THREE
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Scene One
Man: (at the door) Hi, Xander.
Xander: Hi!
Man: How are you doing?
Xander: Fine, thanks. Who are you?
Man: Gregory … Cordelia's husband?
Xander: Oh, I thought you looked familiar. Weren't you hit by a garbage
truck?
Greg.: No, sorry.
Buffy: (coming to the door) Who is … (sees Gregory) Gregory?
Greg.: Hi, Buffy.
Buffy: What the hell are you doing here?
Greg.: I'm looking for Cordelia.
Buffy: What for? So you can crush her heart another time and make her stay
here longer? Go away. You've brought enough pain to this household.
Xander: Nicely put, hon.
Buffy: Thanks. I have a lot of pent up emotions.
Greg.: (pleadingly) Please … I need to talk to her. I need to know why she
left.
Buffy: Hello? Does the name "Britney Wallace" ring a bell?
Greg.: Who's Britney Wallace?
Buffy: The near sighted ho.
Greg.: (confused) I don't know any near sighted ho.
Buffy: (not buying it) Sure you don't.
Xander: Want to come in and have a drink?
Buffy: (shoves Xander slightly) Whose side are you on?
Xander: I was being hospitable.
Greg.: Please … let me see her for one minute. Please.
Buffy: How did you know she was here anyway?
Greg.: I … didn't. When she took off … I looked everywhere … her parents' …
and then I remembered that she used to write these letters to you … and I
looked up your address in her book. I figured … I would try …
Buffy: Well, I don't think she wants to see you ever again. You can't just
cheat and then when you feel like it come crawling back. Marriage doesn't
work like that. Marriage is a commitment between to people, and if one of
them doesn't want to make it happen, then it can't.
Xander: Wow. You could have told me this before I proposed.
Buffy: (ignores him and turns to Gregory) And you can't come waltzing in
here after you're done with Britney Slut Wallace, and expect everything to
be A-OK with your wife. Uh-oh, bye bye mister.
Greg.: I swear… honest to God … I have no idea what you're talking about. I
came home from work one evening and she had just packed up and left. No
note, no nothing.
Buffy: What?
Greg.: I … love her so much and I… I can't live without her. I have to tell
her to come back.
Buffy: Oh, I can't believe this.
Greg: I'm telling you the truth, I swear.
Buffy: Oh, no, I believe you. I just can't believe I got conned by Cordy.
Xander: (gestures inside) Come on in.
(Gregory follows Buffy and Xander inside)
Xander: Shall I go get her?
Buffy: Yes, please, I'm sure she has something very interesting to tell all
of us.
Xander: (knocks on Cordy's door) Cordy! You've got a visitor!
Cordy: (opens the door and comes out) Who is it?
Buffy: Your husband.
Cordy: (shocked and stutters) Oh… eh … The room … is luring me back … I have
to follow … (turns around but Xander stops her from retreating into the
room) Oh, crap.
Buffy: Anything you'd like to share with us Cordy?
Cordy: Not really.
Buffy: How about why you left your husband and made up Britney Wallace.
Cordy: It's a joke?
Buffy: I'm not laughing.
Greg.: Cordy , honey… please, come back. I'm miserable without you.
Cordy: No. I like it here.
Buffy: That won't matter, because I'm kicking you out.
Cordy: You can't do that!
Buffy: Yes, I can. You can't solve your problems by running away and hiding
in some room.
Cordy: It worked pretty well so far.
Greg.: Whatever it is I did … please, Cordy… you have to tell me why. At
least … maybe … maybe I'll understand then.
Buffy: Well, we'll just leave you two alone.
Xander: (nods)Yes, that's a good idea. You two have a nice, personal,
private chat while Buffy and I have sex in the bedroom.
Buffy: (glares) I was thinking we could take a walk.
Xander: (sighs and mumbles under his breath) Fine. There goes my sex life.
(He and Buffy exit the apartment for Cordy and Gregory to talk)
FORTY-FIVE MINUTES LATER
(Buffy and Xander come back in to find Cordy sitting alone)
Buffy: Hey. Where's Gregory?
Cordy: He left.
Buffy: Things didn't go so well?
Cordy: I'm not sure what's "well" and what's not. He asked me to come back
to him.
Xander: Are you going to?
Cordy: I don't know …
Buffy: Do you want to talk about it?
Cordy: (nods) He was just … so boring, you know?
Buffy: Not really.
Cordy: It's just that … I got so bored with him. It was the same thing over,
and over again, and I wanted more out this marriage. I thought that it would
be romantic, and passionate, and wonderful forever. After the first two
months I began to realise that I was stupid, and that this marriage was …
not what I thought it would be after all.
Xander: He loves you.
Cordy: I love him too. Or at least I think I do. But … it's funny … I don't
really understand how I feel about him. He's great - he's funny , he's
witty, he makes me laugh but … then … he never really was the ideal husband
I had molded since I was, like eight.
Buffy: He's normal, Cordy, and that's not a bad thing at all. We never get
our ideals. (Xander looks at her, and she quickly adds another sentence) …
but I was lucky enough to find the perfect man. Yay me! But back to you…
Cordy: And then he told me he wanted to have children… I don't know what
happened … I just … freaked or something … I was not sure if I wanted to …
have children with him. Or have children with anyone for that matter. The
responsibilities… the weight gain … oh, God, the weight gain …
Buffy: Horrors.
Cordy: So I just … went crazy, packed my bags the next morning and just
left. I didn't know where I was headed, I just rode around in the cab for a
few hours before thinking about you guys. Let's face it - I'm pathetic when
it comes to commitment and I might as well just stay a spinster for the rest
of my pathetic life.
Xander: Don't say things like that.
Buffy: Gregory loves you. And you said it yourself, you love him too. Things
like these take time. You'll work it out sooner or later. You can't let a
man like that get away just because he's not your number one dream man.
Xander: What did Gregory say?
Cordy: He told me that … he loved me and that he wanted me to come back
with him … but I told him that I would have to think about it.
Xander: You take your time.
Cordy: I… understand if you … don't want me here anymore. I'll just check in
at a hotel someplace.
Buffy: (begrudgingly) I guess you can stay here … till you … get back on
your feet again.
Cordy: (smiles weakly) Thank you.
SCENE TWO
(Buffy/Xander's bedroom. It's late at night, but they're still both awake.
Buffy rests her head on Xander's chest, listening to his heart beat
steadily. Xander gently strokes her hair.)
Xander: That was really nice of you , to let Cordy stay.
Buffy: Yeah, but don't expect me to make a habit out of it.
Xander: (kisses her nose as she looks up) I love you so much.
Buffy: I love you too.
Xander: (laughs softly) Eileen and Cordy really hate each other, don't they?
Buffy: Yeah … which is odd, since they're actually quite a like. In a creepy
way.
Xander: Two Eileens… bad, bad thought.
Buffy: Even worse - too Cordys.
Xander: (kisses her again and speaks in a low, sexy voice) You look very
sexy tonight.
Buffy: Are your hormones raging tonight or what?
Xander: My hormones are always raging.
Buffy: (smiles and says nothing for a while. She seems hesitant about
continuing) Xander .. what do you think about children?
Xander: In general? Or specific cases?
Buffy: (laughs) I meant our children.
Xander: We don't have any. Unless there's something you want to tell me.
Buffy: (giggles) No … but … do you want to? Have children, I mean.
Xander: Well… to tell you the truth, I never really thought much about it. I
was still reveling in the joyous fact that you agreed to marry me. (smiles
at her) But I always thought that to have this little piece of you … walking
around , smiling, laughing - I bet that must feel wonderful.
Buffy: I'm sure it does.
Xander: I remember seeing the look on my uncle's face when Edward was born.
He looked like the happiest man in the world. I think I would like to
experience that. And now that I come to think of it … yeah, sure, I want
children. I want to have children with you.
Buffy: Me too. (reaches out and strokes his face)
Xander: (perkily) Wow, you've really got me excited now, just thinking about
it. Let's start now.
Buffy: (laughs) You'd say anything just to get laid.
Xander: And?
Buffy: It's working.
(They both retreat under the covers)
--
Scene One
Man: (at the door) Hi, Xander.
Xander: Hi!
Man: How are you doing?
Xander: Fine, thanks. Who are you?
Man: Gregory … Cordelia's husband?
Xander: Oh, I thought you looked familiar. Weren't you hit by a garbage
truck?
Greg.: No, sorry.
Buffy: (coming to the door) Who is … (sees Gregory) Gregory?
Greg.: Hi, Buffy.
Buffy: What the hell are you doing here?
Greg.: I'm looking for Cordelia.
Buffy: What for? So you can crush her heart another time and make her stay
here longer? Go away. You've brought enough pain to this household.
Xander: Nicely put, hon.
Buffy: Thanks. I have a lot of pent up emotions.
Greg.: (pleadingly) Please … I need to talk to her. I need to know why she
left.
Buffy: Hello? Does the name "Britney Wallace" ring a bell?
Greg.: Who's Britney Wallace?
Buffy: The near sighted ho.
Greg.: (confused) I don't know any near sighted ho.
Buffy: (not buying it) Sure you don't.
Xander: Want to come in and have a drink?
Buffy: (shoves Xander slightly) Whose side are you on?
Xander: I was being hospitable.
Greg.: Please … let me see her for one minute. Please.
Buffy: How did you know she was here anyway?
Greg.: I … didn't. When she took off … I looked everywhere … her parents' …
and then I remembered that she used to write these letters to you … and I
looked up your address in her book. I figured … I would try …
Buffy: Well, I don't think she wants to see you ever again. You can't just
cheat and then when you feel like it come crawling back. Marriage doesn't
work like that. Marriage is a commitment between to people, and if one of
them doesn't want to make it happen, then it can't.
Xander: Wow. You could have told me this before I proposed.
Buffy: (ignores him and turns to Gregory) And you can't come waltzing in
here after you're done with Britney Slut Wallace, and expect everything to
be A-OK with your wife. Uh-oh, bye bye mister.
Greg.: I swear… honest to God … I have no idea what you're talking about. I
came home from work one evening and she had just packed up and left. No
note, no nothing.
Buffy: What?
Greg.: I … love her so much and I… I can't live without her. I have to tell
her to come back.
Buffy: Oh, I can't believe this.
Greg: I'm telling you the truth, I swear.
Buffy: Oh, no, I believe you. I just can't believe I got conned by Cordy.
Xander: (gestures inside) Come on in.
(Gregory follows Buffy and Xander inside)
Xander: Shall I go get her?
Buffy: Yes, please, I'm sure she has something very interesting to tell all
of us.
Xander: (knocks on Cordy's door) Cordy! You've got a visitor!
Cordy: (opens the door and comes out) Who is it?
Buffy: Your husband.
Cordy: (shocked and stutters) Oh… eh … The room … is luring me back … I have
to follow … (turns around but Xander stops her from retreating into the
room) Oh, crap.
Buffy: Anything you'd like to share with us Cordy?
Cordy: Not really.
Buffy: How about why you left your husband and made up Britney Wallace.
Cordy: It's a joke?
Buffy: I'm not laughing.
Greg.: Cordy , honey… please, come back. I'm miserable without you.
Cordy: No. I like it here.
Buffy: That won't matter, because I'm kicking you out.
Cordy: You can't do that!
Buffy: Yes, I can. You can't solve your problems by running away and hiding
in some room.
Cordy: It worked pretty well so far.
Greg.: Whatever it is I did … please, Cordy… you have to tell me why. At
least … maybe … maybe I'll understand then.
Buffy: Well, we'll just leave you two alone.
Xander: (nods)Yes, that's a good idea. You two have a nice, personal,
private chat while Buffy and I have sex in the bedroom.
Buffy: (glares) I was thinking we could take a walk.
Xander: (sighs and mumbles under his breath) Fine. There goes my sex life.
(He and Buffy exit the apartment for Cordy and Gregory to talk)
FORTY-FIVE MINUTES LATER
(Buffy and Xander come back in to find Cordy sitting alone)
Buffy: Hey. Where's Gregory?
Cordy: He left.
Buffy: Things didn't go so well?
Cordy: I'm not sure what's "well" and what's not. He asked me to come back
to him.
Xander: Are you going to?
Cordy: I don't know …
Buffy: Do you want to talk about it?
Cordy: (nods) He was just … so boring, you know?
Buffy: Not really.
Cordy: It's just that … I got so bored with him. It was the same thing over,
and over again, and I wanted more out this marriage. I thought that it would
be romantic, and passionate, and wonderful forever. After the first two
months I began to realise that I was stupid, and that this marriage was …
not what I thought it would be after all.
Xander: He loves you.
Cordy: I love him too. Or at least I think I do. But … it's funny … I don't
really understand how I feel about him. He's great - he's funny , he's
witty, he makes me laugh but … then … he never really was the ideal husband
I had molded since I was, like eight.
Buffy: He's normal, Cordy, and that's not a bad thing at all. We never get
our ideals. (Xander looks at her, and she quickly adds another sentence) …
but I was lucky enough to find the perfect man. Yay me! But back to you…
Cordy: And then he told me he wanted to have children… I don't know what
happened … I just … freaked or something … I was not sure if I wanted to …
have children with him. Or have children with anyone for that matter. The
responsibilities… the weight gain … oh, God, the weight gain …
Buffy: Horrors.
Cordy: So I just … went crazy, packed my bags the next morning and just
left. I didn't know where I was headed, I just rode around in the cab for a
few hours before thinking about you guys. Let's face it - I'm pathetic when
it comes to commitment and I might as well just stay a spinster for the rest
of my pathetic life.
Xander: Don't say things like that.
Buffy: Gregory loves you. And you said it yourself, you love him too. Things
like these take time. You'll work it out sooner or later. You can't let a
man like that get away just because he's not your number one dream man.
Xander: What did Gregory say?
Cordy: He told me that … he loved me and that he wanted me to come back
with him … but I told him that I would have to think about it.
Xander: You take your time.
Cordy: I… understand if you … don't want me here anymore. I'll just check in
at a hotel someplace.
Buffy: (begrudgingly) I guess you can stay here … till you … get back on
your feet again.
Cordy: (smiles weakly) Thank you.
SCENE TWO
(Buffy/Xander's bedroom. It's late at night, but they're still both awake.
Buffy rests her head on Xander's chest, listening to his heart beat
steadily. Xander gently strokes her hair.)
Xander: That was really nice of you , to let Cordy stay.
Buffy: Yeah, but don't expect me to make a habit out of it.
Xander: (kisses her nose as she looks up) I love you so much.
Buffy: I love you too.
Xander: (laughs softly) Eileen and Cordy really hate each other, don't they?
Buffy: Yeah … which is odd, since they're actually quite a like. In a creepy
way.
Xander: Two Eileens… bad, bad thought.
Buffy: Even worse - too Cordys.
Xander: (kisses her again and speaks in a low, sexy voice) You look very
sexy tonight.
Buffy: Are your hormones raging tonight or what?
Xander: My hormones are always raging.
Buffy: (smiles and says nothing for a while. She seems hesitant about
continuing) Xander .. what do you think about children?
Xander: In general? Or specific cases?
Buffy: (laughs) I meant our children.
Xander: We don't have any. Unless there's something you want to tell me.
Buffy: (giggles) No … but … do you want to? Have children, I mean.
Xander: Well… to tell you the truth, I never really thought much about it. I
was still reveling in the joyous fact that you agreed to marry me. (smiles
at her) But I always thought that to have this little piece of you … walking
around , smiling, laughing - I bet that must feel wonderful.
Buffy: I'm sure it does.
Xander: I remember seeing the look on my uncle's face when Edward was born.
He looked like the happiest man in the world. I think I would like to
experience that. And now that I come to think of it … yeah, sure, I want
children. I want to have children with you.
Buffy: Me too. (reaches out and strokes his face)
Xander: (perkily) Wow, you've really got me excited now, just thinking about
it. Let's start now.
Buffy: (laughs) You'd say anything just to get laid.
Xander: And?
Buffy: It's working.
(They both retreat under the covers)