Chapter Eight
"AHHHHHHHH!" echoed the scream. It was a dry, bright morning, and fair elven voices were singing happily in the trees. Suddenly, all of Lothlorien stopped its business and stared in the direction of the noise. From the very edge of Galadriel's realm, Pippin and Patty came running. They were out of breath and panting heavily when they finally reached the resting site of the fellowship.
"Was - accident - didn't mean to." Patty gasped.
"Yeah," was all Pippin said in agreement.
"Wait, what was an accident?" Aragorn asked.
The two had finally somewhat caught their breath. "Well," Patty started, staring at the ground, "um, we sort of began, um, well, uh." she trailed off, glancing behind her. All at once the fellowship noticed a plume of dark smoke rising from the area that Pippin and Patty had come from.
"You started a fire??" Gimli yelled. "How did you manage that?"
"We were smoking some weed, and -" Pippin was cut off by a loud call. All of the elves nearby ran toward the scene and together began chanting, trying to use their magic to stop the fire or bring water to put it out with.
"You started a fire in the fair forest of Lothlorien because you were smoking weed??" Boromir exclaimed. "Where did you get it? And why the hell didn't you tell me?? I want some." Aragorn gave Boromir a harsh glance, and the man fell silent.
"That is a matter to resolve later. Now we must help the elves stop it!" He ran toward the fire as the rest of them followed.
* * * * *
Despite the magic of the elves, the fire spread throughout the forest. Galadriel and Celeborn were evacuated by some warriors as the flames approached the tree supporting their fine rooms. All of the queen's realm was rushing about, but to no avail. In the end, Lothlorien was completely burned down.
Now the fellowship guiltily trudged back to their camp. Luckily, it was near the edge of Lothlorien, and the edges were the only places that were spared. They waited for the warriors to arrive to bring them to their trial, but for some reason none came.
When the time arrived for them to leave, no one brought up the cause of the fire, though every elf was working solemnly to repair the damage, and mournful voices filled the air.
"Goodbye!" everyone called to Celeborn and Galadriel - everyone, that is, except Boromir, who still hadn't gotten over having the queen's bad poetry echoing through his mind throughout the night- as their elven boats swept them away down the river.
Patty suddenly brightened, and a grin spread across her face. "They must not know we started the fire!" she cried happily. "Talk about the perfect crime!" She and Pippin laughed at their amazing skill.
Patty then made a paper airplane out of a note she had in her pocket. Using a small pen she had somehow managed to keep she wrote a message to Pippin, saying that they should get together later and plan their next mischievous masterpiece. Then she threw it to the boat where Pippin sat, and it miraculously landed right in front of him. Pippin read it and grinned at Patty, nodding.
"Good for them," Gimli muttered. "That little hobbit has all the luck."
Legolas was crying silently, holding something in his hand. When Christine (who had recently become, well, "friends" with the elf) went to comfort him, she saw that in his hand he held a lock of golden hair. "What's that?" she asked.
He looked at the hair longingly and said, "It's the hair of Haldir. After we made up he gave it to me and said that he'd never forget me.oops," he muttered, after seeing the look of outrage on Christine's face.
"You bastard! I thought you were through with that idiotic freak of an elf!" she screamed.
"How dare you call him a freak! He was a better lover than you!" he returned. Christine gave a yell of shock and then angrily proceeded to rock the boat, which was shared with Legolas, Pippin and Merry. The two hobbits screamed in fear, while Legolas splashed Christine back with his paddle.
Meanwhile, Aragorn paddled slowly through the water. Meghan sat behind him, gazing into the woods, and Frodo and Sam sat in the back. They were chatting eagerly about how best to ration out Frodo's new supply of weed (he had apparently shared the secret of the mysterious supplier with Sam).
*Hmmm, * Aragorn thought. *It's a clear sky.the stars will be out tonight.very romantic.perhaps I could persuade Meghan to go for a ride.*
Meghan was still looking longingly into the forest beside the river. *Damnit, * she thought. *There's no bushes to hide behind in this freaking boat! *
Haley was leaning over the edge of the boat that held the rest of the fellowship, playing in the water. Lauren had apparently been able to find a new guitar in Lothlorien and was softly singing, "Why can't we be friends?." Patty was sitting next to her, rocking back and forth to the melody and smoking a bit of weed she had stolen from Frodo earlier.
Boromir was contemplating how to best apologize to Patty. He saw that she was almost completely stoned, and decided that now was the best time to try his luck. Then he got up and carefully sat down again next to Patty, who just looked at him and grinned. Then, to everyone's surprise (especially Boromir's), she leaned (more like fell) over and kissed him passionately. Boromir was so startled that he jumped up, tripping and falling over backward, sending Haley flying from the boat to land with a splash in the river.
When everyone looked over and saw that the little girl was no longer in the boat, they cheered. But after a few seconds, when Haley still hadn't come up, they all groaned. "Perhaps we should rescue the ring-bearer?" Pippin asked tentatively.
Legolas, who had apparently "made up" with Christine after their earlier argument and was presently making out with her, sighed and sat up from his position on the floor. His tunic was already off, so he removed his boots and dove into the river. A few moments later he emerged from the surface, holding a screaming and dripping Haley by the foot. Legolas swam over to Boromir's boat and tossed the girl to Lauren, who promptly dropped her. "Oops," she said innocently.
Patty and Boromir, however, were not paying attention to what went on with the ring-bearer. They had more important business to attend to.
Soon the three boats passed under the giant statues of the great kings of old. The eight members of the fellowship from Middle-Earth gazed in awe and wonder at them, while the four teenage girls yawned in boredom.
"How is it that you do not find these amazing statues interesting?" Aragorn asked Meghan.
"Uh, well, I've kinda seen this place five times," she replied.
"How?" he asked in surprise.
"I've seen your movie five times," she replied calmly.
"Oh." *Damnit, * Aragorn thought. *I've only seen their movie twice, and I could never see enough of them. * He smiled as he recalled the scene where the girls had changed for bed at their sleepover.
Meghan, seeing that he was staring with wistful eyes about eight inches south of her face, kicked him, bringing him back to reality once more. "Not now," she whispered. "There aren't any bushes!"
At that Aragorn promptly suggested to the group that they pull to shore and make camp. "It's only a few hours after noon," Boromir said. "We have yet to reach the falls."
Aragorn muttered impatiently under his breath, and Frodo and Sam giggled girlishly and began chanting in slurred voices, "Aragorn's an idiot. Aragorn's an idiot."
Patty was lying in the sun, tanning, while Lauren kept Haley quiet by playing lullabies on her guitar. When she finally stopped, all out of songs, Haley banged her fist on the guitar screaming, "More, more!"
Suddenly there was the sound of a crack, and everyone turned in time to see Lauren leap at Haley, yelling, "You stupid (censored) son of a (censored), I'm going to (censored) kill you! You broke my (censored) (censored) guitar, (censored)!" Haley, however, jumped behind Boromir, who was more than happy to catch the outraged Lauren.
The rest of the fellowship just stared at her. Never before had they seen her so angry, or heard her say such obscene words. She finally stopped flailing in Boromir's arms and saw everyone watching her. "What? That was my last guitar." They she sat down, sulking, as they continued on their journey.
"AHHHHHHHH!" echoed the scream. It was a dry, bright morning, and fair elven voices were singing happily in the trees. Suddenly, all of Lothlorien stopped its business and stared in the direction of the noise. From the very edge of Galadriel's realm, Pippin and Patty came running. They were out of breath and panting heavily when they finally reached the resting site of the fellowship.
"Was - accident - didn't mean to." Patty gasped.
"Yeah," was all Pippin said in agreement.
"Wait, what was an accident?" Aragorn asked.
The two had finally somewhat caught their breath. "Well," Patty started, staring at the ground, "um, we sort of began, um, well, uh." she trailed off, glancing behind her. All at once the fellowship noticed a plume of dark smoke rising from the area that Pippin and Patty had come from.
"You started a fire??" Gimli yelled. "How did you manage that?"
"We were smoking some weed, and -" Pippin was cut off by a loud call. All of the elves nearby ran toward the scene and together began chanting, trying to use their magic to stop the fire or bring water to put it out with.
"You started a fire in the fair forest of Lothlorien because you were smoking weed??" Boromir exclaimed. "Where did you get it? And why the hell didn't you tell me?? I want some." Aragorn gave Boromir a harsh glance, and the man fell silent.
"That is a matter to resolve later. Now we must help the elves stop it!" He ran toward the fire as the rest of them followed.
* * * * *
Despite the magic of the elves, the fire spread throughout the forest. Galadriel and Celeborn were evacuated by some warriors as the flames approached the tree supporting their fine rooms. All of the queen's realm was rushing about, but to no avail. In the end, Lothlorien was completely burned down.
Now the fellowship guiltily trudged back to their camp. Luckily, it was near the edge of Lothlorien, and the edges were the only places that were spared. They waited for the warriors to arrive to bring them to their trial, but for some reason none came.
When the time arrived for them to leave, no one brought up the cause of the fire, though every elf was working solemnly to repair the damage, and mournful voices filled the air.
"Goodbye!" everyone called to Celeborn and Galadriel - everyone, that is, except Boromir, who still hadn't gotten over having the queen's bad poetry echoing through his mind throughout the night- as their elven boats swept them away down the river.
Patty suddenly brightened, and a grin spread across her face. "They must not know we started the fire!" she cried happily. "Talk about the perfect crime!" She and Pippin laughed at their amazing skill.
Patty then made a paper airplane out of a note she had in her pocket. Using a small pen she had somehow managed to keep she wrote a message to Pippin, saying that they should get together later and plan their next mischievous masterpiece. Then she threw it to the boat where Pippin sat, and it miraculously landed right in front of him. Pippin read it and grinned at Patty, nodding.
"Good for them," Gimli muttered. "That little hobbit has all the luck."
Legolas was crying silently, holding something in his hand. When Christine (who had recently become, well, "friends" with the elf) went to comfort him, she saw that in his hand he held a lock of golden hair. "What's that?" she asked.
He looked at the hair longingly and said, "It's the hair of Haldir. After we made up he gave it to me and said that he'd never forget me.oops," he muttered, after seeing the look of outrage on Christine's face.
"You bastard! I thought you were through with that idiotic freak of an elf!" she screamed.
"How dare you call him a freak! He was a better lover than you!" he returned. Christine gave a yell of shock and then angrily proceeded to rock the boat, which was shared with Legolas, Pippin and Merry. The two hobbits screamed in fear, while Legolas splashed Christine back with his paddle.
Meanwhile, Aragorn paddled slowly through the water. Meghan sat behind him, gazing into the woods, and Frodo and Sam sat in the back. They were chatting eagerly about how best to ration out Frodo's new supply of weed (he had apparently shared the secret of the mysterious supplier with Sam).
*Hmmm, * Aragorn thought. *It's a clear sky.the stars will be out tonight.very romantic.perhaps I could persuade Meghan to go for a ride.*
Meghan was still looking longingly into the forest beside the river. *Damnit, * she thought. *There's no bushes to hide behind in this freaking boat! *
Haley was leaning over the edge of the boat that held the rest of the fellowship, playing in the water. Lauren had apparently been able to find a new guitar in Lothlorien and was softly singing, "Why can't we be friends?." Patty was sitting next to her, rocking back and forth to the melody and smoking a bit of weed she had stolen from Frodo earlier.
Boromir was contemplating how to best apologize to Patty. He saw that she was almost completely stoned, and decided that now was the best time to try his luck. Then he got up and carefully sat down again next to Patty, who just looked at him and grinned. Then, to everyone's surprise (especially Boromir's), she leaned (more like fell) over and kissed him passionately. Boromir was so startled that he jumped up, tripping and falling over backward, sending Haley flying from the boat to land with a splash in the river.
When everyone looked over and saw that the little girl was no longer in the boat, they cheered. But after a few seconds, when Haley still hadn't come up, they all groaned. "Perhaps we should rescue the ring-bearer?" Pippin asked tentatively.
Legolas, who had apparently "made up" with Christine after their earlier argument and was presently making out with her, sighed and sat up from his position on the floor. His tunic was already off, so he removed his boots and dove into the river. A few moments later he emerged from the surface, holding a screaming and dripping Haley by the foot. Legolas swam over to Boromir's boat and tossed the girl to Lauren, who promptly dropped her. "Oops," she said innocently.
Patty and Boromir, however, were not paying attention to what went on with the ring-bearer. They had more important business to attend to.
Soon the three boats passed under the giant statues of the great kings of old. The eight members of the fellowship from Middle-Earth gazed in awe and wonder at them, while the four teenage girls yawned in boredom.
"How is it that you do not find these amazing statues interesting?" Aragorn asked Meghan.
"Uh, well, I've kinda seen this place five times," she replied.
"How?" he asked in surprise.
"I've seen your movie five times," she replied calmly.
"Oh." *Damnit, * Aragorn thought. *I've only seen their movie twice, and I could never see enough of them. * He smiled as he recalled the scene where the girls had changed for bed at their sleepover.
Meghan, seeing that he was staring with wistful eyes about eight inches south of her face, kicked him, bringing him back to reality once more. "Not now," she whispered. "There aren't any bushes!"
At that Aragorn promptly suggested to the group that they pull to shore and make camp. "It's only a few hours after noon," Boromir said. "We have yet to reach the falls."
Aragorn muttered impatiently under his breath, and Frodo and Sam giggled girlishly and began chanting in slurred voices, "Aragorn's an idiot. Aragorn's an idiot."
Patty was lying in the sun, tanning, while Lauren kept Haley quiet by playing lullabies on her guitar. When she finally stopped, all out of songs, Haley banged her fist on the guitar screaming, "More, more!"
Suddenly there was the sound of a crack, and everyone turned in time to see Lauren leap at Haley, yelling, "You stupid (censored) son of a (censored), I'm going to (censored) kill you! You broke my (censored) (censored) guitar, (censored)!" Haley, however, jumped behind Boromir, who was more than happy to catch the outraged Lauren.
The rest of the fellowship just stared at her. Never before had they seen her so angry, or heard her say such obscene words. She finally stopped flailing in Boromir's arms and saw everyone watching her. "What? That was my last guitar." They she sat down, sulking, as they continued on their journey.