Chapter 6
Immediately, I ran to him, the salty drops of water still dripping down my face.
"Oh, John....thank you." My heart cried out to him as I wrapped my arms around his waist, both of us standing outside the apartment door.
"Come on, let's get you inside." He suggested as he helped me move from the hall to the couch. I sat in the center of the seat while he sat in front of me on the coffee table. "Susan, what happened?"
"John.....the razor.....I had the razor in my hand. I was about to......" The words muttered out of my mouth as if I was afraid to tell. I couldn't think clearly, everything was scattered around my brain.
"Shh, calm down. Calm down." Carter knew exactly what I was trying to say.
"I don't know what to do." I took a deep breath. "I can't do this anymore...."
"It's alright, everything will be ok."
I grew angry. I didn't want to hear a sugar coated response. "John, saying everything will be ok doesn't help at all. I almost killed myself! That is not ok!!"
Carter was stunned by my response and retaliated, becoming a little pissed off. "Listen, I am trying to be there for you, but you know what? You don't seem to be appreciating anything I'm doing. I am trying. Maybe I can't make things better, but I'm trying, Susan. She is away from you, not gone forever. That's what I'm trying to make you see." He stood up and turned his back towards me.
By this time my tears have dried and I have realized by John's outburst that he is right. Although I can see he is right, something inside me is still wrong and needs to be fixed. "I still need help. I know she is probably safe, and I know that Chloe will probably take care of her, but I still need her to be with me." Carter turned back around to face me. "What is wrong with me, John? What is wrong?"
He sat back down on the hard table and took my face in his hands. "I don't know, but we're going find out. I am not going to leave you. I will be here for anything you need, got that?"
Nodding my head, I agreed. I saw in his eyes the compassion I saw once before, and now the hurt created by me. Silently I whispered to John. "I need this."
His face slowly moved towards mine. We both knew we were about to break the rule, but we still continued. Our lips pressed together, gently but passionately. A kiss emerged and we officially broke the hospital's code.
Nothing was said after our moment, no 'I'm sorry's or 'I don't think we should've done that's. It felt right, it felt real. After a moment, John broke the silence. "You will be ok. I promise."
I smiled a little, covering the frown that had been on my face the entire day. I knew he was telling the truth by the sincerity in his voice. "I'll be ok." I confirmed, a bit weary, but confident in my decision.
TO BE CONTINUED? YES? NO?
Immediately, I ran to him, the salty drops of water still dripping down my face.
"Oh, John....thank you." My heart cried out to him as I wrapped my arms around his waist, both of us standing outside the apartment door.
"Come on, let's get you inside." He suggested as he helped me move from the hall to the couch. I sat in the center of the seat while he sat in front of me on the coffee table. "Susan, what happened?"
"John.....the razor.....I had the razor in my hand. I was about to......" The words muttered out of my mouth as if I was afraid to tell. I couldn't think clearly, everything was scattered around my brain.
"Shh, calm down. Calm down." Carter knew exactly what I was trying to say.
"I don't know what to do." I took a deep breath. "I can't do this anymore...."
"It's alright, everything will be ok."
I grew angry. I didn't want to hear a sugar coated response. "John, saying everything will be ok doesn't help at all. I almost killed myself! That is not ok!!"
Carter was stunned by my response and retaliated, becoming a little pissed off. "Listen, I am trying to be there for you, but you know what? You don't seem to be appreciating anything I'm doing. I am trying. Maybe I can't make things better, but I'm trying, Susan. She is away from you, not gone forever. That's what I'm trying to make you see." He stood up and turned his back towards me.
By this time my tears have dried and I have realized by John's outburst that he is right. Although I can see he is right, something inside me is still wrong and needs to be fixed. "I still need help. I know she is probably safe, and I know that Chloe will probably take care of her, but I still need her to be with me." Carter turned back around to face me. "What is wrong with me, John? What is wrong?"
He sat back down on the hard table and took my face in his hands. "I don't know, but we're going find out. I am not going to leave you. I will be here for anything you need, got that?"
Nodding my head, I agreed. I saw in his eyes the compassion I saw once before, and now the hurt created by me. Silently I whispered to John. "I need this."
His face slowly moved towards mine. We both knew we were about to break the rule, but we still continued. Our lips pressed together, gently but passionately. A kiss emerged and we officially broke the hospital's code.
Nothing was said after our moment, no 'I'm sorry's or 'I don't think we should've done that's. It felt right, it felt real. After a moment, John broke the silence. "You will be ok. I promise."
I smiled a little, covering the frown that had been on my face the entire day. I knew he was telling the truth by the sincerity in his voice. "I'll be ok." I confirmed, a bit weary, but confident in my decision.
TO BE CONTINUED? YES? NO?