Author's Note: I hate Chi Chi. I hate Bulma. And I just saw Picollo during the whole Frieza bullshit, and decided he need to die as well. This is what I do when I hate things. Enjoy : ) My own time line, Gohan is like 16, and Yamcha and those all other fucking annoying characters are dead and nonexistent.
It started out an average day in Chi Chi's home. Gohan and Goku woke up early, hoping to escape Chi Chi's embarrassing hysterics, but alas, not even two Super Saiyan-jins were quick enough. She ran to them, clinging tightly as they attempted to leave, dragging them down. The other two fighters were also up, and Vegeta began to cackle as Master Roshi attempted to keep a straight face, failing miserably.
"DON'T GO GOHAN! DON'T LEAVE MOMMIE'S SIDE! GOKU! PLEASE DON'T TALK HIM AWAY FROM ME!" She sobbed, resembling a mental patient in need of some serious anti-psychotics.
She continued like this for an hour, ranting and raving not allowing Goku or Gohan to get a word in. Meanwhile Master Roshi and Vegeta were on the ground crying and laughing so hard their faces were as bright as tomatoes. Goku sighed and listened patiently, clenching his fists, planning what exactly he and Vegeta were going to do tonight. Gohan was busily plotting his mother's violent death.
"HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME AGAIN?!" She screamed so high pitched that forst animals were running in terror.
"Chi Chi, we're out of milk, and Gohan wants to train with Krillin. We'll be back in two hours!" He said, gritting his teeth. She looked embarrassed briefly, then mumbled something that sounded like an okay.
"TWO HOURS?! I CAN'T WORK UNDER THAT KIND OF PRESSURE!?" Gohan cried, then glared at his laughing father.
As the four left for town, Goku talked to his dad.
"What did you ever see in her Dad?"
"Well son, she was different when we were kids."
"So you had no idea what marriage was?"
"Not a damn clue. Don't worry though, Saiyan-jins live longer than humans. She'll be gone eventually, and then maybe we'll all miss her."
"Uh… right. Let's just go pick up Krillin, hit the dealers up, and get some fucking milk."
They all laughed at the thought of someone missing Chi Chi, Gohan's allusion the milk, then headed for town.
In The Bathtub:
Chi Chi hummed along to Britney Spears, washing herself thoroughly, fearing the day when Gohan was old enough to wash himself without her present. (AN yes, I realize she's sick and Gohan is far too old, that's the whole point SHE'S SICK!) He was usually off at Krillin's house, where he claimed he and Krillin bathed together. Yes, Krillin took good care of her boy. Always hugging him after a training exercise.... She had to beg him get into the tub at home however, and for some reason he always insisted she get in first. And now that she thought about it, he did accidently drop that damn hairdryer in the tub a lot. Of course, Goku was always there, with a smile, to save her just in time. But lately he was arriving to save her from death later and later. Strange.
She stepped out of the tub, slipped on the tiles, and bashed her head against the hard floor. Pained flared inside of her head, shooting down. Blood gushed out of her deep wound, and she saw stars. Everything faded into blackness.
An Hour Later:
Chi Chi heard the door slam shut and sat up.
"GOOOHAN! VEEEEEEEEEGEEEEEEEEETAAAAAA?! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS?!" Bulma screamed, rushing around the apartment.
Chi Chi stood up slowly pain beating her head in. She walked into the living room and ran into an angry Bulma. Bulma glared at Chi Chi (Because let's face, Bulma is an angry chicken shit bitch) and hissed because she could.
"WHERE THE HELL IS VEGETA?! I FOUND THIS IN HIS CLOTHES HAMPER, AND IT'S STAINED WITH… WITH… THIS WHITE STUFF!" Chi Chi tried to listen to the ranting, not much of it made sense. Bulma shoved the boxers in her face, and Chi Chi read the label.
"So Goku and Vegeta switched boxers? What's your point? Can I get some help here?" Chi Chi asked, moaning as her head almost caved in. Bulma glared at Chi Chi.
"OH FINE! But when I find Vegeta I'm gonna murder him!" Bulma said as Chi Chi handed Bulma the phone so she could dial 911.
"Of fuck that, I already tried his cell phone." she said, throwing the phone at Chi Chi, bouncing it off her damaged head.
"Ohhhhhh myyyyy heeeaddddd." Chi Chi wailed, sobbing and flailing about like a bird on cocaine.
"OH FINE HERE!" Bulma said, reaching into her purse and handing the idiotic girl a Pokemon bandaid. As she handed it to her she 'accidently' tripped Chi Chi. Chi Chi fell forward down the stairs that magically appeared there because I said so, landing at the bottom where an angry Picollo (because he's always angry) came in through the front door. He pulled out his improved spray bottle of mace, and sprayed it in her eyes, instantly blinding her.
"That worked well." He said, calling for Bulma.
"Come on honey, we gotta go." Bulma raced down the stairs embracing him (Yes, I know he's A Sexual, and let's face it, we all wished Bulma had been too) as they walked out to her car. They got in, and just as the Z Gang walked up to the drive way, something technical that I don't care to explain happened in the engine and the car exploded in a fiery whoosh.
"Was that Bulma and Picollo?" Vegeta asked, staring at the flaming vehicle, or what was left.
"Yeah, I think so." Goku said, sighing.
"Hey Goku." Vegeta asks, purring into Goku's ear nibbling on it slightly.
"Yes Vegeta?" Goku said, grinning ear to ear.
"Do you by any chance have any marshmallows?"
"Ohhhhhh marshmallows." The entire Z Gang said.
An Hour Later:
The Z gang sits in various positions, toasting marshmallows around the flaming remains of the car. Goku's head is busily bobbing in Vegeta's lap, and Krillin and Gohan…well… let's just say they're swapping fluid. Master Roshi is wondering what he ever saw in Bulma while smoking his joint, and the entire gang is happy. It's right then that Chi Chi wakes up, crawls out the door that Picollo and Bulma left open, and walks out blindly.
"Goku, is that you? Can you help me please?" Chi Chi whimpers, blinded by Picollo's mace. (Let's face it, when Picollo gets in a battle, he gets beat down. HE NEEDED THAT MACE!)
Goku lifts his head from Vegeta's lap, and Vegeta moans slightly.
"Goku, you really need to start finishing what you start." Vegeta moans, and before he pushes Goku's head back into his lap, Goku looks at Chi Chi briefly.
"Sorry honey, Vegeta and I are training." Chi Chi then collapses onto the ground, unconscious.
Krillin, parting from a happy Gohan, walks to Chi Chi and beats her senseless. She now has broken ribs, and is bleeding from a few orifices. The gang watch, fascinated.
"I never liked that bitch." Krillin said matter of fact, returning to Gohan's arms. Everyone began to giggle.
"So what are we gonna do with Chi Chi's 'medicine'?' Vegeta asks, already knowing the answer.
The gang fell asleep to the sound of Chi Chi's sobs, and their own stoned laughter. Sometime in the middle of the night Chi Chi crawled off into the forest, where she was eaten alive by wild animals. And the Z gang lived happily ever after.
The End!
It started out an average day in Chi Chi's home. Gohan and Goku woke up early, hoping to escape Chi Chi's embarrassing hysterics, but alas, not even two Super Saiyan-jins were quick enough. She ran to them, clinging tightly as they attempted to leave, dragging them down. The other two fighters were also up, and Vegeta began to cackle as Master Roshi attempted to keep a straight face, failing miserably.
"DON'T GO GOHAN! DON'T LEAVE MOMMIE'S SIDE! GOKU! PLEASE DON'T TALK HIM AWAY FROM ME!" She sobbed, resembling a mental patient in need of some serious anti-psychotics.
She continued like this for an hour, ranting and raving not allowing Goku or Gohan to get a word in. Meanwhile Master Roshi and Vegeta were on the ground crying and laughing so hard their faces were as bright as tomatoes. Goku sighed and listened patiently, clenching his fists, planning what exactly he and Vegeta were going to do tonight. Gohan was busily plotting his mother's violent death.
"HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME AGAIN?!" She screamed so high pitched that forst animals were running in terror.
"Chi Chi, we're out of milk, and Gohan wants to train with Krillin. We'll be back in two hours!" He said, gritting his teeth. She looked embarrassed briefly, then mumbled something that sounded like an okay.
"TWO HOURS?! I CAN'T WORK UNDER THAT KIND OF PRESSURE!?" Gohan cried, then glared at his laughing father.
As the four left for town, Goku talked to his dad.
"What did you ever see in her Dad?"
"Well son, she was different when we were kids."
"So you had no idea what marriage was?"
"Not a damn clue. Don't worry though, Saiyan-jins live longer than humans. She'll be gone eventually, and then maybe we'll all miss her."
"Uh… right. Let's just go pick up Krillin, hit the dealers up, and get some fucking milk."
They all laughed at the thought of someone missing Chi Chi, Gohan's allusion the milk, then headed for town.
In The Bathtub:
Chi Chi hummed along to Britney Spears, washing herself thoroughly, fearing the day when Gohan was old enough to wash himself without her present. (AN yes, I realize she's sick and Gohan is far too old, that's the whole point SHE'S SICK!) He was usually off at Krillin's house, where he claimed he and Krillin bathed together. Yes, Krillin took good care of her boy. Always hugging him after a training exercise.... She had to beg him get into the tub at home however, and for some reason he always insisted she get in first. And now that she thought about it, he did accidently drop that damn hairdryer in the tub a lot. Of course, Goku was always there, with a smile, to save her just in time. But lately he was arriving to save her from death later and later. Strange.
She stepped out of the tub, slipped on the tiles, and bashed her head against the hard floor. Pained flared inside of her head, shooting down. Blood gushed out of her deep wound, and she saw stars. Everything faded into blackness.
An Hour Later:
Chi Chi heard the door slam shut and sat up.
"GOOOHAN! VEEEEEEEEEGEEEEEEEEETAAAAAA?! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS?!" Bulma screamed, rushing around the apartment.
Chi Chi stood up slowly pain beating her head in. She walked into the living room and ran into an angry Bulma. Bulma glared at Chi Chi (Because let's face, Bulma is an angry chicken shit bitch) and hissed because she could.
"WHERE THE HELL IS VEGETA?! I FOUND THIS IN HIS CLOTHES HAMPER, AND IT'S STAINED WITH… WITH… THIS WHITE STUFF!" Chi Chi tried to listen to the ranting, not much of it made sense. Bulma shoved the boxers in her face, and Chi Chi read the label.
"So Goku and Vegeta switched boxers? What's your point? Can I get some help here?" Chi Chi asked, moaning as her head almost caved in. Bulma glared at Chi Chi.
"OH FINE! But when I find Vegeta I'm gonna murder him!" Bulma said as Chi Chi handed Bulma the phone so she could dial 911.
"Of fuck that, I already tried his cell phone." she said, throwing the phone at Chi Chi, bouncing it off her damaged head.
"Ohhhhhh myyyyy heeeaddddd." Chi Chi wailed, sobbing and flailing about like a bird on cocaine.
"OH FINE HERE!" Bulma said, reaching into her purse and handing the idiotic girl a Pokemon bandaid. As she handed it to her she 'accidently' tripped Chi Chi. Chi Chi fell forward down the stairs that magically appeared there because I said so, landing at the bottom where an angry Picollo (because he's always angry) came in through the front door. He pulled out his improved spray bottle of mace, and sprayed it in her eyes, instantly blinding her.
"That worked well." He said, calling for Bulma.
"Come on honey, we gotta go." Bulma raced down the stairs embracing him (Yes, I know he's A Sexual, and let's face it, we all wished Bulma had been too) as they walked out to her car. They got in, and just as the Z Gang walked up to the drive way, something technical that I don't care to explain happened in the engine and the car exploded in a fiery whoosh.
"Was that Bulma and Picollo?" Vegeta asked, staring at the flaming vehicle, or what was left.
"Yeah, I think so." Goku said, sighing.
"Hey Goku." Vegeta asks, purring into Goku's ear nibbling on it slightly.
"Yes Vegeta?" Goku said, grinning ear to ear.
"Do you by any chance have any marshmallows?"
"Ohhhhhh marshmallows." The entire Z Gang said.
An Hour Later:
The Z gang sits in various positions, toasting marshmallows around the flaming remains of the car. Goku's head is busily bobbing in Vegeta's lap, and Krillin and Gohan…well… let's just say they're swapping fluid. Master Roshi is wondering what he ever saw in Bulma while smoking his joint, and the entire gang is happy. It's right then that Chi Chi wakes up, crawls out the door that Picollo and Bulma left open, and walks out blindly.
"Goku, is that you? Can you help me please?" Chi Chi whimpers, blinded by Picollo's mace. (Let's face it, when Picollo gets in a battle, he gets beat down. HE NEEDED THAT MACE!)
Goku lifts his head from Vegeta's lap, and Vegeta moans slightly.
"Goku, you really need to start finishing what you start." Vegeta moans, and before he pushes Goku's head back into his lap, Goku looks at Chi Chi briefly.
"Sorry honey, Vegeta and I are training." Chi Chi then collapses onto the ground, unconscious.
Krillin, parting from a happy Gohan, walks to Chi Chi and beats her senseless. She now has broken ribs, and is bleeding from a few orifices. The gang watch, fascinated.
"I never liked that bitch." Krillin said matter of fact, returning to Gohan's arms. Everyone began to giggle.
"So what are we gonna do with Chi Chi's 'medicine'?' Vegeta asks, already knowing the answer.
The gang fell asleep to the sound of Chi Chi's sobs, and their own stoned laughter. Sometime in the middle of the night Chi Chi crawled off into the forest, where she was eaten alive by wild animals. And the Z gang lived happily ever after.
The End!