Chapter 9 - Padfoot's Advice

Finally, after a week of waiting, the students from Christmas break returned. Harry felt half and half on this one. He was happy that his friends were returning, but that would mean that he would have to go back to his original ways of hiding from Hermione. He waited in the dormitories until Ron made his way up. He looked extremely delighted to see Harry.

"Hello Harry," huffed Ron, stressfully dragging his trunk up the stairs.

"Hi Ron. How was the vacation?"

"It was ok I guess. The only exciting thing about it was Mr. And Mrs. Granger's generosity. I was a little fascinated with some of their Muggle things," said Ron dragging his trunk at the foot of the bed where it belonged. He sat down on his bed to the side of Harry's.

"Harry," Ron said, "I was surprised at Hermione's reaction when her parents asked her why you hadn't come."

"What did she say Ron?" asked Harry, looking a bit scorn.

"She told them that she wasn't talking to you! I was ready to say something, but I didn't want to be rude to her in front of her parents. I mean, it's not her that's not talking to you. You're out of her life right?"

"Right," said Harry feeling upset. He was actually considering breaking his promise and making peace with Hermione and to accept her crush for another wizard. After hearing what Hermione just said, he quickly changed his mind.

***

The month of January and first part of February went as the "normal" day for Harry. He tried extra hard not to even catch Hermione's profile, however, he did find himself walking aisles where Hermione usually walked with Ron. Hiding in one of the corners of the hall, he caught a glimpse of Hermione. Immediately, all his hatred for her seemed to fade away. She looked just how Harry had pictured her. She had her arms crossed holding books firmly against her chest and her bushy hair seemed to look beautiful, despite the way it was sticking out everywhere and looked like it hadn't been brushed in ages. Harry shook the thought from his mind and went to his class.

As quickly as the day Harry had asked Hermione to the Valentines ball, the Valentines Ball had arrived. The boys in the boys' dormitories got dressed excitedly, all of them talking about their dates. When they had finished, they all walked downstairs into the common room. Ron on the other hand, watched Harry, who was still in his normal clothes, sorrowfully as he polished his Firebolt handle. Ron decided to at least try.

"Harry," he asked, knowing what the answer would be, "are you coming to the Ball?"

"Nope," Harry simply put, not even looking up at him but continued to polish his broomstick handle.

"Come on Harry," Ron begged. "Don't tell me that you're going to stay up here till midnight doing absolutely nothing."

"Ok," said Harry cooly, "I won't." Ron sighed exasperatedly. He wasn't going to give up.

"At least come down and see what you're missing then. Then you can come back up here."

To his surprise, he didn't need to push Harry any futher.

"Ok Ron," said Harry standing up, "but I'm wearing my invisibility cloak."

Ron and Harry, who was now under his invisibility cloak, walked out of the common and down to the Great Hall. The doors were wide open and they both peered inside. The four house tables were gone as usual, like with any Ball that they had. The Hall was decorated with colors of red and pink. There were hearts all around the room and the words "Happy Valentine's Day" danced playfully above their heads. All the girls seemed to giggle with joy at the way the Hall was decorated. The boys, on the other hand, looked very disgusted and displeased. Ron tried to show Harry that he wasn't feeling the same way the other boys were, even though he felt like throwing up.

"Where are you Harry?" whispered Ron.

"Right here," said a voice from his left.

"Nice isn't it Harry?" said Ron softly in a resentful way to Harry under his invisibility cloak.

"I guess so," said Harry, looking at all the decorations. For an instant moment, he felt like actually attending. Ron kind of felt his happiness.

"So you'll stay?" asked Ron, hopeful that his plan had worked.

"I said I would come down to look at everything," said Harry, "I didn't say that I was going to stay."

Ron slouched over in disappointment. It was no use arguing with Harry.

"All right Harry," said Ron shrugging. "But if you change your mind, you know where everyone is."

"Right," said Harry. "And Ron?"

"Yeah Harry?"

"Could you…um…find out who Hermione attends with? I'm just curious."

"Sure Harry," answered Ron and he walked into the Hall, leaving Harry behind.

Harry had never felt so frustrated in his life. He could've of easily been attending with Ron and all of his friends with a chance to get maybe at lest one dance with Hermione. But Hermione HAD to say no and mess everything up. Harry sighed miserably, telling himself that it wasn't her fault.

Harry walked sadly back to the common room still under his invisibility cloak. He crept slowly through the portrait hole and closed it quietly behind him. It was lucky that he did it stealthy because he saw a silhouette of someone sitting on the couch. It was Hermione. She was sitting casually and staring blankly into the fire. Harry wanted to dive for cover, but realized that he was still under his invisibility cloak. He tiptoed behind her and fought the urge to look at Hermione. He was curious what she would be wearing to the Ball but agreed with himself to not even bother looking.

"What's she doing here?" thought Harry. "She's probably not going to the Ball!" Harry felt almost happy with joy, but the moment soon passed because he realized what she was really doing.

"Nah, she's probably waiting for her date to pick her up," said Harry sadly and tip-toed up the stairs to the boys' dormitories, being very careful not to make a sound.

***

Harry quickly took off his cloak and stored it and sat on his bed. He had to be really quiet not to make any noise because Hermione thought that she was alone. With luck, she would barge in the door and tell him off about walking the halls with his invisibility cloak. He didn't want that.

Harry had never felt so bored in his entire life. He wanted to talk, about anything, to anybody. He just needed something to do. He played a quick game of Wizard's Chess with himself and found it amusing for a while, but got quickly bored with it. Harry sat and thought for a moment and he came upon an idea. Harry found his wand and pointed it straight to the dressing mirror that was on the side of the wall. It looked about the size of a big TV screen.

"Contactus Sirius!" said Harry. A yellow light came out of the wand and struck the mirror. It looked as if the mirror was filling with smoke and when it cleared away, a head shot of a man seemed to be from inside. It was his godfather, Sirius Black.

"Hi Harry," said Sirius, who looked very happy to see Harry, through the mirror. "I didn't know you knew how to cast a mirror messaging spell."

Harry put a finger to his mouth. He didn't want to be heard, knowing that Hermione was still in the common room. Sirius knew automatically to lower his voice.

"Hermione taught it to me," said Harry sadly. Thinking about Hermione was painful.

"Right Harry," said Sirius in almost a whisper. He didn't bother to ask why he had to lower his voice. "So what's troubling you my boy?"

"Nothing," Harry lied.

"Of course something is wrong Harry," said Sirius, "otherwise you wouldn't have called me."

"Well I guess so," Harry sighed. "I'm calling because of…"

"Hermione?" finished Sirius, raising his eyebrows, with a smile.

"How do you know?" asked Harry, bewildered.

"Ron told me everything," said Sirius. "He's been writing to me by owl post for the past few months."

Harry's mouth looked like it dropped to the floor. "Ron! When I get my hands on him I'll -"

"Do absolutely nothing!" interrupted Sirius. "Harry, Ron is only trying to help you. He's worried and concerned about you. You should be thanking him."

Harry sat grumpily with his arms folded. He was thinking of something else to do to Ron, instead of thanking him. He was angry with Ron for writing behind his back, but agreed that Sirius was right. He heard the portrait door open and some voices. Harry ran over and put his ear on the door. He couldn't make out the entire conversation, but he did make out a "hi", "come on", and an "it's going to be fun". The sound of the portrait door closed and there was silence.

"What was that?" asked Sirius.

"Hermione just left for the Ball," answered Harry.

"Right," said Sirius, "the Valentines Ball. I don't even have to hear why you're not attending. I already know. I can't believe you're sacrificing fun for avoiding Hermione."

Harry nodded miserably and sat on his bed. He was slouched over and he had his elbows on his knees with his hands folded. He couldn't even make eye contact with Sirius.

"Now Harry," he said, "I know that you have a promise to keep, and I also know that you like Hermione very much." Harry didn't move. He was wondering what else Ron had told Sirius. "I know she misses you Harry, and she would be very glad to see you again."

"No she won't," said Harry looking up at Sirius. "She's happy without me."

"Do you know that?" asked Sirius seriously. "Have you heard it from her yourself? Or do you know for sure that Hermione said she's happy without you in her life?" Harry didn't answer.

"Why do you do it Harry?"

"Do what?"

"Why do you hurt yourself like that? Make yourself miserable?"

"Hurt myself like what? I feel fine," said Harry, his eyes slowly filling with tears.

"No you don't Harry," snorted Sirius. "I mean look at you. You're a complete mess! Do you remember when you asked Hermione why she couldn't go with you? Did you even stop to think that maybe she had a VERY good reason why she said no. You refused her answer and you didn't even give her a chance. Then, you go ahead and make a promise without thinking of the consequences, and you end up secretly walking around school around all day long, avoiding the one person who you know you can't live without, and you put a fake smile on your face pretending and telling everyone that you are happy and you don't really care that you have to go through all the trouble just to avoid Hermione. And I KNOW that you cry yourself to sleep sometimes thinking that it doesn't have to be that way. I just want to know Harry. Why?!"

"Because…I want…Hermione...to be…happy…" squeaked Harry between tears that were now falling down his face.

"I know you want Hermione to be happy Harry," said Sirius raising his voice. "But now you're being silly and childish. Don't you want to feel happy too!? You don't want to live grieving for the rest of your life do you? Going through every single day of your life feeling miserable and not even looking forward to see the next. I know there's probably something that you're not telling me Harry. Why Harry!? Why are you -!?"

"BECAUSE I LOVE HER OK!" shouted Harry at the top of his lungs, with tears in his eyes, as he stood up and ran over to the mirror and banged his fist on the mirror desk. The mirror shook violently and startled Sirius. That was it. Sirius had definitely triggered something in Harry. And he couldn't take it anymore.

"Because…I…love…her…" he repeated slowly, with his lip trembling, banging his fist softly on the table with each word. He turned around and walked half way to his bed before turning around again.

"It sucks Sirius!" Harry shouted between his sobs. "It really, really sucks loving someone with all your heart and soul and thinking that it's going to be all right and go your way. ONLY to find out that when you bear it to her with a rose in hand and ask her to a Valentine's Ball, she tells you 'NO!' But she doesn't stop there! She rips the heart out of your chest, stabs it with a knife, slams it on the ground, and smashes the life out of what's left in it! Then when you ask her why, she tells you that she can't tell you! Or WON'T tell you! And when you think that it can't get any worse, it does and the one person out of everyone in the world, that tells you she hates you and to stay out of her life…is…the…one…you…love…"

Harry turned on his heel, sat down on his bed, put his elbows on his knees once again, and put the top of his head in his hands, and immediately broke down. His glasses fell from his face, but he didn't seem to care. Harry hadn't cried like that ever in his life. It felt miserable, but in a way, it did feel good. He felt like he was relieving all the pain he went through starting from the beginning of November, when he had asked Hermione to the Valentines Ball, up to February, now talking with Sirius. He had finally realized it. How he was really feeling going through each day and how much happier he could be if Hermione was back in his life. Sirius could only watch in heartache as Harry cried. He let Harry cry a good 5 minutes before speaking to him again.

"Harry…I'm…I'm…sorry," said Sirius, thinking that maybe he had been a little too hard on him.

Harry let out a few sniffles and wiped his face before answering.

"No Sirius…you're…you're right," he said, calming down from his crying. "I really want to stop all of this already. I just can't take it anymore. I…I just don't want to break my promise…"

"Yes Harry," replied Sirius. "Breaking a promise is a bad thing. But, I have to agree that this is one exception that I think every one and especially Hermione will agree to. I'm sure Hermione won't mind that you broke a promise. She'll be too happy to see you again to even care."

Harry nodded. He wiped his face again before picking up his glasses and putting them back on. "But what if she doesn't? What if everyone is wrong and she really is happy without me?"

Sirius sighed. "That's something that cannot be helped Harry. But in the end you know that you were man enough to finally come out of this. That it took you great will and courage to do it. And for that, I'll really acknowledge you. As for Hermione being happy without you, you will just have to accept it. But I don't think that you have anything to worry about. You have 6 years of friendship to back you up Harry, and I don't think Hermione is foolish enough to throw it all away simply because you broke a promise."

Harry nodded.

"If Hermione doesn't love you back," continued Sirius, "I don't want that to completely ruin your life and to stop you from living, Harry. Relationships and being rejected by the ones we love is something that everyone faces sooner or later in his or her life. You must learn to accept it sometimes, and to just cope with it. That's a life skill that must be practiced. Love is a very complicated thing Harry, and still to this day, it's inevitable and inexplicable."

"But I love Hermione so much, Sirius," said Harry.

"And I'm sure you do Harry. But understand this. Loving someone is NOT a guarantee that you will be loved back. Just continue to show your affections and feelings for her and she will take notice and MAYBE…just maybe, love for you will grow in her heart too. If it doesn't…well…be glad that it grew in yours!"

Harry stared at Sirius with feelings of amusement and astonishment. Out of all the people to get love advice from, it was Sirius Black, an escaped convict from a prison, with the highest security level in the wizarding world, Azkaban, and a notorious murderer to many wizards, and who happened to be his father's best friend and his godfather. Sirius read Harry's face correctly.

"How else do you think your father ended up with your mother?" he said, grinning.

"You?" asked Harry happily, though bewildered at the same time. "You helped my father?"

"Sure did," replied Sirius, feeling very proud. "Your father was a romantic beast toward your mother. It's no wonder she fell for him. In fact, you have the same emotions and characteristics that your father had. James and Lily's little boy is growing up so fast. He would be proud if he saw you now. Your mum would be too."

Harry blushed and noticed that Sirius was getting teary eyes. He knew what he was feeling and he missed his mum and dad too.

"I still want to know," said Harry, breaking the silence.

"Know what?"

"Why Hermione said 'no' to me in the first place. What if I don't find out? What if she never tells me?"

"If she doesn't Harry, just accept that as a good enough answer."

"But I want to know!"

"I'm sure anyone in your position would want to know too, Harry. But, sometimes you might not get an answer. Let's just say that she doesn't tell you. And you know what? You probably will never know. Like I said before Harry, you will just have to accept it. The BEST advice I can give you Harry, is this: Hope for the best, but expect the worst."

"Hope for the best, but expect the worst," repeated Harry in his head.

"By the way Harry," said Sirius. Harry looked up at him. "I just want you to know that…" but he didn't finish his sentence. Harry stared at Sirius, puzzled. Sirius' expression on his face went from looking like he was proud of Harry to looking like he saw a ghost.

"What?" Harry mouthed. Sirius didn't answer. Obviously there was someone behind Harry that frightened him.

"What is it?" Harry mouthed again, suddenly feeling very afraid.

"Her-my-oh-knee," mouthed Sirius gradually and clearly .

"What!!? You're kidding!?" mouthed Harry back, his eyes widening. He was too scared to turn around.

Sirius shook his head slowly and subtly , his eyes wide with fear. He looked like he was watching a thousand deaths happening at once.

"I need to be going Harry," said Sirius out loud in his normal voice, though it sounded a bit shaky.

"No…you can't," Harry managed to say.

"It'll be alright Harry," Sirius said in a final sort of way. And in blink of an eye, he had vanished from the mirror. Harry closed his eyes in frustration, not believing that Sirius actually left him. He let out a deep exhale and dropped his head. He mentally counted to three in his head before turning around slowly. He raised his head slowly, expecting Hermione to have her arms crossed and ready to yell at him.

*A/N: Sorry guys, I had to leave you all with a cliffhanger. It makes it a little more fun for me! Damn, I'm so DVS!!! (translation: devious) So what did you think? I hope it made the impact that I wanted it to. If it didn't, DAMN I SUCK!!! But anyway, hope that you guys liked this chapter. R/R