Trust in Me – Chapter Twelve and Epilogue
By Kilmeny
Disclaimers: Gundam Wing belongs to Sunrise. Any songs or quotes belong to their respective authors listed with them.
Author's Notes: First of all, sorry about the format of the songs always being weird. When I save it to .htm it won't stay the same format, and I don't know how to fix it, so sorry again if it's confusing to read. Also, let me say whoohoo! I finally finished my first story. I'm so excited. Hope the ending's not too sappy for you. I try to make things sweet but realistic. But us hopeless romantics get a little carried away sometimes. Something I've noticed, Averil cries a lot. I hope that doesn't get on your nerves or anything. I only meant for Averil to be a sensitive person, and with such a troubled past, you'd probably cry a lot, too. Tell me what you think about Averil as a character. I kind of went out on a limb making up a new character for my first story, and I'm interested to know if she turned out alright. Anyway, enjoy the ending!
//_-
Chapter Twelve
The next morning, Averil and Trowa decided to have breakfast separately, for they wanted to spend the rest of the day—their last day—together. So Averil ate with the girls, and Trowa had breakfast with Quatre and Duo.
"So Jazmin, how are things with you and Quatre?" Averil asked, delicately licking some jam off of her fingers.
The brunette smiled with satisfaction and put down her coffee cup. "A lot better. He's finally given up trying to only be my employer and has taken me on a number of very romantic dates."
"That's great! How did that happen?"
"It's a long story that will have to be told some other time. You'll keep in touch, won't you?"
"Of course! I wouldn't miss out on any of the juicy details."
"So what are the juicy details between you and Trowa?" Hilde asked eagerly. Jazmin and Catherine leaned in with equal anticipation.
Averil groaned and blushed, knowing they'd ask this. "I don't know. I guess we just realized . . . that . . ."
"You love each other?" Catherine suggested.
Averil's face fell. "Well, he hasn't said that or anything, but—"
Jazmin looked incredulous. "You mean he's leaving tomorrow morning and you guys haven't even admitted that?!"
"How do you even know if he feels that way?" asked Averil a little indignantly.
Hilde shook her head. "Love's not just a feeling. We know because he shows it! His actions give him away."
Averil frowned. "Well, I can't just make him say it. If he wants me to know, then he'll tell me. I'm not going to force it out of him."
"Well are you going to tell him?" asked Catherine.
"I guess I'll just have to wait and see. There's no telling if I'll be able to get the words out between now and when he leaves," answered Averil honestly.
The others didn't say anything, feeling it best to let the subject drop, despite their differing opinions. Then Hilde asked, "You'll come to my wedding, won't you?"
Averil smiled in relief. "I wouldn't miss it. Thanks for inviting me."
"No problem! Duo and I want as many people there as possible. 'The more the merrier' is what we say."
Averil raised her brows. "I'm sure you have a lot of friends, too. I wonder if I'll even find a seat."
"Oh, don't worry. I'll get all of you seats with a great view of me in my beautiful dress, and you'll all be jealous," said Hilde enthusiastically. The others laughed, knowing that they probably would wish they were the ones getting married.
"So when are you and Duo heading back to L2?" asked Jazmin.
"We're leaving tonight. Our shuttle leaves around 6:30pm, about an hour and a half earlier than Catherine and Trowa's," Hilde answered.
Averil looked disappointed, "That means I won't get to see you off at the subway." She wrinkled her nose, "I have a meeting with Mr. Barker about the recording at seven, so I'll only get to see Trowa and Catherine off."
"That's okay," Hilde said, giggling, "Duo and I will pounce on you before you go to your meeting and make sure we get a thorough seeing off."
"'A seeing off?' With a 'pouncing?' I'll be looking forward to it," she said with a wry smile.
//_-
Duo and Hilde stepped onto the subway, waving happily at Quatre, Jazmin, Trowa, and Catherine until they were out of sight. Then Hilde said, "Can you believe that Trowa and Averil haven't even told each other how they feel yet?"
Duo smirked. "Remember how long it took us?" he asked, putting an arm around her waist, "Don't worry, they'll eventually tell each other in their own time."
"In their own idiotic time," muttered Hilde, "Trowa should know better than to leave a girl stranded like that wondering exactly how he feels."
"And how would Trowa know? He's never even dated before!" exclaimed Duo, defending his friend.
Hilde elbowed him playfully in the ribs and pouted, "I know I'm being unfair. It's just that guys are so dense sometimes."
"I knew it! You were just trying to find another way to rub in how dense I was!" Duo was so loud that all of the other passengers stared and snickered.
She laughed, unperturbed by the attention, "No I wasn't. I was just venting. Us girls worry about each other's love lives, you know?"
"Funny, some guys like to get their kicks out of making things hard on the other guys instead of helping them," said Duo, scratching his head.
Hilde rolled her eyes. Boys . . .
//_-
"I'm gonna go up and wait for Averil," Trowa told Catherine.
She glanced at her watch. "She probably won't be here for another hour."
"I know. I just want to be alone for awhile, too."
"I understand."
Conveniently, Quatre's estate was only a ten minute walk from the nearest subway, so Trowa sat on a bench beneath a streetlight, waiting for Averil to come walking down the road. Meanwhile, he would use the time to think. He didn't know why he didn't insist on staying by her side throughout her whole ordeal. He felt like he was making an excuse out of going back to the circus. Maybe he just wanted to test their relationship, see if it was strong enough to make it through a separation. He also felt intuitively that Averil needed to know that she could find the strength and courage in herself to do the right thing on her own. He sensed that she wanted to be an individual, no longer restrained by the character of Lacy or anyone's desires for her but her own, and he respected that. So what was it that felt so wrong?
Trowa came up with no answer to his dilemma. Instead, he found himself absorbed in thoughts of how much he and Averil had changed since meeting one another, and of the good times they had shared. He looked forward to a future with her in it, never lonely again. He closed his eyes; he was really going to miss her. Her smile, those haunting eyes, her sweet nature, her infectious laugh, her voice, her kiss, and especially her hair, he thought, smiling.
Eventually, he saw her figure walking down the road, and he stood to watch her. Curiously, he couldn't help but smile when he saw her—she was so graceful and beautiful. When she was near, his smile faded, and he said, "I've been waiting . . . to say goodbye."
"That sounds sad when you say it like that," she said, standing hesitantly in front of him.
"It is," was all he said. She looked up at him under dark lashes, a watery smile on her face. "Don't cry," he commanded huskily.
"I can't help it," she choked, breaking into tears, and then his arms were around her, holding her against his chest like so many times before. "I'm gonna get your shirt all wet," she cried.
"It's nothing new," he replied, eliciting something between a sob and a laugh from the redhead.
"I'll miss you so much," she declared, her arms tightening around him. He merely kissed her hair in reply, then wiped the tears from her cheeks, but she knew that he meant the same thing. And his eyes, so deep and green, she had never seen them this intense before. He kissed her then, a kiss more passionate than all the rest, one that spoke more volumes, uttered more words than he could ever say to express the way he felt about her. His hands were in her hair, on her waist, down her arms, they never stopped moving, never felt enough of her softness.
Could it be true that Trowa really did love her? Such a wondrous thought almost seemed as if it was within her grasp when he touched her like this and looked at her like that. How could she let him go, Averil thought, clinging to his arms, trying to get closer, warmer, anything to sate this need for him long enough to allow her to part with him. But it seemed that nothing would satisfy her hunger, and finally she reluctantly pushed him away, crying, "How do you expect me to watch you go when you do that?"
I was only telling you how I felt, he thought, almost subconsciously, but he only said, "You didn't seem to be protesting much."
She shook her head, realizing how desperate she must have seemed. "Do you want to go wait downstairs?"
"No, I'd rather we say our good-byes up here," he replied, thinking he'd prefer to get his parting look at her here under the trees rather than down in the dirty subway system.
"Alright," she said, going over to sit on the bench. He followed and sat beside her. She leaned her head on his shoulder, and he put his arm around her. His fingers would first comb gently through her hair, and then he would play with one of her hands, kissing each fingertip with aching slowness. This went on for awhile, both silent, content to hold one another, but not to let each other go, not yet, not when there was so much to be said . . . but how did one say it? Averil nearly started to several times, but she realized that what kept her from saying it was her infernal weakness, that side of her self that would always taunt her, would probably never be gone for good. She was still afraid of so many things, and she hated it, but she didn't know how to get around it. It would be difficult to understand for someone who had not been through the things she had, who had not seen what she had seen. Her father torn from her mother while her mother was still so young; her mother's feelings tossed around carelessly by a new, cruel husband; and Averil herself, rejected and abused by the men who saw her only as Lacy. Trowa had been right; she still bore wounds from her past that hadn't fully healed. It would just take time, something they didn't have much of at the present moment.
With much unwillingness, Trowa rose and pulled Averil up with him. "I have to go down now," he said, and she nodded, staring down at the ground. He lifted her chin so that he could look her in the eyes, one last look at those brilliant, gray-violet eyes before he left. "Hey, it won't be that long."
"You're right," she said, giving him a dazzling smile, something he needed badly right then. "Goodbye, Trowa."
"Goodbye, Averil," he said solemnly, giving her one last tender kiss. Then she turned and walked away, preferring not to be the one to see the other go—and Trowa was left to watch her fade away into the night, but both were left with the feeling that something had been a little anticlimactic.
//_-
I Love You
By Sarah McLachlan
I have a smile
Stretched from ear to ear
To see you walking down the road
We meet at the lights
I stare for a while
The world around us disappears
It's just you and me
On my island of hope
A breath between us could be miles
Let me surround you
My sea to your shore
Let me be the calm you seek
Oh but every time I'm close to you
There's too much I can't say
And you just walk away
And I forgot
To tell you I love you
And the night's too long
And cold here without you
I grieve in my condition
For I cannot find the words to say
I need you so
Oh but every time I'm close to you
There's too much I can't say
And you just walk away
And I forgot
To tell you I love you
And the night's too long
And cold here without you
I grieve in my condition
For I cannot find the words to say
I need you so
//_-
Trowa and Catherine came out of the subway, then waited to cross the street, where the shuttle station stood. Trowa's thoughts were elsewhere. They were crossing the street now, he barely noticed. All he thought about was his sweet Averil. She had trusted him, trusted him to protect her, treat her right; she'd trusted him to tell her the truth. He stopped in his tracks, heedless of the rushing crowds of people shoving their way around him.
"Trowa!" called Catherine.
He hadn't told her the whole truth. They had agreed to be more open with each other, and he hadn't even told her what she should hear the most. He'd said he cared, but that was only part of it—only a fraction of it! How could he have let her walk away without her knowing that he loved her, that it tore his heart out to part from her for one second? How could he have done that to her?!
"Trowa!!" Catherine repeated, grabbing his shoulder.
"I'm sorry, Catherine, you're going to have to leave without me," he said, only halfway out of his trance.
"Why?" she asked, although she had her ideas.
"I forgot something, something I needed to say . . ." he answered, before running back to the street crossing. She smiled knowingly, picked up her bags, and headed towards the shuttles. No one would believe her story when she got back.
Trowa shifted from foot to foot, glaring at the traffic signal, demanding it to change. What was taking so long?! Cars sped past one after the other, stopping him from getting across. He couldn't leave Averil in pain for another minute! Finally, the signal yielded beneath his destructive glare, the cars stopped, and Trowa rushed across the street.
//_-
Averil closed the door to her room, and slid down to the floor, covering her face with her hands. How was she going to make it through this night? Tears streamed down her cheeks and her back heaved with sobs. This stupid fear! I have to get over it! So what if he doesn't say it back. That's not what I loved him for in the first place. I loved him because of who he was, not because of what he could give me. Her tears and sobs subsided as a thought dawned on her. What was it that she had said to Kraten? She'd said, ". . . even if he doesn't love me back, I'll still love him. It's not a give and take kind of deal. You give even if you don't get back."
She stood up, eyes wide with realization. If she truly loved him, then she would prove it by telling him and continuing to love him whatever his response may be. In this way, she could also triumph over her fear. And she had to see him to do it! A telephone call would be the coward's way out. She grappled with the door, flew down the stairs, and ran all the way to the subway station. Then she had to wait . . .
//_-
Next stop and he'd be there, come on! He hardly knew what to do with himself; he was so rarely impatient. He looked over at his hand gripping the metal pole—his knuckles were white. He actually had to pry his fingers off. He hadn't used that death-grip since the wars. He looked up as the cars screeched to a halt. Finally! As he shoved his way towards the open doors, he caught a glimpse of red hair. It couldn't be. She was waiting for him! No, she was about to get on, but then she spotted him and stepped back, incredulous. He ran to her, his heart surging with love for her . . . his sweet Averil.
As the cars screamed off down the tunnel, the winds in their wake blew that beloved hair up and around her face. "Trowa?" she asked, unbelieving.
The last few steps between them he closed slowly, his eyes never leaving hers. "I forgot to tell you something."
Haltingly, she said, "I did, too."
He leaned down, cupping her cheek with his hand. "I love you," he said simply, smiling.
She nearly gasped, and her eyes were wide as she answered, so easily, "I love you, too." Then his mouth covered hers in a sweet and tender kiss, sealing their much-awaited vows.
//_-
Trust Me
By Two-Mix
Translated from Japanese
Throwing myself to the white wind which blows wild
I start to run out to you from the subway doors
My love is rushing . . . my heart is tangled
I impatiently glared at the unchanging signal
Phone calls are painful because I can't see you
Tell me the pain in your heart
Which spilled into the gap between words, don't leave me alone
TRUST ME NOW I always want to be with you
So hurry to hold tight these freezing shoulders
TRUST ME MORE I want to find what I can do
For the two of us so don't close those eyes
The sun and the blue wind which blew through
That summer day I innocently burned them onto my skin
On nights when sorrow lies deep and thick
I'll give you a melody that rings of those days
The distance between the two of us hurts, the more you are kind to me
Despite the times I hesitated
Unable to choose between love and dreams
TRUST ME NOW I want to continue walking with you
Because I actually love you enough to make me cry
TRUST ME MORE I want you to firmly go on gazing
Only at the bond which links the two of us
We'll re-warm at least our love and exchange kisses again and again
Without saying goodbye . . . even tomorrow
The two of us will still be like this
TRUST ME NOW I always want to be with you
So hurry to hold tight these freezing shoulders
TRUST ME MORE I want to find what I can do
For the two of us so don't close those eyes
TRUST ME NOW I want to continue walking with you
Because I actually love you enough to make me cry
TRUST ME MORE I want you to firmly go on gazing
Only at the bond which links the two of us
//_-
They were out on their balcony again. Averil had laughingly informed Quatre that it was officially theirs, so many hours of joy had been spent there together that its memories had made it theirs by right. Quatre delightedly agreed that that was only fair.
"So does your promise still stand?" asked Averil, a constant smile on her face.
"I don't know which one you're talking about, but whichever one it is, yes it still stands," Trowa answered confidently.
"Okay, then stay," she said bluntly.
"Stay?" he asked, grinning, "For how long?"
"I'd like to say forever, but let's compromise. Stay with me for just one more week, then I command you to go back."
"You command me?" he asked jokingly, a brow raised.
"Yes, I think I do need to do the rest of this on my own."
"I understand."
"I just- I was afraid to tell you that I needed you for just one more week," she admitted.
Trowa kindly replied, "I told you, all you had to do was say the word."
//_-
Epilogue
After Trowa went back home, Averil got down to serious business with her case against Kraten. The authorities, upon hearing the recording and knowing of its validity, almost immediately received a warrant for his arrest. Quatre assigned four Maguanacs to guard Averil and her mother in case Kraten used his connections to hurt them. The reunion of mother and daughter was long overdue. They spent a whole day catching up, and Mrs. O'Hare (her preferred name) eagerly looked forward to meeting Trowa in the future. The patterns in Kraten's accounts as well as those of the murdered jockeys proved to be very influential evidence along with the recording. However, the case still progressed slowly, as most cases do, and Averil's nerves were usually on edge. But having her mother stay with her at the estate helped immensely.
Upon Trowa's return, he found out that his story had gone on ahead of him, thanks to his sister, and he had to spend an entire evening explaining his love life. But leave it to Trowa to explain it in as few words or details as possible so that his coworkers were still left unsatisfied. However, they planned on getting it all out of Averil as soon as she returned. Trowa also had a few words to say about the kidnapping of his sister and how everyone had allowed it to happen. Thus his coworkers avoided him for the next few days.
Trowa threw himself back into his practice, easily catching up on the weeks that he had missed, and finding it refreshing to do something so familiar to him. He did keep his promise to call Averil everyday, and she made sure that he took good care of her horse Miles, and Trowa made sure that she was being well protected by her new guards.
The case eventually wrapped up, Kraten received a guilty verdict, and Averil, upon trying to get her mother settled down someplace, was surprised when Mrs. O'Hare refused. Mrs. O'Hare claimed that she wanted to continue on in the horse-breeding business where Mr. O'Hare had left off. Averil was delighted to hear this, but when she tried to help her mother get their house back in order, Mrs. O'Hare nearly shoved her out the door, commanding her to return to "your Trowa" immediately. Averil "meekly" obeyed.
By the time Averil returned, the performance season was over, and so Averil had three months ahead of her to perfect her horse act. The ringmaster also insisted that Averil and Trowa should have a high-wire act together, so she had that to work on, but she wasn't complaining. It just meant that she had one more fear to get over, but Trowa was there the whole time, and she trusted him, so she learned quickly. When the performance season came again, the circus was delighted to discover that the name of O'Hare had not been forgotten in the world. The circus was sold out nearly every performance, and the crowds offered great encouragement to the daughter of the kind Mr. O'Hare. Several times, Averil was approached by old friends of the family who wanted to see her and tell her what a wonderful man her father had been. Averil told Trowa that it felt like a part of her father had been given back to her through the memories of his old friends.
Eventually, Averil and Trowa married and had children who continued on in the circus business. Averil proclaimed laughingly that her children would turn out to be clowns just like their father, which they did become clowns, but not quite as stoic the type that their father was.
And, of course, Averil's wounds healed with time, just as Trowa's wounds had after he returned from the wars. And with that healing came Averil's ability to forgive Kraten, Morgan and Boris, and the other men, from what seemed like such a long-ago time in her life. She didn't keep her past from her children, instead, she used it to teach them the truth about trust and human worth, about all the strengths that Trowa had known she possessed, and above all, Trowa and Averil taught them about love.
//_-
Because You Loved Me
By Diane Warren
Performed by Celine Dion
For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through, through it all
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me baby
You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand, I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love, I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
Oh you were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
Oh I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
//_-
There is no disguise which can for long conceal love where it exists or simulate it where it does not.
-Francois, Duc de La Rochefoucauld
Love, and a cough, cannot be hid.
-George Herbert
Author's Notes: Okay, I have a ton of stuff to say that you can read if you're at all interested in reading more of my writing. First of all, I wrote "The Curiosity: A Character Sketch" awhile back about Averil that's short but sweet. It's posted on FanFiction.Net and Aishiteru if you're interested in reading it. Also, someone said something about writing a Quatre fic. Well, you're in luck, but you're going to have to wait awhile. The next story I'm going to work on is Duo and Hilde's story and how they ended up engaged in this story, so it actually happens before "Trust in Me." After that, I'll write Quatre and Jazmin's story, which for the most part parallels "Trust in Me" in the timeline. See, what I plan on doing is writing a story for all of the Gundam pilots, including Zechs, and maybe Lady Une—all happening after Endless Waltz. I might eventually write some Sailormoon or Cardcaptor Sakura stories if I get inspired, too. I'm open to suggestions on any of my writing, and of course I love reviews! Thanks for reading and God bless!
The End
Began February 2002
Finished August 2002