The Diary of Legolas:
Day One:
We just arrived on this horrible island. This grainy substance we walk on is like brown snow. Sand as Elrond called it… wonder if it taste good… I shall try to eat it later. We sent Haldir out to look for some food fit for an elf. Preferably some form of meat. He's a good hunter; he'll come back with something good. Galadriel has been pacing back and forth for five minutes now… it's pretty annoying. I mean, we just got here, and already she's gone insane. Celeborn has already been bossing us around. We're all royalty here! Just because he's a king doesn't mean anything. Arwen's a princess, I'm a prince (certainly not Arwen's.) Galadriel is a queen, although she doesn't look like one now, and Elrond is kinda like a king I guess. Celeborn just told me to put away my foolish book and make a fire. Ha, do it yourself old man. The waves are so loud crashing upon this insane place. This could drive me mad. If I have to put up with that for 30 days… I will go now and look for some wood, before Celeborn really does hurt me…
Day Seven:
Seven days have passed. Those waves are still bloody crashing. It's driving me mad. Arwen has gathered numerous pictures of her love, Aragorn and plastered them on a tree. It's quite ridiculous. Elrond told her to calm down. It's funny when they're apart… Galadriel laughed at her. She and Arwen had a hissy girl fight yesterday. Quite humorous. Haldir found some form of food. It's shaped like a circle and is fuzzy. When you crack it open, it's white with a milky substance inside. Elrond identified it as a coconut. It's all right. Not good for 30 days worth, but it'll do for now. I am now the official wood finder… I have to run around this crazy island looking for wood and dry leaves to make a fire. It's better than cracking open those "coconuts." Poor Celeborn. Well, better him than me.
Day Fourteen:
Well, now I am officially scared. I heard strange "woo" sounds last night near my coconut leaf bed. And to add onto that, it was storming. As you may know, elves are fearless, right? Well, I think I just tarnished my name. I have no clue what that sound was. It was certainly not anybody else on this island. It was too… unnatural to be them. Except it could have been Haldir. He's always doing jokes and pranks like that. Galadriel is still pacing. She has now worn a deep line into the sand. Arwen was frolicking around the other day and tripped into the hole Galadriel made. She got pretty mad. Elrond has turned a bit psycho on us. He told us to recycle all the coconut shells we've already used. He wants to make a "coconut god" called "Co Co". He says if we do, the coconut god will provide us with everlasting coconuts. I'm not sure about him anymore. I think it's just the island. It's driving everyone insane. Well, it's time for me again to collect more wood. Goodbye.
Day Nineteen:
Well, the funny noises turned out to actually be Haldir "wooing" into a coconut shell by my bedside. That loser. I'll get him back… somehow. Galadriel made Arwen cry yesterday. I didn't hear the full story, but all I know is Galadriel called Aragorn a "wimpy school boy." Hm… that must have offended her. Elrond is still nuts about "Co Co". He made us sacrifice 20 leaves and 2 bananas yesterday. I'm not sure why though… Celeborn is still cracking those coconuts open. He's mastered the art. Haldir still hunts for some normal food. Yesterday he tried fishing. All he caught was an old boot full of holes. I hope he gets better. If he does, we can throw a party for when we get off this crazy island. Galadriel is still pacing… the hole is deeper now. Celeborn considered of putting her in an asylum when we go home.
Day Twenty three:
Today I shot Arwen's Aragorn photo collection with my last bow and arrow. I got so fed up with her whining about how much she missed him. Sure, she hates me now. But I don't think she liked me in the first place. I'm so proud of myself. Everybody else laughed too. Galadriel smashed Elrond's coconut god yesterday. He got pretty mad about that. So he filled in Galadriel's hole. Everybody is starting to hate each other. Haldir accidentally broke Celeborn's coconut cracking tool. Because of that, Celeborn snapped Haldir's fishing pole in half. Thanks to those two, we have no food anymore. Only seven more days in this place. I'm also running low on wood. There seems to be no more. I guess I'll have to go all the way around the stupid place to look now. No more stealing from that nice little firewood rack I found in a cave! I was exploring down in that cave a couple days ago. I found a nice little living spot. I wonder if somebody still lives there. If not, I'm moving in… I can't take any more of their arguing.
Day Twenty eight:
Well, I apologized to Arwen today. She accepted. Thankfully. Elrond and Galadriel are still at each other's throats. They're just pathetic. I hope it'll all end before we go. Just a while ago, Elrond swore that he will smash Galadriel's mirror when we go home. I wonder if he'll really do it. I will definitely be there to watch. At least Galadriel stopped pacing. Celeborn and Haldir have cooled down a bit. Just yesterday Haldir remade his fishing pole. Celeborn helped. In return, Haldir helped Celeborn rebuild a coconut smasher. Oh! And speaking of coconuts… we found a whole new area full of them! Sure there's only 2 days left, but "Co Co" must have been real. I must have wandered that spots a thousand times and found nothing. Wow, maybe Elrond isn't insane after all.
Day Thirty!!
Yay! We finally get off this crazy island! I'm so happy! This is the best day of my immortal life ever! Everybody apologized to each other now. Elrond will not destroy Galadriel's mirror. He told me that earlier. And now we all believe in Co Co, the coconut god. He provided us with many coconuts. Haldir finally caught a fish yesterday too! It wasn't very big, but we tired eating it anyway. I was intelligent enough to make a fire a toast it. It was a bit burnt, but it was better than coconuts. I swear I'll never eat another coconut as long as I live. But Co Co was good to us anyway. Why couldn't it have been fish instead? The fish was good, I guess. Oh and another thing, that cave I found, turns out somebody actually did live there. His name was Chuck Noland. He was on that island for years. Four years I believe he told us. Too bad we didn't find him earlier. He could have helped us survive. The people who saved all of us told Chuck that they'll make a movie about him. "Cast Away" I believe is what they said they'll name it. Hm… I'll have to see that movie when it comes out. Well, it's time now for me to stop writing in this bloody journal and return to Middle Earth. Finally! I'm freeeeeee!!!!