Inside The Life Of True Dumb Blondes

Chapter 2: Blondes and Company in Distress

::lights flash, bells ding, and Ashley and Brittney walk into the bed and collapse in agony::

FLASHING MESSAGE- WE ARE SORRY TO REPORT THAT OUR ACTRESSES ARE CURRENTLY UNCONSCIOUS IN COMAS AND IN CRITICAL FATAL CONDITION.YET OUR STAND IN BLONDES WILL TAKE OVER

::two brunettes wearing lopsided blonde wigs walk gracefully and sit on the bed::

Ashlee- So hi Brittany how are you doing?

Brittany- Why I am doing lovely, how are you?

Ashlee- Just finishing up this summer reading that I had to do

Brittany- Oh really? What book?

Ashlee- Oh the classic Gone With The Wind

Brittany- Oh I read that three times!!!!

::out in the audience, people stare blankly (they're also blondes) at the fact that they are having a book discussion::

::suddenly Ashlee grabs her earphone::

Ashlee- ::whispering:: be blonde?? How can I be blonde? ...mm-hm...mm- hm.yessir..okay

::glances towards Brittany.Brittany nods::

Brittany- So like what like did like you like think like of like the like book like?

Ashlee- Why like it like was like great like!

Brittany- I like know like its like the like greatest like book like ever like!!!!

::stout man runs onstage and makes crazy motions with arms::

Brad- CUT CUT CUT CUT!!!!!!!!!!!! What are you ladies THINKING? That's not BLONDE that's BIMBO!!!!

::they stare at him in acknowledgement::

Brad- YOU HAVE TO ACT BLONDE!!!!!!!!!!

Ashlee- Allrighty sir you got it!

::Brad runs offstage.you hear from backstage "and.ACTION"::

Brittany- So like Ashlee like what did you think of like the .::hesitates:: new Brad Pitt movie?

Ashlee- Well.I mean OH MY GOODNESS it was like just..COOL and like Brad is so like.attractive!

Brittany- Oh my GOSH ::glances at Ashlee.who looks at camera in fear:: I like KNOW like he is so like HOTT ::glances at Ashlee again::

::Ashlee runs offstage::

::voices from backstage::

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN ACT BLONDE I AM NOT BLONDE THANK YOU VERY MUCH I PREFER TO CALL MYSELF A.SMART AND LOVELY AND ELOQUENT AND INTELLECTUAL PERSON AND I HAVE PRIDE IN THAT!"

::blank stares from the audience::

::Brittany cheers::

Brittany- YOU GO ASHLEE WOO HOO!!!!

::you hear a clang of a dish on the wall::

"YOU ARE FIRED! HERE'S YOUR PINK SLIP!"

Brittany- like.awesome.like.uhhhhh pink like..COOL hehe yeah!

::Brad runs onstage::

"AND YOU'RE FIRED TOO!"

::you hear the clanging of high-heels on the hard wood floor::

::Ashley and Brittney appear with crutches and neck braces::

::the audience cheers and people throw roses::

::Ashley and Brittney smile cheesily until a bouquet comes ricocheting down and hitting them in the head and knocking them out::

::audience gasps::

"CALL 911.OH WAIT THEY'RE ALREADY HERE!"

"WHAT'S THE NUMBER???? THEY'RE HERE? WHA.."

"::saying with sarcasm:: OH DIDN'T YOU HEAR? THERE'S A HOSPITAL NOW RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET.THEY BUILT IT TWO MINUTES AGO."

"OH WOW!...what's a hospital?"

::person she was talking to throws hands up and switches camera off::

"SORRY, BUT YOU DON'T WANNA SEE THIS."