Romantic stuff, I suppose you'd call it… Never mind the title, though, I was far beyond tired when I wrote this and unable to come up with something more clever…
How I came back
"Okay… Let's review this one more time…I'm standing here, on the beach, and I can actually feel the sand under my feet. I just got out of the water and a couple of moments before that I didn't exist."
On the shore, in the thickened, damp sand, I was starting to get a grip of the situation. Well I suppose not really "gripping", but more like accepting the situation. I was alive, but also utterly confused. I mean, didn't I… was I not supposed to… you know, be dead? Cold, stiff and buried… well, more like broken down into the smallest particles possible and vanished into thin air in my case.
Anyhow, I realized something at that moment; it's pretty nice to exist. To actually feel the dampness of my soaked cloths against my skin and the cold evening air against my face. I suppose most people take it for granted, as they've been "existing" their whole lives (it's kinda hard not to). But I wouldn't, not after what I'd been through.
Even pain is better than the empty feeling of non-existence, and right at that moment a pain kept striking at my heart, like knives in the hands of… eh… someone who really didn't like me. It was the pain of longing. At that moment I didn't even know where I was or, not to mention, when I was, and still one of the first things that occurred to me was that I had to find her.
As my mind slowly began to clear, recognition washed over me like a wave of relief. I knew this place, and it so happened to be just where I wanted to be. The sandy beaches of Besaid.
The training area of the Besaid Aurochs and the place I first met their captain, Wakka. He was the one who introduced me to her… and her guardians that I came to befriend.
I had absolutely no idea what had happened after I'd made my regretful leave from this world, and how could I? I'd been dead, after all. But, anyway, there was a good chance they'd come back here. This was, after all, their hometown…
I walked in the direction of the village for awhile before I came to the conclusion that I wasn't moving fast enough. I started running.
A friendly member of the Crusaders confirmed my assumptions. Indeed they lived here now, my friends and fellow guardians Wakka and Lulu, and the object of all the guarding, Yuna.
The short, and somewhat round, Crusader looked at me, unsure of what to answer, when I asked him where, exactly, they lived. Perhaps I looked suspicious in some way. Though, when I told him of what a great deal of importance it was, he changed his mind. Maybe I do look trustworthy after all? He even asked if I needed further assistance from his side, after giving me directions. Nice guy, really.
Thanking him I raced off into the village toward the house he had pointed a plump finger at. If I hadn't been in such a hurry I would have asked him what the Crusader were up to now that Sin finally been defeated once and for all. But my curiosity would have to take a number and politely wait in queue, more important stuff was to be done now.
It was a house much like all the others in the village. Perhaps only a slight bit bigger. Slowing down at the sight of the door I walked the last part to the building. Who was going to open when I knocked? What if they were all asleep? What if she opened?
I swung my hand lightly at the door but stopped before it had any contact with the wooden surface. What was I going to say? I couldn't come with an explanation that's for sure. That would be kind of difficult, as I didn't have one… Ah, the hell with it! I figured and brushed my anxiety aside.
I swung my hand at the door again, and this time I allowed it to hit the surface a couple of times, thus giving source to a series of semi-loud knocks.
By a miracle of some sort I had been granted a second chance to walk the lands of Spira as a living man, and the thought of meeting my friends again made me want to jump out of my skin in excitement.
That's about when it struck me that I had no conception of the time that had passed, what so ever. Had I already forgotten, nothingness is hard to remember, or never known, I wasn't sure.
Anyway, to me it actually felt like yesterday that we defeated Yu Yevon. Yesterday when I last saw my friends. Also there was something Yuna had said… Right before I disappeared…
Sounds were audible from behind the door. This was it.
The door opened and a groggy man in his pajamas appeared. He was pretty tall and well built and his tall carrot-colored hair added some extra inches to his height. He slowly rubbed his tired eyes and didn't seem to react at all to my presence.
"Wakka?" I asked to bring about some response from this zombie in front of me. He yawned and stretched his back, after that the long waited reaction came. His eyes widened.
"I-it's… I-it's y-y-you, y-ya?" he managed to stutter after awhile. If his eyes had widened more they would have popped out of their cavities.
"Yeah, it's me" I couldn't help but smile at his reaction, even though it's fully understandable when you're awakened by dead man in the middle of the night.
"I-impossible" was the only word he could utter in his state of chock.
"Probably"
Then a smile crept across his face. I wasn't sure of what to come next but braced myself just in time to survive the bear hug I then received. Luckily no one was around to see us at the time. You see I kinda have this thing against hugging other men in public, doesn't exactly rank high on the manliness scale. Probably something I got from my old man... But I suppose it's okay when you're back from the dead and all.
"You're back, ya?!" He said, all too loud at this hour, and started to jump around in excitement, with me still stuck in his grasp.
"How longs' it been?" I had to ask him when he finally calmed down. He released me from his grip and eyed me suspiciously.
"You don't know?"
"I have no clue" I admitted. Was that so strange?
Before the next sentence, which would probably have answered my question, was uttered we were interrupted by a familiar voice from inside.
"Who are you talking to, Wakka?" the voice demanded.
"Oh Lu, you're not gonna believe…" he had a hard time keeping the excitement at bay "You have to come see for yourself!"
"What are up to? It's to late for games" Lulu's voice was getting closer to us and soon she appeared in the door. In a very uncharacteristic fashion she gasped in shock as she saw me, standing there on the porch.
"T-Tidus"
"He came back, just like I told you he would, ya?"
"H-how is it possible?" Lulu questioned, while regaining from the shock.
"I'm afraid that's hard to explain…" I began and then paused to look at the two. It really felt good to see them again, to know they hadn't forgotten me yet (Yet…? Maybe it was only yesterday that I disappeared?). Lulu had calmed down now and looked almost as usual, but I could still sense she was quite shaken. Wakka was literary bouncing on the spot, having a hard time restrain himself. The thing though, that made me feel really good, was the genuine happiness I read in their faces now that the initial chock had left them. They were happy to see me, probably just as happy as I was to see them.
"…Particularly so, as I don't really know myself." I finished the sentence and then told them the little I knew. About how I woke up in the water and got up on the beach confused as ever, before I recognized my surroundings. How I'd wanted to find them.
"That's strange, ya? You just woke up in the water, like that?" Wakka asked as the detailed report of my regeneration was finished. I didn't bother to answer. I had something else on my mind.
"… I-is Yuna here?" I finally asked. I longed so to see her again. Before an answer came I noticed how Wakka and Lulu exchanged an odd glance I was unable to read. I suddenly began to worry. What if something had happened while I'd been gone?
"Is she alright?" I demanded to know.
"She's asleep" Lulu finally informed me.
"It's been hard on her, though. Been crying a lot, ya?"
"…More than anyone she is unwilling to let go of your memory"
Kinda made me feel guilty, to know that my absence had caused pain to the only person I truly loved… … yeah, I did, I do love her. If she's felt only half the pain I would have felt to loose her, well, it would still have been unbearable.
Were they accusing me? Would she accuse me when I saw her?
"I-I'm sorry…" I said, lowering my gaze down on the ground. When I looked up again I saw something very rare. A smile, on Lulu's face.
"You truly care for her, don't you?" she asked me, as if she had just figured it out.
"Yuna? I'd give my life for her!" saying that it struck me that an hour earlier I wouldn't have had a life to give.
"Go see her then… She's on the second floor"
"I will… but before that I just need to know… how long have I been gone?"
It was Lulu who answered me:
"You've been gone for six month's… and Tidus… I think I'm speaking for both of us when I say: it's really good to have you back"
I looked at the door for a while before entering, 'suppose I was nervous. Six months' a lot of time and I couldn't help but wonder how she would react. According to the other's Yuna had really been hurt and even if it wasn't actually my fault I couldn't help but feel guilty.
Maybe she'd be angry? But then again, I don't think I would have cared. Angry or not, I still wanted to see her so badly it hurt.
To my relief, the door slid open without a sound, waking her already wasn't my intention. I wanted to see her first. I needed some time to prepare myself.
No moonlight could find it's way into the room due to the extensive curtains covering the windows and thus the space was completely black. After closing the door behind me I had to wait until my eyes grew accustomed to the lack of light. The thick darkness slowly began to change into the gray shapes and contours of Yuna's room. A couple of drawers, a nightstand, a chair in the corner, what appeared to be a bookcase and the bed.
There she was, sound asleep. My hands started to tremble as I moved closer and realization hit me. I would be able to hear her voice again, touch her again, my hand would not slide through her like some old ghost's. I wouldn't fade into thin air this time. I could finally hold her in my arms again, as I'd so desperately tried while my body had slowly disintegrated that day on the deck of the airship.
Moonlight willfully lent me it's soft light as I pushed aside the curtains, it's white rays shone over the small body covered under the sheets. Her face was now visible, and I had to release a sigh of longing as I gazed upon her beauty.
I knelt down on the floor next to her bed, not knowing what to do next. Even if I'd, at some point, actually had a plan it sure as hell never stretched this far. Yuna looked so peaceful in her sleep, and I didn't want to disturb her. While at the same time I longed to hear her speak my name.
My dilemma came to an end, though, as she suddenly sat up.
She quietly moved and faced me and I was completely dumbfounded. I simply couldn't speak single word.
"I-is this a dream?" she asked simply, looking straight into my eyes. Her voice brought me out of my momentarily stun and I regained my ability to speak again.
"Well, it's no dream of the Fayth, at least. That's for sure." I said.
She started to cry softly, moonlight reflecting in every single tear.
"W-why can't you ever be more than just a dream?"
"H-hey, don't cry" I moved the slightest bit closer "I didn't say I was a dream"
"I-I don't believe you" She whispered in between her silent sobbing. The sound of her voice broke my heart, God, she sounded so weak… so tired. And so miserable. I wanted to make up for it, for everything, for my absence the past six month's. For the pain I'd caused.
I didn't know how. That was the problem. Convince her your no dream! my mind screamed to the rest of my numb body. I was afraid I'd choke if I tried to utter a single word. Instead I lifted my right arm and reached for her tear-stained face.
"L-let me convince you" I managed to speak, "I won't pinch you" I reassured her as she backed away slightly when my fingers were just about to touch her soft cheek. "I'll leave that to you"
The instant moment I felt Yuna's tear soaked skin against my fingers, I felt my heart skipping several beats in a row. I might just have died (not that it would have been the first time…) right there on the spot, if it hadn't began beating again after jumping around in my chest for a moment. I cupped her cheek gently and looked into her eyes before letting my finger softly trail down her jaw line.
"There," my voice sounded hoarse as I spoke again, I had to pause mid-sentence. "…do I feel like a dream?"
After that question silence fell like a shroud over the room. Yuna was probably unsure of what to think. I really just waited for a reaction from her side. Anything was welcome.
Then the reaction came, took me by surprise, it was pretty much the same as Wakka's: a fierce hug. Though this time it wasn't just a friend-to-friend hug, this was so much more. Yuna had jumped out of her bed, given me about a split second to stand up, and violently thrown herself in my arms. She pressed herself up against me as hard as she possibly could. Her crying had intensified and her tears soaked my shirt, just as I'd almost dried up from my little swim earlier. Not that I cared, though. All I could do was wrap my arms around her and wait until she calmed down.
I wonder if she'll blame me as much as I blame myself? I thought.
T-Tidus…" she finally spoke into my chest. "If… If I wake up a-alone tomorrow… I'll die". It was a simple statement, and the way she'd said it, with a voice so sincere, scared me.
"Don't say that, okay? I'm no dream, I'll be here." She couldn't possibly be thinking of something that stupid, could she? "Don't ever say something like that, okay?"
Yuna remained silent, while I slowly caressed her hair. We stood like that for a while and to me it was like heaven, every time I touched her dark hair I proved to myself that I was indeed real. My hands, my touch, didn't leave her indifferent like if I'd been made of thin air.
"You'll stay then? F-forever?" She asked and, for the first time, looked up from my shoulder.
"Of course. Forever." I stated "Unless you want it some other way…"
"No, no never. I've been waiting so long… I couldn't forget you…" she trailed off.
"Six month's a lot of time. Everyone's been worried about you…" I stopped there for awhile. I shouldn't blame her; letting go of memories is hard, especially when it's someone close to you"… But I would have been just the same if-if I'd ever l-lost you" I finished somewhat awkwardly.
The steady flow of tears had ceased and I tenderly caressed the remaining moisture off her face.
"There's something I need to ask you" I told her after some thought. "W-What you said, um, last time I saw you, right before I disappeared… Is that still… I mean, do you still feel the same way… about me?" The words didn't come out as smoothly as they had in my head. Yuna understood, though, and gave me a look of disbelief.
"You really had ask that?" her look of disbelief slowly turned into a sweet smile (quite a transformation, I must say) "of course I still… I still love you Tidus." she told me.
With that confirmed I finally felt complete bliss.
"I love you too, Yuna."
The End