Ouch my head. Oof. What am I doing here on the ground? Oh my god, I think I fainted! I never faint! What the hell is going on??
Hermione cautiously opened one eye and shut it again. Ok, Granger, get it together. You're dreaming. Stop dreaming now. Giving herself a firm mental shake, she opened both eyes and gasped. Her field of vision completely obscured by a face and two dark mesmerizing eyes, Hermione knew something was not quite right. Yes, definitely, not right.
"This isn't right," she announced with certainty.
"Isn't it?" the face in front of her asked. She watched in fascination as one perfectly smooth lip inched its way upward into a smile. A really toe-curling smile. That apparently belonged to Professor Severus Snape. As she said, something was definitely Not Right.
"You. You look Professor Snape."
The man who looked like Professor Snape raised an eyebrow again - one heck of a sexy sexy habit - and replied, "Well I certainly would hope so! Why wouldn't I?"
"No! No no no no no! This isn't right. You see," she explained hurriedly, "You look like Professor Snape. But you can't be him. Because first of all, you are tan. He is not. Second, he is cynical. You are - ok fine you are but that doesn't count. Third, you smile. Sexily. He does not. So therefore, you cannot be Professor Snape. But you look like him. Which leads me to conclude that you are someone else under Polyjuice Potion. Although I can't imagine who in the world would ever want to be you, so why would someone go through all the effort of making a Polyjuice to look like you if they didn't want to be you? So then... I'm confused."
Not-Really-Professor-Snape-but-still-Dark-and-Sexy looked amused. "This has got to be a first. Hermione Granger speechless, at a loss, and confused. What has this world come to?" Well I knew I'd have to pay up someday, though I didn't expect it to come so soon. Minerva is going to mock me for this for years! Stupid Granger. Damnit, why can't she come up with some smart remark and save me a few good galleons?
"Wow," Hermione said, "You ARE Professor Snape, aren't you?"
"The one and only," the Man-Who-Really-Was-Professor-Snape answered with a smirk.
Another smirk! Damn sexy potions masters have no right to have a sexy smirk.
Hermione thought for a moment. "Oh," she said. "Well at least you admitted it." Who cares anyway? Professor or not, it's summer, you're eighteen, you're having the time of your life, and you're at the beach!!! Make him put those hands to use!
Hermione and Professor Snape sat quietly next to each other in companionable contemplation. Suddenly, she made a grab for the sunscreen.
"Burning up, Ms. Granger?"
Hermione gave him a glare. Screw you too. Double entendres grrrr... She wriggled closer to him. "Something like that, but I'd guess you can fix that easily."
Snape looked slightly taken aback. Bravo Hermione. Not bad for a beginner. He flipped open the top with a flick of his wrist and squirted out a small dollop of the stuff. He opened his hands wide. Stop it Severus. Immediately. Dirty thoughts end now. At least for the next two sentences. "Turn around please."
So she did. Into his lap. Snape sighed. Horny teenagers; no idea what they're getting into. "Hey!" Hermione yelled, "I do too know what I'm doing! So there!" She stuck her tongue out at him and he watched in fascination.
"What're you looking at?"
He shook himself. Down boy down. Heh heh. Must distract her. Oh right, sunscreen. He smoothed the lotion over her arms and she murmured in appreciation. He drew his fingers down her back and she arched lightly into his touch. Not bad at all. Just like playing the piano.
He traced his way across the nape of her neck and she squirmed deliciously.
"Well well, Professor," Hermione grinned, "Forgotten to take off your inflatable-"
He growled. "I think, Ms. Granger, that perhaps, we should ah... continue this elsewhere?"
"Oh jolly good idea, Professor Snape. I was about to suggest the same thing. Where to?"
He rolled his eyes and she giggled.
"Well, there is a small stretch of beach that's off limits to everyone..."
"Fat lot that's going to do us," he snorted.
"Hey hey, don't knock the messenger," Hermione grumbled. Hah more innuendos! "And you didn't even let me finish! It's off limits to everyone but lifeguards. Hypothetically, we're supposed to be capable of taking care of ourselves. Hey!"
Hermione Granger found herself lifted out of her most-comfortable spot in Severus Snape's lap.
Going...going...gone....
There was never a faster disapparation in the history of the wizarding world.
I'm sure I've copied ideas from every single SS/HG story I've read, so my apologies to any author whose stories I mangled. And of course, JKR owns both characters and Harry Potter and just about everything here.
Dibenzoylmethanes are one class of compounds used in sunscreen.