Chapter 3 of the horrible insanity!!!

What Happens When….  Chappie 3: Gandalf

"I need a drink…" Gandalf said. He had spent the day making fireworks and keeping an eye on Frodo. As he walked up to the counter of the small bar in the shire, he thought to himself about how to make another firework display. "Beer please." He said to the bar tender.

"Gandalf, you a beer?" the man asked.

"Yes, as I said, beer please. And some crackers to go with that."

3 beers later.

"More crackers please." Gandalf slurred at the man. The man gave him crackers, and he ate them quickly. "Someone took MY crackers…well, I hope that choke on them and that they burn in the fiery pits of Mt. Doom…" and as he said this, the woman waiter passed out and dumped beer on him. "Stupid woman." He said, and got more beers and crackers.

7 beers later.

"I think I shall be leaving now… (Hic, hic, hic, hic)" Gandalf said, walking very unsteadily out of the bar. He got on his horse, and started to walk off. What he hadn't noticed is that he had got on backwards. "Where's your damn head?" he asked the animal, and bent over. That was the time the horse decided to take a toot. "Oh…brush your teeth butt breath." He spurred the horse into a gallop, and leaning over slightly, he came right off the horses back. On the ride to Frodo's house he fell off a total of 7 times.

When he got to the hobbits house, he opened the door, and walked in. Sam and Frodo were playing a nice quiet game of chess, and Gandalf started screaming. "Oh my dear God! I've walked in on a giant hobbit sex pit! What am I to do?"  Gandalf stood and thought a while. "I know! Can me and my wife join?" he said, indicating the horse.

"Gandalf…you don't have a wife, this isn't a giant hobbit sex pit, and that is a horse." Frodo said, getting up.

"DO NOT SAY THAT THIS BEAUTIFUL PERSON IS NOT MY WIFE, FRODO BAGGYBALLS."  Gandalf bellowed. "(Hic)" Frodo started walking towards Gandalf and Gandalf took off at an unsteady run away from Frodo. He was dragging the horse behind him, and he finally stopped by his cart. "I found you love!" he screamed to one of the fireworks in his cart. "Back off you whore!" he screamed at the horse, and shooed it away. He hopped in the cart with the fireworks, and started kissing and hugging the huge firework.

The unfortunate thing for Gandalf was there was no horse hooked up to the cart, and it was at the top of a large hill. He moved and put the firework on top if him, still kissing it and hugging it. "There is only one way to get you excited? Set you on fire you say?" he asked the firework, and set the fuse on fire. "There that better hunny buns?" he asked.

All the sudden the cart went shooting down the hill, and Gandalf was screaming, "Whoa, you really get excited!"

As Gandalf, the cart, and all the fireworks reached the bottom of the hill, he kissed the large firework saying, "Boy, your getting really hot." And at that point, the firework exploded with Gandalf hugging it. That caused a chain reaction, and all the other fireworks blew up. Now there was no cart, no fireworks, and Gandalf was on the ground, passed out, and burnt and beardless.

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There, that's good for Gandalf…picture him without a beard. Scary, huh? Well, review. It isn't that hard, believe me.

*Cleo*