(Hey everyone, I'm so excited to post this chapter, it is one of the most important ones in the story. I really hope you like it and if you have any questions you can leave it in the comments or you can pm me. Also I love reviews so if you liked the chapter I would love to know what you thought! Enjoy!)
Dinner was uneventful, Rex and Dagger stood on opposite ends of the room constantly scanning the room. Near the end of dinner Anakin snuck off and returned with two plates of food for the troopers. Rex clipped his helmet to his belt and practically inhaled the food with how quickly he ate. Dagger on the other hand just politely waved off the General's offer.
Anakin didn't take offense to the refusal, he had expected it anyway, and just mentioned that he would leave it somewhere if she wanted to come back and get it later. Dagger smiled under her helmet. It was the gesture that counted anyway and the General always looked after them.
Soon enough the pair of soldiers were summoned to Duchess Satine's personal quarters. Captain Keb ushered them inside. The Duchess was sitting on a chair facing the sofa. They sat across from her and waited for her to speak.
"Please, take off your helmets so we can converse comfortably," she requested.
Rex took off his helmet and set it in his lap, but Dagger remained still. She looked at the clone in question and Dagger said, "The helmet stays on."
Satine let out a polite laugh, "How very Mandalorian of you. Very well. I have asked for you to come because of the dagger you carry."
"I didn't take it from anyone and you can't take it from me," she spoke up, her voice strong. It left no room for argument. Rex rested a hand on her knee giving her a warning look.
"You are fashioned from Mandalorian DNA are you not?"
She nodded and Satine continued, "If you would allow the dagger to be taken from you then you would be betraying that DNA and the heritage of that blade."
"I wouldn't," Dagger insisted.
"Good, however it does sadden me to see it again. I am quite sure that you have seen the inscription on the blade. That is the heritage blade of the Kotep'an bloodline. One of the oldest Mandalorian families, a bloodline that stretches back over six hundred years by the lowest of estimates."
"I was told that the last owner of this blade gave it away. The man who gave it to me said that a traveller had lost their child and had no one else to pass it on to. The shopkeeper held on to it for a long time and then gave it to me when I met him."
Satine listened intently, "I hoped it was not true, but it seems that the worst has come, and many years ago at that. At the beginning of my reign, there were many who disagreed with the new direction of Mandalore. Death Watch was formed in opposition, a terrorist group. I sent the Captain of my personal guard to them as a spy. He was the only one willing to volunteer. He would give us valuable information on attacks that Death Watch had planned and he saved many lives. Then suddenly his transmissions stopped, I had hoped that he was just going deeper undercover, but if what you say is true then he is surely dead."
Dagger took a moment to absorb all of that, "What was his name?"
"Sif Kotep'an. He was a good man, a true Mandalorian and a close friend of mine."
Rex chimed in for the first time, "And the child?"
"If they are still alive they are the last of the Kotep'an line. However, for Sif to pass on the dagger to a stranger, it is unlikely that they survived. Sif's wife died in childbirth. You, Dagger, are now the one who will have to carry the burden of the Kotep'an family with you. An honor, but a burden," Satine said.
Dagger squared her shoulders, listening closely. She was willing to do as the Duchess asked but she didn't know if she would be able to. How could she continue a family heritage? She was just one defective clone.
The Duchess seemed to sense her hesitation, "It doesn't matter who your father was, it only matters what kind of a father you will become. This is a common saying in our culture. Please take care of this weapon and remember all those who held it before you."
"How can I honor them if I don't even know who they are?" Dagger asked, she desperately wanted to do as she asked but had no way to achieve such a thing.
Satine gestured to Keb and he brought forward a datapad that he handed to Dagger, "This contains all records of the Kotep'an line. Every battle and war that they ever fought in, names, spouses, and children. I know that you have no use for last names in your profession, but if this wretched war ever comes to an end will you consider taking the Kotep'an name as your own and continue the tradition that they held?"
"Of course," Dagger responded quickly. All of the Kotep'ans were gone and if she could be a part of something bigger than herself she would do it in a heartbeat.
"Mandalore thanks you Dagger, should you ever need assistance from us you can always ask. That blade works just as well a key as it does a weapon, opening doors you didn't know were even closed."
"Thank you," Dagger stood and left as they were dismissed.
~B~
"So no pressure right?" Rex asked.
"Yeah, no big. Not like the ruler of an entire world just asked me to carry on the legacy of an ancient family that I have never and will never meet," Dagger responded.
"Dagger Kotep'an, you have to admit it has a nice ring to it," Rex commented.
She nodded in agreement, it was a good name. She hoped that someday she would be able to use it. She hoped she would be worthy to use it.
Once back in the corridor where they were staying, Rex checked in with the rest of their team. Apparently, each room had a holoscreen, so everyone who was not currently needed was content to stay put in their rooms and out of trouble. Surprisingly, Fives was even staying put, he had passed out hours ago and Cricket was drawing tattoos on his arms with washable armor. He assured Rex that everything would be covered with his blacks and was washable.
Rex met Dagger inside their shared room. He started to shed his armor in preparation for a shower, "Aside from that crazy knowledge dump, at least dinner was good."
Dagger hummed nonchalantly. She was too busy scanning over the new datapad in her hands to really listen to him. Except when she heard a heavy thunk as his helmet hit the floor. She turned to ask what was the matter when her brain stalled out.
Rex was pulling the top half of his blacks over his head. Dagger realized for the first time that she had never seen him undressed. Of everyone who wandered around the barracks naked before or after showers, he had never been one of them. She knew that she should probably look away. She certainly shouldn't be so openly staring, but looking away felt like a sin.
His shoulders were broad and thick muscles corded over his arms and torso. To her surprise his skin was not unmarred. Small white scars littered his skin. One large, but fading scar sat in the middle of his chest.
She wanted to ask where he had gotten it. However, he was a decorated veteran and it was easy to assume that he had gotten it on some war torn planet. Dagger finally pried her eyes off of his undressed torso and looked up at Rex's face. Her cheeks flushed as she realized that he was looking right at her.
His smile widened as he saw Dagger's helmet tilt slightly to look at his face, "Like what you see?"
Something possessed Dagger to respond in kind, "Lookin' like a full meal Rex."
He laughed, but then immediately froze, "Oh no. You didn't eat 'cause of that blasted helmet! Why didn't you say something earlier?"
"I'm fine, I ate before we left, remember?" she said and shook her head at him.
"No, it's not ok. You need food, you are too skinny as it is," he rifled through his pack and pulled out a ration bar, it was all he had. He handed it to her and she accepted with a nod of gratitude.
He sat on the bed and started to unbuckle his boots and leg armor. Grabbing a set of night clothes from his bag he spoke, "I'm going to take a shower, want to join me?"
Dagger sputtered at the statement, eyes bugging wide, "Kriff Rex, are you trying to give me a heart attack?"
"Trying to do something," he replied cheekily.
"Don't play with me Rex," her voice turned sad, "We will both end up getting hurt."
"I'm willing to risk that," he said with a shrug of his shoulders before disappearing into the bathroom, the door latched closed behind him.
Dagger let out a groan and flopped back onto the bed. Why does he have to be so, so Rex? He was a clone for goodness sake, they were all supposed to be identical. Yet he was special. He looked at her differently than everyone else, he treated her differently.
It was easy to talk to him, he was genuine and had never questioned her. She should have known better than to warn him to stay away. She wasn't one hundred percent sure if he was flirting, but it felt like he might be. If he was, then it would probably stop after tonight anyway, after she told him.
Dagger's mind wandered back to her secret as she pulled off her helmet and ate the tasteless ration bar. She hadn't ever intentionally told anyone, yet there were four that knew. None of which she wanted, and it had happened anyway. She wanted choice, she wanted some semblance of control of who knew. She would be devastated if that choice was taken from her again, especially with Rex. She wanted to be able to tell him of her own free will. Not due to an injury, not being forced by an enemy.
If everything was going to be ruined, if her life as she knew it was going to be over because of this secret, she wanted to be the one to decide. It didn't matter if the end result would be the same, she would be the initiating factor.
She thought about telling him now and it was as if her whole body was on fire. It made her anxious and she hated it. There should be nothing holding her back from telling him, but there was always that voice in the back of her head that told her that he would hate her. It told her that he would never accept her and that she would lose whatever it was between her and Rex.
Her heart raced at how easy it would be to just get it over with right now. She could just leave the helmet off without preamble and he would walk out of the fresher and see her face.
She didn't feel like that was fair, she needed to at least warn him. She needed to explain. She had already promised to tell him and she would, she just hadn't gotten the chance to do so yet. Tonight, just a few minutes more.
She heard the shower shut off and she slid her helmet back on. Dagger sat on the bed, chin resting on her knuckles, deep in thought even though her heart pounded.
Rex emerged from the shower in his sweatpants, he was towelling off his short hair. He saw Dagger sitting on the edge of the bed, staring down.
"You ok Dagger?" He asked.
She looked up to respond, but whatever she had been about to say stalled in her throat as she took in his appearance. No shirt, loose pants and a fuzzy towel over his head. He was hot and cute at the same time and she did not know how to handle it.
He walked over to his duffel, bare feet padded softly on the floor. Rex grabbed a sleep shirt and pulled it over his head before he went and sat next to Dagger on the bed. She had to admire the way that the thin cotton material clung to his shoulders and chest. He broke her out of her thoughts when he said, "Shower is clear if you want. I promise I won't bother you."
She looked at him and took in a deep breath. She tried to push down her nerves as she convinced herself that it was now or never. Rex practically felt her anxiety and a look of concern crossed his face, "Hey, are you ok? If I was doing too much all you have to do is tell me. I don't want to make you uncomf-"
"I have something I need to show you," she interrupted, now or never. It has to be now.
Rex went quiet and looked at her patiently. He nodded and she continued, "I've never taken my helmet off in front of anyone before. At least not willingly. I hide myself because I'm ashamed of what I am. I don't like to look at my face, on Kamino I was taught to hide what I am. The Madam told me that my brothers would never accept me for who I am-"
"Dagger," he tried to interrupt. To say anything that would make him understand that he would be accepted. To convince the man that Ker'taa had been wrong.
She put a hand on his thigh and he fell quiet again, "But now I know she was wrong about how to treat clones. And I think I'm starting to understand that what she did to me was wrong too. And maybe, just maybe, she was wrong about what you would think of me."
"She is, I swear to you Dagger nothing could make any of us, nothing could make me not care about you."
She spoke slowly as if trying to stretch time. To delay what she was about to do, "I really hope that is true. I want to be the one to show you, I want to have that choice this time. I need you to know who I am. If you want to kick me out of the 501st I will understand. Honestly, I didn't expect to get this far anyway. Thank you for everything Captain Rex. I just hope you don't hate me as much as I hate who I am."
Dagger started to reach her hands up to her helmet, her fingers brushed the bottom edge. Rex sucked in a quick breath, his hands darted up and grabbed her wrists, "Wait! Dagger, please."
She paused, but didn't lower her shaking hands. She was so nervous she didn't know how long she would be able to wait for him to get out what he wanted to say.
"You don't have to do this. You owe me nothing, if you don't want to show me your face you don't need to. I know everything I need to know about you. You are strong, dedicated, and loyal, you are the best trooper I have ever met. I don't need to see your face to know that," his voice was sincere and he looked into her visor, trying to get her to believe him.
She smiled and leaned forward, bumping her helmet gently against his forehead, "I know I don't need to. That's the point, I want to show you. I don't want to hide from you anymore. I want you to know who I am."
Rex looked at her through her visor and she felt her heart rate skyrocket. He nodded and let go of her wrist. She reached out briefly and pressed her hand to the side of his cheek to feel the warmth of his face, this may be the last time she was ever allowed to touch him. The secret had to come out, she couldn't keep it in anymore.
Dagger took a deep breath. She reached for her helmet. She looked at Rex's face one last time, she savored the way he looked at her. This may be the last time he ever looked at her as a friend, as someone he trusted. She worried that he might hate her, but she had just enough faith to believe that he wouldn't.
The latch hissed as it released and the helmet lifted away. The motion felt foreign and wrong. All of the instincts that had been trained into her were screaming at her to stop, she didn't listen. She had taken off the helmet, it was over, everything out in the open. She looked at him and for the first time her eyes met his with nothing but air in between.
Rex forgot how to breath. Dagger just took off his helmet. His face was beautiful. Dagger was beautiful. Dagger was… Not a he?
He just sat there mouth slightly agape, dumbfounded and in awe. Dagger looked nothing like what he had thought that he would. Rex had been expecting to see a face like his own, covered in scars. What he saw was a girl, a woman. Brown eyes, strong nose and jawline, but feminine in all definitions of the word. She was soft in all of the ways he could never be.
As if on it's own accord, his hand rose toward her face. He paused for a moment, his hand a fraction of an inch away from her skin, "May I?"
She nodded and he gently touched her face. Her cheeks were slightly sunken from wearing the helmet so long and he smoothed his fingers over the divots to alleviate the feeling of compressed skin. His fingers brushed over her cheek and then back to run over her hair. It was light brown, almost mousey in color. The top was just long enough to flop slightly instead of sticking straight up, the sides were buzzed down.
He looked into her eyes and saw the searching expression. She was waiting for him to say something. He let out a breath, "Dagger. You are beautiful."
She blinked and her head backed up just a fraction. Rex smiled and ran his fingers gently through the soft hair on the top of her head, "Amazing. I just- I never knew what you were hiding under the helmet. Under such a hard exterior, I never knew."
He grasped the sides of her face softly and he held her gaze with a gentle awe, "You are a beauty in a bullet's shell."
She blushed bright red and he smiled. He could see her face now, he could see the wonderful expressions across her face, "You aren't mad?"
He let out a short laugh, "Mad? Never. How could I be mad when you trusted me enough to show me yourself?"
"I lied to you. I hid from you. I- I'm defective, I could never be as good as you or any of our vod because I'm a mistake," she tried to explain.
He felt a wave of sadness thinking about what had made her think like this. The way that she had been abused and tormented during training. Conditioned to think that she was a mistake, "No, you are not defective. You want to know why?"
She looked up at him with pleading eyes, "Why?"
"Because only the finest soldiers in the GAR are assigned to the 501st. I think we are the lucky ones to have you assigned to Torrent company. You are not a mistake Dagger, you never were. You are a gift."
Dagger could feel emotion welling up inside her and she threw her arms around Rex. He returned the hug immediately and stroked the back of her head. She felt herself shiver at the foreign sensation. Her face pressed into his neck and she could feel his heat on her bare skin, "Thank you Rex."
He held her tightly and smiled to himself. Dagger had trusted him enough to show him her secret, his heart soared at the knowledge. Sure he was shocked that she was a girl, but really he was just happy that she didn't have scars all over her face.
"Anything for you," he said. Stars, she was so beautiful, like an angel out of a dream. She was amazing. He could look at her for hours and he just might do so if given the opportunity.
"Hey, wait a second, did I see you on Coruscant? That night you snuck out to the club?"
She froze and looked up at him, guilty, "Possibly, I don't really remember what happened that night. I was kinda drunk."
He laughed, truly laughed, "Why is it you like getting into trouble so much?"
"Rex?" she asked, ignoring his question, "You can't tell anyone. I told you because you are my Captain, but I'm not ready for everyone to know just yet."
"And here I thought you told me because I am special," he joked.
"You are special to me Rex, that's why I trusted you."
He nodded, "I promise I won't tell anyone. You and your secret will be safe with me," sincerity shone bright in his eyes and Dagger couldn't quite remember why she had doubted him at all.