Late Night Confessions
By V.L. Brooks
I sighed as I rolled over in bed, my husband's warm body right there, his arms automatically wrapping around me even though I know he's been asleep since he went to bed two hours ago. I snuggle up against his strong chest and he purrs lightly as I rest my cool cheek against him. I feel the tears building up inside me; slowly they roll down my cheeks, some transferring onto his body while most run down my neck. His black spiky hair is above my head and I slowly reach up and brush it, as I have done since our first night together. He had been so different that night, no longer the man he showed the world, a different man, the man only known by me. Together in this bed he had read me poetry, told me his dreams, and made love to me for hours sometimes even till dawn. Of course those days were over, he had died so many times and every time I worried, how long would I live without him…could my love for my children keep me alive alone or would my love for him bring me into the next dimension with him?
"I love you so much," I whispered into his neck, he mumbles happily and I can see a smile on his lips. I reach up and feel his face, that youthfulness, that perfection, I reach up to my own face and can only feel the faults, a wrinkle here, a tiny scar there, a blemish, etc. I slowly reach around and hug him. "I am sorry." I wonder if he can hear me.
"I know I'm not the easiest woman to live with, I've got a short fuse and a large temper. I am sorry for all the fights, all the arguments, and all the stupid, petty things I've done to you and the boys," I wept even more, my pride had been the thing that caused the most problems in our family. I couldn't bear seeing my son being brought up to be only a fighter, I was a Princess! No, no, I was no longer a Princess, my kingdom no longer existed. The thought that the grandson of the Ox King would grow up a simple fighter was too much for my pride to take. I had to have a scholar, a doctor, anything but a lowly fighter…I shook with the force of my sobs. "I'm so sorry about what I did to Gohan, not letting him train…not letting him spend more time with you…not letting him do as HE wanted." I bowed my head in shame.
Again my pride could not stand that my second son, the clone of my husband was so much like his father that he went Super Saiyan at such a young age! I couldn't stand that my second son was nothing like me, I was a Princess! I should've had a beautiful daughter just like me! "I'm also sorry for telling Goten he was a monster when he first went Super Saiyan, I'm sorry I didn't spend as much time with him as I did Gohan."
Finally came the regrets of the treatment of my husband. I closed my eyes but the tears still fell. I had been so damn prideful that I had pushed him away always. He would hold me in the night and I would yell at him…I was strong, I didn't need him holding me like a child. He would train and not help me around the house, I was royalty, I wasn't supposed to have to do that! He would help me and destroy things on accident, I was suppose to have people around me able to do simple tasks. He would shower me with his love and I would reprimand him for not doing what I ordered. I hit him with blunt objects when he told me what he wanted, which was rarely. He left me alone…to save the world…he was MINE! I wept even more into his chest.
"And I never going to say I'm sorry enough for how I've treated you, Goku. I love you more than life itself and every time I lose you I lose a little more of myself. I've been wrong so many years," I cried into his chest and I could feel him whimper, he was so attuned to my emotions. "You didn't deserve me…you deserved a girl that YOU loved, that you wanted, that you chose! I lost that damn match and you were free, why, why did you let yourself get trapped to me…hell Vegeta doesn't even deserve to have a wife like me!" I hugged him tight, knowing he didn't feel it. Slowly he pulled me close and held me there. "You deserved a simple fighter, instead you got a spoiled brat, I'm so sorry Goku, I've wasted so many years of your life."
"Chichi," he muttered and I gasped as I looked up at his half-lidded eyes. They were filled with tears that were falling down his cheeks. He sat up and pulled me into his lap as he held me. "I love you, I have loved you since I could remember." He pushed the graying hair out of my face. "Never say that I don't deserve you. I know you, I know your soul. You mean so much to me. You raised Gohan and Goten to be wonderful young men. I owe you their lives. I wasn't here when you needed me."
"Goku, I-I-I didn't NEED you here, I WANTED you here," I sobbed as I held onto him. "I was selfish, but now…I'm getting old and I had to tell you before anything happened to me. I love you and I beg your forgiveness for all the stupid things I've done."
"You've had my forgiveness before you did any of those silly thing," he chuckled as he cried. I wanted to slap him, damn him for his heart, I loved him and he knew all about me.
"I…" he kissed me into silence and we held each other and cried ourselves to sleep.
I started at him as he slept, he was like a child and I knew, time was planning on taking me away soon. "I love you…and I'm so sorry." Another night's confessions began.