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The following is a fan-based
FICTION
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Chapter 20: A most Italian Trouble
"Should we make some Hayashi for lunch today, fratellone?"
I gave a quick look at Asia and, after thinking about it, nodded. It's been a while since I found enough time and peace to just take a stroll to the grocery shop and browse around for food and other stuff. Asia had tagged along, having been interested in getting ingredients for a few recipes she wanted to try out and I, being the good big brother I was, offered her a budget to buy some ingredients meant only for her to use and experiment with in the kitchen.
The blonde had been so surprised by this, but the big hug she gave me at the end just symbolized how excited she was for this little walk. The girl was making huge progress in her education, with her tutor confirming she was learning at a quick pace due to how interested and invested she was in the subjects she brought to her.
Asia was a clever girl, that much I knew, but to see her being this intellectually-developed was a bit of a wake up call with a subject I had mistaken: her silly behavior in canon was not driven by general stupidity, but by naivety and innocence. She still was that, but she was also learning and advancing despite that. Given how quickly she was learning, it wasn't out of the realm of possibility for her to start delving into healing spells which may assist her Sacred Gear as she started to work as a doctor.
Once we were done paying for the whole cart's content, we proceeded to put these all in bags and make our way back home. It was a pleasant day in Kuoh. The climate was shifting to a hotter one, warming up this side of Japan and allowing for less stress due to cold with just the wind remaining as a lovely cool breeze to enjoy the few times it got too heated all around.
I wasn't expecting anything troublesome to happen at this point but... of course, this is Kuoh Town and there was no reason for peace to last for too long. It was during our return that we ended up gaining the attention of two cloaked individuals. I didn't exactly pay attention to potential 'Stand Users', but perhaps I should have spotted two odd figures shifting around in white-hooded cloaks with green edges.
"This is quite absurd," A voice called. "To think we would have found an heretic here of all possible places."
To me, that sounded like irrelevant, but then I noticed how Asia just stopped in her tracks as her posture stiffened. Eyes wide open, the girl looked to the source of the comment and paled a bit as one of the cloaked figures approached before she removed her hood. Short blue-hair with a single green bang and a pair of yellow eyes- hello Xenovia, aren't you strolling around this side of the world a bit too early than you were meant to?
I thought about the timing and... I think we were actually a few days off from the expected timing she was expected to come by with Irina. Speaking of which, the other girl soon revealed herself, removing her own hood and showing her head too, light-brown hair combed in twin-tails, and a pair of violet eyes.
"X-Xenovia, we are going to get attention onto us-"
"This is the girl that healed a Devil, Irina. This traitor is not someone we should just leave her be."
Sadly for her, she got it all wrong. Very wrong.
"I think you should actually leave her be," I corrected with a cold tone, soon standing between Asia and the Church Duo. "Hello, how may I help you?"
"This is nothing that concerns you-"
"I believe it does concern me a fair bit, signorina," I shot back, narrowing my eyes at Xenovia for that silly attempt to shove me away. "Even more because you attacked my ward out of the blue."
"Your ward? Wait, you are Grigori?"
"Quiet!" I whispered furiously, looking around and reminding the duo this was too public of a place for that sort of words. The girl seemed to pick up that the situation was, as one would expect, not feasible when it came to discussing this openly about the factions. Rather than whispering, I just switched to Italian since no one was going to pick up any of the words there. "And yes, you better have some reason to start something on this side of the world."
"She is a heretic!" Xenovia went back to attack, happily continuing this in Italian. "She is not worthy of being allowed this much freedom, she has tainted the gift God gave to her, like a shallow who-"
The slap that came through surprised both Xenovia and Irina. The blue-haired idiot held the cheek that got struck, the bit swelling and reddening because of the hit.
"Y-You."
"There is no excuse for what you were trying to say. Attacking a young girl because she showed the form of kindness and mercy that Jesus himself would have embraced? And you call yourself believers of God?!"
"She is-"
"I don't want to hear it, camurria(1)!" I interjected, going the extra step and also adding some Sicilian into my Italian. Xenovia did notice and her posture tensed up a bit since, if I have to make a comparison, switching to dialects was the same for angry Americans making use of thick accents during heated debates. "Not only I hear all those minchiate(2) about some heresy and stronzate (3) of how she is somewhat now inferior to anyone here. What I see is a dumbass trying to sound toca(4) with her buddy. Have you no shame?"
Her jaw was hanging low at that rapid rebuttal, her eyes widened with each insult thrown in her direction and... I didn't even linger to see her legitimate reaction as I ultimately decided to bring Asia out of this mess. The blonde was legitimately crying, but it wasn't too severe for her to recover through some promises of helping her cooking and even being around to experiment with her some new recipes. She was still sniffling a bit by the time we were back home and... that dress down wasn't going to be enough.
A greater punishment had to be enforced and... I had an idea. First thing first, I asked Azazel for a specific phone number in Rome and-
"Yes?"
"Apologies, am I talking with Sister Griselda?" I asked in Italian, switching to that language since I knew that would have avoided some troubles regarding language barrier.
"That's me, yes."
"Bukharin speaks, I wish to inquire, as a representative of Grigori, if the Holy See has authorized any aggressive diplomatic operation within Kuoh Town, Japan."
...
"A-Apologies, what?"
"I understand that you may not have much hold over this sort of affairs, however I was contacting as I had the displeasure of meeting who I believe is your daughter, Xenovia Quarta. The girl started to antagonize my ward, Grigori's ward, without any prior provocation. In fact, she was the provoker of an interaction which was less than peaceful," I elaborated calmly. "Signora Quarta, now, I am not one that wishes to question your inclination in educating and disciplining your children, however I find it quite reasonable to believe this is not how you taught Xenovia to behave in important and formal situations."
"It's not, no. And I suppose what you wish for me to do is call her and make sure this mess is... resolved peacefully."
"I don't seek to be some sort of problem-solver. I want her to apologize to someone I consider my sorellina and that your daughter had promptly insulted 'till she was crying. That's not something I can condone, and I can tell this mission these two are involved in demanding a degree of decorum that has been missing up to this point."
"I understand... I will make that call. I wish to apologize for this, my 'daughter' is particularly devout to the Lord's cause."
"That sounds more like she is too involved in it. Which, as nice as that may be, I think we can both agree that too much of something is bad, regardless of the goodness of such a cause."
"Yes. Thank you for contacting me."
"It was a duty, signora. I hope you have a good day."
"Likewise."
I could now see what my mother meant when 'talking with the source of a potential issue is better than talking to the issue itself'. I remember, as a child, how it was a dreadful experience to be 'threatened' with the 'I will call your parents' card. It was pretty much the end of the world at that point as any reason for punishment, if highlighted by a stranger in a careful and quite righteous manner, was quick to gain twice the ferocious development out of my own mother.
While I couldn't say if Griselda was softer or harsher than my own mother when it came to handling 'justice', I could say that this was going to land Xenovia in some hot water regardless of the punishment's intensity. And, as if fate wanted to prove my point, I got a direct development about the case just as we were done preparing dinner at home, with someone ringing at the doorbell and... looking quite defeated as I walked up to check.
"Howdy," I flatly greeted as I stared at a familiar duo.
"I wish to apologize to Asia," Xenovia muttered quietly, looking down at the floor somewhat embarrassed and defeated.
And she did apologize to Asia. One would have expected a bitter and restrained apology, but she let it all out with ease. That's what happens when someone gets subjected to their very pissed on and very ferocious Italian mother. And as they sat, I couldn't help but notice Irina looking a bit too nervous considering her current situation.
"W-What about me, sir?" Irina nervously asked, her left hand rubbing her right arm as she couldn't bear to look at me. "Should I apologize... too?"
"You? Well, I am annoyed but you did not insult anyone nor start a fight. Why would I want to have you punished too?"
"W-What?!" Xenovia angrily yelled/squeaked, causing her friend to flinch. "Why not?"
"As I said, brat, your buddy did not provoke a situation which could have easily escalated in a situation where you would have been pinned as a potential war-monger had you not been punished like this."
The blue-haired girl had the decency to blush and look away at this, knowing that her indignation was not validated by facts and the situation itself. But, as dead God would have wanted, Irina was not devoid of any potential sinning in my direction.
"A-Actually, there's something I have to ask, s-signor Bukharin."
The accentuation on the politeness drew a frown out of me. "What?"
"Y-You see, while we were exploring I kind of... wasted a lot of money on a lovely painting of a saint."
"Don't tell me," I muttered, closing my eyes as I braced for impact. "It was a fake and yet you thought it was authentic."
"It looked authentic-"
"We are in Japan, Irina," Xenovia interjecting quite incensed. "How would a true saintly portrait from Genoa end up in these parts of Japan?"
Finally Xenovia spoke some common sense, which was a lot considering her label as 'power idiot'.
"Still, we need a place to stay-"
"Nope," I ultimately rebuked, not even wasting a neuron to gauge the situation as I wasn't dealing with that shit.
"I-It's not us asking," Irina admitted.
I frowned a bit at that rebuttal, even more when she passed me two letters. One was from Griselda which begged me to go through with this and one from-
"Oh no. Nonononono. NO!"
"Yes!" Azazel rebuked through the phone as I quickly called him back. "I know it's bad, but I need them to be safe and well, so why not put them in the safest place in Kuoh."
"Which is the local bank- Don't put this on me."
"Just for a few days," He assured calmly. "I promised these two were to spend a couple days with you because I will soon trick someone to do some stupid things. It will be glorious."
"...Tell me it's not Kokabiel."
"It's confidential, but yes. And it will be funnier than it sounds, trust me."
"...I don't trust you?"
"Ouch, but... let's just say that it's better for you to be angry at me now rather than later."
...Wait what?
"And with that, I am back to poker- I mean, paperwork. Definitely doing paperwork. Bye!"
I am so siccing Shemhazai at his ass for this and... what did he mean by saying that last bit about me being angry now is good?
Just as I contemplated this confusing bit, I was blissfully unaware that a figure with long white hair and hazel eyes stood over Kuoh's tallest building, smiling in anticipation.
'I am finally here, John~. I hope you are ready for our fated... match~.'
AN
Xenovia and Irina are here, the former got her ass grilled and her cheeks slapped, the latter got a bit bullied for believing a suspicious vendor and buying fake art, and... Yeah, Vali is back. There was a bit of a riot in FFN because people said I was 'forgetting' about her but... jeez people, no chills about that~.
Lastly, I wanted to say I now have a new story in Questionable Questing: Stuck in the Middle with You is also an SI but, this time around, it's a real ride through the Nasuverse with the most beloved Irish pink-haired thot of a queen, the Cheese-hater, she-who-wants-to-fuck-a-lot. Medb-chan ends up with a most wholesome Master that rebuff her charms… while also giving her the chance to drive tanks and use her puppets to led modern operations against some upstart Magus family in Romania trying to use the Holy Grail to their advantage.
Italian/Sicilian Glossary:
1) Camurria (Sicilian): Nuisance;
2) Minchiate (Sicilian/Southern Italian): Plural for Bullshit;
3) Stronzate (Italian): Plural for crap (crass way to address a verbal topic/matter);
4) Toca (Sicilian): Feminine for Cool used in a derisive manner.
P.S. I now have a discord server! Discord .gg/ceBMM2Zz6c
REVIEW Q&A!
Lioreo-Fan: I'm glad my story is helping you through this, and I hope you can find a proper path to recover. I'll be praying for ya.
Guest (Chapter 20): You can find it in Questionable Questing, but since it's in the N. SFW area, you need an account to see it there. I go by the name of 'JBukharin' there.