Disclaimer~I don't really own the little phrase I will use quite often in this chapter, which is 'You want me to kill them for you? Cuz I will.' I got the basic line from Two of a Kind, that old Mary Kate and Ashley show. Mary Kate said 'You want to break something? If you do, I won't tell dad. ::Ashley says no:: Then do you want me to break something for you? Cuz I will'. Sorry, I've seen every episode a million and one times. Just so you know. A/N: Sorry for making you guys wait so long for an update, but I was lazy when I had the chance to update, but now since you can't post or what not, I decided to just type it up so I could update as soon as I get back. I'm going/went on "vacation" to go see my dad in Iowa, the lovely next-door state where I was born. Like you care, but it's early and I couldn't fall back asleep, so.here's your (hopefully) long awaited chapter~ //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// It was around four in the morning when Elijah was being shaken awake by Arwen. "Come on sleepy head, you have to get ready." She said as soon as he opened his eyes a bit. "What the frick? What time is it?" he asked though a yawn "You said a bad word! That isn't nice!" Arwen said, all of a sudden sounding five years old "It's your fault! You woke me up so early! What time is it?" "It's four, and I got you up because daddy told me too!" "Fine, is breakfast ready?" "Yes, it's ready evil hobbit man." Arwen sad then walked out Elijah got dressed then headed towards the dinning hall thing. When h got there, he found everyone already seated and waiting for their breakfast. "Good morning." Elijah said through another yawn. "I see she lied." "About what?" Merry questioned "She told me breakfast was ready." "Oh, she told me that too. Yup! She lied, it'll be about them minuets now." Just then Arwen came out of the kitchen eating some bacon (does anyone else realize people just appear whenever someone's talking about them?) "Morning fellas! And evil hobbit man." Arwen gave Elijah the look of death "Morning spawn of Satan." Elijah said cheerfully, "You lied to me I see." "When? I don't recall." Sounding five again "You told me breakfast was ready, but it's not." "Oh no, I didn't lie, it's ready they just haven't put it out yet!" "I wonder why they're waiting" Sam said "Because she told them to wait, right?" Elijah accused "Yup! That's right! It tastes so much better cold though, trust me." She then walked out cackling madly "Thank god we're leaving her here! I don't think I could stand being with her." Elijah said "You want me to kill her for you? Cuz I will." Sam said hopefully "No, that's alright Sam, you'll have your time to kill, but it's not now." Then the food was brought out and they ate and talked merrily. After breakfast they went to go pack, but Elijah was called to Bilbo's room. "Morning Frodo." Said Bilbo "Good morning Uncle Bilbo." "You're leaving this morning right?" "Sure am!" "Come over here, I want to give you some things for your adventure." "Really? What sorta stuff?" "First of all, you get Sting and my coat of mail. I used both in ~my~ adventure ya know. And don't worry, I washed the mail, so it's clean." "Good! That's important. Is there more?" "Yes there is. These next two are more valuable than the first two." "What are they Uncle?" Bilbo then reached under his bed and pulled out a box. He took two wooden whistles out, they both were different colors, and both had writing on them. "Uncle, those are whistles, how are whistles gonna help me?" He said uncertainly "You see this orange one that says frogs on it?" "Yes" "If you blow into this whistle, the army of evil orange frogs will come to your aid." "Are you serious?!" Elijah shouted, angered by this "And what of the green one?" he added reluctantly "You see how it says monkey's?. "NO! Evil green monkey's are gonna come if I blow it?" "Almost, they aren't evil, they are ~rabid~ green monkey's, there is a difference!" "Where would you even get something like that?" "The dwarfs gave them to me when we parted." "So, let me get this straight, you're giving me an arm of evil orange frogs and an army of rabid green monkey's? Is that right?" "Yes, plus Sting and the mail coat, can't forget those! Now go get ready! I hope my gifts help." "Thank you Uncle Bilbo, I think." Elijah said, then left and went back to his own room. When he walked in, Elijah was surprised to see Sam sitting on his bead. "There you are! What did Bilbo want?" Sam asked him "Nothing, he just wanted to give me some parting gifts. I need to pack now." "I already packed for you. So what did he give you?" Sam asked, pleased with himself "He gave me his sword, Sting, that's all." "That's it? What a cheap bastard! Want me to kill him for you? Cuz I will." "No! no killing anyone of the Fellowship or their friends, ok? Do you understand young man?" "Yes sir, I see." He answered, lowering his head "Good, now let's go see if everyone else is ready." "Alright." Sam answered reluctantly They walked out to find Merry and Pippin walking out of their room at the same time "'Ello!" Merry waved to them "Is it time to leave yet?" Sam asked "Nope! Not yet sweetie! About 10 minutes." Arwen's voice came from down the hall "Oh god! Not *you* again!" Elijah said "Yes, me! Aren't you happy evil hobbit man?" she said, then took a drink from the glass in her hand "No!" "Good! Then I'm doing a good job!" "So, ten minutes huh? You're not lying again are you?" Pippin questioned "Me?! Lie?! Of course not! How dare you!" she answered, then threw her drink on him, "Oops! My bad!" "My new dress! Uh! I've got to change again! Thanks a lot!" Then stormed out "Nice going! Now he's gonna be grumpy all day!" Merry said "It was an accident! It couldn't have been prevented!" Arwen retorted "So Arwen, what exactly *is* it like being the spawn of Satan?" Lij asked "I'm not the spawn of Satan! I'm just opinionated!" "Sure, that's what they all say." "Uh! I don't have to stand here and take this from you ya know!" "I know, you could walk away whenever you wanted." "Exactly!" "Then why are you still here?" "Because I wanted to ask you something, but I'll leave you alone I guess." She said, suddenly looking sad and pathetic like "Oh, I'm sorry, go ahead. You can ask me anything." "Really? Can I ask you *two* questions?" She asked hopefully "Uh.sure. Shoot." "First one: Are you gay? Cuz if you're not, there's still 6 minutes before you go." "Yes! I'm gay! My partner Sam would kill you. I think he wants to right now actually." Elijah said, looking over at the furious Sam, then added, "Remember what I said in the room Sam." "Are you sure you can't make an exception?" Sam asked, fists clenched and face turning red "Well.no! No matter how annoying she is!" "I can hear you ya know!" Arwen said "Yeah yeah. Next question?" "Oh, yeah, that one! Can I please come with you on your adventure? Please?" "No! Guys only!" Sam said "Then why are you and Pippin going?" "That's it!" Sam shouted, then ran towards her At this site, Arwen started to say and Elven chant, and a bunch of foam blocks came falling to the floor, hitting Sam who was stopped in his tracks. After he recovered, he started saying nonsense stuff. "One more out burst or anything like what just happened, I'll make it so your outsides are in and your insides are out! And pain! Lots of pain!" Sam screamed "Ohhhh! I'm shaking" Arwen teased "Are you positive Mr. Frodo?!" Sam pleaded turning to Elijah "Well, let me think about this." Elijah said, "Well, I'm not sure. There **would** be a lot of good that could come out of it." he pondered "She ruined Pip's dress, and she keeps calling you evil and talking like a five year old." Merry said "True, that's all true." Elijah said while deep in thought, then finally decided, "Ok, sure, go ahead Sam, you have my blessing to kill her." Then turning saw that neither Sam nor Arwen were in the hall anymore. A second later the two heard a high-pitched scream and a mad cackling, but they couldn't decipher which sound came from who. Their questions were answered when Sam returned, spork in hand. "I feel so much better now!" Sam said with a grin "You didn't even wait for my answer." Elijah said "I knew you'd agree, so I figured not to delay any longer, I'm sorry if I was wrong." "No, you assumed right. Wait! What's in your hand?! It's a spork! I thought you said you didn't know what a spork was?" Elijah exclaimed "Oh this? This is what you meant? I guess I'm just not use to it being refered to like that. Where'd you learn that word for it?" "What do you usually call it then?" "A Shamopilator of course!" "A Sha.Sha.Shawhatchamacallit?" Elijah asked "Sha-Mop-il-at-or" Merry said slowly ~A/N: It's actually pronounced like this: Shi-mop-ill-ate-er, ok? ( and I'll explain what it is at the end. Back to the story! Sorry, shhhhh!!~ "Whatsever! You killed her with the Shamopilator? How?" Elijah questioned "Yeah, they're very sturdy!" Sam said "No they're not! How is plastic sturdy enough to kill someone?! You make no sense at all!" Elijah was yelling now "Plastic? My Shamopilator is metal. You're scaring me sir." "Metal did you say? Does a metal spork even exist." "Yes, but I have the only one. Its proper name is the Super Special First Metal Shamopilator of the World to be exact." Sam said proudly "OMG!" Elijah said slapping his forehead "Should we be continuing?" Merry asked "We should wait for Pippin." Sam answered Just then Pippin came walking out of the room (wouldn't want to ruin tradition) wearing a cheerleading outfit and looking all perky (AHHHH!! Perkiness! Can't cope!) "Sorry, couldn't pick an outfit, did I miss anything?" "Nope, nothing at all. Let's continue shall we?" Elijah said "Ok! Sounds good to me!" Pippin responded Needless to say, they got on their way alright. They left about a half hour after Arwen's death. //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Hey! Sorry for the long delay! As most of you know, I was in Iowa for 7 weeks! And I got back yesterday!! GO ME! So yeah.feel special! Ok, I told you that I'd tell you what a Shamopilator was at the end of the chapter, right? So here it is: Shamopilator~ A power generated fan. Heehee, I know, nothing like a Spork, which is a handy/useless utensil. Oh, also, I don't own that line~ "I'll make it so your outsides are in and your insides are out. And pain! Lots of pain!" that's from A Knights Tale. Next chapter should be up soon. Bye-D-Bye! ~Peace, Love and LOTR fruitsnacky goodness!~ **Mel**