Part Thirteen
When in doubt, patrol. Yup here she was again, walking the same cemetery waiting for the seedier side of the supernatural to make an appearance. There was one thing a slayer could count on and that was the never-ending supply of demons and boogeymen to choose from.
Buffy welcomed the physical exertion that would help her forget the continuous
mental strain she had been living with, the kind that no aspirin could
relieve. She had to admit that the
haze over her soul was beginning to dissipate and knew that the one part of her
still holding on to heaven was finally beginning to accept her renewed role as
one of the re-living. While not
overjoyed she was at least feeling calmer.
There was actually potential for resolution to some of the more
troubling issues she was dealing with as far and Dawn, Giles and the Scoobs but
there was still one thing that Buffy felt needed to be dealt with and it was
quite possible that she might never get the chance. Buffy also had the demon threat hanging over her head. It made her uncomfortable knowing that at
any moment-oops speak of the tri-horned one.
"Knock and the door shall open." Buffy quoted from one of her favorite movies. There really must be something to the whole self-fulfilling prophecy shit.
Buffy crouched into a fighting stance and waited for the inevitable to walk through the shimmery portal and found to her surprise that where there was once a single demon, he had arrived with several friends.
"Oh, how sweet. You brought reinforcements for little ole me. Am I blushing because I think I'm blushing."
Faced with four horny demons (hee, hee) Buffy was glad that she had decided on some of her more serious weaponry tonight. Holding her battleaxe in the ready she called out in a sing song voice, "Come and get me boys." God what was with the movie quotes tonight?
As one the demons advanced and with a surge of energy the slayer was off.
She kicked and punched and swung her axe causing damage to the fearsome foursome. After dispatching two of the demons she felt her strength beginning to flag and wondered if she should just cut her losses and run towards safety About to head for the trees, Buffy was surprised to see the demon in front of her lose his head. And by lose his head she meant it was gone, flung to some far corner of the bone yard by the sweeping stroke of a sword. A very large broadsword to be exact wielded by a ver blonde vampire.
"Wicked." Buffy was impressed, Spike's timing was perfect.
"Buffy, behind you!" Spike was running towards her.
Buffy turned in time to see the last demon launch an arrow in her direction. It was coming at such a high rate of speed Buffy barely had time to swing her arm out and deflect the arrows aim sending it harmlessly into one of the stone monuments.
"Hey! You could have killed me, prick!"
Buffy's protest fell on dead ears because Spike had made it to the demon and was currently hacking him to small kibbles and bits.
"Um, Spike? I think he's dead, or she's dead."
Spike stepped back from the pile of demon chunks at his feet and looked over at her.
"Nice toy. Where did you get it?" Buffy asked.
"Not that it's any of your business but I got it from a friend." Not that Angel was a friend and he hadn't actually given the sword to Spike but he wasn't in the mood to argue semantics with the slayer. Besides he could probably get a nice wad of cash for it on the net.
Buffy sighed.
"No need to get defensive I was just curious." She walked over to where he was standing and looked down at the
demon remains. "I hope this the end of
this particular cult attraction."
Receiving no response from Spike, Buffy looked over to where he was standing to discover that he was no longer standing there. Swinging her head around she saw him walking in the general direction of his dank crypt.
Maybe I act on
Confused behavior
Maybe waves crash
Like semi trailer
Maybe I'll spend
My off time without you
"Spike! Wait up!" Buffy jogged to catch up with the vampire and grabbed his arm to stop him.
Jerking his arm from her grasp Spike stopped but didn't look at her. "Spike I have to talk to you," Hadn't she already played this scene? "It's important. I need to explain a-and apologize, again."
It seems like we need
Our own space
And all the time
I wasted away
I don't feel good
Unless you stay
Spike finally turned to her with a small, tired smile across his lips. "No, you don't."
"I do. The way I've treated you is…wrong. I don't expect you to forgive me, hell I can't even forgive myself, but please don't leave again."
Spike barked out a self-deprecating laugh. "Already tried that. Couldn't stay away."
And all the times
I chased you away
Simply to catch
Back up with
"When I found out you were gone I felt relieved," she saw the pain flash in his eyes, "but then I realized that I only felt that way because I didn't have to face you and what I had done, what I have been doing to you. I didn't have to look at the evidence of my own sickness. I abused you, Spike, in the worst way. I took advantage of your feelings and used that to punish you."
"I thought you said a demon couldn't possibly have real feelings."
Your solitude is welcome
You attitude is welcome
"That's what I told myself so that I could deal with you. So that I didn't have to acknowledge them and what that would mean to me. Spike, since I have been back my world has been so small and suffocating and the only time I could breath was when I spent time with you so I kept going to you and using you to make me feel better and only succeeded in hurting us both over and over. You became my escape and I resented you for that. I wondered why did it have to be you, why not my friends or my sister or anyone but you."
All you see is red lights
Behind me
Maybe this isn't
What you wanted baby
I don't blame
You falling backwards
No one's ever quite
Confused you this way
Buffy looked into Spike's sharp blue eyes and found them full of sadness and understanding and it broke her heart, neither one noticing that a light rain had begun to fall.
And all this time
We wasted away
We don't feel good
Unless we're gray
And all the times
I chased you away
I simply don't feel good
"I kept us a secret because I was too ashamed to admit that I didn't want help from anyone I only wanted to forget and push it all away hoping that all of the chaos inside me would just disappear if I could ignore it hard enough. But it didn't and it only made me angrier at everyone and everything but especially at myself." Her tears had begun to mix with the rain that fell gently on her face.
"After I blew the lid off of the secret and you left, I was denied my escape and forced to deal with the aftermath and I was able to discover that I want to live, that I want to be involved in the lives of the people I care about. So I wanted to thank you and tell you that everything you have done for me really meant something."
Your solitude is welcome
Your attitude is welcome
Spike reached out a hand to lightly caress her damp hair and looked into her eyes that for once shone with honesty. He fought down the urge to ask her what role he could play in her uncertain future and smiled at her instead. "Knew ya'd figure it out eventually. Well I gotta run I forgot to take the blood out of the fridge before I left and it's probably gone wonky on me."
Spike dropped his hand from her hair and turned to resume his trek back to the crypt when Buffy stopped him again.
"Spike there's something else. When I
told you I could never love you-I lied."
All this time
We heard alarms
Come to find
We fell apart
Spike wished he could rewind the tape to hear her say it again because he was afraid he might be hallucinating. "Uh, repeater."
"I lied when I said I could never love you. I mean I'm not saying that I do, love you that is but I don't think it's impossible." Buffy cursed the flush she felt stealing up her fair skin and wondered if it was dark enough to disguise her embarrassment.
This whoe thing has
Crashed down
Crashed down
All this time
We heard alarms
"I finally figured out that normal isn't my reality, it belongs in a fairytale so I'm giving up the search. Spike, I don't know what is going to happen but I know that I won't be HappyBuffy overnight and what I wanted to tell you is that, well, no matter what happened between us you have been my friend and I don't want to loose that. It's nice having someone to watch my back when I'm patrolling and you make me laugh." Buffy reached out to grab Spike's hand. "Not to mention we are…compatible and I would like to see where that could lead if you do."
"Compatible? To say the least, pet."
Spike heard the truth of her words and felt the real force of her emotions. What she had given him was more than he had ever expected to see from her and he knew that no matter what he would do everything in his power to love her and keep her safe. Always.
"So, are you gonna leave me hangin'? I wouldn't blame you at all if you told me to fuck right off and stay the hell away from you." Buffy was nervous and scared that he would reject her after all the trauma she had put him through.
Your solitude is welcome
Your attitude is welcome
"Well now, I could do that but I don't want to. You know I love you and if you want me around I'll take up on your offer but know this. I will do everything in my power to convince you that we belong together and that there will never be anyone else for you."
"Come on then, walk me home. I missed you and there is a certain young lady that has been threatening me with bodily harm if she doesn't get to see you soon."
You are welcome
The couple walked in the direction of Revello Drive still holding hands.
"Chicks dig me."
"Whatever, perv. God this epiphany crap can really give a girl a headache."
"Yeah, that and demon spankin'…"
"Hmmmm demon spankin'…"
"Ya know what cures a headache, luv…"
The End