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24. Shades of Gray
"I love you," he whispered to me, pressing a sweet kiss to my lips, and I swallowed the guilt that bit at my heart. He pressed his forehead against mine, his hands holding mine. He had a laid-back smile on his face, and his emerald eyes were filled with the love he had for me.
The guilt steadily ate at my heart, and I felt like my heart was going to break. Why didn't it feel right with him? It felt so wrong, like trying to put the wrong pieces of a puzzle together. Was that what we were to each other? Were we wrong pieces that stubbornly tried to fit together?
It made no sense to me when I gave it deeper consideration. I mean, I loved pretty much everything about him from his unwavering confidence and pearly-white smile to those beautiful emerald green eyes of his. He was the hero and I was the princess. Wasn't that how the story's supposed to end, with the hero snagging the princess and them living happily ever after?
It was days like these that I really despised myself. Just what was wrong with me? I had a handsome, heroic, and sweet guy like Sonic. He was the kind of guy girls would fall over and kill each other to have. He's been nothing but wonderful towards me, and I couldn't even find it in my heart to love him.
And it's not as if I didn't want to love Sonic, because I did. He was always there for me whenever I needed a helping hand or someone to talk to. He went out of his way for me and never failed to put a smile on my face or make me laugh. He loved me, supported me, believed in me.
But, no matter how hard I tried to, no matter how much I wanted to, I just couldn't share the same feelings for him that he had for me. And I knew he loved me. I could see it in his eyes whenever he looked at me. I felt horrible knowing that I didn't love him the way he loved me, and I wanted to tell him that I didn't love him like that.
However, every time I came close to doing so, every time I would open my mouth to tell him the truth and what really lay in my heart, he would give me a look so full of love and adoration that the words died on my tongue before they got the chance to leave my mouth.
I just couldn't find it in myself to break his heart, so I swallowed down the guilt burned my heart and threatened to tear me apart. I smiled it all off, brushing off the constant pain and dread that I felt.
Honestly, nothing was wrong with him, not really. He was heroic, courageous, kindhearted, true, honest, sweet, and loving. And while he did have his quirks, i.e. his ego and recklessness, overall he was the perfect boyfriend and simply an amazing person.
He would make any girl beyond happy, and he did make me happy. He loved me, protected me, and picked me up whenever I was feeling down. He made sure to shower me with love and affection and treated me like the princess I was.
So, why wasn't this the case with me? Why didn't I love him?