FOUR / EPILOGUE
--
Scene One - Twenty-Three Days , Several Hours and Several Minutes after
Cordy First Ruined Buffy and Xander's Lives By Moving In.
(The wedding went on without much trouble [yay] , and everyone's at the
after-the-wedding dinner, at a fancy hotel.)
Buffy: (to Xander, softly) Well, I'm finally Mrs. Alexander Lavelle Harris.
Xander: Am I Mr. Buffy?
Buffy: If you want to be. (smiles) This is so exciting. Now , when I fill
out forms, I can confidently tick the 'married' column , and I can write my
name as Mrs. Buffy Harris.
Xander: (laughs) I'm glad you like the idea so much.
Buffy: If I didn't, I wouldn't have married you. (looks around) Where's
Eileen? I think I lost her after the ceremony.
Xander: She said something about changing out of her bridesmaid's dress as
not to trigger any more seizures.
Buffy: Oh, she exaggerates - there was only one, and that wasn't even caused
by her dress.
Joyce: (coming up to them) Where's my married daughter and my favourite
son-in-law?
Buffy: Leave him alone, mother.
Joyce: Now, now, my married daughter - you should smile more ! It's your
wedding day!
Buffy: I am smiling.
Joyce: You're grimacing.
Buffy: Same difference.
Joyce: (whips out a camera) Kodak moment. Smile, and say "Grandchildren,
coming soon!"
Buffy: Oh, God.
Xander: Grandchildren, coming soon!
Joyce: (takes the photographs) There!
Buffy: Mom, you've taken nearly sixty pictures already, *and* you have that
guy with the video camera following us around. Can you say 'overdone'?
Joyce: I'm just so happy.
Buffy: (to Xander) This will wear out by February. Hopefully.
Joyce: (to Xander also) Remember, you're supposed to call me 'mom' from now
on. (hugs Buffy and Xander) We're one, happy family!
Xander: Okay, mom.
Joyce: Aw, it sounds so right when you say it. (looks to her right) Oh,
there's your Aunt Slyvia - I don't think I took any pictures of her yet. (to
Buffy/Xander) I'll leave you two *married* people alone now. (heads off to
Aunt Slyvia)
Xander: That wasn't so bad.
Buffy: (sighs) At least Dad left us alone.
Cordy: (coming up to them) That rude lady said my hair looked awful. I would
have her know that I spent eight hours in the salon just to look like this.
And all for you two, I might add.
Buffy: We're honoured, thanks.
Xander: So, Cordy, I heard everything's working out with you and Gregory.
Cordy: Yeah. We have agreed to go to a marriage counselor, and we're taking
things one step at a time.
Buffy: Good for you.
Cordy: But let's not talk about my marriage, we're here to talk about you
two!
Xander: Cordy not wanting to talk about herself, but instead wanting to talk
about others. (looks around) This is one of those hidden camera things,
right.
Cordy: Two broken legs will not be much fun on the wedding night.
Xander: I'm sorry.
Cordy: Good. Now, I'm going to say this once, and only once, because saying
it more than that will be too painful. Thank you for everything.
Buffy: It really is one of those hidden camera shows!
Cordy: Don't think that just because you're the Slayer, I can't take you on.
Buffy: (laughs) You're welcome, Cordy.
Cordy: Yeah, even though the bridesmaid's dress looked like a horrible
fashion disaster, thank you for letting be your bridesmaid. Sure, the
material was awful, and the color looked diseased, but…
Buffy: You can stop thanking me now.
Cordy: All right.
Eileen: (appears wearing a nice, black dress) Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Harris.
Cordy: Oh, great , it's you.
Eileen: At least I don't look like something the cat coughed out.
Cordy: Oh, I so agree.
Eileen: You do?
Cordy: Yeah, I mean, the color - god awful …
Eileen: … itchy material …
Cordy: … terrible design …
Buffy: Hey! I chose that dress!
Cordy: I rest my case.
Buffy: HEY!
Cordy: (to Eileen) You should have seen what she wore in high school.
Eileen: I can imagine. There was this time, we went to the party, and you
cannot possibly understand what drove her to wear that horrible, green …
Buffy: (to Eileen/Cordy) It's my wedding, this is the one day where you're
supposed to be saying nice things about me.
Xander: I think you look beautiful.
Buffy: Thanks, but you're supposed to say nice things to me everyday.
Xander: Oh.
Cordy: (ignoring Buffy) I remember when she fixed her hair in such a messy
way. (to Eileen) At least you highlighted your hair properly.
Eileen: (pats her hair) Really? Do you like it?
Cordy: It's lovely. I always wanted to highlight my hair like that, only
(touches a few strands of hair on the left side of her head) I wanted to
just, have a touch of color here, not too much, mind you…
Eileen: That would look perfect on you!
Cordy: Yes, and I was thinking the hairstyle would look great, especially
with the new blouse I bought from Bloomindales last week.
Eileen: They're having a sale next month, I heard.
Cordy: Oh, I so have to go.
Eileen: We could go together!
Cordy: I would love that. I'll call you.
Eileen: All right!
Cordy: Bye. (leaves)
Buffy: That was freaky. (to Eileen) Glad to see you both have a common
interest - dumping on me.
Eileen: I'm sorry. But, speaking of dumping …
Buffy: What now?
Eileen: That guy you fixed me up with …
Buffy: Riley?
Eileen: Yes. He is such a schmuck.
Buffy: You said medium built, blonde hair and blue eyes.
Eileen: I also recall saying warm personality. I've known *dead* people who
have had more interesting things to say.
Xander: You asked for it.
Eileen: Oh, he goes on and on and on and on about his stupid "secret job".
(mimics Riley) I have a secret job. I have a dangerous, secret, job which I
can't tell you. Don't you want to know about my secret life? It's like I'm
Clark Kent , Clark Kent with a secret job, I tell you … I mean who talks
like that? God, I don't even want to know about his stupid secret
profession. People with secret professions are nuts.
Buffy: (protesting) They are not!
Eileen: I'm just thankful you don't have a secret job. But speaking of
which, you do seem do disappear nightly some times. And once I caught you
and Xander n the graveyard at 2 a.m.
Xander: (laughs unnaturally) Heh … sometimes we like to sneak out and have
dirty sex on a grave.
Eileen: Oh, gross! Even *I* am not that sick …
Buffy: We do what we have to do.
Eileen: I feel like I don't know you anymore. (looks behind Buffy) God, I
see Riley coming! Tell him I died. (runs off)
Xander: (looks after Eileen) You think we should tell her about the Slaying?
Buffy: No. You know her - tell her something like that and she'll want to
join in on the fun. She'll make us costumes, and get us stationary paper,
organize patrolling schedules… she tends to get overhyped about a lot of
things.
Riley: (coming up) Hey, Buffy. Hey Xand. Have you seen Eileen?
Buffy: She died.
Riley: What?
Buffy: It was a painless death.
Riley: Excuse me?
Xander: She's hiding behind the buffet table.
Riley: Thanks. (leaves)
Buffy: Xander! You are so mean.
Xander: Thanks. (pulls her close to him) So … Mrs. Harris … how does it feel
to be married to the man of your dreams?
Buffy: I don't know, Mr. Harris, because right now I'm married to second
best.
Xander: Ouch.
Buffy: (giggles and gives him a kiss. She whispers sultrily in his ear)I can
tell you one thing, though … you are going to be very, very lucky tonight.
Xander: Don't stop talking.
Buffy: (giggles again and pulls his arm) Let's dance.
Xander: Anything you say.
*** THE END ***
--
Scene One - Twenty-Three Days , Several Hours and Several Minutes after
Cordy First Ruined Buffy and Xander's Lives By Moving In.
(The wedding went on without much trouble [yay] , and everyone's at the
after-the-wedding dinner, at a fancy hotel.)
Buffy: (to Xander, softly) Well, I'm finally Mrs. Alexander Lavelle Harris.
Xander: Am I Mr. Buffy?
Buffy: If you want to be. (smiles) This is so exciting. Now , when I fill
out forms, I can confidently tick the 'married' column , and I can write my
name as Mrs. Buffy Harris.
Xander: (laughs) I'm glad you like the idea so much.
Buffy: If I didn't, I wouldn't have married you. (looks around) Where's
Eileen? I think I lost her after the ceremony.
Xander: She said something about changing out of her bridesmaid's dress as
not to trigger any more seizures.
Buffy: Oh, she exaggerates - there was only one, and that wasn't even caused
by her dress.
Joyce: (coming up to them) Where's my married daughter and my favourite
son-in-law?
Buffy: Leave him alone, mother.
Joyce: Now, now, my married daughter - you should smile more ! It's your
wedding day!
Buffy: I am smiling.
Joyce: You're grimacing.
Buffy: Same difference.
Joyce: (whips out a camera) Kodak moment. Smile, and say "Grandchildren,
coming soon!"
Buffy: Oh, God.
Xander: Grandchildren, coming soon!
Joyce: (takes the photographs) There!
Buffy: Mom, you've taken nearly sixty pictures already, *and* you have that
guy with the video camera following us around. Can you say 'overdone'?
Joyce: I'm just so happy.
Buffy: (to Xander) This will wear out by February. Hopefully.
Joyce: (to Xander also) Remember, you're supposed to call me 'mom' from now
on. (hugs Buffy and Xander) We're one, happy family!
Xander: Okay, mom.
Joyce: Aw, it sounds so right when you say it. (looks to her right) Oh,
there's your Aunt Slyvia - I don't think I took any pictures of her yet. (to
Buffy/Xander) I'll leave you two *married* people alone now. (heads off to
Aunt Slyvia)
Xander: That wasn't so bad.
Buffy: (sighs) At least Dad left us alone.
Cordy: (coming up to them) That rude lady said my hair looked awful. I would
have her know that I spent eight hours in the salon just to look like this.
And all for you two, I might add.
Buffy: We're honoured, thanks.
Xander: So, Cordy, I heard everything's working out with you and Gregory.
Cordy: Yeah. We have agreed to go to a marriage counselor, and we're taking
things one step at a time.
Buffy: Good for you.
Cordy: But let's not talk about my marriage, we're here to talk about you
two!
Xander: Cordy not wanting to talk about herself, but instead wanting to talk
about others. (looks around) This is one of those hidden camera things,
right.
Cordy: Two broken legs will not be much fun on the wedding night.
Xander: I'm sorry.
Cordy: Good. Now, I'm going to say this once, and only once, because saying
it more than that will be too painful. Thank you for everything.
Buffy: It really is one of those hidden camera shows!
Cordy: Don't think that just because you're the Slayer, I can't take you on.
Buffy: (laughs) You're welcome, Cordy.
Cordy: Yeah, even though the bridesmaid's dress looked like a horrible
fashion disaster, thank you for letting be your bridesmaid. Sure, the
material was awful, and the color looked diseased, but…
Buffy: You can stop thanking me now.
Cordy: All right.
Eileen: (appears wearing a nice, black dress) Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Harris.
Cordy: Oh, great , it's you.
Eileen: At least I don't look like something the cat coughed out.
Cordy: Oh, I so agree.
Eileen: You do?
Cordy: Yeah, I mean, the color - god awful …
Eileen: … itchy material …
Cordy: … terrible design …
Buffy: Hey! I chose that dress!
Cordy: I rest my case.
Buffy: HEY!
Cordy: (to Eileen) You should have seen what she wore in high school.
Eileen: I can imagine. There was this time, we went to the party, and you
cannot possibly understand what drove her to wear that horrible, green …
Buffy: (to Eileen/Cordy) It's my wedding, this is the one day where you're
supposed to be saying nice things about me.
Xander: I think you look beautiful.
Buffy: Thanks, but you're supposed to say nice things to me everyday.
Xander: Oh.
Cordy: (ignoring Buffy) I remember when she fixed her hair in such a messy
way. (to Eileen) At least you highlighted your hair properly.
Eileen: (pats her hair) Really? Do you like it?
Cordy: It's lovely. I always wanted to highlight my hair like that, only
(touches a few strands of hair on the left side of her head) I wanted to
just, have a touch of color here, not too much, mind you…
Eileen: That would look perfect on you!
Cordy: Yes, and I was thinking the hairstyle would look great, especially
with the new blouse I bought from Bloomindales last week.
Eileen: They're having a sale next month, I heard.
Cordy: Oh, I so have to go.
Eileen: We could go together!
Cordy: I would love that. I'll call you.
Eileen: All right!
Cordy: Bye. (leaves)
Buffy: That was freaky. (to Eileen) Glad to see you both have a common
interest - dumping on me.
Eileen: I'm sorry. But, speaking of dumping …
Buffy: What now?
Eileen: That guy you fixed me up with …
Buffy: Riley?
Eileen: Yes. He is such a schmuck.
Buffy: You said medium built, blonde hair and blue eyes.
Eileen: I also recall saying warm personality. I've known *dead* people who
have had more interesting things to say.
Xander: You asked for it.
Eileen: Oh, he goes on and on and on and on about his stupid "secret job".
(mimics Riley) I have a secret job. I have a dangerous, secret, job which I
can't tell you. Don't you want to know about my secret life? It's like I'm
Clark Kent , Clark Kent with a secret job, I tell you … I mean who talks
like that? God, I don't even want to know about his stupid secret
profession. People with secret professions are nuts.
Buffy: (protesting) They are not!
Eileen: I'm just thankful you don't have a secret job. But speaking of
which, you do seem do disappear nightly some times. And once I caught you
and Xander n the graveyard at 2 a.m.
Xander: (laughs unnaturally) Heh … sometimes we like to sneak out and have
dirty sex on a grave.
Eileen: Oh, gross! Even *I* am not that sick …
Buffy: We do what we have to do.
Eileen: I feel like I don't know you anymore. (looks behind Buffy) God, I
see Riley coming! Tell him I died. (runs off)
Xander: (looks after Eileen) You think we should tell her about the Slaying?
Buffy: No. You know her - tell her something like that and she'll want to
join in on the fun. She'll make us costumes, and get us stationary paper,
organize patrolling schedules… she tends to get overhyped about a lot of
things.
Riley: (coming up) Hey, Buffy. Hey Xand. Have you seen Eileen?
Buffy: She died.
Riley: What?
Buffy: It was a painless death.
Riley: Excuse me?
Xander: She's hiding behind the buffet table.
Riley: Thanks. (leaves)
Buffy: Xander! You are so mean.
Xander: Thanks. (pulls her close to him) So … Mrs. Harris … how does it feel
to be married to the man of your dreams?
Buffy: I don't know, Mr. Harris, because right now I'm married to second
best.
Xander: Ouch.
Buffy: (giggles and gives him a kiss. She whispers sultrily in his ear)I can
tell you one thing, though … you are going to be very, very lucky tonight.
Xander: Don't stop talking.
Buffy: (giggles again and pulls his arm) Let's dance.
Xander: Anything you say.
*** THE END ***