Part 2 - Shadows Of The Past
She turned to me and I could see, how tears began to well in her sad eyes again. It hurt me a lot to see her so sad, so I laid my arm around her shoulders and pulled her close: "I am so sorry Rommie. I wish I had known it. Maybe I could have come sooner."
She pressed herself to me and I could feel her trembling, like she was human. She was so fragile, so vulnerable. She seemed like a little girl, not the mighty warship, always trying to protect me. But as I spoke, she shook her head and without pulling away from me, she said: "No, Dylan, it wouldn't help. Believe me, I always wished for you to be here. But it was me, who requested Trance to keep you safe and to make your life as happy as she could. It wasn't her fault. If there is anyone to blame, then it's me. I was the one who caused what happened to you with Trance. I didn't want you to be involved in this war, because I loved you too much. I wanted to prove myself in your eyes. I wanted you to forgive me what I did and I wanted you to be proud of me. Yes, I was dreaming of a day, the war would be over and you'd come back, I admit. But the war lasted and lasted and lasted and I slowly lost my hope. And when it was finally over, Trance at first didn't want to bring you back. After all, I am still officially Tyr's wife. If it weren't for Rev, I think I just might have gone crazy."
Astonished, I looked at her. I saw tears flowing down her cheeks again and her big brown eyes looked at me with such plead in them, that I couldn't help but bowed to her and kissed her gently on her trembling lips. She seemed to be startled at first, but returned the kiss in the next moment. I closed my eyes and the only thing that mattered, was that we finally found each other.
After a while, we parted and I could see a big question in her eyes: "See, Rommie, you just answered a lot of my questions right now. I was wondering how did Trance get the idea of deceiving me with her Liandra role. But first things first; I am so glad that I found you! I apologize for my first words. I really didn't want to say what I said. But I was so taken by your appearance, that my mind simply stopped and I couldn't remember any better way of saying how glad I am to see you. As of you, being Tyr's wife, I sincerely hope, we can solve this problem. As a matter of fact, I think he already knows it. From the words, we exchanged before, it is more than obvious, he knows why you stayed with him. And he is also prepared to let you go, if you want to."
I stopped for a while to look into her eyes. She didn't say anything, but her eyes told me everything I wanted to know. Yes, she wanted to finally finish this weird situation with Tyr. What I saw, told me, she allied with him just to make sure, she'd have the best possible support in fulfilling my dreams. There was no trace of any emotional attachment to him. And it really made me breathe lighter. After all, spending so much time on his side as his wife could indeed change her feelings towards him. But it didn't. She was willing to close this door permanently. She was in fact all the time hoping for this situation to come and to enable her to break free from him. So I continued, while I was still able to think and talk: "You see, I was very hurt when you lied to me about Harper's death. Not because of the lie itself, but because it was you, who did it. You were the one I trusted blindly. Perhaps I didn't even trust myself so unconditionally as I did you. And it hurt extremely and for a very long time. And when you then came to save me from the Kalderans, I still couldn't quite forgive you. I felt that you had betrayed me, when you left with Tyr. And so I had two problems to choke upon: your lie and your departure. And it took me a very long time to realize, why you had to do it. No, don't try to object, " I hastily added, as I saw her opening her mouth, trying to say something, "just let me finish. Maybe I felt betrayed by you; maybe I knew already then that you mean much more than a fellow officer or a ship to me. Also much more than a friend. And my heart was bleeding to see you leave with Tyr. I needed much time to get over it. When Trance lately told me, what you and Tyr did, it suddenly came all back - I suddenly knew, I wanted to be with you all the time. All this time with Trance, or Liandra, or whatever we might name her, all this time, my memory was like wiped out. Perhaps it was good, I don't know, but it obviously wasn't enough to fill the emptiness, your departure caused in me. So, if we are speaking about forgiveness - I forgave you a long time ago."
For the first time since we met, I saw a genuine smile on her face, a smile not being limited to her lips, but reflecting in her eyes too. I could see, that it troubled her immensely, would I be prepared to forgive her or not. So I added: "You know, Rommie, it took me a long time to realize this - I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, if you only want it too."
She smiled even wider and stretched to me, putting her soft lips on mine, kissing me tenderly and giving me the only answer I needed to get. The past seemed to slowly vanish away; the scars that the life put on us seemed to heal, or at least hurt no more. Even the fact, that Tyr officially still was her consort didn't matter any more. In this moment I realized, this was in fact my destiny. All the years, struggling to cope with the reality, trying to make a life with Trance and my son suddenly resembled a vague remembrance of the time in my life that had to happen just to make me see what I really wanted.
As we parted, I could see a dreamy smile in her eyes, finally wiping away the pain and fear that touched me so much as I saw her walking to me a while ago. Yes, this was the Rommie I knew before; this was someone who was willing to cross even the last border for me. I reached behind her head, my fingers touching her black hair and pressing her face against my breast. Oh God, how have I longed to feel her so close to me, how have I desperately hoped for it! I kissed her hair. It smelled like fresh apples and felt so gentle. I could feel her arms wrapping around my waist, clinging to me like she'd never let me go again. It showed all her suppressed emotions, all her desire, relief of all the past cruelties that happened to her. Neither of us wanted to move. We simply enjoyed this moment of revelation. A moment, which uncovered our true feelings at last. I realized, Trance was right, when she stated, that even my son wouldn't be enough to keep me staying with them. My destiny was right here with this special woman.
But there was something more about this moment. I really understood what did Trance do for me in the past years. I knew I would never understand her, but I knew now, she did it for me. And for Rommie. She, like Tyr, knew all the way, that this illusion of me living with her and Tyr living with Rommie would burst just like a soap bubble when the right time comes. And it came. It was here. The right moment. And both of them quietly retreated in order to enable Rommie and me to start a new chapter of our lives. In this moment I thanked God that I had the privilege to know so many good persons, so many who cared about Rommie and me. Care enough even to sacrifice themselves, just like Rommie did. Instantly I felt unworthy of all these sacrifices that were brought in order to make me happy. I remembered Harper, who did his best to keep Andromeda going, who was so lost after Beka's disappearance, who eventually got killed by Tyr. And I remembered Beka, who saved me from the black hole, although she knew she'd die at doing it. And I remembered my ship, Andromeda Ascendant, who also did everything possible to satisfy me, always gave me shelter and comforted me when I was down, who never retreated when she had to risk herself in a battle and who, last but not least, gave Rommie freedom to be an individual. And finally disappeared in a black hole, together with Beka. In my mind, I thanked them all, all these fine persons, who were lost along the road. It came to my mind that we will really have to do our best to honor their memory. And what could be better than reviving the Commonwealth, keeping it flourish and strengthen, together with Rommie. In this moment, I made my conclusion: I will no longer run away, I will no longer hide in the shadow and let the others do the work for me. No, together with Rommie, I will make this new Commonwealth a strong, healthy and just institution.
With this thought, my heart began to beat faster and I felt kind of proud rising in me. Proud upon making a right decision. Rommie obviously felt something was going on inside me, so she raised her head and looked me in the eyes. Her deep, dark eyes were so filled with happiness, as I have never seen them before. Even in the old days, when we all were together on Andromeda, she never looked so happy as she did now. I planted a kiss on each of her eyes and told her about my decision. She smiled at me and answered: "Dylan, I must confess, I wanted something else initially. I wanted we both could go somewhere and spend a time of our own, just trying to forget what happened, what kept us apart. But you are right. We owe it to all of them. They deserved to be remembered and it is the best thing that their sacrifices reaped such recognition."
I smiled back and said: "Well, Rommie, I don't think we should start right now. As for the moment, my only desire is, to spend sometime with you alone, just like you said. I believe I have so much to make up to you that I don't know if I'll ever be able to do. Yes, they all gave their best for me. But I think it was you, who sacrificed the most. You had to deny your true being for such a long time. You had to risk your life for so many times. You had to give up your emotions. You had to cope with the guilt. And you didn't know if your loyalty would ever be gratified. You did everything you did just to fulfill someone else's dreams. And I think this is the greatest sacrifice of all."
I hugged her close again and we sat there in silence, only the wind occasionally making some sounds as it blew through the rocks. I don't know how long we sat there. The time just flew by and suddenly I noticed the sun was setting down. It became colder and I shivered a bit. It couldn't escape Rommie so she worriedly looked at me: "Are you cold, Dylan? We should better return."
I nodded and thought of how Tyr will react to this. We stood up and started downwards holding close. After we came back to the center, I saw Tyr standing in the front of the big building. I could swear, I saw a glimpse of jealousy in his eyes as he saw us walking hugged and obviously expressing our love. But it quickly disappeared and he smiled at us: "Well, sir, I see you both made up. I think we should go inside. After all, there are still some things that have to be clarified."
TBC
She turned to me and I could see, how tears began to well in her sad eyes again. It hurt me a lot to see her so sad, so I laid my arm around her shoulders and pulled her close: "I am so sorry Rommie. I wish I had known it. Maybe I could have come sooner."
She pressed herself to me and I could feel her trembling, like she was human. She was so fragile, so vulnerable. She seemed like a little girl, not the mighty warship, always trying to protect me. But as I spoke, she shook her head and without pulling away from me, she said: "No, Dylan, it wouldn't help. Believe me, I always wished for you to be here. But it was me, who requested Trance to keep you safe and to make your life as happy as she could. It wasn't her fault. If there is anyone to blame, then it's me. I was the one who caused what happened to you with Trance. I didn't want you to be involved in this war, because I loved you too much. I wanted to prove myself in your eyes. I wanted you to forgive me what I did and I wanted you to be proud of me. Yes, I was dreaming of a day, the war would be over and you'd come back, I admit. But the war lasted and lasted and lasted and I slowly lost my hope. And when it was finally over, Trance at first didn't want to bring you back. After all, I am still officially Tyr's wife. If it weren't for Rev, I think I just might have gone crazy."
Astonished, I looked at her. I saw tears flowing down her cheeks again and her big brown eyes looked at me with such plead in them, that I couldn't help but bowed to her and kissed her gently on her trembling lips. She seemed to be startled at first, but returned the kiss in the next moment. I closed my eyes and the only thing that mattered, was that we finally found each other.
After a while, we parted and I could see a big question in her eyes: "See, Rommie, you just answered a lot of my questions right now. I was wondering how did Trance get the idea of deceiving me with her Liandra role. But first things first; I am so glad that I found you! I apologize for my first words. I really didn't want to say what I said. But I was so taken by your appearance, that my mind simply stopped and I couldn't remember any better way of saying how glad I am to see you. As of you, being Tyr's wife, I sincerely hope, we can solve this problem. As a matter of fact, I think he already knows it. From the words, we exchanged before, it is more than obvious, he knows why you stayed with him. And he is also prepared to let you go, if you want to."
I stopped for a while to look into her eyes. She didn't say anything, but her eyes told me everything I wanted to know. Yes, she wanted to finally finish this weird situation with Tyr. What I saw, told me, she allied with him just to make sure, she'd have the best possible support in fulfilling my dreams. There was no trace of any emotional attachment to him. And it really made me breathe lighter. After all, spending so much time on his side as his wife could indeed change her feelings towards him. But it didn't. She was willing to close this door permanently. She was in fact all the time hoping for this situation to come and to enable her to break free from him. So I continued, while I was still able to think and talk: "You see, I was very hurt when you lied to me about Harper's death. Not because of the lie itself, but because it was you, who did it. You were the one I trusted blindly. Perhaps I didn't even trust myself so unconditionally as I did you. And it hurt extremely and for a very long time. And when you then came to save me from the Kalderans, I still couldn't quite forgive you. I felt that you had betrayed me, when you left with Tyr. And so I had two problems to choke upon: your lie and your departure. And it took me a very long time to realize, why you had to do it. No, don't try to object, " I hastily added, as I saw her opening her mouth, trying to say something, "just let me finish. Maybe I felt betrayed by you; maybe I knew already then that you mean much more than a fellow officer or a ship to me. Also much more than a friend. And my heart was bleeding to see you leave with Tyr. I needed much time to get over it. When Trance lately told me, what you and Tyr did, it suddenly came all back - I suddenly knew, I wanted to be with you all the time. All this time with Trance, or Liandra, or whatever we might name her, all this time, my memory was like wiped out. Perhaps it was good, I don't know, but it obviously wasn't enough to fill the emptiness, your departure caused in me. So, if we are speaking about forgiveness - I forgave you a long time ago."
For the first time since we met, I saw a genuine smile on her face, a smile not being limited to her lips, but reflecting in her eyes too. I could see, that it troubled her immensely, would I be prepared to forgive her or not. So I added: "You know, Rommie, it took me a long time to realize this - I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, if you only want it too."
She smiled even wider and stretched to me, putting her soft lips on mine, kissing me tenderly and giving me the only answer I needed to get. The past seemed to slowly vanish away; the scars that the life put on us seemed to heal, or at least hurt no more. Even the fact, that Tyr officially still was her consort didn't matter any more. In this moment I realized, this was in fact my destiny. All the years, struggling to cope with the reality, trying to make a life with Trance and my son suddenly resembled a vague remembrance of the time in my life that had to happen just to make me see what I really wanted.
As we parted, I could see a dreamy smile in her eyes, finally wiping away the pain and fear that touched me so much as I saw her walking to me a while ago. Yes, this was the Rommie I knew before; this was someone who was willing to cross even the last border for me. I reached behind her head, my fingers touching her black hair and pressing her face against my breast. Oh God, how have I longed to feel her so close to me, how have I desperately hoped for it! I kissed her hair. It smelled like fresh apples and felt so gentle. I could feel her arms wrapping around my waist, clinging to me like she'd never let me go again. It showed all her suppressed emotions, all her desire, relief of all the past cruelties that happened to her. Neither of us wanted to move. We simply enjoyed this moment of revelation. A moment, which uncovered our true feelings at last. I realized, Trance was right, when she stated, that even my son wouldn't be enough to keep me staying with them. My destiny was right here with this special woman.
But there was something more about this moment. I really understood what did Trance do for me in the past years. I knew I would never understand her, but I knew now, she did it for me. And for Rommie. She, like Tyr, knew all the way, that this illusion of me living with her and Tyr living with Rommie would burst just like a soap bubble when the right time comes. And it came. It was here. The right moment. And both of them quietly retreated in order to enable Rommie and me to start a new chapter of our lives. In this moment I thanked God that I had the privilege to know so many good persons, so many who cared about Rommie and me. Care enough even to sacrifice themselves, just like Rommie did. Instantly I felt unworthy of all these sacrifices that were brought in order to make me happy. I remembered Harper, who did his best to keep Andromeda going, who was so lost after Beka's disappearance, who eventually got killed by Tyr. And I remembered Beka, who saved me from the black hole, although she knew she'd die at doing it. And I remembered my ship, Andromeda Ascendant, who also did everything possible to satisfy me, always gave me shelter and comforted me when I was down, who never retreated when she had to risk herself in a battle and who, last but not least, gave Rommie freedom to be an individual. And finally disappeared in a black hole, together with Beka. In my mind, I thanked them all, all these fine persons, who were lost along the road. It came to my mind that we will really have to do our best to honor their memory. And what could be better than reviving the Commonwealth, keeping it flourish and strengthen, together with Rommie. In this moment, I made my conclusion: I will no longer run away, I will no longer hide in the shadow and let the others do the work for me. No, together with Rommie, I will make this new Commonwealth a strong, healthy and just institution.
With this thought, my heart began to beat faster and I felt kind of proud rising in me. Proud upon making a right decision. Rommie obviously felt something was going on inside me, so she raised her head and looked me in the eyes. Her deep, dark eyes were so filled with happiness, as I have never seen them before. Even in the old days, when we all were together on Andromeda, she never looked so happy as she did now. I planted a kiss on each of her eyes and told her about my decision. She smiled at me and answered: "Dylan, I must confess, I wanted something else initially. I wanted we both could go somewhere and spend a time of our own, just trying to forget what happened, what kept us apart. But you are right. We owe it to all of them. They deserved to be remembered and it is the best thing that their sacrifices reaped such recognition."
I smiled back and said: "Well, Rommie, I don't think we should start right now. As for the moment, my only desire is, to spend sometime with you alone, just like you said. I believe I have so much to make up to you that I don't know if I'll ever be able to do. Yes, they all gave their best for me. But I think it was you, who sacrificed the most. You had to deny your true being for such a long time. You had to risk your life for so many times. You had to give up your emotions. You had to cope with the guilt. And you didn't know if your loyalty would ever be gratified. You did everything you did just to fulfill someone else's dreams. And I think this is the greatest sacrifice of all."
I hugged her close again and we sat there in silence, only the wind occasionally making some sounds as it blew through the rocks. I don't know how long we sat there. The time just flew by and suddenly I noticed the sun was setting down. It became colder and I shivered a bit. It couldn't escape Rommie so she worriedly looked at me: "Are you cold, Dylan? We should better return."
I nodded and thought of how Tyr will react to this. We stood up and started downwards holding close. After we came back to the center, I saw Tyr standing in the front of the big building. I could swear, I saw a glimpse of jealousy in his eyes as he saw us walking hugged and obviously expressing our love. But it quickly disappeared and he smiled at us: "Well, sir, I see you both made up. I think we should go inside. After all, there are still some things that have to be clarified."
TBC