Disclaimer: I don't own this stuff.

Author's Note: A fair amount of set up this chapter, but I wanted to be able to release something without too much more delay. Happy Thanksgiving, to all those who celebrate it.

Minerva sat down in the dusty old kitchen of Grimmauld Place and sighed to herself as the rest of the Order of the Phoenix slowly trickled in, more than half of them already late for the meeting. She just knew that Albus would be the last to arrive- his needed flair for being fashionably late, as if anything he did was fashionable to people with decency or taste.

Sirius Black took the seat across the table from her and she raised an eyebrow at him. "How is Harry doing, Sirius?"

"He's off to France tomorrow, so I imagine he's packing," the old mutt answered. "I'm thinking of swinging by to visit around the time they hit the French Riviera. You know what they say about Veela and topless beaches."

"You're such a filthy reprobate that I'm surprised you haven't been a worse influence over your godson," she snorted.

"Thanks, Minnie," he grinned. "That's one of the nicest things you've ever said to me. As for Harry, he's sadly far too committed to those twins of his. On the one hand, I can understand because it is identical twins, but on the other hand I wish he hadn't followed James' lead in getting hooked from first year on."

Dumbledore appeared in a burst of fire as Fawkes dropped him onto the floor at the far end of the table. He groaned as he climbed to his feet. "I was not going to be too late, you silly bird!"

An angry squawk was the response before the phoenix disappeared.

As the headmaster got to his seat, the door slammed open when Snape stormed in, cape billowing behind him and sneering as always.

Dumbledore clapped his hands. "Wonderful Severus! Stand back up please."

"What?" Snape raised his eyebrows in disbelief but did as he was asked.

"Yes, now do a little turn."

"A turn?"

"Yes, do a little turn and stride out of the room."

"But-"

"Severus!" Dumbledore's voice became deep and angry and the put upon man finally did so. "Yes, now you can come back in."

Sirius and Lupin were chuckling as Snape returned, robes still billowing but his usual sneer replaced by an unamused grimace.

"Isn't that remarkable?" Dumbledore said to his old friend Dedalus Diggle with a smile. "I never have been able to get my robes to twirl and billow like that."

Minerva exhaled and let a few snickers pass before she stood up to take control of the room. "Alright, everyone, it's time for a status report. Nymphadora?"

"Yes, Professor McGonagall!" The young auror leapt out of her seat, banging her knee against the table. "Um, we've been trying to talk to people at work, trying to get them to listen about you-know-who, but-"

"But they're all a bunch of cowards and idiots!" Mad-Eye cut in.

"Business as usual then?" Sirius snorted.

"Quite," Minerva frowned. "Sni- Severus, any news from the other camp?"

If he noticed her slip at almost calling him his least favorite nickname, he hid it well as he stood and swooped around the room. "The Dark Lord is plotting. Always plotting. He seems to be trying to come up with a way to kill Harry Potter."

"So, it's Tuesday, then?" Sirius scoffed.

"What does that mean, Black?"

"It means, Snivvy, that anyone could have told me that," Sirius waved a dismissive hand. "You're as useless as a spy as you are at everything else."

"How dare you!" Snape drew his wand before Minerva let out a loud blast from her own wand.

"Sit down, boys, or I will tan your hides." Once the two rivals did as she commanded, she turned back to the room at large. "Do we have any important news?"

"Well, I did come up with a new guard duty rotation schedule," Arthur Weasley offered up. "We don't want you-know-who getting his hands on the you-know-what."

"Or, we could stop wasting time with that since it's pointless," Minerva countered.

"Come now, Minerva," Albus argued. "Guard duty may not be as exciting as some things, but it does have its uses."

"Do you actually know any Unspeakables, Albus?"

"They won't let me play with any of their wonderful magic," the headmaster pouted as he slumped back in his chair. "They're all a bunch of mean old poopyheads."

"I do know one, and I found out that the only danger of the prophecy is if Tom Riddle himself walked into the ministry to retrieve it," she stated. "I don't think that's very likely. Do any of you?"

"That wouldn't be very smart," Tonks muttered.

"Exactly," Minerva nodded. "Let's put aside guard duty and get back to trying to recruit allies and persuade people of the truth."

Sirius sighed and whispered to Remus. "I wish I was going to France with Harry."

A few days later in France...

Harry grabbed his sunglasses before he followed his honeys as they walked down the path to the private beach. Between Parvati, Padma, and Fleur, he wasn't sure which of them to watch, but he was definitely smart enough to walk in the rear so he could have a great view whichever way his eyes might wander.

"You know what would make this even better?" he asked.

"What?" Padma replied.

"If it were a topless beach."

Fleur giggled. "But 'Arry, it is our private beach. Don't you know what zat means? It can be a topless beach if we wish for it to be so."

"Cool..."

Priya Patil snorted as she walked next to Harry. "Thinking like that is why I am coming along to chaperone."

They reached the sandy coast a couple of minutes later and started to spread out beach towels while Priya conjured up a chair to lounge in. As the twins sat down on either side of Harry, Fleur stood in front of them and toyed with the strings of her bikini top.

"What do you think, girls? Should we give 'Arry a show?"

On his left side, Parvati giggled while Harry nodded his head vigorously. Padma flicked his ear. "Maybe we should make him be a good boy first if he wants to earn a treat like that."

"How so?" Harry asked.

His brainy honey came up with another brilliant idea then- she pulled a bottle of sunscreen out of her bag. "We don't want to get sunburns, do we?"

"Awesome." Harry took the bottle with a lecherous grin and looked around. "Who first?"

"Do Fleur," Parvati suggested. "She's the palest of us."

"I appreciate ze consideration," the Veela smiled as she sat down in front of Harry and pulled her hair up into a bun. "Be sure not to miss any spots."

"It's good to be me," Harry sighed as he got to work.

Eventually all of his honeys were protected from sunburns and Harry too had received a nice little massage as his back and shoulders were covered by the twins.

Fleur had conjured a lounger to stretch out on and brought out a book to read.

Even if he wanted to, Harry wouldn't have been able to stop himself from staring at her. "So, uh, how about that topless beach idea?"

Parvati giggled at his suggestion. "That was really smooth, Harry."

Padma was rolling her eyes at him. "Didn't you see enough last night?"

Their mum sighed. "Girls, I really don't want to know what you get up to at night. It will only make it harder for me to deny everything to your father."

"Sorry, mum," Padma replied.

"Despite 'is clumsy manner, 'Arry does have a good idea," Fleur said as she removed her bikini top. "We don't want any unseemly tan lines. Do we?" She raised an eyebrow with her last question and stared at the twins with a teasing little smirk.

"Ooh, yeah," Harry muttered, blatantly gawking at the Veela.

"It's a good thing he won't be needing his brain any time soon," Padma snickered.

Parvati stared back at Fleur and nodded to herself before she also removed her top. "It is a good idea, isn't it?"

Harry's head swiveled so fast that his neck popped as he turned to her. "Uh huh."

On his other side, Padma shrugged and joined in. "Fine, let's just completely break him."

Harry gurgled briefly. Hormones over wrote brain to mush.

"If you're all going to be like that," Priya interrupted them and removed her own top too. "Then, I may as well do the same."

Parvati giggled as Harry's eyes went wide open.

"B- boobies!"

One could probably forgive his lack of decorum when you considered the fact that Priya Patil was a very, very busty woman.

Padma didn't though as she slapped him on the back of his head. "Don't perv off on our mum!"

It was just barely enough to reboot Harry's brain to make him stop staring.

"Go cool off in the water," Padma told him.

Parvati was still giggling as he did so, although that could have been in part due to the obvious reaction poking his swim trunks out.

Padma turned back to her mum and glared. "Was that really necessary?"

"I have one year and twenty eight days before I turn forty," Priya explained. "I will do what I must to make sure neither of you girls makes me a grandmother before then."

"I wouldn't be that irresponsible," Padma protested. "Before I even finish school? Can't you give me more credit than that, mum? Back me up, sis."

Parvati flushed and kept staring out at the water.

"You didn't!" Padma gasped.

"What? No, I'm not pregnant," Parvati threw up her hands. "But I did forget the charm once. Everything was okay though. Harry never misses a day."

"Zat's good of 'im," Fleur said. "We may not always give 'Arry enough credit. Besides, I think your mother was just trying to cool things off by making you mad at 'im for looking at 'er. You should not 'old zat against 'Arry. I'm very impressed as well. Your mother is very sexy."

Parvati turned and glared at her. "I will never forgive you if you try to seduce our mum."

Fleur laughed. "You are missing my point. As much as I 'ave come to appreciate 'is talents, 'Arry is still only a male. Zey are such simple creatures compared to us. Think of 'is behavior and answer, isn't 'e a loyal boyfriend?"

"He is," Parvati answered with a sigh. "He's had tons of girls flirt with him over the last few years but he never really encourages it with any of them. Well, not until you, anyway."

Fleur smiled. "But I only went after 'Arry once I 'ad received ze attention of you two first."

"Let's go make up with him," Padma suggested. "I can't even be mad at him, really. But, please mum, don't do that."

Parvati giggled and watched her sister run out into the water. "You know, mum, I'm still hoping I might grow a bit more. How long did you keep... um, you know, developing like that?"

"Other than pregnancy, I've been roughly the same size since I was sixteen," Priya answered. "But they have their drawbacks too. At least we have charms to help with comfort."

"I wouldn't worry too much," Fleur suggested. "I 'ave seen 'ow 'Arry watches all of us. You keep just as much of 'is attention as I do."

"Considering you look like a model, I'll take it," Parvati grinned as she stood up. "Mum, you may want to avert your eyes. I'm going to go maul Harry."

Priya sighed as she ran off. "It is hard watching your children become adults. My son was much more circumspect about things."

"At least zey 'ave good taste," Fleur smiled.

"I don't want to know about whatever you get up to with them either," Priya snorted. "I'm surrounded by deviants."

Fleur laughed and was about to go back to reading. But first, she lowered her sunglasses briefly. "Speaking of which, you and your 'usband forgot ze silencing charms last night."

Back in Jolly Old England, the Dursleys were having a much less enjoyable summer.

Namely because their home was invaded one evening by two creatures of darkness and misery.

Well, two others that is- and these were different because they floated.

Gabriel had just finished slurping up the tallest one when he asked Uriel, "Are we sure this is the right house?"

Uriel gulped down his meal and replied, "I think so. Let me check the paperwork."

"Can I have the other fat one then?" Gabriel asked. "This one didn't feel very filling at all."

"I know," Uriel moaned. "I've had better meals even when we were eating those things that flopped up on the shore. What were those called?"

"I don't remember, but it was some type of fish," Gabriel replied. "They gave me a horrible after taste. I swear, it was like I was burping up fish for a week. Not even chocolate helped."

Uriel reached into his tattered robe and pulled out a sheet or parchment and read it over. "Yes, this is it. Number four, Privet Drive. I remember, because I thought they were having us on- as if it was supposed to be Private Drive only they misspelled it."

"Wouldn't be the first time some bureaucrat mixed things up," Gabriel agreed as he floated over to the whimpering human. "What is that thing on his lip called? I don't like it when they have those. I'm always worried I'll get hair in my maw."

"That's why you can have that one," Uriel chuckled. As Gabriel began feasting on the last muggle, Uriel kept on reading. "Hang on a minute- there's supposed to be four of them living here. I only count three."

A moment later, Gabriel burped as he finished his meal. "Oh, yes, this one was much richer. Now, what's this all about?"

Uriel floated over to him and showed him the parchment. "The priority target was Harry Potter. Why does that name sound familiar?"

"Should we go back home and ask Steve?" Gabriel wondered.

"Not it!" Uriel answered quickly.

"Oh, damn it, that is not cool," Gabriel huffed. "Fine, let's go then. This place is so drab and ugly, it's making me homesick anyway."

When they returned to Azkaban, their boss was not happy.

"WHO ORDERED THIS?" the Almighty Steve roared as he snatched the parchment out of Gabriel's hand. "Do you fools not remember when I warned you that a new Slayer had appeared?"

"I knew that name sounded familiar," Uriel replied quietly.

"She had the proper paperwork though, boss," Gabriel said.

Steve scanned down to the bottom of the sheet. "Dolores Umbridge."

"Umbridge, yeah, that sounds right," Gabriel agreed.

"I will handle this," Steve said. "The two of you will come with me to make sure we find the right witch. And I will leave a reminder to the magical world that they cannot take advantage of our powers for their personal vendettas."

The next day, Umbridge was found after having her soul devoured, her tiny, shriveled, blackened heart ripped out of her chest, and her body then dragged into the middle of the atrium at the Ministry of Magic by two Dementors, with the paperwork ordering her attempted assassination of Harry Potter left pinned to her blouse.

The Almighty Steve went back to Azkaban and rubbed at his very full belly. The toad like woman had been the most deliciously nasty soul he'd eaten in decades.

It took several weeks before anyone discovered the change in the Dursleys, and that was merely that Dudley was finally behaving himself at school. Otherwise, life seemed spectacularly normal in Little Whinging.

Even when he briefly stopped back by to get his things and hit the gym one last time, Harry didn't notice anything strange, other than his relatives being slightly less annoying.

"Hey, dude," he said when he swung by Thicc Daddy's the next day.

"Welcome, Harry," Thanos replied as he sat behind his desk. "I was quite pleased when I saw your showing during the final task of that competition you were in."

"You saw that? How?"

Thanos lifted up his gloved hand and smirked.

"Did you get another one? It looks like it's almost fully pimped out."

The Thicc Daddy chuckled. "Yes, the Mind Gem was my most recent acquisition. Along with Power, Reality, Time, and Space- now all I need is Soul to complete the set."

"Congrats, dude!"

"Between all of the powers they grant me, it was no difficulty for me to peer in on your performance," Thanos said. "Even after the concussion, you did well."

"Thanks," Harry replied.

"Your Ivan Drago impression could use a little work," Thanos said. "The fact that you could remember the quote after such a blow to the head was good though."

"It might help if I actually spoke Russian too," Harry suggested.

"It does seem like a rather masculine language to me," Thanos stroked his chin and nodded. "Plus, you never know when you'll come up against some Russian mobsters that you need to kill. Look at the gem for just a moment."

Thanos snapped his fingers and grinned. "Теперь ты можешь говорить по-русски."

"да," Harry replied. "Cпасибо."

"You're welcome," Thanos chuckled. "Smiting your foe so magnificently deserved a reward."

"Well, I didn't get a chance to finish him, but I thought a back breaker was a good step," Harry shrugged.

"You will get another chance to kill your enemy," Thanos said. "Perhaps more than one."

"Huh?"

"Something to ponder over later," Thanos waved it off.

"Right," Harry agreed. "So, just the Soul Gem left? What's that one do exactly?"

"Plenty of things," Thanos chuckled. "But I doubt you'll get around to studying soul magic anytime soon. We'll discuss it more in the future."

"Okay."

"But, I do have one thing to warn you about," Thanos added. "This year at school you will have new challenges, and I hope you will put into motion the things you have learned here. But, if you have questions," he reached into a desk drawer and pulled out what looked to Harry like some sort of headset. "Put that on and say my name if you need to discuss anything important."

"Like lifting?"

"Exactly, my young bro."

Cornelius Fudge was having a very bad summer. Dolores had done something terrible and foolish, leaving the Dementors angry and the Wizengamot up in arms. Thankfully, he could honestly say that he had no idea what she had done, but he was now stuck as he had been planning on sending her to Hogwarts to make sure that strange old fool Dumbledore wasn't up to something.

Now, who could he send?

An assistant came in and left a stack of paperwork on his desk, briefly drawing Cornelius' attention. "Weatherby, wasn't it?"

"It's Weasley, sir," the young man corrected him. "Percy Weasley, Minister Fudge. Can I do anything else for you?"

"A Weasley, of course," Fudge said. "I should have known by the hair. Well now, you must have been at Hogwarts not too long ago. Am I right?"

"Yes, sir," Percy agreed. "I was Head Boy two years ago."

"Excellent, excellent," Cornelius said with a smile. "I assume that you took Defense Against the Dark Arts?"

Percy shuffled a bit but nodded. "It wasn't my best subject, but I did Exceed Expectations on my NEWT."

"Wonderful!" Fudge pulled out a piece of parchment and made a quick correction. "Then you won't have forgotten too much since it was so recent. I need someone I can trust to make sure nothing fishy is going on at Hogwarts this year."

"Fishy how, sir?"

"I don't trust Dumbledore," the minister answered with a scowl. "There's always something off about him, and now this business with the supposed return of he-who-must-not-be-named, well... I just won't have it! So, I'm going to appoint you to the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. Unofficially, I also want you to keep your eyes open and see how the rest of the school is doing. The other professors, anything major the students may be getting up to, especially in large groups, and whatever else may catch your eye. Can I count on you, Weasley?"

"Of course, sir!"

"Then congratulations on your new assignment." Fudge sat back with a grin.

Nothing could compare to the horrible summer that Daphne Greengrass was having.

Somehow, that greasy, sneering idiot Snape had passed her over when handing out the badges for prefects.

As if any of the other girls could possibly compare to her? Ha! She was brilliant, beautiful, powerful, devious, and she had a flawless disciplinary record. Did that moron not understand how hard she had worked to become the Ice Queen of Slytherin as a fourth year?

Even worse, he had given the badge to Parkinson. It was so incredibly obvious that she had been chosen only because her father was a Death Eater. The same went for Malfoy too, who was a preening buffoon on his best days and a simpering whiny brat at his worst.

Nepotism was one of the worst parts of the magical world- especially when Daphne couldn't benefit from it. This absolutely would not do.

In fact, she may have to do something drastic. Therefore, she sat down at her desk and began to plot. Whatever it was, whatever it took...

She would have her revenge!