WRITER'S NOTE:  I have to warn you people, I've been writing this on some sort of crazy whim.  I just sit on my computer and start writing.  I manage to crack myself up many times.  Anyways, I guess I'm warding off any death threats because a lot of this stuff isn't planned.  If it goes, it goes.  Snoogans.

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Lordy!  Legolas and the Unadventures

Part 2:  Sayamir, the Tolerable

By Leila Winters

Leila awoke with a warm, tingly feeling in her toes.  Suddenly, her eyes snapped open and she shook her foot as if a rabid dog was attached to it.

It was morning and the sun filtered in through the balcony, throwing gentle rays onto the large bed.  Legolas came in from his terrace to find the girl shaking her foot like crazy.  He stopped.  "Good morning."

Leila's face contorted into a sort of sheepish grimace and she fought to control the awful tingling sensation in her toes.  "Morning.  My foot's asleep, so if you'll excuse me…"

"Ah."

When the pain had subsided, Leila looked curiously at the elf.  "Did you stay up all night, Legolas?"

The elf nodded.  "Apparently, I have a fiancée I didn't know about."

"WHAT??"

"My parents."

"Oh," reluctantly divulging information about herself, Leila spoke up.  "Yeah, my parents asked me one time if I wanted them to arrange a marriage for me."

Legolas looked interested.  "Really?  What did you say?"

"I told them they could never ask me that again."

"Oh."

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Sayamir Oakwood

Fantasy age:  unknown

Fantasy occupation:  a buxom beauty with flocks of people seeking her worthy gaze (a true fantasy)

Official Title:  Lady of Shalott (no, actually it's Lady of Shrounbriar)

The sun was high in the sky when Sayamir could see the tips of the elegant buildings of Rivendell a ways off on the horizon.  It'd be a day's hard travel, or two days easy travel.  It was a tough decision.

My future husband is reputed to be a handsome man…

Actually, the choice wasn't so difficult after all.

"Tighten up your gear, men.  We will be on a rough journey."

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"What would you like to see today?"

Leila looked up from the book she was paging through.  She couldn't read elvish anyways.  "Um, how about the gardens?  I haven't seen them yet."

Legolas smiled.  "Elves have very intricate gardens that reflect a beauty of their own.  Each one is unique and exudes a different feeling."

"Bring it on."

Wandering through the beautiful gardens of Legolas' home, Leila became very excited.  The garden itself was enormous and was almost as large as the palace.  Despite it's massiveness, each plant was well tended and each flower given lots of love.  The elves really did like nature.  Huh.  Who'd've thought?

The girl could not stop gushing.  "Eek!  Look at those gorgeous light fixtures!!  I wish we'd get those back at my home!  Oh!  And the fountains!!  Killer!!!  Ooo.  Take a look at these lilies!  They're HUGE!!"

The prince simply laughed.  "You certainly give this place a different atmosphere."

The girl had the dignity to look embarrassed.  "Oh.  Sorry.  This is supposed to be some kind of calm sanctuary, isn't it?"

"On some occasions, yes.  Elves seeking enlightenment, or escape from mental torment may come to their gardens to ease their troubled minds."

"Geez, I'm sorry.  I was just so excited—"

The elf cut her off.  "No, don't be sorry.  It's a refreshing change to a place like this."

Something caught Leila's attention.  "Oh!  Legolas look!"  and with that, the girl reached for the prince's hand and led him away to gaze at more wonders.

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It had been three days since Leila's arrival in Rivendell.  Legolas allowed the girl to use his chamber during her stay.  She slept in his elegant bed while the prince spent most of his nights gazing into the stars on his terrace.  Of the few moments when he would nod off to sleep, it would be on a comfortable feinting chair in the corner of his room.

Nothing extraordinarily eventful had happened.  (Save for a couple of run-ins with the servants.  The girl really could NOT keep her hands off of anything.)  Legolas waited for the inevitable arrival of his distasteful fiancée.  The bane of his existence:  Sayamir Oakwood.

Well, not exactly the bane of his existence.  He had never met the woman, for crying out loud, but he could tell that he would not like her on sight.  His parents had no taste when it came to matters such as this.  He had asked around his palace for any information that may help ease his mind, and she had sounded pleasant enough.  But he knew it was all a lie.  Oh yeah.  He knew.  Nobody going into an arranged marriage was prepared to conform to the other person's ideals.  It would be an unpleasant experience indeed.

That day, Leila and Legolas spent their time in garden again, wandering through one of the stone-themed courtyards.

Mimi came running over to the two.  "Master Greenleaf!!!  Master Greenleaf!!  Your fiancée, Sayamir Oakwood has made an appearance at the palace!  Your parents request your audience immediately, sir!"

Begrudgingly, the elf walked into the palace with a bewildered Leila following behind him.

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Sayamir wasn't much to fawn over, but she certainly had striking features.  A delicate nose sat comfortably in the middle of her gently rounded face.  Long bronze tresses cascaded over her slender back.  Long fingernails adorned her delicate hands.

Okay.  So Sayamir was a looker.  What's it to you?

"I think I despise her," Leila muttered under her breath.

Legolas smirked in response.  He felt very much the same way.

"It is nice to finally meet you…Legolas."  Sayamir had the kind of eyes that sort of swirled with emotion every time she talked.  It really drew you in.  Kind of like a whirlpool without the water.

…That is, unless the girl is crying.  (But she's an elf, so there's really not much to worry about there.)

Legolas sort of nodded in acknowledgment.  "Yes."

The elf's parents did not look very pleased with their son's welcome, but did not say anything.  In order for the couple to get acquainted, the Greenleafs ordered both Sayamir and Legolas to go for a stroll through the gardens, that the girl could familiarize herself with her new home.

Mimi came to fetch Leila, who adamantly refused.  "But-But miss, the Masters said…"

"No," the prince himself piped in, much to his fiancée's dismay.  "Let her come.  Leila is my friend as well as my guest."

Leila gave the elf a smile.  "Why, thank you, Legolas."

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Sayamir could not believe the audacity of her new fiancée.  What should have been a pleasure excursion was rendered a nightmare with that human's presence.  She chattered senselessly on with Legolas as the prince would laugh and lavish his attentions on her.  True, her fiancée was very good looking—correction:  GORGEOUS—but his manners were something else.  She would have to have a talk with that Leila of Winters.

In fact, now was a good a time as any.  "I must speak with you, Leila of Winters."

Now, it's not everyday that an elf will be frank and perhaps downright mean to another being, but Sayamir was different.  When she was angry, her temper could get the best of her and her words could be biting when she wanted them to be.

The girl looked sort of confused.  "Leila of Winters?  What the hell is that?"

"Is that not your name?"

"No, as a matter of fact, it's Leila Winters.  I'm not some kind of ice goddess with strange powers over the worst season in world history."

Ever the diplomat, the prince tried to calm everyone.  "Now, Sayamir, I do not want you disrupting the peace of this area."

"Oh please!  This girl has babbled endlessly and if anyone's disturbed the peace, it is HER."

Leila's nostrils flared.  "I am no girl!  I'll have you know that I own my own apartment and am twenty-five years old!!!"

Sayamir gave a cruel chortle.  "Legolas!  You will listen to this human?  She's a mere babe!"

"How dare you!"

The prince jumped in the middle of the melee before actual fists started flying.  "Both of you, stop!"

At the intensity in the elf's eyes, both girls actually stopped.

"Now, I will speak frankly with you both, and it will come from the heart—as it should—but it will be very uncharacteristic of me, being more on the shy and quiet side.  I assure you, you will not hear as much from me at one time for a long while yet."

Silently, both women sat childishly on the moss at Legolas' feet.  They stared up at him with eyes full of wonder.  The prince felt like going into a dramatized rendition of his adventures as a part of the Fellowship of the Ring.  He struggled to keep his focus.

"Now, Sayamir, I must tell you now that I find your appearance agreeable, but I am not ready to marry you, nor anybody at this point.  And to be frank, I do not see myself marrying you in the future.  EVER.  I hope you understand that.  My heart belongs to my beloved…Lady Adventure.  She loves my archery.  She adores my limber body.  She provides me with excitement and exhilaration I have never before experienced.  Do you understand?"

Sayamir got misty-eyed.  It was rather attractive with her exotic features.  "Oh, Legolas…I think I love you already."

The exasperated prince merely rolled his eyes.  "And Leila.  You have been very dear to me.  You have given me something to laugh about and I have enjoyed being your friend."

There was silence for a long time.

"I'm done."

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After the scene in the garden, Sayamir Oakwood went home with a heavy heart.  He is truly worthy of my love…how HUNKY!

Legolas' parents were not at all happy with the situation, but could do nothing to stop it.  They predicted a hundred years of war after the Oakwood's family name was disgraced.  But then they stopped worrying about it when they realized that nobody really cared anyhow.

Leila was facing the elf prince.  "I should head home now."

"Okay."

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Leila was heading towards the mossy place from whence she had come from when she heard a light pitter-patter of feet behind her.  She was surprised because the only time Legolas made noise when he walked was when he was too distraught to think clearly or very excited.  She turned to see the elf running after her.

"Leila!  I'd like to walk with you, if I may."

"Of course."

It was one of those companionable silences that someone else would have been uncomfortable with.  The girl stopped.  "I think this is it."  Leila then proceeded to walk around, her eyes all squinty, until she had found what she was looking for.  "Ah.  Here it is."

She stopped and turned to look at the prince.  "Looks like it's time for us to part ways.  I feel bad about going so abruptly."

The elf's eyes glowed with emotion.  "I must let you know that I very much value the time we have spent together.  You are a dear friend."  The prince took Leila's hands in his and looked deep into her eyes.  "I promise I will come visit you in your world someday."

With that, Legolas leaned over and planted a gentle kiss on Leila's cheek.  "Goodbye, Leila Winters of Koytropolis."

Leila turned to go, but at the last moment, spun and jumped up to embraced the elf hard, sending him stumbling back several steps.  "You are a good man, Legolas Greenleaf."  There was a momentous pause between the two.  "Ciao!"

And Leila entered the rip in time and space. 

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Finding herself sitting in her computer chair, Leila sighed.  She had met her favorite little elf and lived to tell the tale.  Yay.

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^_^  I hope you enjoyed that!  …Actually, I shortened it because I was too lazy to bring in the arrival of Pippin and confrontations between humans and elf…but hey, I think it's all the more funny this way.  Laugh everyday.  It wards off death.

Lady Riddle:  Gee…thanks.  I don't think anyone's ever said that about my stuff before.  (And it DOES mean a lot.)  I'll try to keep writing this stuff, but it's not the easiest thing to do!  Thank you for reading!!

i-love-legolas:  You're enthusiasm certainly means a lot.  *shifts to an arrogant pose*  Who knew my writing could move people to speechlessness? THANKS!

AND to myself…Keep encouraging me.  You're the person whose opinion means the most.  If you don't like what you're doing, you'll stop.  Love yourself.  You're cute enough.  ^_^