Disclaimers: I don't own any characters used. :P

WARNING: Angst. Darker content than usual, and if you've been reading this fic, then you know that's saying something. Attempted kidnapping, implied rape, and beating. Depressing medical issues concerning motherhood. No fluffy moments. Swearing. OOCness for Usagi in this chapter.

Author's Notes: Yes, I'm back. ^-^ I missed all of you, minna-chan! *glomps* Anyways, this chapter of HH is more Usagi-centered, though there is a reason for this. No real P/W or U/W moments. This has got to be the most depressing chapter I've written yet. Lots of angst concerning Usagi. Her behavior may seem strange, but is necessary for the fic. I'm sorry to those who expected a happier chapter. On another note, Light Meets Darkness has a new home at: http://lmd.krysyuy.com, while Forever More is up at: http://www.krysyuy.com. Forever More still needs a lot of work though, it's not really worth visiting unless you're curious. LMD has lots of new stuff to check out, so please visit it!

"Love is the passion that we feel inside of our hearts that we can't hide. We pretend to hide it but it burns us more and more until the pain grows and grows and it never ends." ~ Unknown

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Her Husband
Chapter 3 - Drifting Away
Author: Krys Yuy
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Something was wrong.

Pan could feel it in every fiber of her body, her mind giving off warning signals. She clenched her right fist in an attempt to help clear her mind. 'Something else happened... Didn't it, Usagi?' she wondered worriedly.

It had been about five months since she had gone to the Academy Awards with Usagi and Wufei. She still went into a temporary shock as she remembered Wufei's unexpected compliment, which she had kept from Usagi. It was as if Pan wanted it to be a secret... just hers and Wufei's. Usagi had been nominated as Best Actress in her role as Isabella Parker in Right Around the Corner, but lost to the leading actress of an action thriller. Usagi had been disappointed, but not heartbroken. After the Awards, Usagi went right back to work on another movie and other modeling shoots.

Pan watched as everything slipped back to its normal pattern. Pan was again Usagi's bodyguard, satisfied when Jadeite had to go back to wherever he came from. She accompanied Usagi on the movie and modeling sets, either walking beside her or walking in step a few feet behind. There were also the inevitable meetings with Wufei in which she learned to swiftly hide her emotions. Things seemed to become relatively good, until two months ago.

Pan still cursed herself for it. It had been a failure she couldn't accept, and the guilt had almost eaten up at her. If Usagi hadn't snapped her out of it, she probably wouldn't even be in America still. She'd be as far away as possible. She was just happy she had gotten there in time before anything happened to Usagi permanently. Usagi had to stay in the hospital for only a couple of days, but news leaked out nonetheless. There were tabloid rumors flying everywhere by the time Usagi got out, and even Pan couldn't keep all the fans at bay. Pan still felt guilty about what happened, even though Usagi insisted it wasn't her fault. After the incident, Usagi had... changed, somehow.

Pan and Usagi were having a girls' night out at a dance club in Downtown L.A. Usagi was wearing a disguise so that no one would recognize her. Before Pan could even stop her, Usagi had two beers, which made her very tipsy.

*Flashback*

"Come on, Panny... Let's dance!" Usagi exclaimed, giggling. She twirled around in her short dress, tapping her foot to the music.

Pan's left eyes twitched slightly. 'Panny?' she thought, annoyed. "That's all right, Usa," she replied dryly.

"Oh come on! Pretty please?" Usagi asked, pouting.

"No."

"You are so mean!" Usagi shouted, unaware of her loud volume.

People at the bar and near them by the dance floor started to stare. Some began whispering to each other as Pan sighed and shook her head. "How I just love attention," she muttered to herself sarcastically.

Usagi continued to pout and twirled the locks of the long brown wig she was currently wearing. "I wanna dance!" she demanded, stomping her right foot. She looked very much like a child in the middle of a temper tantrum.

"Usagi..." Pan stated in a warning tone.

"I'm not a kid!" Usagi whined, lips pouting again. Then she turned around so suddenly that Pan was caught off guard, and the disguised actress disappeared into the crowd on the dance floor.

"Kuso!" Pan cursed, quickly trying to push through the dancing couples that were pressed close together. The dance floor was already packed with people, leaving little room to move about freely. She had to squeeze through the crowd, often pushing people to the side, hoping to catch a glimpse of the brown wig she had memorized just in case. "Damnit, Usagi! Why can't you stay sober after two beers? No, you have to get drunk! Kami, where are you?!" she muttered, eyes flashing with both worry and annoyance.

That was when she heard the scream.

* * * * *

Usagi weaved through the dancing couples, grinning to herself. Now she could finally have some fun without Pan watching her like a hawk. She began to dance in time with music, not caring that her wig had fallen off in her haste to escape. Her long golden hair fell out to rest at her waist, since the rest of it was pulled up into a bun. The alcohol effects were starting to dim, but she kept herself from twirling around too much to prevent any dizzy side effects.

Usagi felt someone place his or her hands on her waist, and she twisted around to see who it was. She winced as her head throbbed from that action. She looked up to see a handsome man with green eyes and shoulder-length auburn hair. He would have seemed like a welcome dancing partner if it wasn't for the leer he was sending her way. She suddenly felt very uncomfortable as his hands traveled up and down her sides.

"Please let go of me," she requested, trying to wiggle out of his grasp, only to find it unbelievably strong.

"Sorry, sweetheart," the man purred. "We're going to have some fun tonight." He locked his hands around her waist.

Usagi began to panic as her mind started to sober up quickly. "Let go of me!" she demanded, using her fists to pound on his chest. She was slightly disturbed when he didn't even flinch.

"Let's go somewhere a bit more private," he murmured into her ear, pausing to lick the side of her cheek.

Usagi flinched and then screamed when he began to drag her out of the club through the back. The other people were too busy either dancing or being drunk to notice. Her scream was cut short when the stranger clamped one of his hands over her mouth. 'This isn't happening, this isn't happening, this isn't happening...' she chanted to herself, squeezing her eyes shut.

She yelped when the man twisted her around, grabbed her by the shoulders, and slammed her back into what felt like a brick wall. Her eyes flew open to find herself in the back alley of the nightclub. The stranger was grinning wickedly up at her, and Usagi resisted the nauseous feeling in her stomach. She was frozen in fear, and cursed herself for drinking two beers and not staying close to Pan. She wildly looked around in search of a weapon. There were several discarded pipes and broken pieces of wood, but they were all out of reach.

'Calm down, Usagi, just calm down,' she told herself mentally, wincing when she felt the stranger stroke her face. 'Just get your strength together. Remember what Wufei and Pan taught you! You're not completely defenseless!' Though the stress was too much, Usagi managed to keep her panic at a minimum. When the stranger reached up to kiss her, she could only think of one thing that always worked. She kneed him in the groin hard.

Her attacker let go of her immediately, howling in pain, and clutching his private area. Usagi took one brief look at him and bolted for the back door of the club several yards away. One yard before she reached it, she was grabbed by the back of her tank top. She was forced to whirl around and face her attacker again.

He frowned at her and gripped her shoulders tightly, though his movements were jerky. He turned them around once more, so she would face the club door. He was still in obvious pain from Usagi's previous attack on him. "You'll pay for that, sweetie," he growled, eyes flashing. He grabbed her chin with his left hand, still keeping his right hand on her left shoulder.

Usagi used his mistake to her advantage. She quickly raised her right hand and yanked on his long hair. As a result, he flinched in pain and let her go again. 'God, how could I get dragged out of the club by this idiot?' she thought. Then her head throbbed again, giving her a painful reminder of the answer. 'Oh yeah... I got drunk.'

The stranger looked at her angrily as she backed away from him. He was standing between her and the back door. She had to get through him to escape since there was only a dead end behind her. Before he could advance on her, Usagi moved in fast and gave him a swift kick to the stomach.

"Bitch," her attacker muttered venomously, stumbling slightly. He realized that she wasn't just the weak dumb blonde he had mistaken her for. That made it just a little harder. He stepped up and slapped her across the cheek, smirking as his victim whimpered in pain.

Usagi retaliated by punching him in the jaw. Then she remembered a move she had seen Pan use in a spar against Haruka. She quickly dropped down in a crouching position, and used most of her strength to do a leg sweep. Her attacker fell on his side, but scrambled back up again in just a few moments. 'Why can't he just stay down?!' Usagi thought in dismay and rising panic once more. She began to forget to stay calm and keep her focus. Her mind was again being covered in fear.

This gave her attacker the upper hand. He was now furious, which made him very dangerous. He punched her in the face, and Usagi cried out loudly in pain. Then he kicked her in the stomach, sending her flying back and landing roughly on the ground. Usagi tried to get up, but her body protested, and she fell back again. She knew she would have several bruises and wounds once this was over.

The stranger glared at her in disgust, hating the fact that she refused to submit to him. She was supposed to be under his power. That's how it worked but she was ruining it. She had to be taught a lesson. She needed to be taught discipline, and how a woman should always act for a man. He spotted a pipe on the ground and picked it up. It rested lightly in his hand, and the auburn haired man grinned wickedly. Perfect.

* * * * *

Several minutes earlier...

Pan immediately panicked once she heard the scream. She would recognize that voice anywhere. "Usagi!" she exclaimed, heading towards to where she heard it. "Usagi!! Answer me! Usagi!" She roughly pushed people out of the way, no longer caring about anything else but finding her best friend quickly.

"Watch it, woman!" A man snapped at her as she pushed past him. However, he soon cowered back as Pan shot him a murderous look.

Pan's eyes darted everywhere until something brown caught her eye. It was on the floor, and she snatched it up. It was Usagi's wig. It must have fallen off when Usagi had gotten away from her. Pan moved on until she was near the back of the club. "Usagi! Please answer me!" Pan shouted out over the music. "Where are you?! Usagi!" Her voice was beginning to take on a desperate edge.

"Hey. Is this Usagi a blonde chick?"

Pan whirled around to face a tall brunette teenager staring at her expectantly. "Yes! Have you seen her?" she asked anxiously.

"Yeah, some auburn haired dude dragged her out back. The girl had her eyes closed pretty tight, just seemed really troubled. I thought it was just some lover's spat, y'know?"

Pan was already heading out towards the back door before the teenager could even finish his last sentence.

* * * * *

Usagi was drifting in and out of consciousness because of the immense pain she was suffering. She flinched as the pipe came down for a third time on her abdomen. She was ready to welcome the blackness that threatened to consume her. 'Wufei...' she thought dimly. She heard someone scream her name just before she gave in to unconsciousness.

"Usagi!!"

Pan took in the horrifying sight, momentarily frozen in her tracks. Usagi was knocked out on the ground, and still being beaten by a tall man, who seemed slightly crazed. He must have been high on some kind of drug. The shock wore off in immediate realization and anger. Her eyes narrowed into thin slits as they locked on Usagi's attacker.

Pan rushed forward and kicked him on his back, sending him flying across Usagi's body and skidding down the alley floor. The pipe he was using fell carelessly to the side. The man moaned as he got up unsteadily on his feet. Pan's kick was much more effective than Usagi's because her strength far surpassed her best friend's. Pan calmly walked to where the man stood. He turned around to stare at her, unable to believe that someone her size could kick him that far. She didn't seem too intimidating until he looked into her eyes. They promised him lots and lots of pain. That plus the rage he also saw suddenly made him wish he hadn't chosen the blonde for his own pleasure.

Pan said nothing as she stared into his green eyes, letting him see just how furious she was. Her mouth was set into a thin line and her fists were clenched at her sides. Then, without warning, she sent a right uppercut at his chin. Before he could do anything, she kicked him in the stomach and then punched him in the face again. This time, Usagi's attacker stayed down and didn't move.

Pan stared down at his body blankly before she rushed over to Usagi's prone body. "Oh kami, Usagi," she whispered, kneeling next to her best friend. As she took in the wounds and the bruises, Pan felt her eyes fill with tears, but she refused to let them fall. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you..." Pan reached out to brush her hand against Usagi's cheek, tracing the bruise that was forming. "I'm sorry that I failed..." She closed her eyes and took in a shaky breath, trying to compose herself. Then she took out her cell phone and dialed 9-1-1.

*End Flashback*

Pan wiped away the stray tears that fell from her eyes as she remembered what happened on that awful night. 'Usagi... what's wrong?'

* * * * *

Usagi smiled that bright smile which won the hearts of so many across the world. Nowadays, it didn't quite reach her eyes anymore. The light was gone but only a precious few could really tell. Usagi wasn't one of the best actresses for nothing. She stopped smiling and just stared at herself in the mirror. She reached out a hesitant hand to softly trace her reflection.

She knew she was slowly shutting herself away from everyone she cared about, even Wufei. She just didn't know what to do anymore. She couldn't confide in anyone because they wouldn't understand. They wouldn't understand what she was going through. Even if she did tell Wufei... No. She couldn't put him through that pain. He didn't deserve to suffer like she was. He didn't need to know what was slowly killing her inside.

As Usagi sat in front of her dresser, she placed both hands on her abdomen. She continued to stare at herself in the mirror, watching silently as tears poured down from her eyes. Her shoulders began to shake, and Usagi leaned forward as she sobbed. She cried for herself, for her husband, and for her friends, knowing that they could do nothing to help ease her pain. But she also cried for the child she had lost and would never get back.

*Flashback*

Usagi stared up at the white ceiling of her hospital room, grateful for the alone time. She loved both Wufei and Pan, but they were treating her like an invalid. They had good reason to, of course, but she was getting irritated. She was fine, thanks to Pan. Usagi just couldn't believe that she let her attacker take advantage of her. She was never drinking again. She had forgotten most of her self-defense moves because she was drunk. Wufei had already lectured her after he was sure there wasn't any permanent damage done to her. Pan did nearly the same thing, though she looked like she wanted to strangle her for being so careless.

In the present time, both her guardians were away. Usagi had sent Wufei back to the Red Dragon to teach his classes, due to her pestering. Pan was visiting all of Usagi's close friends to tell them about her condition, since the press wasn't allowed in the hospital, California Medical. Usagi had been put in a room where she only had one doctor and nurse. They never changed shifts with others and it helped keep gossip out about her condition. She strictly told them not to address anyone except for her. They were both trustworthy, and worked often with other actors and actresses.

"How are you feeling, Usagi?"

Usagi tore her gaze away from the ceiling to smile at her nurse, who had just come in. "I'm feeling okay, considering what happened," she replied. "Thanks for checking up on me, Hotaru."

Hotaru was a few years younger than she was, but they were both around the same height. She had chin-length dark hair, which had natural violet highlights. She also had large violet eyes, which seemed to hold hidden wisdom. She smiled back at Usagi, but there was something about her eyes that told Usagi something was wrong.

Usagi's smile faded slightly. "You didn't come to check up on me... Did you, Hotaru?" she asked timidly.

Hotaru nodded slowly, her own smile disappearing. "I'm sorry, Usagi," she whispered. She walked up to stand next to her bedside. "Dr. Chiba found out some things today from your tests. Things that we hadn't thought of, and you hadn't mentioned. He thought it would be easier if I broke the news to you..."

Usagi felt dread creeping up on her body with goose bumps appearing on her arms. "Please... Hotaru. Just tell me," she pleaded softly, wanting to get it over with.

"Usagi..." Hotaru started, unsure as how to approach this. "Did you... Were you aware that you were pregnant?"

'No...' "Were?" Usagi asked, her voice suddenly losing all emotion.

"Yes," Hotaru replied quietly. "The extensive damage to your abdomen caused by your attacker also damaged your placenta. There was a two and a half-month fetus growing there, but I'm afraid..." She paused, grasping Usagi's hand. "I'm afraid it didn't survive the blows it was dealt with." Usagi began trembling underneath her touch. "I'm sorry, Usagi..."

"Will I still be able to have children?" Usagi whispered, her eyes glazing over.

"The damage to your placenta and abdomen will heal eventually, but your chances of having children have become rare," Hotaru informed softly.

Usagi tightened her grip on Hotaru's hand. Her lower lip was trembling and she couldn't stop her body from shaking. "Hotaru... you can't tell anyone else about this, okay? Please tell Dr. Chiba that I don't want anyone to know," she said firmly, her voice straining with emotion. "No one can know. Not even my husband."

"Usagi, I don't think-" Hotaru started to protest, but Usagi interrupted her.

"No one can know."

Hotaru opened her mouth, but closed it again once she saw Usagi's face. "Of course, Usagi. It's your decision," she said quietly. "Do you need anything? Anything at all."

"No." It was said so softly that Hotaru had to strain her ears to hear it.

Hotaru studied her patient, worry etching every feature of her face. She had expected her to cry or scream, something that would vent out her emotions. However, Usagi just laid there, a blank look on her face. "I know what it's like to lose someone you love," Hotaru said gently. "My sister-in-law and two-year old nephew died in an apartment fire. It's hard to cope, but you have to let others help you. I helped my brother, but..." She let her sentence trail off, not wanting to remember how much her brother had changed. He smiled on command, but never the genuine smile she had seen in the years before his wife and son had died. Still, she couldn't bear to think what would have happened if she hadn't reached him in his time of grief.

Hotaru shook herself away from bad memories to see if her words had gotten through to Usagi. Her blonde patient had now closed her eyes, but tears were slowly falling from her eyes. "Do you want me to stay with you, Usagi?" she asked, gently brushing her tears away.

Usagi said nothing as she sat up in her bed, still holding Hotaru's hand. She never opened her eyes as the tears continued to pour down. "Oh God," she murmured, her voice now shaking. "No... Gods no..."

"Oh Usagi," whispered Hotaru in sympathy. She sat on the side of Usagi's bed, and wrapped her arms around the blonde woman. She did her best to comfort her, but knew that it wouldn't be enough.

Usagi let herself be comforted for the time being, but somewhere inside of her, she knew that she had to get through this herself. She would not let anyone else suffer for the careless mistake she had made. In one moment, she lost something she could never replace. No one else had to share her pain when they had nothing to do with it. Especially Wufei. He would never know about the child that could have been.

'No one will suffer because of me...' Usagi vowed.

*End Flashback*

"Usagi?" Wufei's voice drifted through her memories, stopping her crying.

"Oh no," Usagi whispered, trying to rub away the traces of her tears. "Yes?" she called out, cursing herself when her voice came out shaky.

"What's wrong?" His voice grew louder as he neared their room.

"Nothing! It's nothing," she replied. She looked in the mirror and frowned at how messed up she looked. She was never going to fix up in time so he wouldn't worry. She rushed into the bathroom and locked the door.

"Usagi, don't lie to me," Wufei said as he walked into their bedroom. He blinked when he realized she wasn't there. "Usagi? Where are you?"

Usagi pressed her back against the bathroom door, her hand still on the doorknob. She slowly slid down until she was sitting on the floor. "What am I doing to myself?" she whispered. The tears started to come again.

Wufei heard the sniffling coming from the bathroom. He headed that way and tried to open the door, only to find it was locked. "Usagi, let me in," he demanded, angry that she shutting him out. He couldn't figure out what it was, but there was something wrong, and she refused to tell him. How could he protect her if she didn't even confide in him?

"I'm fine," Usagi managed to choke out through her crying.

Wufei heard the crying and felt his heart constrict. She wouldn't let him help her. Why wouldn't she let him help her?! "Usagi, open the door," he commanded, twisting the knob. Usagi gave no response, only more muffled sobs. "Open this door, Usagi! Let me in!"

'I'm so sorry, Wufei... I just can't...' she thought miserably.

"Damn it, Usagi!" Wufei pounded his fist against the door. "What's wrong with you!?"

She leaned heavily against the door, listening to Wufei's attempts to get to her. Her fragile heart cried out to him, but her stubborn will refused to let her move. "I wish I knew..." Usagi whispered, closing her eyes.

* * * * *

Pan hung up the phone, trembling slightly. "Usagi, you idiot," she muttered. "Why did you want to keep this to yourself?"

Hotaru had just called her, informing her of the other injuries Usagi had suffered two months ago. Though she had made a promise to Usagi, Hotaru felt that it was her duty to let someone close to Usagi know about the lost baby. She had kept quiet long enough. If Usagi kept it bottled up, there could be terrible consequences. Hotaru decided to call Pan because she was on Usagi's list of emergency contacts, besides the fact that Pan was Usagi's best friend and bodyguard. She did not want to tell Wufei because he was Usagi's husband, and it was Usagi's right and responsibility to inform Wufei of their lost child.

To say Pan was shocked would be an understatement. She couldn't believe that Usagi had kept silent about it for all this time. No wonder she was acting so strangely though. "I should have known," Pan said aloud, cursing herself inwardly. "I should have known! What kind of best friend am I?"

Usagi was drifting away from her and everyone else. She was keeping all this pain locked up inside of her... Pan was so frustrated that she punched the wall. She stared blankly at the dent and let her arm drop to the side. She sighed, closing her eyes. She pressed both hands against the wall, leaning towards it and keeping her head down.

What was she supposed to do now?