Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Fox,
etc.
MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE
Buffy closed the door to her room quietly behind her. The house seemed so empty with just her and Dawn again. Willow would be back after her magic- detox program that was being administered by the Watchers' Council, but until then, the house seemed so big.
Buffy walked to her curtains and closed them, even the shine of the moon was too bright for her battered eyes. She had been through so much, and even two and a half months after the ordeal, she was weary.
The Slayer walked to her closet, opened to door and reached to the very back where her fingers felt the cool leather. She grabbed the long leather duster and pulled it out to her chest. She walked to her bed and fell onto it, still gripping to coat tightly. She pulled it to her face and she inhaled the scent of leather and smoke. Memories of him came flooding back to her, flashing over her closed eyelids like a movie screen. He pushing him against the walled of the condemned building, everything crashing down around her but still she could see his beautiful blue eyes flashing full of passion. She saw him holding Dawn's hand at the hospital the night of the accident. She watched him take her brutal beating. She saw the pain in his eyes when she told him she was using him; then she saw him sleeping with Anya on the magic box table.
Then it came to her, striking her like lightening. The anger in his eyes; the pain and anguish were burning her. He was on top of her, hurting her. She was screaming for him to stop but he continued with his violation of her body. Buffy let out a frustrated groan and lowered the duster onto her lap. She knew it wasn't her fault, but she coldn't help but feel agonizing pangs of guilt about the incident. Her eyes fluttered open and she saw Dawn standing just over the threshold of her doorway. Embarrassed, Buffy attempted to hide what she was doing.
Dawn saw Buffy. She ha been standing there for a minute or two and her sister was completely oblivious to her presence. She had merely come in to say goodnight when she walked in on what appeared to be a very intimate ritual. Dawn felt that it was innapropriate, and mostly rude to watch, but she couldn't turn her eyes. When Buffy noticed her presence, she was obviously not too keen on her little sister seeing.
Dawn walked over to Buffy and sat down on her bed. Se gently put her hand over her sister's.
"It's okay," Dawn whispered. "I miss him too."
"I know," Buffy said as she let out a tired sigh. "What happened, Dawnie? Didn't we used to be happy?"
Dawn shook her head. "It feels like there wasn't a time when we were. Everything is so wrong."
"It'll be okay again, I have faith in that," Buffy told her sister in a comforting tone.
"How can you have faith in anything?" Dawn asked shocked.
A few tears welled up in Buffy's eyes, but she was determined not to let them fall. "Because it's better than having faith in nothing."
Dawn nodded. "I get that."
Buffy hugged her sister tightly. She was one of the only things she really felt she had left, and even Dawn was still a bit unstable; however, like Buffy said before, something was better that nothing.
"We'll be okay, Dawn. Willow will get through this and... and Xander and Anya have been working it out and, I'm sure Spike will come back."
"Tara won't."
Buffy shook her head sadly. "No, we can't have Tara back, but we can remember her always. I know that doesn't make it better but, maybe she's with mom now," but choked a laugh, attempting a little levity.
Dawn smiled. "I know, I miss her though."
"We all do sweetie."
"Another thing, I don't think Spike is coming back."
Buffy was surprised by her sister's sudden shift n the conversation. "What? Why not?"
"Because when someone leaves me, they don't seem to care to come back."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
(The Next Night)
Spike passed the 'Welcome Back Sunnydale' sign for the fourth time, this time he didn't run over it, however.
"Home sweet home," he mumbled callously. The motorcycle rumbling as he drove into town.
He reached Main Street and parked the motorcycle in an alley, not worried of it getting stolen or damaged. He planned on staying in Sunnyhell for a while, and he could always nic another car or something.
Spike's stomach growled and he put his hand on his belly. He hadn't fed in hours and was becoming quite peckish. He was still in shock every time he fed. The feeling of the warm human blood over his lips and tongue throat were just so amazing. After a diet of pigs blood for two and a half years, it was simply amazing. Not just the taste, but the feeling as well. His fangs breaking skin, the screams of his victims, he would never take any of that for granted again.
"Look at all the goodies."
He walked out onto the sidewalk, looking for his next person to prey on. He saw a young girl, probably in her mid-twenties. A nervous looking little thing who very unwisely walked into an alleyway behind one of the buildings. Spike felt a flash of déjà vu and he smiled wickedly as he watched her scamper off.
"Time to finish what I started."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Dawn walked slowly down Main Street, her stake securely placed up her sleeve. The light of the street lamps reflected off of the silver cross she wore around her neck, and she checked her pocket every now and then for the small bottle of holy water she concealed there.
Buffy told her to patrol down Main Street and ONLY Main Street. She was too young and too inexperienced to patrol the graveyard alone. The Slayer figured that her little sister would be safe enough on a crowded street. Dawn was just happy that Buffy trusted her enough to go patrolling at all.
Dawn was checking the alleyways here and there when she came upon one with a dark object situated in it. She walked towards it, attempting to be aware of her surroundings. When she reached the object, she realized it was just a motorcycle. A bit disappointed, Dawn ran her hand over the vehicle. It smelled like smoke and... what was that on the seat? Blood?
"No," she told herself, tears filling her eyes. "It can't be."
She looked around the base of the motorcycle and saw nothing. Just as she was about to leave a gleam of silver caught her eye. She walked to it and pickedup a sliver plated lighter... Spike's lighter.
"He's back!" She told herself happily, a few tears of joy now falling from her eyes. "He came back!"
She pocketed the lighter and ran into the street, looking around for the bleached blonde, if he was even still dying his hair at all. She kept her eyes open for a flash of black, or anything that would indicate his presence. When she didn't get a sign, she decided that she would run to his crypt. She began to walk in the direction of the cemetery when she heard a scream.
"I suppose it'll have to wait."
Dawn walked in the direction of the cry for help. She slid the stake from her sleave and gripped it tightly in her hand. She walked into the alley and saw pretty much what she expected. Some vamp feeding on helpless victim. This one appeared to be a young woman, not much older that herself. She was about to just stake the vamp when she saw it. Her signs. A black clad vamp with bottle-blonde hair.
It was Spike. And he was feeding. He was killing.
"No," Dawn whimpered helplessly. Too upset to even hold the stake it clanked to the floor and Spike looked up. His eyes widened at the sight of Dawn standing there.
"Dawn."
"How could you?" She cried.
Spike dropped the girl and turned toward the youngest Summers. He couldn't think of anything to say to her, and he couldn't even think of why he cared. Why wasn't he attacking her? Dawn disregarded the whimpering girl that Spike had been draining.
"Dawn I-"
"Stay away from me," Dawn told him coldly. She turned and ran from the alley towards her home. She wished she knew the spell for uninviting vampires right then.
"Nibblet!" Spike called after her as he ran wherever she went.
'He's too fast,' Dawn thought. 'He'll catch up.'
But she didn't let that stop her. She kept running. She turned around a building and was about to look back when she didn't need to. Spike grabbed her arm and pulled her around so that he had her by the wrists. She screamed.
"Quiet!" He commanded her. She whimpered and began struggling to get released from his grip.
"Let me go!" She yelled at him. "Please don't hurt me."
"I'm not gonna hurt you, Bit. Just calm down."
Dawn nodded obediently, wishing that she hadn't dropped her stake again. He released her and when she tried to run again he grabbed her shoulder and pushed her back against the building. She cried out in pain and he could hear the smashing of bone against brick.
Dawn whimpered from the searing pain in her shoulder. She didn't think it was broken but it hurt. Not just that, it was Spike who hurt her.
Spike looked down at the girl who was now crying. He leaned in to help her up. "Dawnie, I'm so sorry." He held out his hand hoping that she might just forgive him but she moved away from him.
She was cowering... in fear... from him. And Spike hated how that made him feel. Wasn't he supposed to protect her?
"Please," she begged. "Please don't kill me, just let me go home. I swear I won't tell Buffy."
"Kill you? Dawn, I would never."
"Oh," she sighed, and became angry again. "So you can kill other people? Innocent people? Did you think I would just be okay with it then?"
Spike shook his head and sat down next to her, again she scooted away from him. "I'm a vampire, Dawn. It's what I do," he told her softly.
"I hate you," she told him coldly.
"Don't say that."
"I do! I hate you so much and I don't want to," she began to cry again.
"What can I-"
"Nothing!" She interrupted him. "That's what you have been doing. When I needed you, you weren't there. And now you're feeding again and..."
"I'm sorry."
"NO! Sorry doesn't cut it, Spike. Sorry doesn't make it al better. Sorry doesn't take back you sleeping with Anya. Sorry doesn't take back you trying to rape Buffy. Sorry doesn't fix what Willow did, and sorry will never bring back Tara."
Spike was taken aback by the last one. "Tara..."
"Is dead. But that's right, you wouldn't know because YOU WEREN'T HERE!"
"What happened?" Spike asked sincerely.
"Warren. He came to shoot Buffy and he killed Tara. The innocent always get caught in the crossfire."
Spike was enraged. "I'll kill him."
"Too bad Willow beat you to it. She ripped his skin off and then went all psycho bitch and tried to destroy the world. Not before trying to kill all of us though."
"She was stopped? Is she-"
"She's in England with Giles. Some sort of magic-detox thing."
Spike nodded. He wasn't sure what to say. "I did what I had to do, Sweet Bit."
"You had to become a killer?" She asked coldly, anger flaring in her eyes.
"I had to become something!" He yelled as he stood up. "What was I before. I wasn't a man, and I sure as hell wasn't a monster so what was I?"
Dawn shrugged as more tears fell from her eyes. "My friend," she told him, gettingup so that he wasn't towering over her. "I looked up to you and then where were you? Just gone? I hate you."
Spike put on his vampire guise and pushed violently Dawn against the wall. He held her by her upper arms and he moved his head so that his lips were up next to her ear.
"Does this make it easier?" He whispered. "I know what I am."
"You're a bastard," she told him coolly.
"I could kill you right now," he told her, and he tilted her head to the side and licked her neck.
"No," she sighed. "You couldn't."
"I'm a demon, Dawnie. I'm evil. I kill. It's what I do."
A few tears fell from her eyes. "I'm not afraid of you," she whispered.
"You should be. I can feel it," he said, pushing his body up against her. "I can smell the fear."
"I'm afraid for you. You're trying so hard to be something that you've lost what you really are; what you really can be."
"And what's that?"
"A good man."
Spike pulled his face back a bit from Dawn. His cheek was just barely touching hers, and he could hear the blood in her body pumping furiously.
"What do you want Dawn?"
"I want to have a normal life. I want my mother and father back. I want Tara to be alive and I want Willow not to be sick. I want Xander and Anya to get back together and I want you to be a man."
~Poor Spikey. Can't be a human. Can't be vampire. Where the hell do you fit in?~
"I just want to have a place." And at that he released Dawn who grabbed him back and hugged him. He flinched at first but then he wrapped him arms around the girl. "And I think I still haven't found it."
"You can have a place here."
"No, I never could, not with Buffy here."
"She misses you."
"That doesn't matter."
"Of course it does," Dawn protested.
"No, I can't have a place here. I've tried, so many times, but I don't belong here."
"So what are you saying?" She asked, more or less knowing what was coming.
"I have to leave, not come back, Dawn."
"No! You can't leave again."
"I can and I have to. I am an evil thing and being here makes me feel like I can be something else. I can't. I'm evil, I'm a killer, that's what I do. Tell Willow I'm sorry for her loss. And tell Buffy I hope she finds happiness."
"No! You can tell them yourself."
"Dawn, I'm leaving."
"NO! I won't let you."
Spike cocked his head and stared at her, his blue eyes piercing right through her. He lifted his hand and punched her, hard enough to knock her out but not hard enough to do any real damage. He sighed and picked her up.
"I hope this makes it easier."
He carried her back to her house and brought her inside. He was glad that they hadn't done an uninvite spell, at least not yet. He placed her down on the living room sofa and walked toward the door. AS he did, he mumbled under his breath,
"And you can keep the lighter, Sweet Bit."
END
MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE
Buffy closed the door to her room quietly behind her. The house seemed so empty with just her and Dawn again. Willow would be back after her magic- detox program that was being administered by the Watchers' Council, but until then, the house seemed so big.
Buffy walked to her curtains and closed them, even the shine of the moon was too bright for her battered eyes. She had been through so much, and even two and a half months after the ordeal, she was weary.
The Slayer walked to her closet, opened to door and reached to the very back where her fingers felt the cool leather. She grabbed the long leather duster and pulled it out to her chest. She walked to her bed and fell onto it, still gripping to coat tightly. She pulled it to her face and she inhaled the scent of leather and smoke. Memories of him came flooding back to her, flashing over her closed eyelids like a movie screen. He pushing him against the walled of the condemned building, everything crashing down around her but still she could see his beautiful blue eyes flashing full of passion. She saw him holding Dawn's hand at the hospital the night of the accident. She watched him take her brutal beating. She saw the pain in his eyes when she told him she was using him; then she saw him sleeping with Anya on the magic box table.
Then it came to her, striking her like lightening. The anger in his eyes; the pain and anguish were burning her. He was on top of her, hurting her. She was screaming for him to stop but he continued with his violation of her body. Buffy let out a frustrated groan and lowered the duster onto her lap. She knew it wasn't her fault, but she coldn't help but feel agonizing pangs of guilt about the incident. Her eyes fluttered open and she saw Dawn standing just over the threshold of her doorway. Embarrassed, Buffy attempted to hide what she was doing.
Dawn saw Buffy. She ha been standing there for a minute or two and her sister was completely oblivious to her presence. She had merely come in to say goodnight when she walked in on what appeared to be a very intimate ritual. Dawn felt that it was innapropriate, and mostly rude to watch, but she couldn't turn her eyes. When Buffy noticed her presence, she was obviously not too keen on her little sister seeing.
Dawn walked over to Buffy and sat down on her bed. Se gently put her hand over her sister's.
"It's okay," Dawn whispered. "I miss him too."
"I know," Buffy said as she let out a tired sigh. "What happened, Dawnie? Didn't we used to be happy?"
Dawn shook her head. "It feels like there wasn't a time when we were. Everything is so wrong."
"It'll be okay again, I have faith in that," Buffy told her sister in a comforting tone.
"How can you have faith in anything?" Dawn asked shocked.
A few tears welled up in Buffy's eyes, but she was determined not to let them fall. "Because it's better than having faith in nothing."
Dawn nodded. "I get that."
Buffy hugged her sister tightly. She was one of the only things she really felt she had left, and even Dawn was still a bit unstable; however, like Buffy said before, something was better that nothing.
"We'll be okay, Dawn. Willow will get through this and... and Xander and Anya have been working it out and, I'm sure Spike will come back."
"Tara won't."
Buffy shook her head sadly. "No, we can't have Tara back, but we can remember her always. I know that doesn't make it better but, maybe she's with mom now," but choked a laugh, attempting a little levity.
Dawn smiled. "I know, I miss her though."
"We all do sweetie."
"Another thing, I don't think Spike is coming back."
Buffy was surprised by her sister's sudden shift n the conversation. "What? Why not?"
"Because when someone leaves me, they don't seem to care to come back."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
(The Next Night)
Spike passed the 'Welcome Back Sunnydale' sign for the fourth time, this time he didn't run over it, however.
"Home sweet home," he mumbled callously. The motorcycle rumbling as he drove into town.
He reached Main Street and parked the motorcycle in an alley, not worried of it getting stolen or damaged. He planned on staying in Sunnyhell for a while, and he could always nic another car or something.
Spike's stomach growled and he put his hand on his belly. He hadn't fed in hours and was becoming quite peckish. He was still in shock every time he fed. The feeling of the warm human blood over his lips and tongue throat were just so amazing. After a diet of pigs blood for two and a half years, it was simply amazing. Not just the taste, but the feeling as well. His fangs breaking skin, the screams of his victims, he would never take any of that for granted again.
"Look at all the goodies."
He walked out onto the sidewalk, looking for his next person to prey on. He saw a young girl, probably in her mid-twenties. A nervous looking little thing who very unwisely walked into an alleyway behind one of the buildings. Spike felt a flash of déjà vu and he smiled wickedly as he watched her scamper off.
"Time to finish what I started."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Dawn walked slowly down Main Street, her stake securely placed up her sleeve. The light of the street lamps reflected off of the silver cross she wore around her neck, and she checked her pocket every now and then for the small bottle of holy water she concealed there.
Buffy told her to patrol down Main Street and ONLY Main Street. She was too young and too inexperienced to patrol the graveyard alone. The Slayer figured that her little sister would be safe enough on a crowded street. Dawn was just happy that Buffy trusted her enough to go patrolling at all.
Dawn was checking the alleyways here and there when she came upon one with a dark object situated in it. She walked towards it, attempting to be aware of her surroundings. When she reached the object, she realized it was just a motorcycle. A bit disappointed, Dawn ran her hand over the vehicle. It smelled like smoke and... what was that on the seat? Blood?
"No," she told herself, tears filling her eyes. "It can't be."
She looked around the base of the motorcycle and saw nothing. Just as she was about to leave a gleam of silver caught her eye. She walked to it and pickedup a sliver plated lighter... Spike's lighter.
"He's back!" She told herself happily, a few tears of joy now falling from her eyes. "He came back!"
She pocketed the lighter and ran into the street, looking around for the bleached blonde, if he was even still dying his hair at all. She kept her eyes open for a flash of black, or anything that would indicate his presence. When she didn't get a sign, she decided that she would run to his crypt. She began to walk in the direction of the cemetery when she heard a scream.
"I suppose it'll have to wait."
Dawn walked in the direction of the cry for help. She slid the stake from her sleave and gripped it tightly in her hand. She walked into the alley and saw pretty much what she expected. Some vamp feeding on helpless victim. This one appeared to be a young woman, not much older that herself. She was about to just stake the vamp when she saw it. Her signs. A black clad vamp with bottle-blonde hair.
It was Spike. And he was feeding. He was killing.
"No," Dawn whimpered helplessly. Too upset to even hold the stake it clanked to the floor and Spike looked up. His eyes widened at the sight of Dawn standing there.
"Dawn."
"How could you?" She cried.
Spike dropped the girl and turned toward the youngest Summers. He couldn't think of anything to say to her, and he couldn't even think of why he cared. Why wasn't he attacking her? Dawn disregarded the whimpering girl that Spike had been draining.
"Dawn I-"
"Stay away from me," Dawn told him coldly. She turned and ran from the alley towards her home. She wished she knew the spell for uninviting vampires right then.
"Nibblet!" Spike called after her as he ran wherever she went.
'He's too fast,' Dawn thought. 'He'll catch up.'
But she didn't let that stop her. She kept running. She turned around a building and was about to look back when she didn't need to. Spike grabbed her arm and pulled her around so that he had her by the wrists. She screamed.
"Quiet!" He commanded her. She whimpered and began struggling to get released from his grip.
"Let me go!" She yelled at him. "Please don't hurt me."
"I'm not gonna hurt you, Bit. Just calm down."
Dawn nodded obediently, wishing that she hadn't dropped her stake again. He released her and when she tried to run again he grabbed her shoulder and pushed her back against the building. She cried out in pain and he could hear the smashing of bone against brick.
Dawn whimpered from the searing pain in her shoulder. She didn't think it was broken but it hurt. Not just that, it was Spike who hurt her.
Spike looked down at the girl who was now crying. He leaned in to help her up. "Dawnie, I'm so sorry." He held out his hand hoping that she might just forgive him but she moved away from him.
She was cowering... in fear... from him. And Spike hated how that made him feel. Wasn't he supposed to protect her?
"Please," she begged. "Please don't kill me, just let me go home. I swear I won't tell Buffy."
"Kill you? Dawn, I would never."
"Oh," she sighed, and became angry again. "So you can kill other people? Innocent people? Did you think I would just be okay with it then?"
Spike shook his head and sat down next to her, again she scooted away from him. "I'm a vampire, Dawn. It's what I do," he told her softly.
"I hate you," she told him coldly.
"Don't say that."
"I do! I hate you so much and I don't want to," she began to cry again.
"What can I-"
"Nothing!" She interrupted him. "That's what you have been doing. When I needed you, you weren't there. And now you're feeding again and..."
"I'm sorry."
"NO! Sorry doesn't cut it, Spike. Sorry doesn't make it al better. Sorry doesn't take back you sleeping with Anya. Sorry doesn't take back you trying to rape Buffy. Sorry doesn't fix what Willow did, and sorry will never bring back Tara."
Spike was taken aback by the last one. "Tara..."
"Is dead. But that's right, you wouldn't know because YOU WEREN'T HERE!"
"What happened?" Spike asked sincerely.
"Warren. He came to shoot Buffy and he killed Tara. The innocent always get caught in the crossfire."
Spike was enraged. "I'll kill him."
"Too bad Willow beat you to it. She ripped his skin off and then went all psycho bitch and tried to destroy the world. Not before trying to kill all of us though."
"She was stopped? Is she-"
"She's in England with Giles. Some sort of magic-detox thing."
Spike nodded. He wasn't sure what to say. "I did what I had to do, Sweet Bit."
"You had to become a killer?" She asked coldly, anger flaring in her eyes.
"I had to become something!" He yelled as he stood up. "What was I before. I wasn't a man, and I sure as hell wasn't a monster so what was I?"
Dawn shrugged as more tears fell from her eyes. "My friend," she told him, gettingup so that he wasn't towering over her. "I looked up to you and then where were you? Just gone? I hate you."
Spike put on his vampire guise and pushed violently Dawn against the wall. He held her by her upper arms and he moved his head so that his lips were up next to her ear.
"Does this make it easier?" He whispered. "I know what I am."
"You're a bastard," she told him coolly.
"I could kill you right now," he told her, and he tilted her head to the side and licked her neck.
"No," she sighed. "You couldn't."
"I'm a demon, Dawnie. I'm evil. I kill. It's what I do."
A few tears fell from her eyes. "I'm not afraid of you," she whispered.
"You should be. I can feel it," he said, pushing his body up against her. "I can smell the fear."
"I'm afraid for you. You're trying so hard to be something that you've lost what you really are; what you really can be."
"And what's that?"
"A good man."
Spike pulled his face back a bit from Dawn. His cheek was just barely touching hers, and he could hear the blood in her body pumping furiously.
"What do you want Dawn?"
"I want to have a normal life. I want my mother and father back. I want Tara to be alive and I want Willow not to be sick. I want Xander and Anya to get back together and I want you to be a man."
~Poor Spikey. Can't be a human. Can't be vampire. Where the hell do you fit in?~
"I just want to have a place." And at that he released Dawn who grabbed him back and hugged him. He flinched at first but then he wrapped him arms around the girl. "And I think I still haven't found it."
"You can have a place here."
"No, I never could, not with Buffy here."
"She misses you."
"That doesn't matter."
"Of course it does," Dawn protested.
"No, I can't have a place here. I've tried, so many times, but I don't belong here."
"So what are you saying?" She asked, more or less knowing what was coming.
"I have to leave, not come back, Dawn."
"No! You can't leave again."
"I can and I have to. I am an evil thing and being here makes me feel like I can be something else. I can't. I'm evil, I'm a killer, that's what I do. Tell Willow I'm sorry for her loss. And tell Buffy I hope she finds happiness."
"No! You can tell them yourself."
"Dawn, I'm leaving."
"NO! I won't let you."
Spike cocked his head and stared at her, his blue eyes piercing right through her. He lifted his hand and punched her, hard enough to knock her out but not hard enough to do any real damage. He sighed and picked her up.
"I hope this makes it easier."
He carried her back to her house and brought her inside. He was glad that they hadn't done an uninvite spell, at least not yet. He placed her down on the living room sofa and walked toward the door. AS he did, he mumbled under his breath,
"And you can keep the lighter, Sweet Bit."
END