Title: Concourse
Author: Lady Primrose Roxton
Series: Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's The Lost World
Date: 6/2002
Part: 4 - Many a Winding Turn
Rating: R
Codes: M/R, N/V
Category: Romance, Action/Adventure, Sci-Fi
Summary: Starts where HoTS left off. Danger Will Robinson! Mushy shipper alert, cliffhanger resolution alert, grandfather paradox alert, and hey, I even like Finn.
Spoilers: CoF, Resurrection, FitS, HoTS
Disclaimer: As a matter of fact, in the shifting planes of my own reality, I *do* own TLW ;)
Feedback: Tell me -- primrose4@canby.com
Website: http://www.canby.com/ryukyu4
Posting: ff.net, tlwfix.com, others please let me know first.
A/N: Well, it's been a bit since my last installment. R/L and a new toy in the form of a digital video creator took up my time *g*.
However, Roxton's been making noises about being tired of standing in the foyer, so I thought I'd let him sit down...
A/N2: A small salute to brothers and those who love them.
***
I sought my soul but my soul I could not see.
I sought my God but my God eluded me.
I sought my brother—and I found all three.
Anonymous
I did not think thee lord of such a spirit.
Before, I loved thee as a brother, John,
But now I do respect thee as my soul.
William Shakespeare (1564–1616)
***
Roxton stared up at William, frozen in place. Scattered shots of feelings rang through his mind - horror, shame, anger, sorrow, and
most of all, overwhelming guilt. Unable to form a coherent response to his brother's inquiry, he closed his eyes, his face a study in
pain.
Malone glanced from William back to Roxton, and his heart contracted at his friend's obvious pain and confusion. "Are you all right?"
he asked Roxton in a low voice, putting one hand on the man's shoulder.
Roxton shook his head as if in disbelief and numbly replied, "I can't do this, Ned." He turned to look at the younger man. "I thought I
could, but, I *can't*..."
Malone didn't know what to say, but was determined to help his friend. "Let it go for now, John," he advised him in a low murmur.
"He's here now. The hunting trip hasn't taken place yet."
"But, it *will*," Roxton insisted in a hoarse voice. Malone felt helpless, unable to think of a response that would comfort Roxton.
"Still as careless as ever, I see," William had descended the staircase and walked over to where Roxton and Malone stood. "What
are you doing here, really?" Despite the censure in his voice, there was an evident underlying, if exasperated, affection in it.
"William," Roxton began brokenly. "I'm come home. I..." and was unable to continue, his face ashen.
"Good God, what's wrong, Jack?" William looked closely at his brother. His face and body were lean, and a deep tan showed despite
his pallor. There was a tired wariness that had not been there the last time he had seen his younger brother. Also, fine lines were
around his eyes, and he looked older than he should.
"It's been a long trip getting here," Malone explained. "Maybe we could go somewhere and sit down?"
"Very well," William replied, curious about the younger man's identity, but innate good manners prevented him from enquiring. Jack
seemed upset and appeared to be on the verge of collapse. He took one arm and his friend the other. They helped him upstairs to
the closest room, which happened to Lady Roxton's morning room, and assisted him over to a small sofa.
Roxton sat on the sofa, completely lost in memories of events that had occurred (would occur?), and the utter conundrum he faced.
Dear God, William. He'd thought he was ready to face him. This was no hallucination. The reality of it had confounded his thoughts
and senses. He was so glad Malone was there; he would deal with William while he pulled himself together.
"Jack looks like he could do with a drink. You do, too, for that matter," William observed. "I'll be back in a moment," and left the room.
Malone crossed back over to Roxton and said, "Are you all right, Roxton?"
Roxton looked up at Ned, "It's too much to take in. I thought I was stronger than this..." He shook his head.
"You are one of the strongest men I have ever known," Ned replied firmly. "No one could expect you to do more, to have done more,
than you do now." He crouched down next to his friend. "Remember what Challenger said. You have to embrace your fears, the
changes, let them be."
"But, there are no changes here," Roxton said, confused. "It's just as I remember. The term before, I'd done some stupid prank at
school and had been sent down. I missed the last two weeks of term. Father just laughed it off, but William was furious with me. He
told me that I'd regret wasting my time at school. " Roxton made a short laugh and looked up at Malone, "He despaired of my ever
being serious and trying to make something of my life.
"You, not serious?" Ned was a little taken aback at this thought.
Roxton nodded ruefully, "I was a complete idiot -- careless, self-indulgent, and oblivious to the wants or needs of anyone else save
myself..." His voice trailed off and he gave a wry look toward Ned.
Just then, William returned with Gardiner in tow, carrying a large tray with a decanter and glasses. The butler deposited the tray and
was making to pour drinks when William said, "That will be all, Gardiner." His face was impassive, but the servant cast a concerned
glance at Mr. John as he passed by. He was rewarded by a small smile from the younger son and a slight nod as he left the room.
He went to inform the below stairs of the newest happenings and to check on the meal for the men.
William handed a whiskey to Malone, who thanked him sincerely. He then walked over to where Jack sat and handed him a glass. He watched as Jack lifted his eyes up to meet his, and he was moved to see such love and pain in their depths.
Roxton took the offered glass, barely able to meet William's gaze. He sipped the amber contents and managed to get out, "Thanks."
William sat down and looked at the other two men expectantly. "Well, I'm waiting for an explanation," he finally said, with a faint air of
aristocratic arrogance so reminiscent of his father that it made Roxton's throat ache.
Roxton looked at Malone, who shrugged, as if to say, it's your house. "We've come down for a bit of a holiday, William," he began
awkwardly. "Taking a few days off."
"It's just a few weeks to the Long Vac," William replied. "Couldn't you wait until then?" He looked again at the strain in his brother's
face, "No, I guess not." He placed his hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong, Jack? You look like hell," he added worriedly.
Roxton didn't know what to say to William. 'Well, you know that running around trying to keep from being eaten by dinosaurs, killed by
historical figures, and navigating shifting planes of reality will really take it out of you, old boy.' That would get him committed for sure.
"At least introduce me to your friend," his older brother's tone of 'have you forgotten all of your manners?' brought back an old,
purposely suppressed memories of brangling with William over everything from politics to proper manners to the right way to address a lady. Always a differing opinion, but ever with affection and security in the love of his brother.
"William, may I present my friend, Edward T. Malone," Roxton gestured from William to Ned, who stood up. "Ned, may I present my
brother, Viscount Roxton." Roxton grinned briefly, "Ned's a reporter with the International Herald Tribune."
"How do you do," William replied a bit stiffly. Damn, he thought. Jack knows how I feel about reporters, and now he's brought one
into this house!
"Nice to meet you," Ned replied, a bit confused over the subtext that was going on, but willing to let things ride for now. He nodded at
the two men and sat back down.
Roxton walked over to the mantle by the fireplace, gazing absently at his mother's collection of porcelain figurines. He shot back the
last of his whiskey and turned to look at his brother, "I just need time to work some things out."
"Is there anything I can do?" William was very concerned. Jack had got up to some pranks before and indulged himself somewhat
with the ladies, but never had he looked like this - almost careworn.
"Thanks, but no," Roxton smiled tiredly.
"You won't tell me what's going on, but you'll tell that reporter?" came the somewhat hurt reply.
"He's my friend, Will," Roxton explained quietly. "He's aware of what's going on and involved. I don't want to drag you into this. You
just keep on doing what you do. It's important to me that you do that."
"What's so important about what I do? You've never made any secret that you think my work studying and preserving the history of
Wiltshire is nothing more than just a way to pass the time until I assume the duties of being the Earl of Roxton," William's voice held a
bit of defensive censure. "While, of course, being a man's man, everything that you do is suitably appropriate for a member of our
class."
Roxton looked abashed, "I was mistaken. What you do is very important and I should have never said those things. It was very wrong of me...and...I'm sorry." The last was finished in a harsh whisper as he gazed at his brother's face. It was a younger face than the one that looked up at him as he lay dying in his arms, but just as dear to him. He was so sorry, so everlastingly, damnably, ineffectually sorry.
"Jack," William put his hands on his younger brother's shoulders. "Please, tell me. I want to help."
Roxton thought about what his life was like during this time, and felt ashamed. He looked at William and took a deep breath, "I don't
mean to alarm you. I've just come to some pretty damning conclusions about myself and what I've been doing with my life. I have to
think about what I want to do about it."
William's heart was full listening to his younger brother say the things that he had always hoped he would come to realize. Jack was
essentially a very good man, and he was sure now that his life would *not* be wasted on the brainless pursuit of pleasure and
excitement.
"I'm proud of you, Jack," William smiled at Roxton and gripped his shoulders and gave him a little shake.
Roxton felt something breaking loose within himself. He looked at William, tears brimming in his eyes, and then threw his arms about
him, hugging him close. William, somewhat surprised by this display of affection in front of Malone, nevertheless hugged Jack back
hard.
"I love you, Will," Roxton spoke hoarsely, unable to say any more.
"It's all right, Jack," William said softly, one arm about the younger man's waist, the other holding the back of his head to the hollow of
his shoulder. "I love you, too. It will be all right. There's nothing that we can't fix, not together."
Roxton felt these words tug at his very soul. "I wish it were always so," he eased back and looked intently at William.
"It will be, just you see," William replied earnestly and smiled encouragingly.
A knock at the door and the entry of Gardiner announcing that their meal would be ready in few minutes interrupted the moment.
"Why don't I meet you two down in the dining room a little later?" William suggested, insightfully thinking that Jack might want to talk with his friend.
"All right," Roxton replied with a thin smile. He was barely holding his emotions in check and was grateful for the respite. William
exited with Gardiner, and he turned to where Malone had risen from his chair.
"What is it?" Ned asked, knowing by the look on Roxton's face that something important had happened.
"I believe I know why I'm here," the older man replied.
"Is it about William and your father, like you thought?" asked Malone.
"No," Roxton shook his head in wonder. "It's not about them, not really. It's about me."
"You?" Malone confirmed.
"Yes," Roxton said as he looked down at his hands. "Until this time, I'd passed through all my life as if it were all a game. An endless
pursuit of amusement, debauchery, and excitement." He gave a derisive laugh and glanced at Malone. "I was the quintessential
younger son, held only in reserve should something, God forbid, happen to the almighty Heir. And, oh, how I spent so much time
trying to live up to the essential worthlessness of my role in life."
"But that's so unlike you," Malone protested.
"Thanks, Ned," Roxton said with appreciation. "But, you didn't know me then. I was a total bastard. The only thing, the *only* person
that kept me from going totally off the edge
was William. Mother cared, but didn't know what to do for me. Father, well, he bloody well didn't give a damn as long as I didn't get myself killed. William, he always tried to keep me somewhere near the line, if not actually toeing it."
"He cared a lot for you," Ned said softly.
"He was my brother," Roxton replied with simple anguish.
Ned looked at his friend and thought how he would feel if he lost Roxton, no matter what the reason. It wasn't a pleasant thought.
Roxton rubbed his face with his hands and looked at Ned, "I remember now what happened, why I came home before the end of
term." He paused for a moment, then continued, "A classmate of mine, Ian Tabersham, was killed at my college. He was very drunk, well, we all were, and he went climbing on the roof of the chapel. I don't even remember why he went up there, but he fell off and died. Such a complete and utter waste." Roxton closed his eyes for a moment, then continued, "There was an enquiry, of course. It was determined that it was death by mischance."
He opened his eyes again and looked at Ned, "Mischance meaning tough luck old son; you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. I didn't even know him very well, but it got me thinking. For some reason, it made me stop for just a moment and think, 'What if *I'd* been up on that rooftop?'. It could have been me; I was arrogant enough to think that nothing could happen to me, no matter what I did. I was still drunk when I started home. I don't know how I got home; I just remember walking up to the door and Gardiner
answering it, a lot like he did tonight."
Ned raised his eyebrows at this and said, "What happened then?"
"Father and Mother were from home, but William was there. We talked for a long time and it was like we started over again. I mean,
we'd always had a care for each other, but it was like we started fresh, became closer. After that, we started doing things together.
Mostly, I would do things with him that I wouldn't do with anyone else. Father thought I'd gone crazy, but it was wonderful. We enjoyed our times together. William even started going riding with me when I was home." Roxton's voice trailed off as he became lost in pleasant memories.
"Sounds like he was a great older brother," Malone offered with a smile.
"Yes," Roxton agreed. "He was. But, when Father would start in on him about being *more of a man* like me, it was so hard. I'm not
sure that I didn't agree just a bit with Father that he might be better off if he toughened up a little, but I never liked the way Father talked to him."
"Was it that bad?" Malone asked.
"Yes," Roxton nodded sadly. "He never let up on him. That's why, eventually, William gave in. The trip to Kenya, I'd planned it for a
while when he came and asked me if he could come along. I was so excited, although I knew that he was really mostly doing it to
please Father. It didn't matter, because Will was going to go along with me. When we hooked up with Pearson Rice, I'd thought
nothing more could happen to make me any happier than I was." He sighed softly, "I was right. I wasn't happy again for a very long
time."
"You still think you don't deserve to be happy, do you?" Ned asked him gently.
Roxton looked up, a little surprised at the reporter's question, "I'm perfectly fine now, thank you." His voice taking on the semi-strident
mocking tone that had categorized it from the early days of the Challenger expedition.
"Uh-uh," Ned shook his head. "I know you. You still think it's wrong for you to be really happy."
"But, I do want to be happy," Roxton replied hollowly, his defensive posture gone almost instantly. "I think I could be..."
"With Marguerite," Ned finished for him.
Roxton nodded at the younger man, his face a study of emotions, battling to the forefront was a determination to finish what he had
started here. "I'm fighting the changes that I made that were the reason that William and I got closer," he said finally. "Part of the
reason why William went on the trip to Kenya is that he was always talking about us doing something together that I would really like.
The trip also satisfied Father's desire to 'make a man' out of him. It was supposed to be a win all the way round for everyone." He
paused to gather his thoughts, then continued. "When it all happened, I went a little crazy. I don't remember a lot of what happened
after Father died. I just went through the motions, then I spent a long time running away from it. I tried a lot of things to come to grips
with what happened, then the War, then the Challenger expedition. Each time something new came along, I put another layer
between William and myself, thinking that, if I could put enough layers, I would stop feeling this horrible sense of loss." Roxton turned
to look at Ned, "I didn't realize until a little while ago that I also put all those layers between my good memories and feelings of William
and my life here." He looked around the room and smiled slightly, "I was so busy condemning myself that I forgot to let myself live.
When I met Marguerite; it was like something came alive inside me, no matter what I tried, it wouldn't stop or go away."
Malone smiled at this and said, "She has a way of getting to people, I'll grant you that. But, why don't you think you should be happy?"
Roxton thought on this for a moment, then said softly, "I think perhaps that if I'd continued on the way that I had been going, if I'd stayed the ignorant fool that I had been, perhaps, just perhaps, William would not have gone on that expedition with me. I would have not been as close to him and wouldn't have put my voice with Father's to convince him to come along with me."
"You don't know that," Malone objected.
"No, but it's a good possibility," Roxton replied intensely. "I also think that if I'd been a better man to begin with, the whole thing wouldn't have happened because I would have understood that William didn't need to go on safari to prove himself. He already knew who he was and what he wanted to do with his life. I was the one who didn't have a bloody clue as to how to go on, always searching for something to validate my life."
"You *are* a good man, John," Malone said with conviction. "I know you are, so does Marguerite. It wasn't you that caused the
accident to happen. It was a chain of events that concluded with a horrible finish. No one, not even Challenger, could have predicted
what happened."
"I know that in my mind, Ned," Roxton said hollowly. "But, my heart, my soul they don't seem to be able to accept it."
"Then, that's it," Ned affirmed softly.
"Yes," Roxton agreed with a sad smile. "What I chose to do, what made me so happy, ultimately helped my brother to his death, no
matter that it was my fault or not. That's what I have to live with, accept, or I'll never be able to be happy and complete with Marguerite
and in my life," he finished.
Malone looked at the man who'd saved his life so many times and thought of the grief he'd had to endure. "You deserve to be happy,
John. Don't you think you've suffered enough?"
"Marguerite asked me that once," Roxton said. "I didn't really answer her. I was afraid to. She sees straight through me and she
would have known how I felt. It's hard enough getting her to open up without putting more things in the way."
"She cares for you so much," Malone said with conviction. "Don't you think you should give her the chance to help you? You know,
you don't have to do it alone. You have friends."
"I know, Neddy-boy," Roxton replied with affection. "I know."
Silence fell for a short while, neither man uncomfortable with it, each thinking deeply about what had occurred and had been said. At
length, Roxton said, "I left before Father and Mother got home that night, went back to Oxford. I think we'd better go now."
"Did you want to say goodbye to William?" Ned asked.
"No, I'd better not, I don't know how I would," Roxton answered. "We should just go now, while we can."
The two men made their way downstairs to the foyer, then out the front door without encountering anyone. Following a garden path,
they made their way across the Manor grounds.
"Which way?" Malone asked.
"Keep on this path until we reach the dance," Roxton replied. "I want to see the faerie ring again. She came here you know, as a
child."
"Marguerite?"
"Yes, she told me that she played near the standing stones of Avebury," Roxton's smile was visible in the dim moonlight.
The standing stones made long shadows in the moonlight. The two men walked to the Swindon stone. Roxton stopped and looked
up at the mammoth piece of rock, then glanced round at the circle of stones. "In the center, I think," he said enigmatically, and
gestured for Malone to follow him to the middle of the standing stones.
"Why the center?" Ned was very curious. Roxton seemed to know what he was about.
"Here is the Cove," Roxton indicated with a nod of his head. "Here's the power of the circle. You use it to take me to her. Take me to
Marguerite."
Ned looked uncertain, "I don't know if we're done here."
"I know," Roxton replied in a calm voice. "My choice is to live. My choice is her, because, without her, there is nothing. I've have
nothing before, and I never want to go back to it. Each day with her is a lifetime. No matter how infuriating or exasperating, she's still
a joy to me," his voice was emotional yet full of assurance. "Everyone of you: Challenger, Veronica, Finn, Marguerite, you Ned, each
one you is a part of my life. My life since I came to the Plateau - since I started living again. So, I choose to live and be with you, my
friends. I think William would like that for me," Roxton finished with a tremulous sigh, a great weight had been lifted from him, and best of all, he had lifted it from himself.
Malone looked at Roxton and nodded. His friend had finally come to grips with his past and his present. Now, they had to look to the
future. "Are you sure this is where we should be? In the middle of some old rocks?" Malone was a little skeptical.
"Some ancient rocks, my friend," Roxton grinned at him. "And you just tune into the frequency of it. William always said there was a
reason that the largest standing stone ring was at Avebury. I believe they're called intersecting energy planes, and the center of one of the biggest is right under your feet, Malone."
Malone looked down with a bit of alarm then back up at Roxton with a slightly accusatory look. Roxton just looked amused and held out his hand. Ned took Roxton's hand and said as he closed his eyes, "You'd better be right, Roxton." Malone keyed in on the immense power that emanated from the circle.
"I am Ned," Roxton said seriously. "Take me to Marguerite, please. I think she's in trouble and needs my help."
"She's always in trouble, Roxton," Malone noted acerbically. He focused on the deep and abiding love and need Roxton had for her
rising from his being in waves of shimmering power.
"That's why I'm always around to set her straight, Ned," Roxton replied amicably as the sensation of the shifting planes engulfed them
again.
To Be Continued
Author: Lady Primrose Roxton
Series: Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's The Lost World
Date: 6/2002
Part: 4 - Many a Winding Turn
Rating: R
Codes: M/R, N/V
Category: Romance, Action/Adventure, Sci-Fi
Summary: Starts where HoTS left off. Danger Will Robinson! Mushy shipper alert, cliffhanger resolution alert, grandfather paradox alert, and hey, I even like Finn.
Spoilers: CoF, Resurrection, FitS, HoTS
Disclaimer: As a matter of fact, in the shifting planes of my own reality, I *do* own TLW ;)
Feedback: Tell me -- primrose4@canby.com
Website: http://www.canby.com/ryukyu4
Posting: ff.net, tlwfix.com, others please let me know first.
A/N: Well, it's been a bit since my last installment. R/L and a new toy in the form of a digital video creator took up my time *g*.
However, Roxton's been making noises about being tired of standing in the foyer, so I thought I'd let him sit down...
A/N2: A small salute to brothers and those who love them.
***
I sought my soul but my soul I could not see.
I sought my God but my God eluded me.
I sought my brother—and I found all three.
Anonymous
I did not think thee lord of such a spirit.
Before, I loved thee as a brother, John,
But now I do respect thee as my soul.
William Shakespeare (1564–1616)
***
Roxton stared up at William, frozen in place. Scattered shots of feelings rang through his mind - horror, shame, anger, sorrow, and
most of all, overwhelming guilt. Unable to form a coherent response to his brother's inquiry, he closed his eyes, his face a study in
pain.
Malone glanced from William back to Roxton, and his heart contracted at his friend's obvious pain and confusion. "Are you all right?"
he asked Roxton in a low voice, putting one hand on the man's shoulder.
Roxton shook his head as if in disbelief and numbly replied, "I can't do this, Ned." He turned to look at the younger man. "I thought I
could, but, I *can't*..."
Malone didn't know what to say, but was determined to help his friend. "Let it go for now, John," he advised him in a low murmur.
"He's here now. The hunting trip hasn't taken place yet."
"But, it *will*," Roxton insisted in a hoarse voice. Malone felt helpless, unable to think of a response that would comfort Roxton.
"Still as careless as ever, I see," William had descended the staircase and walked over to where Roxton and Malone stood. "What
are you doing here, really?" Despite the censure in his voice, there was an evident underlying, if exasperated, affection in it.
"William," Roxton began brokenly. "I'm come home. I..." and was unable to continue, his face ashen.
"Good God, what's wrong, Jack?" William looked closely at his brother. His face and body were lean, and a deep tan showed despite
his pallor. There was a tired wariness that had not been there the last time he had seen his younger brother. Also, fine lines were
around his eyes, and he looked older than he should.
"It's been a long trip getting here," Malone explained. "Maybe we could go somewhere and sit down?"
"Very well," William replied, curious about the younger man's identity, but innate good manners prevented him from enquiring. Jack
seemed upset and appeared to be on the verge of collapse. He took one arm and his friend the other. They helped him upstairs to
the closest room, which happened to Lady Roxton's morning room, and assisted him over to a small sofa.
Roxton sat on the sofa, completely lost in memories of events that had occurred (would occur?), and the utter conundrum he faced.
Dear God, William. He'd thought he was ready to face him. This was no hallucination. The reality of it had confounded his thoughts
and senses. He was so glad Malone was there; he would deal with William while he pulled himself together.
"Jack looks like he could do with a drink. You do, too, for that matter," William observed. "I'll be back in a moment," and left the room.
Malone crossed back over to Roxton and said, "Are you all right, Roxton?"
Roxton looked up at Ned, "It's too much to take in. I thought I was stronger than this..." He shook his head.
"You are one of the strongest men I have ever known," Ned replied firmly. "No one could expect you to do more, to have done more,
than you do now." He crouched down next to his friend. "Remember what Challenger said. You have to embrace your fears, the
changes, let them be."
"But, there are no changes here," Roxton said, confused. "It's just as I remember. The term before, I'd done some stupid prank at
school and had been sent down. I missed the last two weeks of term. Father just laughed it off, but William was furious with me. He
told me that I'd regret wasting my time at school. " Roxton made a short laugh and looked up at Malone, "He despaired of my ever
being serious and trying to make something of my life.
"You, not serious?" Ned was a little taken aback at this thought.
Roxton nodded ruefully, "I was a complete idiot -- careless, self-indulgent, and oblivious to the wants or needs of anyone else save
myself..." His voice trailed off and he gave a wry look toward Ned.
Just then, William returned with Gardiner in tow, carrying a large tray with a decanter and glasses. The butler deposited the tray and
was making to pour drinks when William said, "That will be all, Gardiner." His face was impassive, but the servant cast a concerned
glance at Mr. John as he passed by. He was rewarded by a small smile from the younger son and a slight nod as he left the room.
He went to inform the below stairs of the newest happenings and to check on the meal for the men.
William handed a whiskey to Malone, who thanked him sincerely. He then walked over to where Jack sat and handed him a glass. He watched as Jack lifted his eyes up to meet his, and he was moved to see such love and pain in their depths.
Roxton took the offered glass, barely able to meet William's gaze. He sipped the amber contents and managed to get out, "Thanks."
William sat down and looked at the other two men expectantly. "Well, I'm waiting for an explanation," he finally said, with a faint air of
aristocratic arrogance so reminiscent of his father that it made Roxton's throat ache.
Roxton looked at Malone, who shrugged, as if to say, it's your house. "We've come down for a bit of a holiday, William," he began
awkwardly. "Taking a few days off."
"It's just a few weeks to the Long Vac," William replied. "Couldn't you wait until then?" He looked again at the strain in his brother's
face, "No, I guess not." He placed his hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong, Jack? You look like hell," he added worriedly.
Roxton didn't know what to say to William. 'Well, you know that running around trying to keep from being eaten by dinosaurs, killed by
historical figures, and navigating shifting planes of reality will really take it out of you, old boy.' That would get him committed for sure.
"At least introduce me to your friend," his older brother's tone of 'have you forgotten all of your manners?' brought back an old,
purposely suppressed memories of brangling with William over everything from politics to proper manners to the right way to address a lady. Always a differing opinion, but ever with affection and security in the love of his brother.
"William, may I present my friend, Edward T. Malone," Roxton gestured from William to Ned, who stood up. "Ned, may I present my
brother, Viscount Roxton." Roxton grinned briefly, "Ned's a reporter with the International Herald Tribune."
"How do you do," William replied a bit stiffly. Damn, he thought. Jack knows how I feel about reporters, and now he's brought one
into this house!
"Nice to meet you," Ned replied, a bit confused over the subtext that was going on, but willing to let things ride for now. He nodded at
the two men and sat back down.
Roxton walked over to the mantle by the fireplace, gazing absently at his mother's collection of porcelain figurines. He shot back the
last of his whiskey and turned to look at his brother, "I just need time to work some things out."
"Is there anything I can do?" William was very concerned. Jack had got up to some pranks before and indulged himself somewhat
with the ladies, but never had he looked like this - almost careworn.
"Thanks, but no," Roxton smiled tiredly.
"You won't tell me what's going on, but you'll tell that reporter?" came the somewhat hurt reply.
"He's my friend, Will," Roxton explained quietly. "He's aware of what's going on and involved. I don't want to drag you into this. You
just keep on doing what you do. It's important to me that you do that."
"What's so important about what I do? You've never made any secret that you think my work studying and preserving the history of
Wiltshire is nothing more than just a way to pass the time until I assume the duties of being the Earl of Roxton," William's voice held a
bit of defensive censure. "While, of course, being a man's man, everything that you do is suitably appropriate for a member of our
class."
Roxton looked abashed, "I was mistaken. What you do is very important and I should have never said those things. It was very wrong of me...and...I'm sorry." The last was finished in a harsh whisper as he gazed at his brother's face. It was a younger face than the one that looked up at him as he lay dying in his arms, but just as dear to him. He was so sorry, so everlastingly, damnably, ineffectually sorry.
"Jack," William put his hands on his younger brother's shoulders. "Please, tell me. I want to help."
Roxton thought about what his life was like during this time, and felt ashamed. He looked at William and took a deep breath, "I don't
mean to alarm you. I've just come to some pretty damning conclusions about myself and what I've been doing with my life. I have to
think about what I want to do about it."
William's heart was full listening to his younger brother say the things that he had always hoped he would come to realize. Jack was
essentially a very good man, and he was sure now that his life would *not* be wasted on the brainless pursuit of pleasure and
excitement.
"I'm proud of you, Jack," William smiled at Roxton and gripped his shoulders and gave him a little shake.
Roxton felt something breaking loose within himself. He looked at William, tears brimming in his eyes, and then threw his arms about
him, hugging him close. William, somewhat surprised by this display of affection in front of Malone, nevertheless hugged Jack back
hard.
"I love you, Will," Roxton spoke hoarsely, unable to say any more.
"It's all right, Jack," William said softly, one arm about the younger man's waist, the other holding the back of his head to the hollow of
his shoulder. "I love you, too. It will be all right. There's nothing that we can't fix, not together."
Roxton felt these words tug at his very soul. "I wish it were always so," he eased back and looked intently at William.
"It will be, just you see," William replied earnestly and smiled encouragingly.
A knock at the door and the entry of Gardiner announcing that their meal would be ready in few minutes interrupted the moment.
"Why don't I meet you two down in the dining room a little later?" William suggested, insightfully thinking that Jack might want to talk with his friend.
"All right," Roxton replied with a thin smile. He was barely holding his emotions in check and was grateful for the respite. William
exited with Gardiner, and he turned to where Malone had risen from his chair.
"What is it?" Ned asked, knowing by the look on Roxton's face that something important had happened.
"I believe I know why I'm here," the older man replied.
"Is it about William and your father, like you thought?" asked Malone.
"No," Roxton shook his head in wonder. "It's not about them, not really. It's about me."
"You?" Malone confirmed.
"Yes," Roxton said as he looked down at his hands. "Until this time, I'd passed through all my life as if it were all a game. An endless
pursuit of amusement, debauchery, and excitement." He gave a derisive laugh and glanced at Malone. "I was the quintessential
younger son, held only in reserve should something, God forbid, happen to the almighty Heir. And, oh, how I spent so much time
trying to live up to the essential worthlessness of my role in life."
"But that's so unlike you," Malone protested.
"Thanks, Ned," Roxton said with appreciation. "But, you didn't know me then. I was a total bastard. The only thing, the *only* person
that kept me from going totally off the edge
was William. Mother cared, but didn't know what to do for me. Father, well, he bloody well didn't give a damn as long as I didn't get myself killed. William, he always tried to keep me somewhere near the line, if not actually toeing it."
"He cared a lot for you," Ned said softly.
"He was my brother," Roxton replied with simple anguish.
Ned looked at his friend and thought how he would feel if he lost Roxton, no matter what the reason. It wasn't a pleasant thought.
Roxton rubbed his face with his hands and looked at Ned, "I remember now what happened, why I came home before the end of
term." He paused for a moment, then continued, "A classmate of mine, Ian Tabersham, was killed at my college. He was very drunk, well, we all were, and he went climbing on the roof of the chapel. I don't even remember why he went up there, but he fell off and died. Such a complete and utter waste." Roxton closed his eyes for a moment, then continued, "There was an enquiry, of course. It was determined that it was death by mischance."
He opened his eyes again and looked at Ned, "Mischance meaning tough luck old son; you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. I didn't even know him very well, but it got me thinking. For some reason, it made me stop for just a moment and think, 'What if *I'd* been up on that rooftop?'. It could have been me; I was arrogant enough to think that nothing could happen to me, no matter what I did. I was still drunk when I started home. I don't know how I got home; I just remember walking up to the door and Gardiner
answering it, a lot like he did tonight."
Ned raised his eyebrows at this and said, "What happened then?"
"Father and Mother were from home, but William was there. We talked for a long time and it was like we started over again. I mean,
we'd always had a care for each other, but it was like we started fresh, became closer. After that, we started doing things together.
Mostly, I would do things with him that I wouldn't do with anyone else. Father thought I'd gone crazy, but it was wonderful. We enjoyed our times together. William even started going riding with me when I was home." Roxton's voice trailed off as he became lost in pleasant memories.
"Sounds like he was a great older brother," Malone offered with a smile.
"Yes," Roxton agreed. "He was. But, when Father would start in on him about being *more of a man* like me, it was so hard. I'm not
sure that I didn't agree just a bit with Father that he might be better off if he toughened up a little, but I never liked the way Father talked to him."
"Was it that bad?" Malone asked.
"Yes," Roxton nodded sadly. "He never let up on him. That's why, eventually, William gave in. The trip to Kenya, I'd planned it for a
while when he came and asked me if he could come along. I was so excited, although I knew that he was really mostly doing it to
please Father. It didn't matter, because Will was going to go along with me. When we hooked up with Pearson Rice, I'd thought
nothing more could happen to make me any happier than I was." He sighed softly, "I was right. I wasn't happy again for a very long
time."
"You still think you don't deserve to be happy, do you?" Ned asked him gently.
Roxton looked up, a little surprised at the reporter's question, "I'm perfectly fine now, thank you." His voice taking on the semi-strident
mocking tone that had categorized it from the early days of the Challenger expedition.
"Uh-uh," Ned shook his head. "I know you. You still think it's wrong for you to be really happy."
"But, I do want to be happy," Roxton replied hollowly, his defensive posture gone almost instantly. "I think I could be..."
"With Marguerite," Ned finished for him.
Roxton nodded at the younger man, his face a study of emotions, battling to the forefront was a determination to finish what he had
started here. "I'm fighting the changes that I made that were the reason that William and I got closer," he said finally. "Part of the
reason why William went on the trip to Kenya is that he was always talking about us doing something together that I would really like.
The trip also satisfied Father's desire to 'make a man' out of him. It was supposed to be a win all the way round for everyone." He
paused to gather his thoughts, then continued. "When it all happened, I went a little crazy. I don't remember a lot of what happened
after Father died. I just went through the motions, then I spent a long time running away from it. I tried a lot of things to come to grips
with what happened, then the War, then the Challenger expedition. Each time something new came along, I put another layer
between William and myself, thinking that, if I could put enough layers, I would stop feeling this horrible sense of loss." Roxton turned
to look at Ned, "I didn't realize until a little while ago that I also put all those layers between my good memories and feelings of William
and my life here." He looked around the room and smiled slightly, "I was so busy condemning myself that I forgot to let myself live.
When I met Marguerite; it was like something came alive inside me, no matter what I tried, it wouldn't stop or go away."
Malone smiled at this and said, "She has a way of getting to people, I'll grant you that. But, why don't you think you should be happy?"
Roxton thought on this for a moment, then said softly, "I think perhaps that if I'd continued on the way that I had been going, if I'd stayed the ignorant fool that I had been, perhaps, just perhaps, William would not have gone on that expedition with me. I would have not been as close to him and wouldn't have put my voice with Father's to convince him to come along with me."
"You don't know that," Malone objected.
"No, but it's a good possibility," Roxton replied intensely. "I also think that if I'd been a better man to begin with, the whole thing wouldn't have happened because I would have understood that William didn't need to go on safari to prove himself. He already knew who he was and what he wanted to do with his life. I was the one who didn't have a bloody clue as to how to go on, always searching for something to validate my life."
"You *are* a good man, John," Malone said with conviction. "I know you are, so does Marguerite. It wasn't you that caused the
accident to happen. It was a chain of events that concluded with a horrible finish. No one, not even Challenger, could have predicted
what happened."
"I know that in my mind, Ned," Roxton said hollowly. "But, my heart, my soul they don't seem to be able to accept it."
"Then, that's it," Ned affirmed softly.
"Yes," Roxton agreed with a sad smile. "What I chose to do, what made me so happy, ultimately helped my brother to his death, no
matter that it was my fault or not. That's what I have to live with, accept, or I'll never be able to be happy and complete with Marguerite
and in my life," he finished.
Malone looked at the man who'd saved his life so many times and thought of the grief he'd had to endure. "You deserve to be happy,
John. Don't you think you've suffered enough?"
"Marguerite asked me that once," Roxton said. "I didn't really answer her. I was afraid to. She sees straight through me and she
would have known how I felt. It's hard enough getting her to open up without putting more things in the way."
"She cares for you so much," Malone said with conviction. "Don't you think you should give her the chance to help you? You know,
you don't have to do it alone. You have friends."
"I know, Neddy-boy," Roxton replied with affection. "I know."
Silence fell for a short while, neither man uncomfortable with it, each thinking deeply about what had occurred and had been said. At
length, Roxton said, "I left before Father and Mother got home that night, went back to Oxford. I think we'd better go now."
"Did you want to say goodbye to William?" Ned asked.
"No, I'd better not, I don't know how I would," Roxton answered. "We should just go now, while we can."
The two men made their way downstairs to the foyer, then out the front door without encountering anyone. Following a garden path,
they made their way across the Manor grounds.
"Which way?" Malone asked.
"Keep on this path until we reach the dance," Roxton replied. "I want to see the faerie ring again. She came here you know, as a
child."
"Marguerite?"
"Yes, she told me that she played near the standing stones of Avebury," Roxton's smile was visible in the dim moonlight.
The standing stones made long shadows in the moonlight. The two men walked to the Swindon stone. Roxton stopped and looked
up at the mammoth piece of rock, then glanced round at the circle of stones. "In the center, I think," he said enigmatically, and
gestured for Malone to follow him to the middle of the standing stones.
"Why the center?" Ned was very curious. Roxton seemed to know what he was about.
"Here is the Cove," Roxton indicated with a nod of his head. "Here's the power of the circle. You use it to take me to her. Take me to
Marguerite."
Ned looked uncertain, "I don't know if we're done here."
"I know," Roxton replied in a calm voice. "My choice is to live. My choice is her, because, without her, there is nothing. I've have
nothing before, and I never want to go back to it. Each day with her is a lifetime. No matter how infuriating or exasperating, she's still
a joy to me," his voice was emotional yet full of assurance. "Everyone of you: Challenger, Veronica, Finn, Marguerite, you Ned, each
one you is a part of my life. My life since I came to the Plateau - since I started living again. So, I choose to live and be with you, my
friends. I think William would like that for me," Roxton finished with a tremulous sigh, a great weight had been lifted from him, and best of all, he had lifted it from himself.
Malone looked at Roxton and nodded. His friend had finally come to grips with his past and his present. Now, they had to look to the
future. "Are you sure this is where we should be? In the middle of some old rocks?" Malone was a little skeptical.
"Some ancient rocks, my friend," Roxton grinned at him. "And you just tune into the frequency of it. William always said there was a
reason that the largest standing stone ring was at Avebury. I believe they're called intersecting energy planes, and the center of one of the biggest is right under your feet, Malone."
Malone looked down with a bit of alarm then back up at Roxton with a slightly accusatory look. Roxton just looked amused and held out his hand. Ned took Roxton's hand and said as he closed his eyes, "You'd better be right, Roxton." Malone keyed in on the immense power that emanated from the circle.
"I am Ned," Roxton said seriously. "Take me to Marguerite, please. I think she's in trouble and needs my help."
"She's always in trouble, Roxton," Malone noted acerbically. He focused on the deep and abiding love and need Roxton had for her
rising from his being in waves of shimmering power.
"That's why I'm always around to set her straight, Ned," Roxton replied amicably as the sensation of the shifting planes engulfed them
again.
To Be Continued