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33. Confused

Their limbs were tangled together, their bodies pressed intimately close. Shadow watched Sally as she continued to sleep, her face peaceful and her breathing even. Her body, so naked and soft, offered him a sweet comfort that warmed his heart, an odd notion within itself now that he gave it some consideration. Her silky auburn hair shimmered in the sunlight that filled the room, disheveled from him playing in it and their previous endeavors mere hours ago.

Their relationship was a peculiar one, and he lacked the words to properly explain and describe it. They weren't a couple, but they did things that couples did; they went out on dates, they shared their secrets with each other, and they were prone to jealously when another girl or guy held the other's attention, Shadow more so than Sally. He could clearly remember almost strangling that Ken Khan fellow when he got a little too friendly with Sally.

They weren't together, but they didn't feel right being separate. Shadow felt an ache in his heart in Sally's absence, one that refused to go away until she was in his arms once more. He felt a longing for her; he desired to hear the sound of her voice, to gaze deeply into her eyes like she was the only girl in the world, and to hold her close to him.

When he somehow found himself in her bed, getting high off of her body, her moans, and the feel of her, it wasn't just a quick fuck. That moment had been both of their first times, and Shadow, while he knew he didn't love her, he made love to her repeatedly until both of them were well-beyond satisfied. And she was the only woman he did such an act with. She was the only one he wanted to sleep with and wake up to, and every time he tried picturing someone else in her place, his heart throbbed painfully, singing its displeasure.

As Shadow continued lying in his bed, one arm wrapped firmly around Sally's waist, her legs draped across his, he found himself feeling lost. He wondered how long they would do this; with the type of girl Sally was, she wouldn't settle for anything less than what she deserved, and what she deserved was someone who knew what he wanted. And Shadow knew he wanted her, but he felt like he didn't deserve her.

She was a beautiful, intelligent princess with enough riches to last several generations. She was admirable with strong sense of justice. She had so much going for her, and she was loved by so many people. What in God's good name did she see in him? He was aware of his feelings; he knew that she loved him. She showed her affections for him every day with the things that she did.

Whenever her eyes were on him, they held a look of deep love and admiration. There was a fire in them that burned harder whenever they caught sight of him. When she was feeling lost or overwhelmed, she often went to him for clarity and relief. He was her anchor, keeping her safe and steady. She made love to him to not only his body, but his heart and soul. Mushy, yes, but truthful nonetheless.

And he loved her too. She made him happy, she made him laugh, and she made him smile a genuine, beautiful smile that never failed to bring a smile to her own lovely face. She meant so much to him, and she was a positive change in his often turbulent life. Anyone with eyes and half a brain could see the love they shared and the affect they had one the other.

So why couldn't he tell her those three little words he knew she was dying to hear? Was it because he was a coward? Was it because he feared that he would lose one of the few people he honestly cared about, like he lost Maria? Shadow was confused when it came to love. His feelings seemed to blur and melt into something he couldn't decipher.

Good God, Shadow thought, pressing his free hand to cradle his head as he tried to soothe the painful headache he now had, when did things get so complicated? When did the lines blur?

The stirring of her body halted his thoughts. Looking down at her, he watched as she slowly woke up. She yawned, stretching the stiffness and sleep out of her body before peering up at him, those beautiful sapphire eyes gazing loving into his own burning crimsons.

"Good morning," she said, her voice as soft as a feather. Pressing a sweet kiss to his lips, she pulled away before he could deepen it, which would result in them staying in her bed much longer. "Quite the insatiable one, aren't you, or am I that hard to resist?" she asked, her eyes dancing with mischief. Shadow grinned, running his fingers through her hair.

"Both," was his reply, and Sally only snorted at his response, shaking her head and causing hair to fly. Comfortable silence fell between them, and Shadow felt like now was the perfect time for him to confess what lied in his heart. But, again, the words seemed stuck in his throat, for nothing would come out.

Instead, he simply gave her a soft kiss on the forehead and gave her hand a gentle squeeze, silently vowing to tell her before someone else beat him to it.