had always been on Willow's amazing abilities but Buffy had no one else.

Tara opened her door with a look of surprise at finding Buffy standing there.  "B-Buffy.  H-hi."

"Tara, I need your help and I need it quick.  Spike's poisoned by a demon.  I don't have a lot of time to explain right now but will you come with me?"

"W-What type of poison?"

"All I know is that it's made from the ashes of some funky serpent."  Buffy waited for Tara to digest the information and tried not to let her impatience show. 

"Come in.  I need to gather some supplies and we can go to Spike.  Buffy, I don't know if I can help him but I'll try."  The earnest expression on the other blonde's face made Buffy feel a surge of gratitude for her willingness to help Spike.

"Thanks, Tara."

After a few minutes the two girls left the room and headed back to the crypt.